wow!  Poor Severus.

that last memory was incredibly powerful.  I hope he believes his mother.  He definitely deserves better, but it's too bad she chose to isolate herself from him.I can understand how he feels about the Raven memories.  It would be hard to believe they'd happened to him without the actual memory.  I wonder if putting them in his head will help?  I kind of think that maybe helping Harry will somehow help him to find the love he truly needs for every aspect of life.

That was quite powerful.  Eileen was certainly a damaged individual.

This is such a painful but necessary journey for Severus to take.  Without seeing these memories, he will forever have an empty feeling.  I know that he is distraught at what he has witnessed of his mother's life from her POV, but I think he needed to see how much she blamed herself for the life Severus had had to live with an abusive father and a mother who could not bring herself to take her child and leave.After reading the diary that Raven had made for him, I think he felt more frustrated than ever!  He wanted so much to remember these things himself, but he could not.  Seeing the first memory Raven had left for him told him just how precarious his life had been in those first minutes just after he found himself in the alley.  He could have easily been killed by those hoodlums were it not for the kindly old lady who took him to an empty box near where she slept.  If not for her, he would have had no shoes, no shelter from the elements.

The memory of Raven and Hermione making love only served to make him jealous of himself, but I can understand why he would not have wanted to just put Raven's memories back in his mind.  Under the circumstances he is having enough trouble coming to terms with his life, and I can imagine the fear it would cause just to think about taking in memories that right then seemed foreign.  Somehow I think the most powerful memories he saw were the ones his mother left for him.  Finding out that he hadn't murdered his father after all had to be liberating.  Yes, it was sad to know how his father had tried to kill him, but it was his father's own actions that lead to his death, not anything that Severus had done.  And hearing what his mother had said about why she had driven him away must have given his at least a small understanding that she did love him and gave him up in order to save him.  It was her weakness as much as his father's brutality that had led him to the path he had taken... the path that led to Lily's death.I hope the tears he shed will help him heal.  Mt God, he deserves a chance at a better life, and to find a wife and find love.Wow!  What a powerful chapter, Jeannie.  I didn't see Chapter 39 so I am really looking forward to reading it!  Well done, my friend.Beth

Wow!  That's an amazing story of his mother and why she sent Severus away.  I wonder if she's still alive.  Will Severus find the old woman who helped him after the attack?  I don't think she's the same woman as his mother; Eileen wouldn't forget her own son. Well, things look hopeful for Severus and Hermione coming together after these memories.  Thanks for updating!

What sad memories, hopefully he won't dwell on them too much.

what an exciting and wrenching chapter.  i know hermione will straighten him out.  thanks muchly

Excellent!  I like the scene with Lily and Eileen.  I still wish there was a bit more of Severus during the time of his regression into childhood.  I find the idea fascinating, but I can imagine how difficult such a thing might be to write.

He remembers, he remembers! *does happy dance* Aggh, I can't wait for the next chapter!  But how sad for him that he never found those memory beads years ago... he could have perhaps been a different man even then.  I guess we'll never know, but just the thought of those missed opportunities is a bit sobering.I'm sure he'll make up for lost time now, though!  I see a cheerful house, happy babies, and Grendel as the family dog slobbering over terrified door-to-door salesmen... 

His mother & Lily's love for him has made him remember Hermione's unfailing love for him.  Now what he does with that knowledge...

Maybe now he can find the peace he so desperately deserves.

Have pity on us. What happens next?

At last Severus willingly attempts to learn from his past. Its going to be rough I am sure. The best things always are.

Good chapter, it was very emotional.

What a fabulous chapter!  Thank goodness no harm came to Harry because Severus was unable to finish the spell. I'm so happy that Hermione didn't take him back to his lair and Grendel.  Spinners End and all the memories associated with it were what he needed to begin to the first small steps to coming to terms with his past and to view the future with hope.  Hermione's love and determination have given Severus so much, but he has been so consumed with feelings of guilt and failure that he couldn't see it.  Wisely Hermione brought with her the memories that Severus needed to see, and now he is ready to face his past – and Raven's.  Another marvelous chapter!  I can't wait for the next one.Beth

Oh my.  Curveball after curve ball for dear Severus.  How is he to continue this twisted route you keep shoving him down?It is good that he is willing to do the things he has denied himself from his frist emergence from Raven's Time.  I can see where those revelations will lead him and that rocky road is both necessary and arduous.  He will emerge victorious, though, I believe.It was a good ploy you initiated here.  He couldn't see Lily's eyes and still think he was whole enough to do what needed  to be done.  His forgiveness of himself will do what Lily can't.  As always, it was a beautiful addition.  One of my favorite features of TPP is the "print story" feature that gives you the whole story at once.  Makes one stop reading much easier.  I have an idea that Raven will be one of my all-time favorite SS/HG stories. Thanks muchly, Sara

Good thinking, Hermione! :)

This is going to hurt, but once he's done it, he'll be freer than he's ever felt in his life. He can't have Hermione as his anchor. She will hurt him, she's human. Not on purpose, but it will rattle him. He has to face himself - alone.Good work!Livvy

The pieces of the jigsaw are at last starting to come together!  I know you will not let us down and will ensure Severus becomes whole and healed!I shall be waiting with bated breath for the next update...! :-)

Yet more emotion!  I hope you will forgive me for this but I somehow feel that this story, particularly as it goes on, is speaking to me personally (I know that may sound odd.)  But you have done an amazing job of writing the feelings involved when someone recovers from a mental illness/trauma. (This happened to me after the births of both my sons - the first one the worst, 22 years ago now - when I had post-natal psychosis and had to be hospitalised for over a year. The heartache and sadness involved in such cases - and I witnessed many as well as my own - is unbelievable as is the joy on recovery.)This is not an easy subject for anyone to tackle but  you have done it so incredibly well.  Once again, I'd like to thank you for this :-)

Excellent!  Of course I will wait impatiently for the next chapter.  Poor Severus!  I hope he remembers Raven soon.I did wonder why Hermione didn't at least let Ginny and the Weasleys know she'd found Severus.  Are they all still waiting in the hospital?

Wow!  That was a very emotional chapter and veyr good!

Yet another emotional chapter!  You really do know how to pull on the heart strings! 'I really have not lost my mind; I've regained it' is just so true.  This is the real Severus emerging (whether he knows it or not!)And to think he is now inspired to help the likes of the Longbottoms is just wonderful.  The power of love really is great, don't you think?! :-)

I am just catching up on this story again and, having now read this chapter, actually feel so churned up with emotion, I almost don't know how to review.  I really think this story of yours is one of the best in showing the real meaning and healing affect of love. (By that I mean God-given or spiritual love as well as the manifestation of this that we see in earthly realms.)Having to forgive is part of love and perhaps sometimes the hardest.  But that kind of love heals and that is what Severus is now experiencing.  (I speak of this from personal experience here and also from years of suffering from both physical and mental health problems - the former of which I am still not healed from but know that one day, through God's love and grace, I will be.)There is also SO much power and healing in music (again, from personal experience I know of this; I have always said the one thing - apart from love of course - that I could not live without in this world is music.  Among other things, I have hearing difficulties - constant severe tinnitus - which makes hearing difficult at times but, also, enjoying my extensive music collection is my salvation!)You seem to have picked up on so much in this story and (please don't take this the wrong way), although you do not go off into too much poetical, descriptive language as some authors do (but boy have you grown with your writing!), you write from the heart and with great humility.  Thank you so much for sharing with us all :-)

Finally he's willing to look at the diary. I hope it is enough. Lovely chapter.