Chapter 30

Hermione had barely arrived at the Weasleys' before she was enveloped in a big bear hug from Molly, and then Ginny came. Tears flowed between them all. They had no idea why Hermione was heartbroken, but they all shared her pain. Each of them was living with the scars of war branding them anew every morning. Molly mourned for her lost and maimed children, Ginny for Harry laying in St. Mungo's, and now Hermione for Raven/Severus.

Hermione sat at their table a little while later and told them a bit about meeting Raven and how he had been. She didn't tell them she had loved him, slept with him, and bathed with him or explain how they had lived nearly in each other's minds, but they could tell her heart was broken at his loss.

She and Ginny talked into the night, and she gave Ginny more details about her life with Raven.

"Oh my gosh, Hermione, I envy you." The girl's eyes clouded up. "I miss Harry so much. I go there and sit with him and talk to him, but it kills me to see him like that. I wonder if it would be best to stop."

Hermione wished she could tell Ginny about the book of spells she had in the bag around her neck, but she would not get the young witch's hope up. She needed to talk to Severus about it first. They needed to try the spell and see if it worked before saying anything to anyone.

"Ginny, when Raven was trapped in the glass coffin, he could hear me. He was alive and able to think. If Voldemort wanted to hurt Harry, he would do the same thing to him. Harry could very well be aware of everything that's going on around him. You can't stop."

"Do you really think he can hear me?"

"There's a good chance. Look, Ginny, I know you deserve a life better than sitting beside Harry's bed forever, but wait just a while longer."

"Why, what's going on?" There was hope in her eyes.

"Well, Professor Snape is back now. He is brilliant with spells and potions. He also knew Voldemort about as well as anyone alive today. I'm going to ask him to help Harry. He owes me, and he knows it."

Ginny threw herself at Hermione, hugging her hard. "Oh, Hermione, something's got to work. It just has to. I'm so glad you're here." She finally stepped back. " I've been going nuts by myself. Mom tries, but she's so devastated by losing Fred."

"I'm here for now. Let me tell you a secret. I'm going to teach at Hogwarts. Minerva is certain she can get Severus to sign a contract to teach there again. If I go back, I will have a chance to prove that I can love him too. I have to get him to take me back."

Ginny grimaced. "Are you certain you want this? It's Snape we are talking about. Raven is one thing, but Snape... Ugh, Hermione."

Hermione gave her a nasty look. "Ginny, you have no idea how delicious that man's body is. Those robes hide a fantastic body. He's a brilliant man. He can teach me so much, and if I can get him to let parts of Raven out, he will be a wonderful, happy man."

Ginny paled at the thought of coveting Snape's body, but she gave Hermione a nervous smile, and Hermione laughed at her. They finally crawled into their beds and went to sleep.

*****

Severus Snape wandered around his quarters at Hogwarts. At least it felt more like home. He found it pretty much the way he had left it. Apparently Minerva had kept all his things and had them placed the way they had been.

He still felt restless. He found sleeping in his bed alone as usual odd. Being a solitary man had never bothered him, but now the silence drove him mad. He found himself out walking in the corridors his first night back.

No matter how much he tried to discipline his mind to not think about Hermione, he could not close his eyes without seeing her liquid brown eyes peering into his. She had never touched him, other than his neck, but he could feel her hands on his body. The barriers he had nourished all his adult life, had hidden behind, refused to work for long. He cursed Raven's indulgences. He refused to ask Minerva to bring the woman back early, so he spent those three nights pacing the halls and the grounds because he could not sleep.

****

Hermione found her heart was beating hard when she stepped through Hogwarts' door. Minerva had sent her an owl to tell her Severus was at the castle. How would she keep herself from running into his arms when she saw him? Her arms physically ached to hold him against her.

She went to her room and put her things away and then pulled the book from her bag. She carried it against her as she went to the dungeon and to the Potions room.

It was early evening on a Friday, and most of the students had retired to their common rooms for game night. She walked through the corridors, feeling at home. She loved this old castle, and she was so glad she'd been given the opportunity to work here. Minerva had asked the current Charms teacher to take her under her wing and allow her to team teach the remaining months of this school year.

Hermione stood for a good ten minutes before the door to the Potions room before she reached for the doorknob and turned it. The room was lit by only a few fires under cauldrons and a candle by the desk.

"Professor Snape," she called, "are you here?"

She heard a noise by the storage room door and turned to see him standing, leaning against the door jam. He took her breath away.

"Miss Granger," he said, trying to deal with his rapidly beating heart. Merlin, she was beautiful. "You've brought the book, I see."

She took a deep breath, determined not to embarrass him or herself. "Yes, sir."

He walked toward her and took the book. His fingers slid over hers for a brief moment, and she looked into his eyes and saw him drinking in the sight of her as much as she was him.

Then he turned away and went to his desk. "Come back tomorrow," he said sharply. I will talk to you then."

Gads, he's a stubborn man. Hermione nodded. "Yes, sir." She was disappointed, but she was also buoyed by the desire she'd seen. If he felt something for her, then a big part of the job was done. She would have to convince him that she could love him not for Raven but for him. "What time?"

"Come for tea. We may have a lot to talk about," he murmured not even looking at her.

"Thank you, sir," she replied and left the room. Hermione practically skipped down the hall. A lot to talk about. What did that mean? Then her spirits plummeted. He'd hardly looked at her; he must have been just talking about the spells and potions. But that didn't matter. At least she would be in the same room with him. She would prove that they worked well together.

The next day Hermione again stood on the threshold of the Potions room. She had brought her notebook and some tarts from the kitchen. She was nervous, but she steeled herself and knocked on the door.

"Come," she heard Severus call.

She opened the door and found him inside, standing beside the desk. He looked amazing. It had been ages since she'd seen him in full teaching robes, and she realized he'd always cut quite a figure.

"Come to my sitting room. It would be inappropriate to serve tea in the office." He motioned toward the door to the storage room. Once inside the door, he waved his wand and a door Hermione had never seen appeared and opened. She went ahead of him through the door.

The sitting room was not too large but very cozy. There was a couch and a chair facing a fireplace that blazed and warmed the room. It was September and getting much cooler. There was a small table with tea and a plate of cookies. Hermione added her tarts to the plate.

Severus gave her a tight smile. "Those look good," he said, trying to make conversation. He was so conflicted inside. He was drinking in the sight of her and desiring her touch. Yet part of him cringed away from the whole idea, so instead he growled, "Let's get on with it."

She poured the tea and sat. "You've had time with the book. Do you think this spell and potion might help?"

He ignored the tea and picked up the book and opened it. "Yes, I think it's worth a try. You obviously have exceptional potion skills. I have looked over the potion that you and Raven brewed. It's very difficult. This potion is also difficult, but it's not as difficult as the spell. It is a form of ancient language and song. It will take great deal of work, and I will not be able to concentrate all my attention on the potion at the same time. I would like you to do the preparations in my private lab. I will come and do the actual brewing"

Hermione was gobsmacked. Not wanting to read too much into it, she said simply, "Thank you, Professor Snape. I appreciate your confidence in me. I would love to help in any way I can."

He placed the book aside. "It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge your part in my being back in my own life."

Did he realize how different he was now? Before Severus became Raven, he would have never complimented her...even if someone had been pulling his fingernails out. The odd part was he didn't seem to notice the difference.

"I see you brought some paper and a quill with you. You always were the studious student."

"I'm no longer your student, sir. I have taken a co-teacher position here. We will be colleagues."

Severus found the idea of Hermione under foot all the time very exciting, and then he realized he had been maneuvered into this without his knowledge. "That old witch," he said angrily. Suddenly he got up and said, "You can find your way out." He turned from Hermione and left the room, heading out into the storage room and presumably to Minerva's office.

Hermione was shocked and a bit scared. He was such an enigma now. He was calm one moment and raging the next. She wondered how he could stand it. Would it be at all possible for Severus Snape to integrate that which was Raven into himself, or would he always be this unpredictable spilt personality? She knew it had been a few days, but it didn't stop her from feeling panicky.

Maybe she should have waited to tell him until after he'd helped her with the spell to reawaken Harry.

*****

Severus stormed into Minerva's office uninvited. "You old witch. You set me up. You planned this all along."

Minerva looked up at him over her glasses. "Whatever are you going on about, Severus?"

"You knew if I signed a contract to stay here, I would honor it! Yet you have brought her here. She does not want me; she only wants the man I was without my memories. I will not be a pawn. I have my pride."

"Severus, will your pride keep you from being happier than you have ever been in your life? That girl loves a part of you. Give her a chance to love all of you. You're a good, decent man. You've always hidden inside yourself."

Severus slumped into a chair. He'd always been a little more open with Minerva than with any other woman in his life. He ran his hand through his hair. It was still longer than he'd ever remembered having it before. But so far he couldn't bear to cut it.

"I am incapable of letting someone love me. You know that, Min."

Minerva smiled, setting her glasses on the desk. He hadn't called her that in years. "Maybe that was true before Raven, but he is now part of you, and those emotions he had are very close to the surface. You can't tell me that Hermione doesn't call to you and that you don't desire more."

"That's just it: They are Raven's emotions."

"No, Severus, they are your emotions. Raven is only the name you went by because you could not remember your own name. I know you can't remember what you were like then, but I saw you, and I talked to you. It was you before Voldemort took possession of your life. It was the young man who loved Lily with all his heart. If you look inside yourself, you will see it was all you."

Severus was horrified. "I killed that young man. He no longer exists. He was a murderer and a betrayer. You want me to become him again? Even if I admitted I had feelings for Hermione Granger, I would not subject her to the man I was then."

Minerva came and grabbed his arms. "Severus, you're being ridiculous. She does not see you as a Death Eater or a murderer; she sees a good man. She sees a brilliant man. She loves the man you were, and she can love the man you are, if you will let her."

Severus pushed her away. "Love kills, Minerva. It always has. Raven loved her with all his heart, and she let him go. She didn't try to keep him. It's always been Harry for her."

Minerva lost her temper. "Harry is her friend...nothing more nothing less. She sacrificed Raven for you! You, Severus, because that was what was right. You deserved your life. Of course she hopes that the part of you that is Raven will love her still, but she knows he's part of you, and she is willing to love you. If you do not give her a chance, you will be far more miserable than you have ever been in your life...even at the height of the torture you suffered from Voldemort will not compare. I promise you that. She glanced over at Albus, who was doing a good job of being a still portrait. "I have had experience with loss."

Severus couldn't help but glance at the old man and saw a sadness in his eyes that he'd never seen before. It was mirrored in Minerva's eyes. He got up and stalked out of the office.

"I hope that boy will listen to his heart, Albus. I failed to years ago, and it cost us so much."

"Yes, it did." he agreed.

******

Severus found himself standing in the observation tower watching Hermione walk slowly across the grass toward the lake. Her long hair was flowing freely around her shoulders despite the cold in the air. Red highlights glinted off it in the winter sun. There was a light, powdery snow on the ground, and she wore a heavy wool cloak pulled tightly around her.

She suddenly turned to look up at him. She raised her hand to wave at him.

He jumped back into the shadows. How had she known he was there?

She turned her face away, lowering her head. Then she walked away, not looking back.

Severus cursed himself for causing her pain. Emotion. It was so foreign to him, and right now all he felt from it was pain. Pain and confusion tore at him. Was Min right? If he gave into the emotion, would he find peace?

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A big THANK YOU you goes out to Lisa, my Beta. You are doing a great job. Thank you also to Beth and Becky for your kind comments and help. Hugs for beaweasley2 for dissecting the story and helping me so much.