Chapter 18

The next day they got up very early, had breakfast, and were met by Dobby in the forest. He brought them a couple of horses and one mule laden with supplies. They packed the tent and rode for several miles until Raven spotted the opening to a cave, partially hidden by a bush. "Hermione," he said, making her stop her horse.

She turned in the saddle to look at him. "Yes?"

"That cave, up there. It's triangular...well, from here it looks triangular. Isn't that something mentioned in Snape's diary?" he asked.

Hermione pulled out the diary and smiled. "Yes, it does say 'a partially hidden triangular cave'. Good eye." Hermione dismounted and bent to stretch her back and legs.

Raven slid off his horse, surprised that his legs felt weak and his behind sore. The cushioning charm hadn't helped that much. He copied Hermione and stretched a bit as she walked up to him. "Do you want to go and check it out? There might be something in there."

"I think we should," he said, glad to have his legs feeling normal again. The cave looked undisturbed. The book didn't say if Severus had explored it. It was as if it was something he'd mapped but hadn't had time to look into. They set the tent up near a small stream. Then they tethered the horses in an area big enough for them to graze well and headed in. They had only gone in a short way when the cave opened into a huge cavern with a steep drop in the cavern floor. This required some rope to climb down twenty feet to the only visible way forward. They used their wands to illuminate the interior. Hermione conjured a line of blue light etched into the wall of the cave about shoulder height, leaving a trail they could follow back. They climbed through tunnels and scrambled through passageways leading to amazing rooms of crystal formations, quartz, calcite, and probably gold. The crystal and quartz of the rock in the walls magnified their simple light like mirror reflections off every surface. Hermione wished they had a camera to take pictures. As the day wore on, they could not detect any magical signatures or wards. Hermione suggested they spend the night there. They had much more to explore, and they were both exhausted.

"But how can we stay here?" Raven asked. "The tents are back in the forest, and we don't have anything with us for tonight."

Hermione gave him a mischievous smile and pulled the bag from under her thick coat. From it, she produced a tiny lamp, a sleeping bag, a small cook stove, and food. They found a small alcove in the cave with a soft, sandy bottom and decided to set up camp there. With a wave of her wand, the items expanded, and they set about making a nice camp. Hermione warded the entrance, and after a quick meal of venison and water, they fell asleep in each other's arms.

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Hermione found herself alone in a huge cave; it was so dark the light from the tip of her wand barely pierced the darkness before her. "Raven?" she called out in confusion. "Where are you? She moved forward and heard a soft sliding sound close by. Panic gripped her. She knew that sound, Nagini! But Nagini was dead, wasn't she? She started to swing her wand here and there, and she heard a hiss in the darkness.

"Raven? Help me!" she screamed into the blackness. Something brushed her leg, and she screamed and ran, firing off shots of energy around her feet in hopes of injuring the snake.

"Hermione!" She heard Raven's voice in the distance.

"Here! I'm here!" she cried, running toward the voice. No matter how long she ran, his voice never got closer, and she started to realize she wasn't getting any further from the hissing.

Then a blinding pain struck her leg and she screamed. A thickness bound itself around her, and she struggled.

"Hermione! Hermione! It's me, Raven. Wake up! You're dreaming..."

His voice finally got through to her, and she realized the thickness around her was his arms trying to stop her frantic flailing.

She fell back against him, crying with relief. It had been a nightmare. She sobbed in his arms. After what seemed like hours, her heart stopped pounding, and she managed through her sobs and gasps for breath to tell him about the dream.

After that, she insisted they leave the lamp on, and she clung to him, needing the reassurance the contact of his body gave her.

"I didn't realize this would bring up so many bad memories and my fears," she whispered to him. "I know Voldemort is dead, but he was a powerful wizard, and he would have left all sorts of protections near his Lair...living monsters possibly, living guards likely, enchantments and wards most certainly. Some powerful Death Eaters escaped after the war. No one knows where they're hiding. It's possible we will encounter some of them on our journey."

Hermione knew a lot of defensive spells, and McGonagall and Dumbledore had taught her a few new ones. She decided it was a good idea to start teaching some of the spells to Raven and to start working on his magical knowledge. They spent periods of their day "in school" of sorts as Hermione taught Raven how to defend himself. Hermione estimated that they could be in these mountains for months until they found what they were looking for. Thankfully, it had been prearranged that McGonagall would send Dobby with fresh supplies whenever they needed them. They really didn't have to worry about anything other than connecting with old spells or Death Eaters.

They spent the other half of their days exploring the amazing cave, returning to their tent each night. The longer they stayed in the cave, the more pensive Raven became. One night, Hermione noticed during dinner that Raven was unusually quiet. Hermione kept looking up at him, but he would glance away.

"Raven, what's wrong," she finally asked.

"Nothing!" he stated a bit tersely.

"C'mon, you've hardly eaten, and you're not talking to me," she urged.

He sighed and shook his head. "I brought the beaded necklace with me."

"Oh," she said. "Do you want to watch another memory?"

He got up and walked from the table and went to the bedroom.

Hermione followed him and watched him take the beads from his backpack. He pulled out a folded piece of soft, black velvet cloth. As he unwrapped the necklace, he was very careful not to let his fingers touch any of the beads. "I really don't want to see them, but I need to know who I was, don't I?"

She came and placed her hand on his arm. "Yes, you do need to know if you want to remember your past."

He let the beads drop to the bed, reached for her, and held her close. She could feel his body trembling and hugged him, stroking his back as she said, "Shh, it's okay. We don't have to do it if you're not ready."

"I hate my weaknesses. I don't even have the knowledge or skill to keep you safe," he said against her hair. "I am a weak person, Hermione. How can you care for me? I should be taking care of you."

"You do take care of me. If you hadn't been there when I had that nightmare, I may have run off into the caves and gotten lost. I was so terrified. You were there to hold me and bring me back to my senses. Kindness, gentleness, and concern are not weaknesses, Raven. Most men, and especially Snape, hide behind a wall of hate and anger. You being able to show what you feel is a blessing."

"A blessing, to who? Me...Snape...we are the same. Inside, I am trying to reconnect with a monster. You said it yourself: He was a hateful man. If I reconnect with who I used to be, I could lose you, lose everything. I want everything. I want to remember, and I want to help your friend Harry, and I want to have you as well."

She held him tightly, "I do too, Raven. I want all those things for us too."

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I know we've already talked about this. But I can feel a panic each time we take a step closer to my memory returning."

"And we will keep talking about it. Only you can know if it's what you want." Inside Hermione was a tangle of emotion. She knew she loved this man just the way he was, but she also knew she had to help Harry. She felt she owed him that.

Raven put her from him with a sigh. "Life is not always what we want. It's what must be. As Snape, I have a responsibility to that young man. If I went through hell for so many years to save his life, then I cannot go back on a life long pledge to protect him now, can I? It doesn't matter that I don't personally remember it. It is what I lived my life doing, and, in that life, it seems the only thing that brought me honor. I will not let him down or go back on my word now."

He turned to the beads. "I'm going to grab at the one next to the last one we watched." He held out his hand to her. "Will you go with me?

"Of course." As she took his hand, he reached out and touched the bead.

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They found themselves in a darkened barn. The only light was coming through cracks in the boards.

Severus as a young child, sat among the hay bales with his mother near him. She had a wand, and she was demonstrating spells for him. The small, thin boy with the long, black hair watched intently. In his small hand, he held a small wand and practiced with her. Hermione recognized some of the spells. A few she was showing him were some more complicated ones.

There was a rabbit sitting before him on the hay. "Severus, hold the wand straighter," his mother commanded and demonstrated the wand movement with slow precision. "Raise it like this: swish and twist."

Severus did as she said and then spoke the incantation clearly with the movement, "Veraverto." Suddenly there was a candleholder sitting where the rabbit had been.

His mother grabbed him in a big hug and exclaimed, "My little Wizard! I knew you were going to be a Prince among men. Barely five and doing spells a child of eleven can barely master!"

Raven and Hermione watched the child's face light with happiness at his mother's praise. Seconds later, the wonderful scene was shattered.

The door flew open, and in came Tobias Snape, Severus' father. "Witch!" he growled. "Haven't I forbidden you to teach that boy magic? It's bad enough I have to have a freak for a wife, and now you want my son to be a freak, too! I thought I had that wand hidden. You've been in my things," he snarled as he strode up to them. He swung his arm and smacked her hard enough to knocked her back, and her wand flew out of her hand. Then with his back-swing motion, he whacked Severus sideways before he could get away, which shattered Severus' nose.

The boy screamed in pain.

His mother screamed in fury and launched herself at Tobias Snape. Landing against him, she beat him around the face with her hands. "How dare you touch my son! You're nothing more than a drunk and a bully. I may be a witch, but you are a worthless human, Muggle."

He tossed her off. "You dare attack me, woman. I warned you." He hit her several times, blackening her eyes and splitting her lip.

Severus' mother scrambled to retrieve her wand, but she was too late. Tobias snatched it from the floor where it had fallen and snapped it in half.

Eileen fell back with an anguished cry and screamed, "Noooo!"

Tobias pushed a huge finger into her face. "If I ever see another hint of magic from you, I will kill the boy, and you will watch. You hear me, witch?" He turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

Eileen crawled to her son and pulled him into her lap. She pressed the hem of her robes to the boys nose to staunch the bleeding. "There, there," she cooed at him. "One day you will make your mommy proud and kill that bastard, won't you, Sevy?"

Severus eyes were wide with fear and pain, but then his lips curled up in an ugly smile, and he nodded.

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The scene faded, and Hermione and Raven stood back in their tent. As before, Raven dropped the beads and stood shaking. His eyes filled with tears.

Hermione took him in her arms and held him tightly as he cried. "I killed him, like she asked. Many years later."

"What?" Hermione asked, gobsmacked at his confession. "Do you remember something?"

"No, it's a notation in his journal. Like it meant nothing: 'I killed my father today.' I was a monster. She raised me to be a monster. What mother tells a five-year-old to kill his father? She couldn't have loved me. Why did she leave me these memories? They have all been terrible ones." He turned and walked out the tent flap into the moonlit night.

Hermione grabbed a blanket off the bed and followed him. It was a cold night, and he'd left his jacket behind. She found him standing about twenty feet from the tent, staring into the darkened forest that surrounded them. She tossed half the blanket around his shoulders and pulled it around herself as well.

"Raven, your life may have been full of horrible things, but when she held you and praised you, I saw the love you both shared. You saw the happiness in your face, didn't you? She left the beads so you would know that even though she made some horrible choices in marrying your father and staying with him, she loved you! You were her hope for the future of your family. You were her pride and joy...the only thing in her life that gave her pleasure."

"If he were here, I'd strangle him with my bare hands."

There was such bitterness in his voice that Hermione shivered against him.

He turned to her. "I'm sorry I frightened you."

"No, you sounded like Snape."

"And you were afraid of him." He leaned down and kissed her. "You are the only good thing in my life. I promise never to hurt you."

Hermione pressed herself against him. She knew he might not be able to keep that promise, but it was good to hear. She let her thoughts go and surrendered herself to the headiness she felt from his kiss as his tongue teased her mouth and made her weak in the knees. Needing reassurance that he was not the monster he used to be, he picked her up and carried her into the warmth of the tent. With a slow and deliberate gentleness, he kissed her face and his fingers caressed her. He gently shed her layers of clothing, leaving on her chemise.

Hermione buried her hands into his hair and urged his head down. She gasped as he sucked her nipple into his mouth; the soft fabric of her chemise only increased the friction against the tip, making it harden. She moaned and fumbled to open the buttons of his heavy flannel shirt. She finally slipped her hand across his bare chest and moaned again with the pleasure of feeling his skin under her hands. She felt rewarded as he groaned with his pleasure from her touch. After that, a flurry of clothing hit the ground as they nearly tore the clothes off each other, their need almost tangible in the tent.

Later with their clothing in piles around the bed, they lay sated, sleeping in each other's arms.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I received help from beaweasley. She helped me make the chapter more visually interesting. Thank you so much to Lisa for her Beta work. She's amazing. Thank you to the readers for their comments. I love reading them.