Chapter 29

Hermione woke to find herself in a bed. "Where am I?" she asked, struggling to sit up.

Minerva came to hover above her. "Just lie back. You've been in shock. What happened, Hermione? Is Severus okay?" Fear was in the old witch's eyes.

Hermione nodded and said bitterly, "Yes, he's back to his old, nasty self. Minerva, what am I going to do without Raven? Raven is trapped inside him, and he will do everything he can do to keep him buried. I can hardly stand the idea of Raven buried alive inside that man. I saw Raven looking out from his eyes for only a second, but I know it was him. The feelings scared Severus so badly he ran. He left me in his lair and ran. Where would he go? I need to find him."

"Hermione, you have to give him time," Minerva said sternly. "He just got his mind back. It's a lot to take in. Does he know your and Raven's story?"

Hermione nodded through her tears. "Some of it. He asked, and I told him. He read some of Raven's diary, and then he went to sleep...but not in our bed."

Minerva couldn't hide the worry in her face. "He must be so confused. He can see that 'Raven' had everything he's always wanted. He has no experience with love. Love has always hurt him. Did he tell you he'd killed his father?"

"We knew that from his journals," she said, sitting up against the pillows, her interest piqued.

"He went home the Christmas before he took his NEWTs. His mother had begged him. He loved her, yet he'd always mistrusted her love because she had subjected him to his father's cruelty all his life. I urged him to go. I really thought his father might be proud that he was at the top of his class. I had no clue the man was mad. Severus arrived and found his parents in a heated row. His father had already beaten his mother half to death. When Severus intervened, he got stabbed in his left shoulder. He managed to overpower his father and drove the knife into his father's heart. It was self-defense and no one thought differently, but Severus was tortured over the event. His mother wasn't even grateful. She refused to speak to him again. Love has always hurt Severus."

"Oh my gawd," Hermione cried. "How will I ever get through to him? I promised Raven I wouldn't leave him."

Minerva placed her hand on the young witch's shoulder. "I know you loved Raven very much, Hermione. But if you are to find him again, you will have to learn to love Severus and become his friend first. Treat him as an acquaintance and hopefully as a colleague. Find a way to be useful to him. Let go of Raven for now. If you can be a friend and support Severus as Severus Snape, he may respond."

"What of Harry? I have the book of spells. He didn't even take that with him."

"I can ask Poppy to look at it. If Severus knows he's the only one who can perform the spell, he will come back eventually. He has a sense of honor that he may at times despise, but he will pay his debts, and he knows he owes you. You will see him again." She looked sternly into Hermione's eyes. "It may be your only chance to reconnect. Do not blow it by being overly emotional or demanding."

Hermione nodded.

Minerva continued, "I know he will come to see me eventually, and I want to convince him to work here. I also want to have you come and teach Charms. I plan to get him to sign a legally binding contract to teach here and then eventually become Headmaster. If he signs it, he will honor it. I do not plan to tell him you will also be here. And I would advise you to keep that detail to yourself. Once you are colleagues, it will be up to you to slowly win him over."

Hermione dried her tears with the back of her hand. "I will do my best."

"See that you do. I want to see the same happiness in Severus' eyes that I saw in Raven's. Raven was an adult child. Severus is a man. They can be integrated into one man if we are cunning and careful enough. We both love that man, and he, more than most people, deserves to be happy." She hugged Hermione. "So do you, my dear. Now get some rest. This will be your quarters. You might as well settle in."

Hermione watched her gather her robes around her and sweep from the room. She settled back against her pillows. "God, it's in your hands now," she whispered.

******

Severus Apparated to Spinner's End and swept into the house. He growled at the changes he saw and banished all the traces of Hermione that he found there.

"Damn that woman. She had no right to bring him here. This is my house...mine." Yet he knew Raven was part of him. He could feel changes in himself that he had no idea how to contain or react to. He'd felt such an overwhelming need for Hermione that it had scared him witless, and he'd had to run. He would not take a woman who wanted him only for a shadow of himself. Yet as he looked around the empty house, he felt more alone than he'd ever felt.

What a fool he was. She could never love him for who he was, could she? And as he sat in his favorite chair with a forgotten book in his hands and a drink by his side, he suddenly remembered he'd left everything behind...even the book of spells. He would have to find Hermione. He knew she would not have left anything behind in his lair. He felt exhausted with the knowledge that he would have to deal with her again, yet somehow it relieved the ache in his chest. This would give him an excuse to interact with her again. No matter what he did, he could not quell the longing to set eyes on her again. He did owe her. And Severus Snape always paid his debts.

That night when he laid his head on his pillow, he smelled her there in the sheets and on the pillow. Her scent was in the room all around him. As he slipped into an exhausted sleep, he felt somehow comforted.

******

Minerva sat in her office late that night and nursed a brandy. She was so worried about Severus. She finally summoned an owl and wrote him a note, welcoming him back to the land of the living. She told him that Hermione had arrived at Hogwarts in a state of shock and was being taken care of. She somehow knew her 'son' would be concerned. She told him to come see her when he was able. She sent the owl out into the night, knowing it would find Severus no matter where he was.

*******

Severus stayed in his house for three days. He'd gotten Minerva's owl the first night, and he had sent her a reply, telling her he would come talk to her in a few days. He had asked her indulgence and thanked her for taking care of Hermione.

On the second night, he tried to get drunk, but he found his heart was not in it. He kept remembering Raven's warning about the drink taking their life away, and he found that Firewhiskey did not make him drunk...much to his disgust. On the third day, he decided to go pay Minerva a visit. He figured Hermione would still be there. Even though it made his stomach queasy to think of seeing her again, he knew they had to get on about the business of seeing if the spell book would help Harry Potter.

Severus Apparated to the gates of Hogwarts and was pleased when they admitted him with his old password. He walked across the grounds, drinking in the sight of the old castle and its battlements. He had not realized how much he had missed it. It was home after all. He also realized there had been repairs. He could see the new stone mixed with the old.

He opened the big door and entered the school. It was quiet and still. Before he could get to the Headmaster's office, the bell rang and hundreds of students came out of doors and surrounded him as they headed to their next classes. He saw a few stop and stare at him, then duck away when they met his eyes. And he heard his name like an echo through the corridors.

"Professor Snape?... Snape!... Snape!... Is that Snape?"

All he had to do was glare at them, and they ran. He was grinning to himself when he entered Minerva's office. He still had his touch.

The old witch was waiting near the door for him, and he found himself hugged quite heartily. He endured it for a couple seconds and then pushed her back, making sure she was steady on her feet.

"Unhand me, you old bat," he said, but not unkindly.

Minerva laughed. "It really is you...you old buzzard." She smiled affectionately at him.

"Yes, it's me, the nasty old spy." He slumped into a chair by her desk.

Minerva passed him and squeezed his shoulder as she went by. "I see no spy. That's done and gone, Severus." She took her chair. "You've had quite an adventure."

"Apparently," he said flatly. "It's a shame I can't remember it." He looked her in the eye. "What did you think of him?"

Minerva smiled, surprised he'd asked. "He was a very genuine young man. He was very innocent and scared. You have no idea how Miss Granger's finding you saved you."

"Humm." He fidgeted uncomfortably. "It was so inappropriate. She's still so young. Raven may have been her equal emotionally, but I on the other hand... Is she okay?" he asked quietly.

Minerva was delighted that he had asked. "She's grieving. I sent her off to Molly's." She did not say it was only for a few days. "It was not inappropriate. She's no longer your student, Severus. Under the circumstances, it was a blessing for you both. Give her a chance."

"Minerva, I am not Raven, nor is he me. What they had is gone. She would not look twice at me if I were not in the same body. Nevertheless, I will need to see her. She has the spell book. She believes one of the spells will help Potter. Perhaps it will help Longbottom's parents, as well."

Minerva saw more in his face than she'd ever seen. He wanted to see Hermione. Did he even realize he'd changed?

"I can have her back here in minutes if you'd like."

"No, let her stay there for a few days." He waved his hand, dismissing the subject. "I understand you are hoping I would come back to teach?"

"Actually our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is ill and won't be able to finish the year. You could start immediately."

Severus sat up straighter. "DADA? You would finally trust me with that post?"

"If that is what you truly wish," she said.

"Who is teaching Potions?"

"Phinnius Philbin."

"Phinnius Philbin! He couldn't brew a love potion to save his life. Why is he in that position?"

Minerva said, "We lost many wizards during the war. The castle was damaged and many died. They nearly shut the school down. He's about the best I could come up with."

"Let him teach the Dark Arts class. I want my lab and my quarters back," he stated.

Minerva arched an eyebrow at him. "Is that truly what you want?"

"Yes, the book Hermione has belonged to Salazar himself. There are amazing potions there: forgotten potions, potions that will heal people in amazingly short times, potions that will repair damaged tissues that we couldn't heal before. There are also incredibly dark potions...potions that would be better off lost. I will make sure they can no longer get into evil hands."

"Yes, I see you have it all thought out," Minerva replied. "Well, Severus, if that is what you want, you shall have it, under the condition that you become Headmaster when I retire in two years."

"I had heard that rumor, old woman. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Very sure. I can think of no one else I would trust with this school and its students. You might find you actually enjoy the job."

"I have had the job. It wasn't all that bad."

She nodded. "Yes, Albus tells me you did a good job."

At the mention of Albus, Snape glanced at the portrait on the wall. He'd been careful to avert his eyes so far. The death of his mentor and friend still haunted him. But his eyes only met a twinkling smile.

"Severus, it is good to see you, my old friend. I was trying to give you and Minerva privacy to conduct your business."

"You were probably eyeing me up and down and taking stock of your murderer."

"Severus!" Minerva said in horror.

"No, Minerva, he's right. I was taking stock, but he's wrong about the reasons. You did not murder me. You had my permission and my persuasion, if I remember."

Severus glared at him. "Yes, persuasion." It was said harshly and sarcastically. "You cared for Draco's soul. What about mine? Maybe we should have left well enough alone. Raven was without consciousness about all my sins. Maybe he did deserve a life better than mine. He had it all: love and a woman who would never break his heart. In time, he would have learned his craft again."

Albus lowered his chin and looked at Severus over his glasses. "You do not need to hide behind Raven, Severus. He was only half of who you are. Although he was a gentle soul, he could not have lived that way forever. He was but a young man, really. You are all of him as well as all that you have been, Severus. You can find that part of him. Hermione loved him not just because of who he was but because she has always admired you."

Severus said, "Shut it, old man." He turned away. "Minerva, give me the contract. I will sign it under one condition. When you leave here, you will take that portrait with you. I will not look at it again."

Minerva glanced at Albus in concern, but he nodded, the twinkle in his eyes never wavering.

Minerva produced the contract with her wand, and Severus signed it. He tossed the pen onto the contract and, with billowing robes, turned and left the office.

Minerva looked back at Albus. "How can you be so happy? He's miserable and tortured."

"Yes, my dear, but he's also going to stay here, and Hermione will be here. I have no doubt that in time she will win his heart. When she does, he will come back to see me. In time, he will see the necessity of what I asked of him, and he will forgive me and himself."