Chapter 33

The next day, the work began. Hermione had made a schedule for herself that allowed her to team teach three classes a day and work on the potion afterwards. Minerva was also interested in the completion of the potion and hoped that Harry could be helped. She could see the first weeks that Severus was exhausted, and she finally told him that she wanted Philbin to continue to teach his afternoon classes and that she would bring in some of the Order's best wizards to guest teach DADA until the Yule vacation.

Severus finally conceded to the schedule. When he was not working on the potion, he was reading, searching books that might give him information on the spell. He even took trips to other Wizarding communities. He was frustrated because he wasn't having much luck with some of the musical notes in the spell. He had the beginning of the song down pat...he could feel the power...but the power leached away in the middle as he continued to try to find the notes he would need to make the song work.

One night he sat among stacks of books in the restricted section of Hogwarts with his head pounding and his heart heavy.

"Severus," he heard Hermione call to him.

He raised his head and found her standing close by, worry written on her face. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "You must get some rest. Minerva is worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"Mind your own business, Madam. We both have our jobs to do." His voice was harsh and bitter.

Hermione felt tears burn her eyes.

Severus saw the tears swimming in her eyes and sighed, his anger undone.

"You can be as nasty as you want, but you need sleep. The answer could be right in front of your large nose, and you wouldn't see it," she said in just as nasty a tone.

It made him grin wearily.

She went to her knees and placed her hands on his knee. "Please, Severus. I have some time, and I can help. You know I love to research. Right now I'm only monitoring the potion for you; you don't need to add any ingredients until Monday."

He didn't say anything, and she sighed, stood, and started to walk away. He reached out and took her hand and pulled her back. Not even thinking, he slipped his arms around her and laid his face against her waist.

Surprised, Hermione brought a hand up and ran it over his hair. "Please, Severus, let me help."

"All right," he said, exhausted. "I'm so tired, and my head is pounding."

Hermione was still astonished that he needed to hold on to her and hated to let him go. She sighed. "Please go sleep. I will continue to read through these books. Just tell me what you're looking for."

He realized he was holding on to her and pushed away, giving her a sheepish look. "I need to know the origin of these notes. Do you see the pattern that works its way through the spell at this junction?" He pointed to notes here and there.

"Yes," she said, "I see it." He stood and she took his seat. "Sleep well, Severus. I will come and let you know if I find anything."

"Thank you. What would I do without you?" he said as he walked away.

"You will never find out, Severus," she whispered, more for her benefit than his.

Hermione sat for nearly six hours looking through books until early in the morning hours. Tomorrow was Saturday, and they would have the weekend to work together. She was bone tired, and suddenly words swam before her eyes that spoke to her past. 'Gypsy wizards'. They had a music as old as the beginning of music. Thinking about the group they had met, she remembered they had played some very intricate music the night she and Raven had spent with them.

She was so excited by the idea she ran down to the Potions classroom and let herself into Severus' rooms. She paused for a moment to smile. Yes, he had set the wards to allow her entrance even to his private rooms. That spoke volumes to her. He trusted her with his privacy, and that meant more to Severus Snape than anything in the universe.

She peeked into the bedroom and saw the curtains were drawn. She hated to wake him, but he should have gotten five or more hours of sleep by now. If they had to go find the Gypsies, it could take most of the weekend.

Hermione peeked past the curtain and softly called, "Severus." He didn't move. He was lying on top the covers with only black pajama bottoms on. He looked so much like Raven, yet she knew it was Severus; she saw the difference in his face. There was a bit of a frown on his forehead. She wondered if his head still hurt. She ran her fingers over his forehead, and the lines on his face relaxed. She was suddenly enveloped in his arms, and he pulled her over him into the bed. He planted a steamy kiss on her. She wished she could just to curl up at his side. It had been hard for her to sleep without him.

She felt him stiffen at her side. "Hermione?"

She laughed. "You thought you were dreaming?"

"Yes," he admitted uncomfortably. He started to move away.

"Severus, please, don't get up. Can I lay with you here for a few minutes? I have something to talk to you about. I found something."

He was surprised but pleased and lay back against the pillows, drawing her closer. She sighed as she laid her cheek against his chest.

"What did you find?" He was finding it hard to concentrate with her breath rustling the hair on his chest.

"Gypsies, Wizarding Gypsies. They have a very old form of music. You and I ran into a group of them on our travels. It's in the diary, which you haven't read," she teased.

Severus replied, "I'm sorry. I really should read it." She was stroking his stomach with her fingers, absentmindedly. He felt himself harden with desire for her.

"We could try to find them, show them the spell, and see if they can help us." She turned her head and kissed his chest.

He closed his eyes and just lay still; the feeling was so amazing and so familiar. He could lose himself in her. He felt his body respond, even more, with a powerful need for her.

"You know, Severus, maybe you can't feel the music because there is no music in your heart," she said, placing more kisses across his chest. "Maybe if you yield to your desires, you will find a freedom you have never known. Music is freedom, music is emotion, music is love. You say we have to wait until Harry is saved to even talk about our relationship, but I think that you're thinking about me anyway. I see it in your eyes when we're having meals in the Great Hall, when we talk, and when you check on me and the potion."

She was now laying over him, kissing his face and his eyelids. He had slipped a hand up her back to hold her close. Her body felt so good. It had been so long. When her mouth covered his, he growled and rolled her over onto the bed and kissed her back. His hands ran over her body, and with a quickness neither could imagine, her clothes were shed and she was naked against him.

"You are so beautiful," he said. His deep voice rumbled over her. His hands touched her back, buttocks, and legs.

Hermione could feel him hard against her thigh, and she wanted him inside her. "Severus, please give in to your desire. I need you so badly."

With a little effort, they got his pajama bottoms off, and he let his hands roam her body. He was urgent with his need. His hands touched her, and his mouth took her. He was more physical than Raven had been. Raven had been innocent and trusting, and she realized he'd often let her lead their love making. Severus, on the other hand, commanded their moves and took her with power and strength she'd never sensed in Raven. She realized as they climaxed, crying out, that it was his magical strength. Severus was a wizard, and she a witch, and their magical signatures combined and melded. They gasped for breath, and he held her tightly in the circle of his arms. "Hermione."

"Severus." She smiled and then kissed his mouth. "That was wonderful. I have never felt such power before."

"Never?" he asked, pleased that this was different than her times with Raven.

"No, Severus. It was never like this for us before, when your memory was gone." She had decided not to speak Raven's name again to him; she had been trying these last few days to accomplish that. "I believe one day you will remember what we had. This was wonderful and I have missed you so much."

"It was very satisfying, Hermione," he said. "Now you sleep while I prepare some things for our journey. If I know you, you've been at those books since I left you."

She nodded. "I guess I am a bit tired." She settled down against him.

Severus lay next to her until she was asleep and then slipped from the bed. He took a quick shower, feeling better than he had since he'd woken from this memory loss. He was amazed at her desire for him. She may have fallen in love with Raven, but she desired him now. He felt a happiness and contentedness that he had never felt before, but he also felt a bit like a rogue. He'd given into his physical needs. If she realized that's all it was, would she hate me for it? She probably thought I made love to her. He didn't think that was what had happened. He had just been unable to resist her. Her advances had ignited his body and his needs would not be denied.

He dressed for the trip and gathered food and clothing for himself. Then he went to Hermione's room and took clothing for her. Her magic bag lay on the table next to the bed, and he grabbed that as well. She hadn't been wearing it tonight. Had she known she was going to make love to me? Had she left "Raven" behind on purpose? The thought warmed him inside for the first time. Maybe she really did want me. He knew she would never forget Raven, but he felt she had given herself to him tonight.

He went to Minerva's office. Even though it was early morning, she was already at her desk. She asked him to sit and gave him some tea. Severus sipped the liquid. He had never really liked tea but it was growing on him, now that he no longer drank on a regular basis.

Minerva studied his face. "What happened, Severus? You seem quite smug this morning. It almost seems as if you are about to burst out with a... a genuine smile."

Severus laughed. "You know me so well, Min. I allowed Hermione into my bed, as it were."

"Really?" She frowned as she pursed her lips. "Two of my professors are fraternizing. I'm not sure I can stand for that," she said with faux indignation.

Severus smirked at her as he chided her, "You old bat, you are about to jump up and down in joy over this development. You and that eavesdropping old goat up there will have a party when I leave here."

Minerva huffed, "Severus, have some respect... I have to warn you, Hermione is a wonderful girl. She may have made mistakes from time to time, but for her, you and Raven are the same man. She simply saw Raven as a nicer side that you never show the students. She never meant to hurt you or use you. Merlin, Severus, the lengths that girl went through to help you!"

"I know, damn it, I know," he said, gritting his teeth. "Damn, Voldemort, even dead he's still manipulating people–manipulating me, but she did help me and... I am aware I owe her, Min." He looked at his hands. "I feel sorry she got mixed up in this whole mess."

Minerva looked at him sternly over her spectacles. "Severus, what did tonight mean to you?"

"She came to my bed. What should it mean to me? I couldn't resist her advances. My heart is not made of iron. I felt horrible for her, for me, for this whole mess. I'm not in the habit of using my students for sexual gratification–even ex-students!"

The old witch sat back hard into her chair. "Oh, Merlin help you both. That girl loves you. If she knows your heart wasn't in accord with hers tonight, she's going to be shattered."

"Damn, Voldemort," Severus growled, suddenly realizing what he'd done. He respected Hermione, and tonight he'd ignored all respect for her. He'd used her.

"Just try not to react if such a thing happens again...unless you want to be with Hermione Granger, not just a beautiful, young woman. You are her life, Severus. Be worthy of her."

"I will try, Min." Then he said, "I did come here for a purpose other than my personal life."

She smiled. "I thought you might have."

"Hermione and I need to leave for the weekend. She and I met some Gypsies during our search for Voldemort's lair. I have been unable to decipher the music in the spell with the accuracy that it needs. Hermione feels the Gypsies have great knowledge concerning ancient music. We will look for them and see if they can help."

"You and Hermione found them?" Min asked.

"It seems Hermione has decided that we should both ignore Raven's name for now. He is best not spoken of as a different person. She knows it was me, without a memory, and so do I. It makes it easier this way."

"Easier, yes, but do not forget him, Severus. He was a wonderful man, and he lives in you. I see him more and more now, and you should thank him for the happiness you have."

"I will not forget. I never forget that Hermione was with him, first." His voice was bitter.

"If she had not been with him, then she would not love you now. Perhaps you are right: He was you, and you are him, all in the man named Severus."

"It's all very complicated, Min. I can't remember in my mind, but my body sings when she touches me."

"Perhaps once you remember what happened during those months, you will know it was always you...just a different facet of you."

"I hope that happens. I really do. I want to remember." He got to his feet. "If something delays us, I will send you a message."

Minerva got her feet and came to him. She reached out and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Be careful and enjoy your time with Hermione away from here. Perhaps you came back to work too soon. You needed this time to finish your business and get used to the changes you are experiencing."

He smiled at her. "Min, you have always been like a mother to me. I will let you know if we need time, but you may be correct. It has been taxing." He turned and left.

Minerva brushed a tear from her eye. "Did you hear that, you old goat. He said I was like a mother." She looked up into Albus' twinkling eyes.

"Yes, I heard, Minerva. I'm so proud of him. But he's walking a fine tightrope between his desires and his heart. They are at war inside him. Slowly, he's finally becoming the man he was always meant to be."

Hermione woke alone. He'd left her. What had happened? Yes, he had mentioned he was going to make the arrangements for their journey. But she had a lump in the pit of her stomach. He had said there was a strong desire, and it had been very satisfying. Did what happened between them mean nothing to him? Only sex...sexual gratification...and nothing more? She felt a bit nauseated when she sat up. Had Severus Snape used her body? Had it not meant anything to him? Raven wouldn't have done that to her...well at first he would have, but that was before.

She sighed. She had begged him to let her stay in his bed. She had initiated the touching. He was a man. She couldn't deny she had enjoyed it. It had been wonderful to be with him again. If nothing else, he had satisfied her somewhat... well, more than somewhat.

She suddenly felt better. If nothing else, maybe she'd gotten under his skin. Now, when he looked at her, maybe he'd remember. Maybe at night when he was alone, he'd think about her...fantasize about her. Men did that; it was how things were in books. Now, he knew what it was like to be with her. His imagination and analytical mind might work in her favor. She had confidence that the rest would fall into place.

Thank you, Lisa, my Beta. I could not do this without you. I also appreciate all the help I have received from beaweasley2. Her help and teaching have been invaluable. Becky and Beth, new Alpha readers, have also given me help. Thanks ladies.