Chapter Ninety-Eight: Confidences and Promises

Chapter Ninety-Eight: Confidences and Promises

Saturday, 3 April 1999

"Professor Snape, if you've a moment," Minerva said as Severus stood, finished with breakfast and ready to leave the Great Hall.

"Of course, Headmistress," he acknowledged with a nod. He waited as she said something softly to Albus on her left.

Minerva made small talk as they crossed the Great Hall together.

"...and Professor Vector has been invited to present a paper to the European Conference of Arithmancers at their annual meeting in May," Minerva said as they crossed the entry hall and headed toward the staff room. "We will need someone to take her classes for a few days that week. I thought perhaps Miss Granger might take the third- and fourth-year classes, under Gareth's supervision, and that Gareth and Gertrude could take the others." Minerva opened the door to the staff room. "What would you think of that?"

"Professor Gamp and your nephew are eminently qualified," Severus replied, stepping into the staff room and over to the large fireplace. "I do not know whether Miss Granger has yet attained the necessary level of expertise to teach Arithmancy, but if it is for a few days and only the third- and fourth-years, and if McGonagall...Gareth...approves, I have no objections."

"Good . . ." Minerva closed the staff room door. "And you have no . . . no qualms about having Professor Gamp taking classes?"

Severus shook his head. "No, Headmistress. And such staffing matters are within your purview."

"Of course, but . . . I would not want you to be . . . hmm, how to put this . . . I would not wish you to be unduly discomfited by her presence."

"I understand that. However, the decision is yours and Professor Gamp's. If she has the time and desire to assist Hogwarts in this...and if your nephew does, as well...then that is sufficient for me," Severus said with a curt nod.

"Good. It may be that only Gertrude or Gareth will teach. I haven't spoken with either of them about it yet. I wished to speak with you first."

"Was that all, then? I have a potion brewing. It will require checking soon."

"Are you still coming to Albus's little party this evening?" Minerva asked, catching hold of his arm before he took another step toward the door.

"Yes."

"I actually wanted to warn you about it . . ."

"What? He has some Muggle party games planned?" Severus asked, an expression of distaste on his face. "I believe I could survive them."

"No, that is, yes, he has, but I thought you ought to know that Gertrude will be there this evening, as well."

Severus's eyes betrayed nothing. "Ah."

"I didn't want it to come as a surprise. Albus thought it might be good for you, I think, and that if Gertrude could attend dinner knowing you were going to be there, the reverse should be possible for you."

Severus nodded. "I appreciate the forewarning, Minerva. Dumbledore's assumptions are not always correct. However, I cannot very well excuse myself now."

"You could. If you require an excuse, I will find one for you."

Severus shook his head. "I have already told both Gareth and Poppy that I would attend. My absence would raise questions. I presume that Gareth thought that I knew the guest list when I told him I was attending, but I'm sure that he would understand if I changed my mind upon learning of it. Poppy, on the other hand, would not understand. She would require an explanation, and not merely a pretext invented by you. She would see through that. I have no explanation for her."

"You can simply tell her that you have no patience for Albus's games tonight. She will easily believe that."

Severus shook his head. "I cannot tell her the truth, but I will not tell her a lie. As tedious as Albus's idea of entertainment may be, she will not see it as a good reason to back out of an invitation at the last minute. She would try to dissuade me. Besides," he said, stepping back toward the door, "it is one evening. Only one evening. And perhaps Dumbledore's assumption was correct: if Professor Gamp can attend, knowing that I will be there, I certainly can. I appreciate the forewarning, Minerva, but I do not require anything more than that. I will see you this evening."

"Quin MacAirt will also be there," Minerva said as Severus's hand grasped the door handle.

"Will he?" Severus did not look at Minerva, but only shook his head slightly. "Thank you, Minerva."

"Severus!"

Severus turned.

"You will be all right?" Minerva asked. "I know that you've had difficulties with your memories of that time."

Severus stared at her for a moment. "I have. And I must learn to live with them without creeping into a hole somewhere whenever there are reminders of it. And if Professor Gamp . . . she lives with greater reminders than I, and if she can be gracious, then I can attempt to follow her example, in that and in other things. Have a good morning, Minerva."

"Aye, and you, Severus," Minerva said, watching as he left, slight puzzlement on her face.

Taking the stairs at a good clip, Severus rapidly made his way down to his dungeon laboratory. Dumbledore and his ideas, he huffed to himself. It was highly presumptuous of him to invite him and not mention that a woman whom he had permanently maimed and driven into exile would be there, as well. Had he learned of it a few days previously, he would have found some excuse to bow out of the party, despite any awkward questions that Poppy might ask. After his conversation with Professor Gamp, however, he believed he could find the wherewithal to attend. At least he knew where he stood with her now, and her forgiveness had eased some of his own discomfort, even if it hadn't completely banished his feelings of guilt.

Quin, on the other hand . . . there was no way that Albus could know how he felt about MacAirt. He likely thought the two should get to know each other better. MacAirt evidently felt gratitude toward him for his role in lifting the curse that had afflicted him for a quarter of a century. The Irish wizard probably wanted to get to know him a little...and hadn't a clue that the reverse was far from true.

Still, Gareth was right: Quin and Poppy had been friends for many years. It would be impossible to expect Poppy to drop his friendship now. And Poppy had always spoken highly of Quin, and Minerva liked him. Severus could certainly respect the loyalty that the other wizard had toward Minerva, and toward Gertrude and her family. He would try to avert any feelings of jealousy that might arise in him that evening.

Severus's potion seemed fine to him, though he would not know how effective it was until after it had completed brewing at the end of the day. Minerva was allergic to the standard Blood-Replenishing Potion, and the complex variant that her brother Murdoch had developed for her required a few rather esoteric ingredients and was rather fussy to brew. On and off over the years, Severus had played with Murdoch's formula, trying to come up with something simpler that didn't require such rare ingredients, but only on paper as an interesting intellectual exercise. While cleaning out his desk the previous afternoon, he had found some notes he had made a few years before, and he thought it might be a good project for the holiday, so he was working on a new variation of Blood-Replenishing Potion.

After checking his potion, Severus left for his duelling session with Flitwick. They were meeting in the Quidditch stadium since there were few people at the school and the morning a fine one, if a bit cool and breezy. It had rained hard the day before...Severus had had a wet walk up from the gates the previous morning when he'd returned from Gareth's...but the skies had cleared overnight, and it was a pleasant day to spend outdoors practising spells.

By ten o'clock, Severus was revising his opinion of outdoor duelling practice after a soaking rain. His robe and trousers were covered in mud, his boots were caked with it, and even his vest was sticking to his back, the damp having seeped through his multiple layers of clothing after he had been thrown on his back a few times. In addition to being muddy, wet, and tired, Severus was deeply discouraged. His offensive spells were becoming increasingly effective, and he had refined and expanded his repertoire of them, but his wandless Protego was worse than a first-year's.

As Filius waved his wand, cleaning the mud from Severus's clothes and drying him out, he said, "Don't give up, Severus! Your offensive spells are truly excellent, and very imaginative! You need to think about your defence in an equally imaginative way."

"All it will take is one spell of Dumbledore's, and I'll be out," Severus said, "or looking like a fool. It will have to be a regular duel, Flitwick. I can't do this." He waved his wand and returned Flitwick's favour, cleaning his knees and the hems of his robes.

"You can, Severus! You have more than a month yet...almost two. You need to think about your defensive magic differently. You're still thinking of it as a Protego, I can tell."

"You saw what happened when I attempted to use the Parlakkalkan," Severus replied in disgust.

Filius giggled, remembering the psychedelic bubbles that had formed when his Rictusempra had hit Snape's shield charm. That was when Severus had landed on his back in the mud for the first time, doubled up in laughter. "Yes, that was not very effective," the Charms teacher agreed, trying to suppress his grin. They began walking across the pitch toward the exit.

Severus snorted. "Not very effective," he mocked. "It was more embarrassing than if I'd just let your spell hit me."

"Oh, now! Don't feel that way, Severus! We had fun this morning...you raised some very nice warts on my face!"

Severus smirked. "I suppose. If warts are nice."

"And that one you call the hotfoot, that really was very good...highly uncomfortable, but very good," Filius said encouragingly.

"Hope I didn't burn your soles," Severus said, his brow furrowing.

"No, no, they're fine now, just a bit tingly, not toasty," Filius replied. "Your conjured slime is becoming much more . . . more slimy, too! Very slippery and disgusting."

"None of that does me any good if I'm rolling around on the ground laughing like a crazed hyena," Severus grumped.

"Your spells are also getting through my Protego better...and that's with me using my wand! That's really something!"

"I suppose."

"You know . . . do you remember the duel I mentioned to you, the one between Albus and Malcolm McGonagall?"

"I remember you said something about it being exciting. And you mentioned a dragon."

"After lunch, come up to Ravenclaw Tower. I'll borrow Albus's Pensieve, we'll have a nice cup of tea together, and I'll let you see my memory of the duel. You'll enjoy that...and you might learn something about Albus's duelling style."

"That was a long time ago," Severus said. "His style's probably changed."

"But his basic personality hasn't," Filius said. "You can see how he reacts, what kinds of spells he prefers, how he moves...though he does move a little bit more slowly these days, I suppose."

"He was also using his wand, I presume."

"Yes, of course. As did Malcolm."

"I suppose it might be interesting to watch," Severus said with a sigh, "and possibly instructive."

"That's the spirit!" Filius said as excitedly as if Severus had leapt upon the idea with enthusiasm.

"You're sure your soles are all right?" Severus asked as they reached the front doors.

"Oh, yes! A little soak in some Epsom salts, and I'll be dancing again!" Filius said cheerily.

"Perhaps a potion..."

"Really, they're fine. Thank you, though!" Filius started up the main staircase, then stopped and turned, calling after Severus. "You might want to have Madam Pomfrey take a look at your back before you return to your rooms, however, Professor."

Severus looked up at Filius for a moment, then a smile flickered across his face. He nodded, and he joined Filius on the stairs. A visit to Poppy would be just the thing, even if it was his ego that needed soothing, and not his back.

"Thanks, Poppy," Severus said, rolling over onto his back. He smiled up at her as she sent the bottle of massage oil sailing over to her dresser. "Join me?"

"Well . . ." Poppy didn't hesitate long. She toed off her shoes and lay down on the bed beside him, then rolled onto her side, one arm around him. She kissed his bare shoulder.

Severus slipped his arm under her and pulled her closer, nuzzling her hair. "You always smell nice," he said, kissing her forehead lightly.

"It's probably the massage oil," Poppy said.

"No, it's you," Severus replied, putting his other arm around her. He kissed her again. "And it's not your soap, or your lotion, or your shampoo, either."

Poppy laughed. "All right." She gave him a squeeze. "I will have to speak with Filius, though. I still think he's being too rough with you."

Severus shook his head. "No, I told you, I'm trying some new defensive spells, that's all. He's just giving me a good work-out. Believe me, if I wanted, I could do far more damage to him than he's done to me...and I'm sure that if he hit me with a real hex, he'd have done more than just bruise my back a bit, or my ego."

"Real hex? What did he hit you with, if not a hex?"

Severus felt a blush creep over his cheeks. He cleared his throat slightly. "Rictusempra," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Rictusempra."

Poppy raised herself up on one elbow and looked down at him, bemusement on her face. "He tickled you?"

"It was a very strong Rictusempra. I fell over." Severus twitched a one-sided smile. "Into the mud. But I got him with my new gloop jinx, so we were even."

"Gloop?"

"Gooey slime. My dad used to call slimy stuff gloop. He'd clean it from the drains. I'd hold the bucket for him. I was about four."

Poppy grinned as she lay back down beside him. "So you named a spell for your dad."

"Mm."

"You never talk about your family."

"They're dead," Severus said. "No news from the dead."

"What was he like, your dad?"

Severus thought a moment, his eyes closed. "When I was small, I thought he was a tall man, but he wasn't very. Maybe five-ten or -eleven. Very strong, though. Slim, dark-haired, dark-eyed...not as dark-eyed as my mother, though. He loved music. He had a stereo . . . must be in the attic somewhere. Mum put his things away after he left us. He was a photographer. An amateur photographer. I used to watch him develop the photos in his darkroom. It was his magic, I thought, and . . ." Severus shrugged.

"You were close to your dad?"

"When I was very young, I suppose so, the way boys are. Looking up to their old man. But things between him and my mother weren't good. My grandfather probably played a role in that, though I was too young to know what it was. They always would fight after one of my grandfather's visits. Other times, too. The last year was the worst, the last year Dad was there, even though they didn't even fight as much. They barely spoke. It was as though . . . as though my dad was hiding inside himself. He began vanishing from our lives even before he left us."

"I'm sorry, Sev," Poppy said softly.

Severus shrugged. "It's a bit cool in here." He looked over at her and stroked her arm. "I could put my shirt on, or you could get out of this dress and crawl into bed with me."

Poppy responded by kissing his lips as her hands made their way to the front of his trousers. Her fingers made quick work of his buttons, and Severus lifted his hips for her to push his trousers down. She sat up, then stood and quickly took off her robe, leaving her only in her knickers and a light camisole. Severus removed his trousers and tossed them toward the dressing table bench, where his other garments were neatly folded, then he reached for Poppy and pulled her down into a kiss.

Still kissing and caressing each other, they crawled under the covers, pushing them down then drawing them back up.

"Mmm, Poppy . . ." Severus rolled them over together, and he came to rest on top of her. He kissed her once more, then raised his head to look down into her eyes. "I was wondering . . ."

"Yes?"

"I was thinking the other day . . . you're going on that holiday . . . you may not want to do very much else after that, but . . . I was thinking that we might do something, just the two of us. Go somewhere. For just a day or two."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Severus." Poppy gave him a squeeze. "Did you have anything in mind?"

"No . . . McGonagall's still working on the house at Spinner's End, so that's not an option, but I'd also thought you might like a real holiday somewhere. I don't know what you might enjoy, but something away from Hogwarts."

"There is that little problem of the madman running around attacking people," Poppy said. "I don't know as we should go anywhere where you might be an easy target, but perhaps something Muggle? Or somewhere that's a bit isolated and out-of-the-way?"

Severus nodded, rolling off of her but still keeping his arms around her. "I'd prefer that, anyway. And we wouldn't have to go far...just somewhere other than the school."

"You deserve a break from the place, too," Poppy agreed. "We should see if we can find some little Muggle hotel or inn, or whatever. A bed and breakfast, perhaps."

"Is there anywhere you'd like to go? London? There are things to do in London." He didn't particularly want to do any of them, but he didn't want Poppy bored and thinking that he was no fun to be with.

She shrugged. "I think something a bit more out-of-the-way would be more our cup of tea, don't you?"

"It would be more relaxing," Severus said, happy she wasn't set on a Muggle sight-seeing trip to London.

"Do you enjoy hillwalking?" Poppy asked tentatively.

"I haven't really done any, but I think I'd enjoy it with you," Severus said, remembering that Minerva had mentioned that Poppy was fond of hillwalking. "I'd still like to get away from the castle, though."

"Of course," Poppy said with a nod. "That goes without saying. You know . . . I have an idea of a place we might stay, but I need to check on it. If that doesn't pan out, we can look for something else, like a B and B, but somewhere away from school where we can have a real holiday, even if it's just for a few days."

Severus felt himself smiling, and he let out a contented sigh.

"When were you thinking of?" Poppy asked.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead." He hadn't wanted to get his hopes up and then have them dashed if Poppy hadn't wanted to go anywhere with him. "Sometime before the training, clearly."

"Next weekend? I'll be back on Thursday. We could take a long weekend, leave Friday, come back Sunday night or Monday morning? I can just get the same locum to be on-call for me from St. Giles, I think."

Severus's smile grew. "Yes. I will inform the Headmistress of our mutual absence from the castle."

"I can do that," Poppy said. "I need to speak with her, anyway...or whichever of us sees her first can tell her."

"I'd just as soon Dumbledore didn't know, though," Severus said.

"I'll avoid mentioning it if he's present. He is bound to notice we're both gone, though, and short of our sneaking away under cover of Disillusionment, some people might notice when we leave together. Of course, if you'd rather do that and not have anyone know we left together, we could probably make some kind of arrangements to leave separately."

"We can talk about it later," Severus said. He stretched slightly, then relaxed and rolled toward Poppy. "Thanks again for the massage, Poppy. I didn't really need it...not from the duel, anyway...but it felt wonderful."

"You're welcome." She caressed his face and ran her fingertips over his jawline. "I'm always happy to give you a massage, whether for Healing purposes or just for pleasure, you know that. I'm glad, though, when they're just for pleasure."

"I am, too . . . you know . . . I think that one of the first moments I had when I realised that you were really someone special to me...or could have realised it if I'd not been so preoccupied by so many other things...was when you gave me that massage last spring. After the business with Azkaban and the raid on the Malfoy manor. That massage, and then your offer to be Obliviated, it meant a lot to me, even then."

"I was very worried about you. I tried not to let it show, but it hurt even then to see you in such pain, both your physical pain and mental anguish. I just wanted to do whatever I could to ease it for you, at least a little."

"You did. You gave me one more good thing to hold on to, and I felt . . . I really felt that you were a friend. That . . . that you cared about me. And that it was more than just because you're the school matron and you were paid to care." Severus blushed and looked away. "Of course, you were just treating me, I suppose now. But it meant something to me at the time."

"Of course I was treating you, Sev. But you're right: it wasn't simply because I am a mediwitch whose professional obligation it is to take care of those who are sick, injured, or in pain. As I just said, it hurt me to see you in pain like that, and I did care about you not just as the school matron, but also as a friend. I was glad that you accepted the massage and that you allowed yourself to . . . to relax and let go as much as you did. I thought it was healthy for you to let some of that stress out of your body the way that you did."

"You mean when I bawled like a baby?" Severus asked with a slight snort. "I could hardly help it. But . . . I did feel safe with you, even then, and you were perfect, completely perfect." He touched her cheek tenderly. "I am glad I lived to be here with you, to realise how wonderful you are, how wonderful you always have been." He kissed her lips softly.

"I don't know as I was perfect, then or ever," Poppy whispered, "but I know that my heart was in my fingers then, and I wanted you to feel safe and cared for, genuinely safe, genuinely cared for. I hoped it would bring you just some little measure of relief."

"It did. I know it strengthened me. I felt the better for it." He caressed her from her cheek down her arm, his hand coming to rest at her hip. "I haven't much practice at massage, but if you'd like one, now or some other time, I'd enjoy giving you a massage, as well."

"I would like that," Poppy said. She grinned. "On our holiday. I'll give you a lot of practice."

Severus sobered slightly, remembering her other holiday and the massages available at the resort. "Are you going to have a massage over your holiday?"

"I don't know...I thought I might." Poppy shrugged. "I'm sure I will still be very happy to provide you with some practice, though. Very, very happy."

Severus swallowed, trying to will away the nasty, confused feelings rising in him. He had just been feeling well and happy. He closed his eyes. Poppy's lips touched his, then withdrew.

"Is something the matter, Sev?"

He struggled with how to respond. She'd said it was important to be open with her when something bothered him, but he didn't want her to see how very petty, possessive, and jealous he could be. He opened his eyes and saw Poppy's blue-grey ones looking back at him. He smiled slightly.

"Not really. I was just hoping that you weren't going to have one of those massages that they have at the resort which Gareth was describing to me the other day. They sounded rather intimate..."

Poppy smiled and gave a little laugh. "That would be more his sort of thing, I'd think, although I really don't know. You're the only one who I want to have touch me that intimately." She leaned forward again and kissed him. "They do have some very good, well-trained massage therapists at the resort, though, and I was thinking that a nice deep-tissue massage with some heat, perhaps with some vibrating Charmed crystals, would be welcome."

"I'm sure it would be." He shook his head. "I have to admit that I'm still jealous of the time you'll be spending away, enjoying yourself without me, but at the same time, I do want you to have a good time. I know it's strange. I'm sorry."

Poppy shook her head. "I am glad you'll miss me, at least a little. I'd not want to think you wouldn't even notice I'm gone, after all. It is unfortunate timing...I even feel that it is...that I'll be away just as we're . . . we're getting to know each other like this, and before we get to go away together, too. But I'm going to look forward to our holiday alone together even more for our being apart beforehand. I hope you'll find some things to do while I'm away, and have a good time, yourself."

"About that . . . I've made some plans to get together with McGonagall...Gareth...sometime early next week. His cousin Morgana's coming to visit and he thought we might all go out."

"Oh, Morgana? I haven't seen her in years. Will she be here long?"

"I think McGonagall said a month, consulting at the Ministry. She's spending time at various relatives' while she's here."

"Please give her my best," Poppy said. "Tell her I hope to be able to see her. Perhaps she could drop by the castle at some point, catch up with all of us."

"You don't mind?"

"Mind what? You mean your seeing Gareth and his cousin? Of course not."

Severus nodded. "Gareth may have a date for the evening."

"That's good...the witch you mentioned before?"

Severus shook his head. "That didn't work out. Gwen Burns, if she accepts his invitation."

"Ah."

"Ah?"

Poppy shrugged.

"You don't like her?"

"Oh, I do."

"What, then?"

"Did Gareth say anything about her?"

"That they'd dated once, but that she'd married Polyphemus Melliflua and was now divorced from him."

Poppy was quiet for a moment. "He didn't say anything more?" When Severus furrowed his brow and shook his head, she said, "Well, I hope you have a good time with them."

"You have to tell me what you think Gareth should have said about her," Severus said. "Is there something wrong with her?"

"No, of course there isn't. I don't like to gossip . . . I'm just surprised that Gwen would see him again, that's all, although it has been a while. I suppose I'm not surprised that Gareth didn't say anything more. He has a Ravenclaw's memory: sharp, but easily abstracted from the personal aspects of events, as sensitive to others as he generally is."

Severus raised up on one elbow and rested his head in his hand. "Okay, spill, Poppy. What 'personal aspects of events'?"

"As I say, I'm surprised to hear she's seeing him again. I understand that Gwen was quite serious about him, and he wasn't at all serious about her, just wanted to date her casually, and she found out about it by discovering that he was, er, seeing, um, someone else in addition to her. I always thought she'd married Melliflua in response to their break-up. She was pretty devastated."

"McGonagall was seeing two people at the same time?" Severus asked. "That doesn't sound like him. He's said to me that you can't date someone, date them seriously, and see other people. He's flirtatious and so forth, but I can't see him cheating on someone. He doesn't seem the type."

"He isn't, and this was a long time ago, relatively speaking. They were both quite young, though she is older than he. I don't think that Gareth had any idea that she was more serious about him than he was about her. He was surprised, I think, when she broke up with him over it. I doubt he was happy about it, or that he didn't care that he hurt her, but he was young...it was during his apprenticeship, I think...and he wasn't thinking of anything serious. She apparently had fallen for him harder than he'd realised."

"It sounds like a mistake for him to try to date her again," Severus said, a frown on his face.

Poppy shrugged. "They're both adults. Gwen's a Ravenclaw, as well...she's likely put the entire incident into some kind of perspective that tidies it up nicely for her. Probably sees it as a lesson from her youth or something."

"Who was he seeing?" Severus asked.

Poppy hesitated. "You should probably speak to Gareth about it if you're curious . . ."

Severus shrugged. "I'm sure he'd say, but I am curious."

"I don't know how well you know Gareth . . . that is, I know that you're friends, and I've been very glad to see the two of you get on so well together, but you haven't known him long."

"I would say he is one of the best friends I've ever had," Severus said simply. "I was surprised by that, but it's so. I think I know him relatively well. I wouldn't let him live in my house if I weren't comfortable with him."

"Men can be funny about things sometimes," Poppy said slowly. "I just wouldn't want to say something that would cause you to feel differently about him."

"If there's something that could cause me to feel differently about him, then I should know it," Severus said. "And I doubt that the object of his affair over a decade ago would be anything that could come between us. After all, it wasn't you, and that's all I care about."

"He was seeing Devlin Tyree."

"A cousin?"

"Distant cousin. There are a lot of Tyrees," Poppy said.

"I don't know him," Severus said, shaking his head.

"He's an island Tyree, so he didn't attend Hogwarts," Poppy replied. Taking in Severus's reaction, she asked, "You're not surprised?"

"I don't know the wizard, so I'm not sure why I should be surprised. Is he ugly or miserable?"

"No, not at all. I just wasn't sure whether you knew...or would mind...that Gareth isn't averse to affairs with other wizards."

"I was surprised when I first learned of it," Severus said, "since I'd seen him flirting with witches, but it's who he is. He's mentioned a few of his lovers...wizards, I mean...but never Devlin Tyree."

"When I first heard about it...this particular incident...I thought that perhaps he was gay and just discovering it or coming out of the closet or whatever," Poppy said, "but he seems to have had affairs with both wizards and witches since then."

"He does. I think he's more interested in having relationships with women, though." Severus shrugged. "I can't say I understand it completely, but he's a very . . . physical man. Sensual."

Poppy nodded in agreement. "His father always came across that way, too. He was very athletic, very attractive. I'm glad that you and Gareth have become such good friends and can be open with each other like that."

Severus was quiet for a moment, then he said, "You remember that I mentioned that he knows that you and I are seeing each other."

"Yes, of course."

"I actually . . . the spell I use, the Apsterrere, it's something I got from him. I'd asked him if he knew any good spells. He, um, shared that one with me."

"That was . . . good of him. Generous," Poppy said slowly. "It's quite an esoteric spell."

"And difficult to learn," Severus said. "Not for you, since you're a mediwitch, I suppose. But even for me, it wasn't easy." Severus swallowed. He trusted Poppy, he reminded himself, and he didn't want to have to hide something like this from her. If he didn't tell her about it now, he would always feel as though he had placed a lie between them. "And that was even though McGonagall had already demonstrated it for me." He watched her face.

"Demonstrated it? As in..."

"As in, taught it to me. Personally." Severus cleared his throat. "Performed it on me." He felt his cheeks warming.

Poppy blinked. Her lips parted, as if she were about to say something, but nothing came out.

Severus waited a few moments. "Would you say something? Anything, just . . . I thought I should tell you. Is it something I should have kept to myself?" he asked miserably. He was terrible at relationships.

"No, no, not at all, not from me. Um, I'm just, I'm just, I'm trying to have it sink it. I assume you mean that you and he, the two of you, that you were intimate, not just that he, um, cast it on you and that was all."

"Yes." Severus swallowed. "But it wasn't just . . . It was only . . . It wasn't the first time we'd been together that way, but . . . we didn't have an affair or anything of the sort. We're just friends. And that was the last time we were, you know, together in any, um, physically intimate way." Severus thought this conversation was the worst one he'd ever had in his life. Whatever had possessed him to inform Poppy that he and Gareth had had sex, he couldn't remember it with the buzzing embarrassment in his brain blocking out all other thought.

"I have to admit that I'm very surprised," Poppy said, finding her voice. "I wouldn't have thought you would ever want to be with a wizard sexually, particularly with what you've told me about your disturbing sexual experiences when you were a young man. And you seem very . . . very heterosexual to me. The way you are with me in bed, I mean."

"I am. Completely. I'm not even attracted to McGonagall. He's the only wizard I'd ever been with that way, and the only one I ever would be."

"You aren't attracted to him? Then why . . . He didn't . . . I mean, I know that he's well-intentioned, and a good man, very caring and affectionate, and you, um, . . . you are an adult, and a very capable wizard, but were you, that is, I assume you fully consented?"

"Of course!" Severus felt his heart pounding in his chest. "I asked him."

"I'm afraid I really don't understand, Sev. But if you were with him that way, that's fine, and I'm glad that you felt you could tell me about it." She looked distracted, though, even as she tried to reassure him.

"You're concerned, though, I see that," Severus said. "It wasn't anything sordid. It didn't feel that way, though it wasn't what I'd expected . . ." He sighed. "I wish I could explain more, but I'm afraid of what you might think. I don't know how I expected you to react. This was an ill-considered conversation." He rolled over onto his back.

"You can explain as much or as little as you like, Severus," Poppy said, putting her arm all the way across him. "But if I can ask one question . . ."

"Of course."

"You said that the last time you were together was when he was teaching you that spell."

Severus nodded.

"Have you wanted to be with him since? Since we've been together again?"

"I only want to be with you, Poppy, and as I said, I wasn't really physically attracted to him in the first place. Gareth knows that, too, that I am serious about you, that it's not just a fling for me." Severus looked at her and twitched a smile. "I think he knew that before I even did. But he had already said, even before you and I became more serious, that if I were to begin a relationship with someone, whoever it was, he couldn't be having sex with me, even though we were just . . . just casual. It wasn't as though we were having an affair. McGonagall and I, I mean. And when I stayed over at his place the other night, I was in the guest room. Alone."

"When did it start?" Poppy asked.

Severus let out a chuff of frustration. "It didn't 'start,' Poppy. Not the way that sounds, anyway. It was something that just happened a few times. The first time was a couple days before I flirted with you. He made me feel . . . I felt more secure. I felt that I wasn't completely unattractive. I never would have had the nerve to have flirted with you otherwise. We actually did something sexual together only a handful of times, and had real relations even fewer than that."

"I see . . . so while you and I were . . . having our fling, you were having one with him . . ."

"I didn't see it that way at all. It didn't feel the same." Oh, gods, was he going to lose Poppy over this? "It wasn't even a fling. It was just . . . what it was."

"He made you feel good about yourself?" Poppy asked.

Severus nodded. "Not the way you do, but . . . yes."

"That's good." Poppy looked as though she wanted to ask more, but either didn't know what to ask or didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"Gareth didn't set out to seduce me or something. But he wanted me to . . . to be more receptive to others, to let myself feel more." Severus swallowed, remembering Gareth's tender massage. "He said he wanted to open me up. But that first day, the first time he touched me intimately, it wasn't about sex. He was just . . . physical and affectionate, but not sexual. Not very, anyway. It was after that that I asked him for more. I just . . . I felt needy, Poppy, and as far as I knew then, he might be the only one ever to want to touch me that way. And McGonagall was willing...not that he was only willing. He really does care about me, as incredible as that still seems to me sometimes. We're friends. I don't know if I even really comprehended that we were friends until that day. I don't want to try to tell you that what happened between us was meaningless or that it was nothing, because he was very generous to me, and his friendship is important, so I don't want to minimise that, but it was only . . . it was a kind of phase in our friendship."

Poppy nodded. "I can see that." She gave him a hug and rested her head on his chest. "I'm glad you have friends who love you, and that you let them love you, Sev." She paused a moment. "Not that I want you to let them love you too much, if you know what I mean. You're not the only one who can become jealous, after all."

"You're jealous?"

"No. I'm still a little confused, and . . . I suppose I'm disappointed that he had sex with you before I did, but I'm not jealous exactly. On the other hand, if you were to have sex with others now...as I've said before, I don't expect you to be sexually exclusive with me, not at this point in our relationship...but if you aren't, I don't want to know about it, and if you decide you want to . . . to have an affair of some sort with someone else, I . . . I don't want you to break up with me, but if you are going to have a relationship with someone else, it has to be after we aren't together. Not that I could stop you from doing whatever you wish, but I'd hope..."

"Shh, shh," Severus whispered, placing a finger over Poppy's mouth. "I have said it repeatedly, and I'll say it again, very clearly, so please remember this and believe me: I do not want to have sex with anyone else. I will not have sex with anyone else while we're together. And I certainly wouldn't have an affair like that. I promise you."

Poppy raised her head and looked down into his face. "I'm glad. I just . . . I still have some confused feelings about us, and I worry, and I'm a little afraid...afraid of being hurt. But not so much that I don't think it's not worth seeing what we have together, and our relationship has become very important to me. I'm glad it is to you, too." She glanced across the room and saw the clock. "We're missing lunch. I hadn't realised it was this late."

"Ohhh," Severus groaned. "I told Flitwick I'd join him in his rooms after lunch. He's borrowing Dumbledore's Pensieve and is going to show me his memory of Dumbledore and Malcolm McGonagall's duel."

"Well, then, we had better get going, and we can talk more later, if you like," Poppy said, sitting up and Summoning her robe. "You also need to eat after all that exercise this morning...and you definitely don't want to miss seeing the duel. It was quite hair-raising at the time, but exciting in retrospect. Malcolm had a grand time, and Albus, too. They were like two little boys together, Minerva and Gertrude used to say. In fact, one day you'll have to ask Gertrude or Minerva about the time they put the two wizards in detention," Poppy said with a grin. "But don't do it within Albus's hearing!"

Severus had pulled on his trousers and was slipping his arms into his shirtsleeves. "Detention?" He smiled. "I will definitely ask about that."

"Those were some grand days back then, Sev...and there are more ahead for us!"

Severus, tucking his shirttails in, came around the bed and hugged her. "I hope so." He kissed her hair and held her tightly.

"I know so," Poppy replied firmly. "I am looking forward to our holiday next weekend! And all the other time we'll have together."

As they crossed the sitting room to leave for lunch, Severus reached out and took hold of Poppy's arm. "Poppy."

She stopped and looked up at him.

"What I told you about McGonagall, is everything all right? Between you and me?"

"Of course." When Severus hesitated, Poppy added, "It really is, Sev. Completely. I understand that things like that can sometimes happen between friends. It was just a surprise to me that it happened between you and Gareth. What's more important to me is what you and I have together."

"He thinks you're attractive, you know," Severus said as they reached the door.

Poppy's eyebrows rose. "Does he?"

"Mmhm. And, of course, he appreciates your intelligence and personality, as well. He thinks I'm a very lucky wizard." Severus stopped her and turned her toward him. "And he's right. When I am with you, I am the luckiest wizard in the world." He leaned forward and kissed her. "I wish we could hide away again today the way we did on Thursday, not go to lunch, skip Dumbledore's party, just stay here together." He sighed.

"That would be nice," Poppy agreed. "But just remember our own holiday. We'll have time to ourselves then."

"Promise me?"

"It's a promise," Poppy said, sealing her promise with a kiss.

Author's Note: You may enjoy the next chapter more if you have read (or re-read) the duel scene between Albus and Malcolm. I have reproduced it over on my WordPress blog (there's a link to my blog fics on my TPP Author's Page) as a one-shot story, "A Spree with Albus," or if you prefer, you may read it here in its original form as Chapter CXXXV: A Spree of Resolving a Misunderstanding. The stories on my blog can be found listed in the sidebar of any of my blog pages.