Chapter Thirty-Four: Uncertainty

Warning: Some slashiness ahead. The story is not becoming a Severus/Gareth romance, however. Sexually explicit language, het fantasy, homoerotic scenes, and somewhat fluffy slashiness.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Uncertainty

Sunday, 7 March 1999

Severus numbly led Gareth up the creaking, darkened staircase and into a bedroom that was cleaner and less run-down than the sitting room was, though it was scantily furnished. He turned on the bedside lamp. It did appear that the bed linens were fresh. Standing behind him, Gareth removed Severus's jacket and waistcoat, sending them to drape over a wooden chair. He pushed his braces down next, then untucked his shirt. He embraced Severus from behind, running his hands over his chest and stomach, resting his cheek on his shoulder. His hands moved lower, and he began to unbutton his trousers. Severus stood straight and unmoving.

Gareth pushed down Severus's trousers, then, still embracing him from behind, he caressed his abdomen with one hand and his left thigh with the other. His hands moved to Severus's hips, and Severus's breath hitched as they converged on his partially erect penis, touching it through his pants. Gareth took hold of the waistband of his pants and then pulled it out and down, coming to his knees behind Severus as he shoved the pants down around his ankles. He rose up on his knees, lifted Severus's shirt, and nuzzled his buttocks.

Severus shut his eyes more tightly and clenched his fists, but he did not move away or ask Gareth to stop.

Gareth stood and steered Severus, hobbled by his pants and trousers, toward the bed. Severus grimaced as he felt Gareth's hands on his back, urging him to bend over and rest his upper body on the bed. Severus folded his hands above his head and felt Gareth removing his boots, socks, trousers, and pants. He felt Gareth sit down on the bed next to him, and he turned his head, opening his eyes and looking at him. He had removed his sporran and jacket and was now taking off his own shoes and socks, first removing a short dagger in its sheath from where it was tucked into the top of his left sock, beneath a garter. Severus watched him place the knife into his boot.

"That's a knife," Severus said, staring.

"It is a dagger. My sgian dubh." Gareth looked over at Severus. "You don't think that I'd bother to carry a decorative item around with me, do you?"

"I thought you were right-handed."

"Right-handed by nature, ambidextrous by choice and some effort. My dad was ambidextrous, could use his wand in either hand. It came naturally to him. After my mum lost her wand arm, I began to use my left hand a lot. I didn't even realise I was doing it at first, but then I decided to work on it. I can use my wand almost as easily with my left hand as my right, and most other things, too, even write. But," Gareth said, reaching over and running his hand over Severus's back down to his buttocks, "that is not why I carry the sgian dubh on my left. If I am using my wand in my right hand, I don't have to switch hands."

Severus nodded. That would have been obvious to him if he hadn't been distracted. "You used it during the final battle." There were stories about how wildly and ruthlessly Gareth had fought; he appeared to have no compunction about killing a Death Eater. Severus believed the stories. He also believed the other stories, the ones that said that Gareth had kept others from killing Death Eaters who were already immobilised and that he had treated the half-dead Malfoy with gentleness and concern.

"Mmhm. It's charmed so that I can throw it and it returns to me...handle first, of course," Gareth said with a grin, moving his hand beneath Severus's shirt and squeezing his buttocks.

Severus closed his eyes. He could have had a dagger in the heart or in the back. Instead, he was bent prone on the bed of his childhood home, his arse exposed to another man. The thought flitted through his mind that perhaps death would have been better.

Gareth slipped off the bed and knelt behind him. Goosebumps travelled over Severus's body as he felt Gareth's feather-light kisses to the backs of his thighs and his hands gently brushing over the sparse hair on his legs. Gareth's lips moved from his thighs to his buttocks, and Severus let out a shuddering sigh.

He felt the younger wizard kiss and nuzzle his buttocks, his breath, warm from his parted lips. Gareth sucked and lightly bit him, and Severus gasped.

"Move up further on the bed and roll over onto your back," Gareth said softly.

Severus pulled himself fully onto the bed and lay back with his head on the thin pillow, placing his hands above his head. He watched as Gareth's gaze travelled over his body, stopping at his erection. Unlike the day before, when Severus had not wanted Gareth to notice his erection, now he wanted him to see it, and what else he wanted . . . he was not sure. He knew that he had a nice long cock. He had seen Bella's other lovers, and that much, at least, he was not unsure of. It was one of his attributes that she had liked, and when he was younger and used to pay prostitutes for a blow-job, some of them had had a hard time taking him all in. He had returned to the ones that could swallow around the head of his cock and take him into their throats.

Gareth sat beside him on the bed and began to run one hand over his chest then down his abdomen and back up. He bent toward him, lips parted, and as he began to tease one of Severus's nipples with his fingertips, he took the other one between his lips and flicked his tongue over it. Severus closed his eyes and bunched the pillow in his fists. His cock was heavy and needy, and it was all he could do to keep himself from taking it in his hand and masturbating.

Gareth stretched out beside Severus and placed his hand at the side of Severus's jaw, turning his face toward him. He kissed his closed eyelids, then his cheeks, then his jaw. He hovered above Severus's mouth, his breath coming between parted lips to touch his lips.

Severus opened his eyes and Gareth kissed him lightly on the chin.

"This isn't a massage," Gareth whispered.

Severus blinked.

"Would you like a massage, Snape?" Gareth said softly, his mouth so close to Severus's own that he could have licked the other wizard's lips.

Severus swallowed, then he whispered, "Yes."

"Do you want to roll over onto your stomach?" Gareth asked, his hand tracing patterns over Severus's lower abdomen. "I rather like this myself." He turned his head to look down Snape's body. "I like the view it affords."

Severus knew that his racing pulse was evident, and his erection certainly was. "This is fine," he said, feeling as though his mouth was parched.

"Good." Gareth closed his eyes and kissed Severus's lips.

Gareth pushed up with one arm then brought one leg over Snape as he rose up to a kneeling position, straddling Severus. He moved down the bed so that he was straddling Severus's legs, his eyes fixing on Severus's cock. He leaned forward and began to stroke his hands down over Severus's chest again, massaging it lightly. Severus closed his eyes again, trying not to think about the fact that the last person to kiss his lips and to touch his cock had been Minerva, Gareth's aunt.

"I would like to massage you," Gareth said. "I like touching you, Snape." He drew his hands down to Severus's hips and began to gently rub him, the edge of his left hand grazing his cock as he did so.

Severus took a gasping breath and felt Gareth's hands come closer to his erection. When Gareth's right hand first rested against his cock and then grasped it, he only gasped and clutched at the sheet.

"Is this what you want?" Gareth asked softly as he squeezed his cock. "Or do you want more? I think you want more."

Gareth rose up on his knees and placed his left hand at Severus's side, then he lowered himself along Severus's length, and Severus felt his weight on him, then his lips on his. Gareth kissed him softly several times, each kiss more sensual than the last, then he parted Severus's lips with his own and his tongue sought Severus's. Severus cooperated as Gareth drew his tongue into his own mouth, sucking gently. As he sucked it, his hand squeezed Severus's cock. Severus moaned.

Gareth sat back, looking down at Severus and at Severus's cock in his hand.

Severus pushed up against his hand.

"Oh, gods, I want . . . I want . . ." Severus moaned.

Gareth let go of him, and Severus opened his eyes to see Gareth rise up on his knees. Gareth reached out and took hold of one of his arms, which were still above his head. Gazing at Severus's face, watching his reaction, he lifted his kilt with one hand and brought Severus's hand beneath it with his other. Severus did not pull away, though he breathed harder and his pulse raced as Gareth moved Severus's hand up under his kilt toward his cock.

"You wanted to know if touching you aroused me," Gareth whispered. "Feel this, and you tell me."

Severus swallowed as his fingers touched the other wizard's erection. Gareth let go of his wrist, but Severus did not move his hand away. He touched him tentatively, watching Gareth's chest move with his breath. Gareth, still watching Severus's face, unbuckled first one side of his kilt then the other, letting it fall away. Severus dropped his hand and looked at Gareth's full erection. There was no doubt that the wizard was aroused. And he looked enormous, long and thick, the head of his cock darker where his foreskin had pulled back and exposed it. Severus swallowed, nervous and apprehensive.

Severus watched as Gareth tugged at the laces of his shirt. His cuffs had buttons, and he unbuttoned them quickly, then pulled his shirt off over his head. Severus looked at him, kneeling on either side of his thighs, naked, his erection large and dark, and he thought that this had been the worst idea he had had in a long time. He closed his eyes to the sight. Gareth knew what he was doing, and he did not. He had wanted Gareth attracted to him, but he had not thought beyond that. He had wanted Gareth to seduce him, and if his twitching cock and racing heart were any evidence of it, he was being seduced. What would Gareth want from him? What would he do to him? If he said stop, would Gareth stop? Or would he, like Bella, simply continue, frenzied, until he was sated?

Severus felt Gareth's fingertips on his chest again. They were tracing some fine, silvery old scars.

"What are these from?" Gareth asked.

"A werewolf. Claws, not teeth, obviously."

"I'm impressed."

"Impressed?"

"That you were facing it. Facing a werewolf is no easy thing. Very brave," Gareth said. "Not that I have, but I've heard stories."

"I lacked the room to turn around easily," Severus said.

"How did you get away? Did you kill it?"

Severus shook his head shortly. "I am surprised you haven't heard about this, with everything else that you were told about me." He opened his eyes. "It was Lupin. When we were at school. Only I didn't know he was a werewolf. Potter pulled me back." Severus closed his eyes again.

"That's awful. Good thing Potter was there."

Severus grunted. He could feel his erection fading. He might now have an adult's understanding of why Dumbledore did what he did, and he might be on better terms with Lupin, but none of that made it a pleasant memory or kept bitterness from seeping into his heart.

He felt Gareth lean over. He was kissing his chest, not randomly, but kissing his scars. He could feel Gareth's erection brushing his skin.

When he had kissed the last visible scar, Gareth kissed his way up Severus's chest to his throat, coming to lie flat on him. He pushed Severus's legs apart so that his were between them. Severus blocked out any thoughts from his mind and focussed on the sensation of lips on his skin. He turned his head, and Gareth kissed the side of his neck then brushed Severus's hair out of the way and took his earlobe between his lips. Severus felt him suck it, then he felt Gareth's tongue in his ear, moving in and out, and the younger wizard was rolling his hips, pressing himself rhythmically against his cock. Severus choked back a moan.

Gareth moved his lips to meet Severus's and began to kiss him. Severus felt him reach between them and guide their cocks together, their lengths rubbing against each other.

Severus gasped and pulled out of the kiss, grasping Gareth's upper arms. Gareth immediately stilled.

"Should I stop?"

"No, no, I need more, I need more," Severus said with a moan. He pressed up against Gareth.

Gareth traced the outline of his face with one finger, then he kissed him lightly before saying, "Trust me."

Severus felt Gareth's hand move between his legs, then he felt his finger at his anus, and he immediately stiffened.

Gareth brought his lips to Snape's ear and whispered, "Trust me, Severus. I think you'll like this. If you don't, I will stop."

"I don't want to be buggered," Severus said bluntly.

"No plans to do so," Gareth said. "I can understand that. I prefer this myself, too. Let me try it, and if you don't like it, I promise you I will stop."

Severus nodded.

Gareth's finger teased his anus. "Now just relax. And if you push back against my finger when I first enter, it will make it easier."

Severus swallowed and tried to relax. He felt Gareth's finger enter him. It was peculiar, but not uncomfortable. Gareth's finger slowly entered more deeply, then he felt him moving it around.

"Now I think you'll like this," Gareth said.

Severus held his breath, but then as Gareth began to rub and press against a spot inside of him, he gasped.

"Bring one hand down and help guide our cocks against each other," Gareth said as he began to move on top of Severus again.

Gareth raised himself up on one hand to look down at Severus. Severus opened his eyes and saw Gareth smiling down at him.

"Nice?" Gareth asked.

Severus nodded, but then he said, thrusting his hips up, "I need more, more."

Gareth removed his finger and whispered a cleaning charm, and Severus was worried for a moment that either he was going to bugger him or he had been offended. But it was neither.

Gareth lay flat on top of him and embraced him before rolling over onto his back and bending his legs.

"Your turn, Snape."

Severus lay on his side, raised up on one elbow, and looked at Gareth, then swallowed. "I don't know what you want me to do."

"Whatever you want to do," Gareth replied, reaching over and stroking Severus's cock.

"Anything?"

"Anything. I will tell you to stop if I don't want you to continue," Gareth said. "And whether you would prefer me on my back or bent over on my knees, either would be fine. You said you needed more."

Severus felt himself flush as he realised what Gareth was saying he could do.

"I've never done that with anyone before," he admitted. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Then it might be easiest for you if I am bent over in front of you. Just do it slowly at first, get the feel of it, and don't do it too hard. It's different from fucking, particularly in that position. I don't think you want to have me bleeding on you," Gareth said matter-of-factly.

Severus shook his head. He remembered watching with Bella when she had Rabastan bugger Barty Crouch. She liked to see blood, and Rabastan showed no restraint or any evidence that he cared whether he caused young Crouch any pain or injury when he fucked him. It had excited Bella, and she had ridden his own cock hard, putting a spell on it so that he couldn't come and his cock would stay erect for her pleasure. It had been painful.

Severus felt his erection flag at the memory. Was he doing this because he was as sick and perverted as they had been? But then he saw Gareth's face, and he remembered the warmth he felt from him. It didn't feel perverse. And Gareth was concerned about his pleasure.

"Are you sure?" Severus asked, thinking of what Gareth had said about preferring a finger himself. "I got the impression that you don't like it."

"I admit that I prefer digital stimulation, and I also prefer to be the one, um, penetrating," Gareth said. "But it's not as though I haven't done this before, and if you aren't rough, I will enjoy it enough."

Severus shook his head. "No, when you were touching me, I was very aroused," he whispered, "and I would have liked to have been inside of . . . of someone, but I don't want to do that. Not enough to do it if you aren't eager for me to." He felt himself blush realising that he had just implied that he wanted to bugger him.

Gareth's hand wandered down to Severus's cock and his fingers began to stroke it languidly. Gareth licked his lips and looked into Severus's eyes. "You could make me eager, Snape," he whispered. "Or I could make you more eager."

He had wanted to be seduced, but now he was being offered choices, and more than just the choice to say "stop." He did not want to make a choice. Severus closed his eyes. He wanted sex. He wanted to feel someone with him, enjoying him, and he wanted to feel pleasure himself, he wanted to fuck and come. The image he had created the night before of him sliding his cock into Hermione's pussy came to him again. He could feel Gareth's hand teasing his erection.

Gareth rolled over and pushed him back onto his back. He kissed Severus as he began to stroke his cock and guided his own to rub against it. Severus bent his knees so that Gareth was held between his legs.

Gareth broke his kiss with a gasp. "Do you want to come, Snape?"

Severus nodded. "But I don't know if I can."

Gareth grinned. "Oh, I am very sure you can."

Severus felt Gareth slide down his body, then he felt him kiss the head of his cock. He breathed in sharply, and when Gareth's hand began to move lower on his erection and Gareth's tongue emerged to circle the head of his penis, Severus said, "No, stop!"

Gareth looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

"Don't do that."

"Why not?" Gareth asked, puzzled.

Severus stared at him for a moment, then he said, "Because when I was younger, I used to go to prostitutes and pay them to do that. You are not a prostitute."

Gareth smiled. "I am very glad you feel that way...I would not want you to think of me as some variety of prostitute. But I still want to do that. I assure you, it won't be the same for either of us. And I do want you to come. A little oral sex is usually quite good for that."

"Why do you want to?" Severus found the idea of going down on any man's penis absolutely revolting.

"As I say, I want you to come, and I also care for you. It's not as though I would do this with just anyone, Snape, despite some people's notions of my sexuality and lack of discrimination." At Snape's questioning look, he added, "Some people think that I should settle down, and they also believe that I would have sex with anyone who walked into my bedroom, and that there's something peculiar about finding both men and women attractive."

"Well, that is peculiar," Severus said. He didn't care who other people slept with, and if some men found other men attractive, he simply didn't care, as long as no one was trying to force him to have sex. And, of course, there were some women who were lesbians. He could understand that much better. Women were very attractive, breasts, hips, thighs, pussy, everything, though he did sometimes wonder what they found to do with each other without a penis. Bella hadn't been interested in other women, except to watch them being fucked by men, so he hadn't seen anything like that. It was an intriguing thought, though. He shook himself. "What I mean is, most people do find the opposite sex attractive, and those who don't, are gay. Are you sure you're not gay?"

Gareth threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, my dear, sweet Severus!" He reached down and caressed his cheek fondly. "I assure you, I am not gay. I'm bisexual, I suppose, though I always think that's a strange term; reminds me too much of 'bifurcate,' and I don't distinguish my lovers that way or cut myself in two for them. But no, I'm not gay. I think I may even prefer having sex with women...and I'd say they're probably my affectional preference at least, if not sexually, as well."

"You think you prefer it with women?"

"I usually believe I prefer it, but then sometimes I am with a particularly stunning and talented male lover, and I think just the opposite." Gareth stretched out beside Severus, casually playing with Severus's cock. "I have a confession of my own. However screwed up you may think you are, we all have our weaknesses. Mine is that I find it difficult to be in any kind of long-term romantic relationship. I do think that I may eventually meet someone and fall in love and all that, but it hasn't happened yet. There have been a few times when I thought I might be falling in love, but something always happened...sometimes I even did something almost deliberately to break up the relationship...and so I have not yet 'settled down.' Uncle Albus used to bother me about that until the last few years...chastity, constancy, and moderation. He never mentions it anymore except occasionally to inquire about my social life, but he doesn't lecture or anything like that now. He's finally mellowing." Gareth laughed.

"And you like to, not to be crude, but you like to suck cocks?" Severus asked, his eyebrows raised. "The thought disgusts me, actually. Not having it done to me, or having other men doing it to each other, but the thought of doing it myself."

"I don't mind it, and with some men, I positively become aroused doing it. But not with all lovers. Sometimes, I just want sex. Just raw sex, my cock up their arse, as long as we're being frank and a little crude," Gareth said with a smile. He squeezed Severus's waning erection. "You have a very nice cock, and I also like you. Besides, with your usual high-buttoned collars and multiple layers of clothing, the thought of putting my mouth around your most private and sensitive asset is extremely arousing, and I hope you don't take that the wrong way."

"Really?" Severus found himself becoming more excited again.

"Mmhm, and if I were to have a fantasy about you, it would be about unbuttoning just your trousers, taking your cock out, and getting on my knees and licking and sucking you until you came."

Severus licked his lips and swallowed. "You would want to do that?"

"Very much."

"I want to get dressed, but not you," Severus said, pulling away and sitting up.

He dressed as Gareth watched, then he took his wand and cast a cooling charm on the front of his trousers. He waited a moment, then cast another. He looked over at Gareth and said, "I learned that's a more pleasant way of reducing an erection than using a deflating charm." Severus avoided thinking about the fact that it had been Minerva who had shown him that.

Gareth gave a crooked smile. "I take care of my inconvenient erections in a different way." He looked him up and down. "Button your jacket."

Severus was wearing a jacket with several buttons down the front, and it took him a moment. When he was through, Gareth got off the bed, knelt in front of Severus, parted the lower half of his jacket, then found the buttons of his trousers. He unbuttoned them, then he pulled on the waistband of his pants and drew them down as he pulled out Severus's partially erect penis with his other hand. He looked up at Severus, taking in his many layers of clothing, then he put his lips around the head of his cock, flicking his tongue over it. He kissed the tip and kissed it again before engulfing his penis with his mouth. The sensation was exquisite, warm and wet and just the right amount of pressure from his lips and tongue. He felt Gareth's teeth lightly scrape the base of his cock, then Gareth covered his teeth with his lips and drew up hard and fast along his entire length before flicking his slit with his tongue and then plunging back down again.

Severus looked down and watched the wizard at his cock, his curly chestnut head bobbing, and he wondered whether Hermione would want to do that, and he imagined that it was Hermione's curly head, Hermione with her mouth around him, excited by what she was doing, enjoying it. He wanted her to desire him, all of him.

He was now fully erect, and Gareth was pressing his tongue hard against his length as he licked him, then he took him into his mouth again, sucking, going down and taking him deep into his throat. Severus fought the urge to take hold of the wizard's head and guide him, pushing him down further, but he grabbed his shoulders instead. He moaned as Gareth swallowed around him and moved his head up and down.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, I'm going to come," Severus gasped.

He expected Gareth to pull off of him, but instead, the younger wizard took him entirely into his mouth and down into his throat and began to swallow. Severus moaned as he ejaculated, gripping Gareth harder and then putting his hand on his head to hold him in place. Finally, he sighed and relaxed and Gareth gently pulled off of him then sat back on his heels.

Severus sat down on the bed, tucking himself away and buttoning his trousers, and looked at Gareth's penis. It was as erect as it had been before. He gestured to Gareth to get up on the bed beside him, then wordlessly, he pushed him onto his back. He lay down on top of him and looked into his eyes as he reached between them and took Gareth's cock in his hand. He began to squeeze and stroke the way he liked it himself, then, remembering how it had felt to have Gareth's woolen kilt rubbing him the day before, he let go and began to press and rub himself against the younger wizard, his trousers providing friction.

Severus pushed Gareth's legs apart so that he would have better contact and leverage and held him down by one shoulder, then he reached between them, took a breath and prepared to do something he had never dreamed of doing. His finger sought Gareth's anus. The younger man bent his knees and pulled his legs back toward him. Severus slipped his finger inside more easily than he had thought possible. He began to move his finger, still rocking against Gareth's penis. He didn't know what he was looking for, but then he found a spot that made Gareth gasp, and he began to massage it as he pressed himself rhythmically against Gareth's cock.

"Oh, gods, Snape, yes, like that. Like that, just there," Gareth moaned, his eyes tightly shut.

Severus could feel his own erection growing again, and he paused, withdrew his finger, causing Gareth to moan at its absence. He uttered a quick cleaning charm, then he pushed back onto his knees and began to unbutton his trousers. He pulled his erection from his pants, then looked down at Gareth and his hard cock, a droplet of precum beading on its tip.

"Is that offer still open?" Severus asked softly.

Gareth, his breath coming in short, heavy gasps, looked at Severus's cock and nodded.

Severus lowered himself again, taking his own cock in his hand and guiding its head to Gareth's anus. He knew that there were lubricants one could use, and lubricating charms, but he had none of the first and couldn't think of any of the second, and so he simply pushed slowly and firmly against Gareth's anus.

As the head of his cock entered, Severus let out a long, low moan. Gareth seemed to be holding his breath, and Severus continued to slowly push his way into the other wizard's body. Gareth's anus was tight around his cock.

"Merlin, now I know why you like this," Severus said with a gasp.

He began to move, pumping slowly. He felt awkward and unbalanced, but remembering Gareth's erection, he sought it with one hand. He stroked it, but soon ceased trying to coordinate his movements. He put both hands on either side of Gareth and pumped, trying to stimulate Gareth's cock and balls with the movement of his torso. Hearing Gareth's throaty gasps, he closed his eyes and thought of his momentary fantasy in the park with Hermione, of pulling down her trousers, unbuttoning his own, and then just fucking her there, thrusting into her pussy. She would shout and writhe and tell him what a good lover he was, and she would beg him for more. He would fuck her and fuck her and she would come and tell him she loved him.

Severus shuddered as he came, stilling and lying on top of Gareth. A moment later, he felt his cock pushed out. He rolled off of Gareth. Opening his eyes briefly, he looked over at the younger wizard. His cock was relaxing, and he had come. Severus thought that he really should cast a cleaning charm on his clothes, but he just closed his eyes.

Finally, drawing some saliva into his mouth, Severus asked, "Was that all right?"

"A little rough there at the end, but yes, it was all right. Very all right." Gareth chuckled softly. "It didn't feel to me as though you didn't know what you were doing."

"I'm sorry if I was rough. I was very involved," Severus said. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't. It wasn't that rough." Gareth elbowed him so that he would turn his head and look at him. "And you made me come. You could have stopped after I swallowed you; I could have taken care of myself. That was very good."

"I still shouldn't have. I could have hurt you."

"You didn't. I actually did enjoy it, Severus," Gareth said, reaching over and caressing his face. "It felt good. It really did. That's why I came. It was only a little rough toward the end. I wouldn't have said anything, except that if you do it again sometime, you might want to know."

Severus turned his head back and closed his eyes. There wouldn't ever be a next time with anyone. If he were lucky, Hermione wouldn't break up with him before he'd had a chance to touch her breasts. He really wanted to touch her breasts. And suck them, putting his lips around her sweet nipples and suckling. Sliding into her pussy was the only thing he could think of that would be better than that.

Severus swallowed. He felt Gareth's hand on his chest, just resting there. He wanted to tell him to get his hand off of him, but after what they had just done together, he didn't think that would be right.

"How do you feel now?"

"I don't know." He didn't know. He felt sexually satisfied and physically tired, but he had a vague sense of unease that he didn't understand.

The two men lay there for a while, Gareth draping his kilt across himself. Severus again had the thought that he should clean his clothes, but he didn't move.

"Gareth?"

"Yes?"

"I feel odd."

"Odd how?"

"Slightly sick," Severus replied.

Gareth didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry. That probably sounded insulting to you," Severus said.

"A little, but mainly, I still don't really know how you feel."

"I think I feel guilty."

"I see. About what?"

"I feel like I used you. And I feel like I cheated on Hermione."

"You have had one date with her and you haven't slept together. I don't think you need to feel that way. Besides, this was different. It was not like you're starting to have an affair with me whilst telling Hermione you want to date her exclusively."

Severus didn't tell Gareth about the "third date." It sounded silly and juvenile. And Hermione had only said that to let him know that he could kiss her good-night and she wouldn't be offended. Still, what Gareth said made sense, and it wasn't as though he were with another woman. He was with a male friend and they just happened to have sex. That didn't sound any better to him.

"I still feel as though I used you."

"Did you? I don't know," Gareth replied ambivalently.

"Even bringing you here."

"Why did you bring me here?" Gareth asked.

"I wanted to make sure you hadn't told anyone what happened yesterday." Severus sighed. "And now this is worse than yesterday."

Gareth sat up, found his wand, and cast some cleaning charms on himself and then on Severus's clothing and penis. He dressed quickly.

He looked down at Severus where he still lay with his eyes closed. "I think you brought me here not only because you wanted to make sure that I didn't tell anyone what we had done in private, but because you wanted it to happen again, and you wanted me to do more than I did yesterday. You probably feel like you used me because you didn't want to admit that to yourself. I am sorry. I shouldn't have come upstairs with you. I thought you really wanted this, that you wanted to be seduced and that you wanted it to be me, but I think you were just feeling sexually frustrated and thought this would take care of it for you. That would have been all right, if you'd understood what you wanted and then chosen to do it. And then at the end, it was nice that you wanted me to be satisfied, too, but I think that may have been too much for you. I think you feel sick and guilty because you didn't really think about whether you really wanted to have sex with me or if you would have rather just sat on the toilet and masturbated and waited for the opportunity to have sex with someone whom you really wanted to be with."

"I'm sorry." Severus opened his eyes and saw his friend fastening his sporran. He hadn't wanted to hurt Gareth's feelings. "I didn't think it would be like this." He swallowed. "I didn't really think about it, but I guess that somewhere, I believed that you would just . . . just massage me as you did yesterday and that this time, you would massage my cock. And that it would be like yesterday, but just a little more. I did want you to be aroused by touching me, but until we were here, doing this, I didn't think about what that would mean." He took a breath. "I was aroused by your touch and your desire, but that was all I wanted. That and my own sexual release. I didn't think of it as having sex exactly. Then once we were here, I saw your desire and your arousal, and you were . . . you were very good to me. I am sorry, McGonagall. You are right. I didn't really want to have sex with you when I brought you up here. I just wanted some release for myself."

"No desire for me?" Gareth shook his head. "You may have very little desire for me, but you must have some, or you wouldn't have put your cock up my arse. I was surprised when you did...but I had been on the verge of coming when you stopped to unbutton your trousers, so I didn't say anything. You seemed sure what you wanted to do."

Severus thought a moment. "I did want to do it. I was very excited."

"What excited you, Snape?"

"Feeling your cock and knowing that I was doing that to you. Rocking against you and stimulating my cock at the same time. And you were lying there on your back, naked, and I had my finger up you and you liked that. But then, when I was . . . when I was doing it . . ." He didn't know if he should mention his fantasy about Hermione. It seemed indelicate and insulting.

"It's all right; you don't need to say any more," Gareth said softly. He sat down on the bed next to him and carefully tucked Severus's cock into his pants and then buttoned his trousers for him. When Gareth finished, he bent and kissed the front of his trousers. He sat up and looked into Severus's face. He seemed slightly sad. "Next time, mate, you seduce me if you want anything like this. Otherwise, nothing but massages from now on, if you still like them."

Severus tried to smile. "I might still like them."

NEXT

Chapter Thirty-Five: Friendship

Sunday, 7 March 1999

Severus is grateful for his friendship with Gareth, but wants there to be no misunderstandings about it. Gareth reassures him, but Severus nonetheless worries about what the events of the day might mean for himself. They go to dinner, then Severus returns to Hogwarts and runs into Dumbledore.

Rated MA.

Warning for sexually explicit content, fluffy slashiness.

Characters: Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Gareth McGonagall