Chapter Thirty-Five: Friendship

Warning: Some fluffy slashiness ahead. Sexually explicit content in part of the first half of the chapter.

Chapter Thirty-Five: Friendship

Sunday, 7 March 1999

Severus watched as Gareth began to put on his shoes and socks.

"McGonagall?"

"Yes?"

"Did you want to have sex with me?"

"I didn't come here with you this afternoon with that in mind, but yes, once it seemed clear to me that you wanted more than a massage, I did," Gareth replied, not looking at him.

Severus thought about what Gareth had said about how some people thought he was undiscriminating and would sleep with anyone.

"Why?" Severus asked.

Gareth paused and looked over at him. "Why did I want to have sex with you?"

Severus nodded.

"I don't think there's any one single reason, Snape." He tugged on his left shoe. "But I like you. I wanted to be closer to you. I wanted you to feel some warmth and intimacy. And, of course, I find you sexy." He looked down at him and grinned. "Those unfathomable eyes of yours combined with your layers of armour...very sexy."

Severus thought about that. "You like me."

"Mmhm. Not that I want to have sex with everyone I like, of course. Or even have sex with everyone I find sexy. Well, maybe with everyone I find sexy. But I don't, because although I may want to have sex with them, I don't want to have had sex with them, if you know what I mean. The sex might be good, but afterward . . ."

"Is that how you feel now about me?"

Gareth lay back down next to him. "Are you asking whether I regret it?"

Severus nodded.

"No, not for myself, although I will regret it if you don't want to be friends any longer because of it. I do regret that you are feeling bad about it, and I wouldn't have done it if I had known you would."

Severus turned his head and looked at the younger wizard beside him. McGonagall used the word "friend" with him so easily. He suddenly felt a stab of sadness and he didn't know why.

"What is it, Snape?"

"I don't know."

Gareth raised his hand and caressed his cheek. "There are moments," he whispered, "like now, when I wish I could take your pain away. Turn back the clock and tell you not to become a Death Eater. Take you someplace safe away from that temptation. Show you kindness, teach you to love yourself. And now, since I cannot do that, I wish I could take away your sadness, even just for a moment. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and take your sadness away."

Gareth approached him slowly, and Severus closed his eyes as Gareth kissed his cheek. He felt his breath on his lips, but Gareth did not kiss him there. He opened his eyes, raised his hand and pulled Gareth's head toward him. He kissed his lips, then raised himself up, still kissing the younger wizard's lips, turning him and pressing him back against the pillow. Kissing a man felt odd, and Gareth's beard brushed against his face. He put his hand on Gareth's shoulder, pressing him into the bed. He kissed his lips, sucking them, moving his lips against them, then parting them and seeking entrance with his tongue. He licked Gareth's teeth, then he stroked the roof of his mouth. He began to tease his tongue with his own, hooking his left leg around Gareth's left leg and coming to lie partially on his chest. He broke the kiss only for a quick breath, then he began to kiss him again. One of Gareth's hands was trapped, but the other was at his waist and moved around to embrace him.

Severus continued to kiss him, eventually returning to the soft, sensual sucking of lip on lip. Finally, he pulled away and took a deep breath and put his head, face-down, on the pillow beside Gareth's. Gareth managed to free his trapped hand and he fully embraced Severus.

Gareth exhaled. "What was that for, mate?" he asked softly.

Severus shook his head.

"Well, it was very nice. Hard for me to believe you led as deprived a life as you say, though I do believe it." He rubbed Severus's back. "But if you don't want to seduce me, you probably don't want to be doing that again. At least not quite like that."

"Sorry."

"It's not a problem. It was very enjoyable. As is this. Though a tad warm. And a bit more arousing for me than I think you would appreciate."

Severus raised up on his elbows and looked down at him. "You still desire me?"

"I will confess to being just a little jealous of Hermione, if I may," Gareth said with a smile. "Those kisses were . . . well, she or some other witch has something to look forward to. Particularly if your tongue is as talented down below as it is up above."

Severus felt himself blush immediately. "I am glad it was acceptable," he said, trying to cover his embarrassment. He had never done that to a woman. Perhaps if he had been with Bella longer, she would have had him do it to her, no doubt making it as unpleasant as possible for him. But he had never been with a woman with whom he would have cared to have tried it until Minerva. Sex had always been about exchange, usually money or potions for sex, and he found the thought of licking some witch's private parts disgusting, though not as revolting as the thought of giving another man a blow job.

On the other hand, if he were with a witch he cared about . . . when he was with Minerva, he had offered to do that for her. He had wanted to bring her pleasure, but she had declined his offer, saying that it was something very intimate and that someday, he might want to do it with another witch, but that she didn't want to create that memory for either of them. And she had been right. After the curse was released, he had had a hard time looking her straight in the face for days afterward, and it was weeks before he felt comfortable with her. If he had done that with her...though the thought aroused him at that moment...he was sure neither of them would have been happy about it afterward.

"Snape?" Gareth touched the side of his face. "Snape?"

"What?"

"You were a million miles away."

"Just remembering something." He looked down at Gareth's face, so very close. He still hadn't moved off of him. "May I trust you? Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"It's embarrassing"

"Don't worry about that."

"I have never done that to a woman. I have kissed women, though not many, really...as I say, I didn't have relationships. I just . . . I had paid companionship. And I never did the other with one, what you said, down below."

"I think you will be good at it," Gareth said with a grin. "It's a different talent than doing it to a cock, and I think you have that talent."

"I wouldn't know what to do," Severus said softly.

"Let the woman's responses guide you, but when in doubt, the tip of the tongue on the clit is a good way to start."

"You enjoy doing that, too?"

"Very much. One of the things I like about being with a woman, eating pussy."

Severus grimaced.

"Sorry if my language offended."

"It's not that. I just can't imagine it."

Gareth gave him a squeeze. "Someday, give it a try. As long as the witch is clean, it's pleasant. It doesn't taste bad at all. And if you can get a couple fingers up her pussy at the same time..."

Severus made another face.

"Sorry. If you can use a couple fingers to stimulate her vagina whilst you're, um, performing cunnilingus," Gareth said, trying to choose terms that wouldn't offend his apparently sensitive friend, "if you can do that, you can give her an amazing orgasm and have her wanting more." He patted Severus's back. "I'm sure you will do just fine. Just don't forget you're with her and remember her pleasure."

"I have to admit, it doesn't sound as bad as doing it to a man sounds to me," Severus said, "and I like the idea of having a witch wanting more."

He sighed and relaxed back down on top of Gareth. "I don't like being an inept dunderhead. I'm sure I'll seem bumbling and ignorant," Severus mumbled.

"I don't think that's necessarily so," Gareth said softly, brushing some of Snape's hair off of his own face. "Just take your time. And you don't have to be a sex god the first time you make love to a witch, or do everything all at once."

"Hmmph." He remembered how, when he was with Minerva, he had come after she had barely touched him, and how embarrassed he had been. But he had been under the spell and not himself at all. And she hadn't wanted to have sex with him; she did it only to save his life.

He snorted to himself. A wizard whom a witch will only sleep with in order to save his life. Pathetic. But Hermione seemed to be attracted to him. And Gareth was definitely attracted to him. He wouldn't have let him bugger him if he weren't. And he had made Gareth orgasm. If he didn't like other men and he could still get one to come, surely he could be at least adequate with a witch. And it was Hermione he wanted, after all, he thought, and a vision arose in his mind of Hermione and the curve of her breasts beneath soft cashmere. His groin tightened.

"Snape? I don't know what your current intentions are, and I like being this close to you, but all of this talk about sex combined with your weight on me is getting me aroused, in case you hadn't noticed with the sporran in the way. It's getting a bit uncomfortable. You might want to shift over a bit."

Severus pushed up to look down at Gareth. "You're still aroused by me?" he asked softly.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Severus shook his head, but he looked down at the other wizard and felt the same wistfulness he had felt when he had begun to kiss him so passionately. This was probably a bad idea, he thought, but he bent and kissed Gareth. Gareth had said that he shouldn't kiss him like that if he didn't want to seduce him. He thought he wanted to seduce him. If he could seduce him, he would know that he could do it. And he liked Gareth. He didn't use the word "friend" as easily as Gareth did, but he liked Gareth very much. And Gareth had let him bugger him, put his cock up his tight arse. The thought of how that had felt increased Snape's ardour, and he began to tug and pull on Gareth's shirt until he could slip his hand beneath it.

He kissed him and caressed his chest, seeking his nipple. He felt Gareth clutching at him, grabbing his buttocks and kneading. The sensation made him press himself against Gareth, his erection returning. Severus wasn't sure what to do next to seduce him, but he tried to push the wizard's sporran out of the way, unsuccessfully. He broke the kiss and sat back on his heels. Gareth's left leg was trapped beneath him.

Severus reached up under Gareth's kilt and found his cock. He took it in his hand and rubbed his thumb over its smooth head.

"This time, McGonagall, I do know what I want. I want you. I want sex with you." It felt good to say that. He squeezed the other wizard's cock.

Gareth unfastened his sporran and moved it aside. Severus pushed up the kilt, not bothering with the buckles. He stroked Gareth's cock, watching as the other wizard closed his eyes.

"Oh, gods, yes, Snape, yes, oh, yes," Gareth moaned. "That's very good. Very good."

Severus thought about what he wanted next. He licked his lips. As much as he might theoretically think it would be an interesting experience, he did not think he could bring himself to go down on Gareth's cock. But if he were ever to do that to anyone, it would be to McGonagall and no other wizard. He wasn't sure whether he could swallow, though, Severus thought as he spread some precum over the head of Gareth's cock. But that couldn't be difficult once he'd started.

"I want to touch you, Severus, please, I want to touch you."

Severus unbuttoned his braces from his waistband, then he unbuttoned his trousers and shoved them and his pants down a little. Gareth looked at him and reached toward his cock. Severus moved off of him and up toward the head of the bed. Gareth rolled onto his side, his kilt falling to cover his penis again, and he put his hands on Severus's legs, urging him nearer. He raised up on one elbow and watched himself stroke Severus's erection. He approached it with his head, and Severus closed his eyes as he anticipated the other wizard's mouth on his penis. He was not disappointed, although Gareth stopped before he came. Having already come twice, Severus thought it would take much more stimulation for him to come again.

"Touch me again, Snape," Gareth whispered.

Severus reached down and moved the wizard's kilt aside and found his cock. He squeezed it and stroked it.

"I want you to come, McGonagall," Severus said softly, his voice low and deep. "I want you to come for me."

Severus lay beside him again, turned on his side toward him. Gareth put his right leg around him and pulled him closer. Severus explored with his left hand until he found his anus. He slipped his finger in easily.

"You liked having my cock in you, didn't you McGonagall? Tell me you did," Severus whispered as he began to massage him inside. "It was good, wasn't it?"

"Yes, yes, it was good." Gareth's eyes were closed.

"And you liked sucking my cock?"

"Very much," Gareth said with a gasp.

"And you like having my finger up your arse?"

"Mmm-hmmm." Gareth was breathing harder.

"And did you like putting your finger in me?"

"Yes," Gareth said, pressing himself into Severus hand, which had stilled its movement, and grabbing his buttocks and pulling him closer.

"You are very good at sucking cock," Severus said in a low growl. "Very good. And you know what to do with your finger in my arse."

"I tried," Gareth said, opening his eyes as Severus removed his finger, wondering what he was doing.

"You said that you like 'penetrating,'" Severus said softly, wiping his finger on the sheet then whispering a cleansing charm. "Do you like it really?"

Gareth nodded.

"And you're good at it? As good as sucking me off?"

Gareth nodded again.

Severus caressed the younger wizard's face. He kissed him softly on the mouth, then looked into his eyes. In a very low voice, he asked, "Would you rather bugger me or have me suck you off?" hoping for the former, not the latter.

Gareth blinked. He raised himself up and pushed Severus's shoulder, urging him to face the mattress. A few more encouraging prods, and Severus was crouched on the bed, his buttocks raised. Gareth pushed Severus's shirt and jacket out of the way and paused to remove his kilt. Gareth kissed each cheek, then he rubbed at his anus with his finger before entering with it.

"I want this to be good for you, Severus," Gareth said softly.

Severus felt a tingle of magic coming from Gareth's inserted finger. He swallowed. He wished he knew what he had done, but he trusted Gareth.

"That will make it easier for you. Stop me if you don't like it, and definitely stop me if it hurts. Even if I'm about to come, I will stop."

Severus nodded and wiped some sweat from his forehead. He should have undressed. But any thoughts about the temperature were chased from his mind when he felt the head of Gareth's cock at his anus. He stiffened.

"It's all right if you don't want to do this," Gareth said.

"I do."

"You need to relax, then, or it might hurt."

Severus consciously relaxed. He felt Gareth insert his finger again, then he withdrew, pressed his cock against his anus, and Severus felt stretched as Gareth's cock entered him. It was much bigger than his finger. It was sliding in easily, probably because of whatever charm Gareth had cast, but it was big. It felt huge.

"Wait," Severus said with a gasp. "Don't stop. Just slower."

Gareth stopped pressing into him, pausing, then he very slowly began to press in again. Severus wondered how long it would take for him to completely enter him. He seemed much larger than he had looked...and he had looked very big...and it was uncomfortable. But then Gareth was entirely inside him, and Severus could feel his body pressed against his buttocks. Gareth reached beneath Severus, urging him to rise up a bit more so that he could take hold of his penis. Without moving inside of Severus, Gareth stroked Severus's cock until he moaned, then he began to slowly pull out a little way and then push back in. Severus groaned again. Gareth was good at this, he thought as the other wizard pushed back into him a third time. It was beginning to feel good, and it wasn't painful.

"Is it all right, Severus?" Gareth asked.

"Yes, yes, it's fine." Severus gasped again as he felt the head of Gareth's cock pulled back further and then pushed back in again, hitting some heretofore unknown wonderful spot. Gareth was still stroking his cock, and as he was massaged by Gareth's cock inside and his hand outside, Severus felt a mounting tension in his groin. "Oh, it's good . . ."

"I want you to come first, Severus," Gareth said softly. "Come for me. You are so sexy. Your eyes, your voice, your arse, your cock, all so sexy."

Severus tried to keep himself from moaning, but he heard himself moan anyway.

"Such a sexy lover, Snape, so good," Gareth crooned as he stroked Severus's cock and pressed himself into him.

"Oh, gods, Gareth, oh, gods, I'm coming," Severus said with a cry. He gasped as he ejaculated.

Gareth cradled his balls in his hand and continued to pump inside of Severus. It seemed only a moment longer, and Gareth was pressing himself deep into him, coming hard.

"Snape, Snape, Snape," Gareth moaned, his legs trembling as he ejaculated. "Oh, Snape, sweet Snape, so good, so good, so good."

Ten minutes later, Severus turned his head and looked at Gareth lying on his back beside him. He seemed to be asleep. Severus pushed himself up off his stomach and gazed down at the younger wizard's face. He thought he could see something of Minerva in his features, though stronger, more masculine. He touched his face tentatively, and when the other wizard didn't stir, he traced the line of his beard. Severus didn't know how he could have come to have this wizard's affection and friendship; it wasn't because he deserved it. It was simply a gift. He felt overwhelmed by an unaccustomed sense of gratitude and warmth.

"You are my friend, Gareth McGonagall," Severus whispered, tears coming to his eyes. "You are my friend . . . and I love you."

Gareth took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Severus snatched his hand away quickly.

"I love you, too, Snape, you miserable old bastard," Gareth said with a slight smile.

"I didn't mean...I didn't know you were awake."

"It's okay." Gareth stretched.

"What I mean is, I didn't mean it the way you think," Severus said.

"I don't know what you think I think you meant, but I thought that what you said was pretty unambiguous," Gareth said as he rolled away and looked around for his kilt.

"I just don't want you to think, well, you know . . ."

"If you are worried that I think you are going to start following me around reciting love poetry and showering me with gifts and begging to spend your every waking moment with me, don't worry," Gareth said, buckling his kilt around him. He looked up and into Severus's eyes. "I didn't think you said you were in love with me."

Severus literally breathed a sigh of relief. He got up from the bed and fixed his pants and trousers, trying to find the ends of his braces where they had disappeared under his waistcoat. Gareth unbuttoned the waistcoat and pulled the braces down for him, then he found his sporran and fastened it around his own waist.

"Gareth..."

Gareth turned toward him.

"I wanted to tell you that I can't imagine ever doing anything like this with any other man. You're . . . you're extraordinary."

Gareth quirked a grin. "Well, if Severus Snape loves me, I must be extraordinary."

Severus blushed darkly and looked away.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make light of your feelings. It means a lot to me, it really does," Gareth said. "It's all right. Don't worry, Severus. You're my friend, and I do love you, in my crackpot way, and I won't be telling anyone either about this or about what you said. I wouldn't want to hurt you. Besides, it's a very private matter, something just for us."

Severus turned and cleaned off the bed. He couldn't believe he had said what he had. It was not like him. But none of this seemed to be like him.

"Are the plumbing facilities turned on? Because if not, I am going to have to go out back and find a convenient corner to pee."

"Yes, the water's on," Severus said, trying to remember what state he had left the bathroom in. He thought he had cleaned it before he had left last time. "And if you need a loo roll, they're kept in a cupboard opposite the sink."

"And where is the loo?"

"Top of the stairs." It was a large but highly Spartan bathroom, all the fixtures dating to the late forties, just postwar, and the floor tiles cracking in places because they had been poorly laid. He hated this house.

"Ta," Gareth said as he went in search of the facilities.

Severus sat down and looked around the room. It had been his room when he was a child. He had never taken his mother's room, didn't use it at all. Whenever Pettigrew had been there, he'd had him sleep in a small windowless room all the way at the top of the house. More of a box room than a bedroom. He'd shoved everything aside and pulled his old childhood mattress down from the attic and put it on the floor with a couple blankets. That was good enough for the rat.

He got up and walked over to the window, moving aside the old, stained blind and peering out. There was a street lamp across the street, its bulb flickering weakly, and nothing moved in the shadows. It was ugly and dirty, even uglier and dirtier than it had been when he was growing up. There hadn't been so many abandoned houses then. A crumpled newspaper blew down the street. He heard a step behind him, and he dropped the blind and turned around.

"Your hall light needs a new bulb," Gareth said.

"It has for fifteen years," Severus said. "Let's get out of here." He turned off the bedside lamp.

"I'm peckish. What about you, Snape? Hungry?" Gareth asked as he followed Severus out of the bedroom and into the dark hallway.

Severus shrugged. He was hungry, but he could easily put it out of his mind.

"Got any food in the house? Any beer?"

"If there is anything here, it is unlikely to be edible," Severus said shortly.

"Let's go out, then. A pub. Or a chippie," Gareth suggested.

"Hmn."

"I have money, regular and Muggle."

"So do I." He still had Hermione's loan.

"Good! So, is there something around here? If not, I know some nice spots we could Apparate to."

"Your mother will wonder where you are."

"Doubtful. Or she may wonder, but she won't be concerned unless I'm not there in the morning to supervise Hermione."

At the mention of Hermione, Severus felt that peculiar feeling he'd had before, and he wondered if it was guilt. But Gareth was right, he and Hermione had only been on one date, and it wasn't as though he and Gareth were embarking on some kind of an affair. But he'd had the nerve to tell Hermione he didn't want her dating other men, and then the very next day, he'd had sex with someone. It was the first sex he'd had in more than two years, but that was merely ironic, not a justification.

"So, is there anything nearby?" Gareth asked as they reached the sitting room.

Severus turned. "What?"

"A pub or something?"

"There's a chip shop and an off-license, but it's a Sunday and the off-license is closed." Severus thought a moment. "There's also a pub a little further, but it's not the sort of place I'd bring you, nor the sort of place I'd go dressed like this."

Gareth grinned. "How would you dress?"

Severus looked at him and didn't suppress his sneer. "Like a local Muggle, how do you think?"

"I'd like to see that."

"Yes, well, you won't today," Severus said drily. "I can't think of anywhere else close. There are a few other places not too far, but they aren't worth taking the time to walk to, or even Apparate to."

"Then shall we Apparate somewhere else, then? If not Muggle, then Diagon Alley or McTavish Street?" Gareth asked.

"Did you have somewhere in mind?"

"I know a great place in Muggle Edinburgh not far from McTavish Street," Gareth said. "It's small and a little crowded, though. Would that bother you?"

"Not overly."

"I brought Mum there once last summer, but she'd not been back long, and we had to leave. It was too crowded for her."

"It was good that she was able to spend an entire day with Hermione in London, then," Severus said, trying to avoid thinking about why Madam Gamp had been in exile on an uninhabited island for almost twenty years.

"Mum's nothing if not dogged. I was afraid that she might have lost her spark completely, but she keeps going. She says she's just too stubborn to quit even when she wants to."

Severus nodded. He remembered how she had fought, how she had picked up her wand with her left hand even after he'd cut off her right arm. "I am still very sorry," he said softly.

"I know you are. But let's not talk about that. Edinburgh?"

Severus nodded. "You cannot Disapparate me from here, though. It is a protection I put into place several years ago and which I have not removed. You may Disapparate yourself, or I can give you a Side-Along, but you cannot Disapparate with me in a Side-Along. If you tried, you would Splinch yourself."

"Then shall we step outside?"

Severus led him out the front door, then turned and felt in his pocket. He withdrew a key and locked the door behind him.

"Don't know why I bother," Severus said bitterly as he walked toward the street. "I should just burn the place down. Or remove the wards, leave the door open, and let vagrants have it."

"Kids would just use it to do drugs and have sex," Gareth said. "You could fix it up."

"I hate it."

"You might not if you did something with it."

"You have to care about something enough to want to fix it up," Severus said.

They stepped off the property onto the cracked pavement.

"Get us out of here, McGonagall."

Gareth stepped closer to him, took hold of his arm with both hands and pulled him toward him. "Away, then," he whispered, and with a crack, he Disapparated them both.

Severus walked up toward the castle from the main gates. Dinner had been filling and very good. He'd drunk beer, which he rarely did, but Gareth had ordered one for him whilst he'd been in the loo, and so when the waiter brought it, he drank it, then ordered another. McGonagall had amused him with stories of his travels, as he usually did when they were out together. It seemed he had been almost everywhere, and it also seemed he never had to earn a living, though he often stopped in one place for months at a time and took an extended Arithmancy commission, but always returning to Scotland and to wherever it was that his mother had been in seclusion on that island somewhere. He mentioned a few of the friends he had made and lovers he had taken, waxing on particularly about a Swiss witch, a sixty-year-old widow by the name of Anitra whom he had been with several years before.

"She was something else, Snape. Lively, funny, very active, and very down-to-earth. Gorgeous, too. She had breasts you could just worship, and then her...well, you know. Beautiful and sexy. She reminded me a bit of Poppy, actually, except she had blond hair with a bit of silver running through it. Anitra was an incredible lover, but I also just loved to be with her. When I was with her, I hated to leave, and when I wasn't, I was thinking about her. Very much longer, and I would have come to believe I was in love with her."

"What happened? Why did you leave her?"

"Lost the commission I was working on for one of her cousins and was escorted off the grounds of the family estate and told never to return."

"Because you were involved with her?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I simply had the temerity to contradict the household's Seer...Bertoldo is amazingly wealthy; his family estate is more like a small village...and so the Seer told him that I was a bane and would bring ill-fortune down upon them. So I had to leave."

"Wasn't she a bit old for you?" Severus asked.

Gareth shrugged. "Not too old for me, though perhaps I was too young for her. I was only twenty-five. Even if I had fallen in love with her, I don't know if she would ever have felt the same about me. Maybe if I go back when I'm fifty and she's eighty-five, she might," he said with a grin.

Severus thought that was peculiar, but then he remembered the Actus Adfectus and the object of his affection...Minerva. She was more than thirty-five years older than he, and he had found her immensely attractive when he was under the effect of the curse. He still did find her somewhat attractive, if he was honest with himself about it. But he couldn't imagine having a long-term relationship with her other than a friendship, even though he loved her increasingly the longer he knew her.

After they'd eaten, they had walked back to McTavish Street, where they had each Disapparated separately. Severus presumed that McGonagall had Apparated home; he had Apparated directly to the Hogwarts front gates. It was late, almost curfew, and although he had had no specific duties that day, he also had told no one that he would be gone, either, let alone for as long as he was. When he had left, he'd had no plans to be away for more than an hour or so.

He started down to the dungeons. He would check on Slytherin and then go to his rooms and finish reading the essays he had started earlier in the day. As he walked down the stairs, he heard footsteps in the corridor ahead of him. He sighed when he reached the bottom of the stairs and saw who it was.

"Severus! Good to see you. I was just looking for you. I returned Mr Stratton and Miss Huxley to their dormitories. I found them in an unused classroom down the south corridor on the fourth floor. I shall speak to Minerva about warding that unused section of the castle against students again. I believe, however," Albus said with a grin, "that Mr Stratton and Miss Huxley will be unlikely to try to find another such location any time soon, given their embarrassment. I only took ten points each, but I believe that you might wish to fashion an additional lesson for them."

"What were they doing?" Severus asked.

"Come, Severus, you know what they were doing," Albus said with a smirk.

"How involved were they, is what I meant," Severus clarified.

"Very involved; completely, one might say, though not fully disrobed."

"They're only fifth-years," Severus said in disgust.

"Old enough, Severus, old enough. I also think that they would benefit from a visit to Madam Pomfrey...separate visits," Albus added, then, changing the subject, he asked, "You were out?"

"Obviously."

"Did you have a good evening?"

"Fine."

"Did you happen to see Miss Granger, by any chance?"

"No. She has Sunday dinner with her parents twice a month."

Albus smiled broadly. "That's lovely, Severus. You and she are becoming quite good friends, I am happy to see."

"Hmmph. Her company is tolerable."

"Of course it is," Albus said brightly. "Well, I'm going to do a quick pass through the castle then toddle off to bed. I will see you at breakfast!"

Severus looked in on Slytherin, hauled Stratton and Huxley out, gave them each a lecture, took ten points more from them for having been caught, and assigned them a week of detention to be served with Shunpike, the caretaker. He was not going to give up his date with Hermione on Friday to supervise detention with a couple of randy teenagers. Remembering what Albus had recommended, he penned a quick note to Poppy asking her to schedule separate appointments with Huxley and Stratton. Rather than send it to her, he would just give it to her at breakfast and ask her to schedule them as soon as possible.

He looked at the pile of essays, shook his head, and decided they could wait. Instead, he opened a cupboard in his sitting room and pulled out a bottle that Albus had given him at Christmas. Albus knew he rarely drank and even more rarely had guests, so Severus didn't know why he'd given it to him, unless it was a subtle attempt to encourage him to do more of one or the other...probably the latter, since Albus, though no teetotaller, was known for his moderation.

Severus examined the label. Muggle brandy. V.V.S.O.P. He was unsure what that meant, but he believed it was a mark of quality. He poured some into a tumbler, put the bottle back into the cupboard, and settled into his favourite chair with his feet up.

Dumbledore had mentioned Hermione. He wondered at what point in their relationship it would be appropriate to mention to people that they were dating. The thought disturbed him. McGonagall knew that they had been on a date, as did Professor Gamp, presumably. Either one of them could mention it to Minerva or to Albus, and then who knew who else would be told. He certainly didn't want to be the subject of gossip, or of Albus's joking comments...he could just see Albus asking him, an amused twinkle in his eye, if he wanted Madam Pomfrey to give him a facts-of-life-lecture. And the more people who knew, the greater the likelihood that there would be people who objected to it.

He had been so concerned about what McGonagall would say about their encounter the day before that he hadn't considered the fact that he or his mother might mention his date with Hermione to someone else. And Hermione herself might say something to someone. He took a swallow of brandy. If he weren't prepared to have people know that they were dating, he never should have asked her on a date. He should have said it was just a friendly dinner. But when she'd asked whether it was a date, he hadn't known what to say; he hadn't even planned to ask her on a date. They had been seeing each other on a friendly basis for months, and Severus couldn't deny his feelings for her or his attraction to her. It seemed a miracle that she cared for him as she did, as much a miracle as his survival, and that she would want to go out with him, that was beyond miraculous. If she wanted to date him, she must be open to the idea of eventually becoming intimate with him if they continued to see each other.

He had been honest with Gareth that afternoon: he had been like a starving man, but it wasn't merely that he was starved for sex. It was the intense intimacy that he had felt with Gareth when he had touched him. It was certainly a highly erotic intimacy, but it had felt to Severus as though it was something that went beyond sex. Gareth had said it that afternoon: even if he had not become aroused, Gareth would still have been pleased as long as he had relaxed, enjoyed it, and felt loved. And he had, but he had also been sexually excited.

It seemed to him that he had only compounded the difficulty which he had wanted to see Gareth about that afternoon. Now, not only had he had a sensual and slightly erotic encounter with Gareth the previous day, but he had actually had sex with him, and he hadn't simply allowed himself to be seduced and brought to climax himself: he had wanted it, and he had actively participated in it. He had allowed another man to fuck him and he had enjoyed it. Not just any man, though. Gareth McGonagall. That seemed to make a difference. Severus finished the brandy and poured himself another glass, bringing it with him into his bedroom.

All those years ago, despite the other humiliations that Bella had put him through and that he had accepted despite not enjoying them, it had been her desire to have him buggered that had made him walk away. He had never been attracted to men, and he had never wanted one to touch him like that, let alone have one fuck him. What would Hermione think if she knew about him and Gareth? Let alone if she knew that they had done it the day after he had asked her out on a date. She might not want to touch him, and she would certainly be within her rights to see his relationship with Gareth as incompatible with dating her. If Gareth were a woman, she definitely would. Fortunately, she did not know, and there was no reason she ever would.

As he got ready for bed, Severus decided that he would have to tell Gareth that it had been a mistake...not doing it, but doing it after he had asked Hermione on a date. He didn't regret it precisely, but it couldn't happen again. He still wasn't certain how it had happened that day, but it had felt good. He wondered suddenly whether he was actually gay and just hadn't known it because of his lack of sexual experience, but lying in bed, he tried to imagine having sex with other men, and he felt nothing. He decided to imagine specific men and called to mind a few men whom he knew. Arthur Weasley. The thought made him want to laugh. Bill Weasley. Somehow, he could imagine that wizard, married though he was, as being interested in such a thing, but imagining being with him actually turned him off.

Remus. He remembered an occasion a few years before when the werewolf had come to visit him; he had brought Severus a bottle of firewhisky and proceeded to drink half of it himself. He was a sick, blubbering slob by midnight, and he had hung off of Severus, much to his disgust, then Severus had put him to bed in his own bed and slept on his sofa. That was the last visit Lupin had paid him before Severus grew angry and essentially told him to piss off and never darken his doorway again. One reason for Severus's lost patience wasn't merely his general bad temper and persistent dislike of the werewolf, but the memory of Lupin, completely drunk, reaching up and pulling him down to the bed and kissing him...not on the mouth, but nonetheless, it had disgusted him. No, the thought of doing anything sexual with Lupin was not at all arousing, although Severus did try to imagine it, even imagining making Lupin strip, and then buggering him whilst he himself was still fully clothed, but that didn't even make his cock twitch, though it did amuse him slightly.

Flitwick. He liked Flitwick. Was quite fond of the little Charms master, in fact, although he doubted that they could be described as friends. It seemed too bizarre, though, to imagine himself with the diminutive wizard in a sexual way. Somehow . . . fetishistic. Besides, Flitwick appeared to be seriously involved with Sprout. Another thought that didn't bear pursuing.

Albus. While the thought of Albus touching him or hugging him, or even kissing his cheek, only made Severus slightly uncomfortable, he couldn't bring himself to begin imagining doing anything sexual with him without feeling quite sick. He supposed it was because Albus had become like a father to him. It was odd, Severus mused, that he did not think of Minerva as a mother-figure. Although perhaps she felt somewhat maternal toward him herself. She certainly felt protective of him. If she felt motherly toward him, it must have made it even more difficult for her to submit to intercourse with him to free him from the Actus Adfectus. At the thought of intercourse with Minerva, he felt a growing tightness in his groin. Although he no longer wanted to have a relationship with her as he had wanted when he was under the curse, he did still love her, and if he were honest, he would have to admit that he was still somewhat attracted to her, though he rarely thought about her attractiveness. It was both unseemly and moot, given her relationship with Albus.

Severus remembered what Gareth had said earlier that evening about Anitra being a lot like Poppy, implying that he thought the school matron was attractive. Severus considered Poppy. He really hadn't given her much thought in that regard. She was pretty, and she did have a nice figure, particularly when she wasn't wearing her starchy matron's robes with the white pinny and hat. And she did appear to have nice breasts. He wondered what attracted Gareth to her. It might be her breasts, since he had mentioned Anitra's. Severus imagined what it might be like to pull open the bodice of Poppy's robes and expose her breasts. They looked very full; he didn't know whether they would be as . . . pert as Minerva's were. Minerva's breasts weren't small, but they could look you straight on, and she had lovely nipples. But even if Poppy's fuller breasts didn't have nipples that pointed right at you, they looked soft and wonderfully rounded. He could take one in each hand, raise them up, then bend over and lick her nipples. As Severus imagined licking Poppy's nipples, he felt his cock getting hard.

He had to sit at the same table with Poppy the next morning. It was not a good idea to be thinking about her like that. But at least it showed him one thing, Severus thought with relief. He hadn't suddenly discovered he was gay. Rather a ridiculous idea, anyway. Even if he'd been in denial for his entire adult life about his sexuality, he surely would have noticed being attracted to men and not to women...and it was doubtful he would believe himself in love with Hermione.

He would simply have to tell Gareth that in addition to their physical contact with each other being private, it was something that couldn't happen again. If he was going to develop a relationship with Hermione, even if they weren't dating exclusively yet, it seemed that having sex with someone else wasn't appropriate. Even if it was just sex with another wizard.

It may have been inappropriate, but it had felt very good, Severus admitted. He had come three times with Gareth. He couldn't remember another occasion when he had come three times with someone. He hadn't even thought he would be able to come once, he had been so nervous. Severus remembered what it had felt like to press into Gareth, how tight his anus had been around him, and he threw back the covers and got out of bed.

Severus decided to take a shower and put on a clean nightshirt. He didn't think it was normal to be this libidinous at his age. That was something for teenagers. But he had been without sex and intimacy for a long time, and Gareth had been good to him. It would have been nice to have been able to curl up in bed with him and have him hold him all night long. He cringed at that thought. Best not to drink brandy before bed. It made him disgustingly sentimental.

Severus turned on the cold water and resolved not to think about Gareth any longer. They would be friends as they had been before that weekend, and that was all. It would be as though nothing else had ever occurred between them. He would tell him that the next time he saw him.

NEXT

Chapter Thirty-Six: A Darkly Smouldering Magnetism

Monday, 8 March 1999

A member of the Hogwarts staff is attracted to Severus when he accidentally seems to flirt with her, which alarms him. Filius teases him gently about it. Later, Severus meets with Minerva, and he discusses his relationships with her.

Rated T.

Characters: Severus Snape, Filius Flitwick, Minerva McGonagall, Sarah Duffy, others.