dracontia
Member Since 2006 | 69 Stories | Favorited by 208 | 51 Reviews Written | 1,397 Review Responses
Mostly Harmless! Though I have to admit, I'm even stranger than I appear. ;-) There's a pile of unbeta'd stuff on my LJ (dracfic) if you're interested in Raw, Untamed, fanfic.
Believe it or not, "How Argus Filch Got Wild, Got Laid, and Got His Magic" has been rec'ed by Know It Alls! It's true! They gave me this pretty lil' ribbon and everything! And in March 2007, they saw fit to likewise reccommend (as an antidote to angst) the story that started it all, 'Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey'--just in time for the first anniversary of that story's posting! *hugs Harm*
(I also have to admit that 'mostly harmless' may not be the most apt description of a member of the Mad Chatters...)
Search Works by dracontia
Current parameters show 69 of 69 stories.
Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees
by dracontia
6.55/10 (143 Ratings, 0 Likes, 101 Favorites )Do you mean to say that there might be issues with sex at a coeducational boarding school? (Gasp!) And someone might, just might, be upset enough to demand that the school start teaching where little wizards and witches come from? In response to the Sex Ed Challenge at Potter Place, the wildest parody I can devise that does not involve a Jarvey. AU--oh, so goofily AU!
44,756 Words, Started 07/17/2006, Completed 08/17/2006
The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice
by dracontia
7.73/10 (129 Ratings, 0 Likes, 37 Favorites )Third installment in the 'Fairy God-Jarvey Chronicles.' (For the record, I, too, cringe at the pretentiousness of calling them that.) As a Master Fairy God-Jarvey, Regina Fletcher gets an apprentice. However, it's going to take more than two Fairy God-Thingies to rescue Severus' and Hermione's wedding. So, if said thingies needed reinforcements... whom would they deputize?
76,808 Words, Started 11/15/2006, Completed 03/08/2007
zin
by dracontia
7.39/10 (77 Ratings, 0 Likes, 46 Favorites )Luna Lovegood is experimenting. Draco Malfoy picks a hell of a time to interrupt. If you crave profundity, this will not satisfy, but if you’d like a little whine with your cheese, you’ve come to the right place. Completely AU—because it’s fun that way!
8,607 Words, Started 07/26/2008, Completed 07/29/2008
Dracpunzel
by dracontia
8.25/10 (69 Ratings, 0 Likes, 1 Favorite )Once upon a time, Lucius Malfoy decided to execute a tediously convoluted scheme that went (from his perspective, at least) ridiculously wrong. That really narrows it down, doesn’t it?
22,495 Words, Started 11/12/2013, Completed 10/10/2014
Ruffled Fathers and a Lot of Grousing: Harry and Draco’s Halloween
by dracontia
6.14/10 (65 Ratings, 0 Likes, 42 Favorites )Can two divorcees, having been costumed against their will by their offspring, both attend a Halloween party without driving each other crazy? Let’s hope not.
32,297 Words, Started 11/01/2008, Completed 12/15/2008
A Credit to Their Houses
by dracontia
5.95/10 (58 Ratings, 0 Likes, 4 Favorites )Two little wizards and one little witch meet in the Hogwarts Express on their way to their first school term. This story can stand alone, with no reference to any other fanfiction; however, it has acquired a bit of a universe of its own :)
27,961 Words, Started 09/17/2013, Completed 01/25/2014
Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey
by dracontia
5.41/10 (54 Ratings, 0 Likes, 69 Favorites )Snape is getting a makeover. Why, you ask? Well, wouldn't you, if offered one by a Fairy God-Jarvey? Inspired by the SexGod!Snape Challenge. (The original Fairy God Jarvey story!)
17,662 Words, Started 03/30/2006, Completed 04/05/2006
Return of the Fairy God-Jarvey
by dracontia
6.1/10 (48 Ratings, 0 Likes, 45 Favorites )Sequel to 'Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey.' Hermione mistakes Severus' intimations that he would like to deepen their relationship for just the opposite, and unintentionally pushes him away. With their relationship needlessly on the rocks, it's Regina Fletcher, to the rescue! More wacky fluff, with a dash of fluffy angst!
41,176 Words, Started 06/13/2006, Completed 06/26/2006
Before the Fairy God-Jarvey
by dracontia
7.93/10 (29 Ratings, 0 Likes, 8 Favorites )How, precisely, does a Jarvey become a Fairy God-Jarvey? The answers are all here, from the origin of the name Regina P. Fletcher (including why it’s shortened to Reggie instead of Gina), to why Reggie speaks Spanish. Please note—in the time-honored tradition of stories involving animals, this contains a substantial share of sadness. But for those who’ve become fond of Reggie through ‘The Fairy God-Jarvey Chronicles,’ I hope it will be worthwhile to learn how one plucky little runt survived it all to become the Fairy God-Jarvey.
20,495 Words, Started 04/25/2007, Completed 05/16/2007
Rhyme and Unreason
by dracontia
5.2/10 (20 Ratings, 0 Likes, 30 Favorites )"Sev and 'Mione were hexed most severe
Not much space for plot there, my dear
Limerick form's not inviting
To logically writing
And still squeezing lemons in there"
7,520 Words, Started 06/27/2006, Completed 06/27/2006
Once Upon a Window Pane
by dracontia
5.56/10 (18 Ratings, 0 Likes, 18 Favorites )Al wants Lily’s opinion, the Shrieking Shack wants a little cheer, Scorpius wants someone—anyone—to come to his rescue, and Professor Longbottom wants a potion for the headache. A certain ghost didn’t realize he wanted anything—until he got it.
3,360 Words, Started 03/22/2008, Completed 03/22/2008
Do Not Enter: Off Limits to Students
by dracontia
7.0/10 (17 Ratings, 0 Likes, 12 Favorites )The best way to get a child to do something is to tell them not to do it. Albus and Scorpius are living proof. Fortunately, God—or one of his agents—looks out for fools and children. And foolish children…
1,692 Words, Started 12/18/2007, Completed 12/18/2007
Measuring Up
by dracontia
6.76/10 (17 Ratings, 0 Likes, 14 Favorites )A conversation between Severus and Hermione about just what, exactly, he's been looking at on their computer. Not sure if this has been done before, but it might be passable for blowing off steam between longer stories!
401 Words, Started 08/06/2006, Completed 08/06/2006
Our Cousin the Wizard
by dracontia
7.0/10 (17 Ratings, 0 Likes, 0 Favorites )Life is easier when you can reconcile yourself to the peculiarities within your own family.
2,623 Words, Started 09/17/2011, Completed 09/17/2011
The Ring on Her Finger
by dracontia
6.69/10 (16 Ratings, 0 Likes, 26 Favorites )What's in an engagement ring? Love? Commitment? Maybe even a touch of destiny? A companion piece to the story, 'Return of the Fairy God-Jarvey,' though it is not necessary to have read any part of that series to follow this story.
6,265 Words, Started 07/11/2006, Completed 07/11/2006
How Argus Filch Got Wild, Got Laid, and Got His Magic
by dracontia
3.57/10 (14 Ratings, 0 Likes, 10 Favorites )Sadly, the title is the best part of this story. Lavender Brown gets in a tight spot. Can she get out of it by making a deal with the devil? No? Okay, how about a deal with Filch? (I almost added 'angst' to the description on that account!) In the process, Argus Filch gets his magic and squicks the living snot out of you, the reader! Doesn't that sound fun?
5,023 Words, Started 06/29/2006, Completed 06/29/2006
Moaning Myrtle's Mambo Number 5 (sung to Lou Bega’s Mambo #5)
by dracontia
6.77/10 (13 Ratings, 0 Likes, 4 Favorites )Summary: Moaning Myrtle. Mambo #5. Do I really have to go on? Good, clean, er, lewd fun!
688 Words, Started 06/30/2007, Completed 06/30/2007
His Succubus
by dracontia
7.25/10 (12 Ratings, 0 Likes, 6 Favorites )He had a visitor--again. As usual, she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.
728 Words, Started 01/01/2007, Completed 01/01/2007
Things in Common
by dracontia
6.67/10 (12 Ratings, 0 Likes, 10 Favorites )When one's world is smoke and ashes, comfort comes from the most unlikely places. Please note: no fluff here. I leave it to your interpretation as to whether there's hope.
1,385 Words, Started 09/04/2006, Completed 09/04/2006
A New Deal: Fog Lifts
by dracontia
5.83/10 (12 Ratings, 0 Likes, 0 Favorites )There was that time Scorpius was lost in the fog... Fourth sequel to 'A Credit to Their Houses.'
4,551 Words, Started 02/12/2014, Completed 02/12/2014
The Way to a Man’s Heart
by dracontia
8.18/10 (11 Ratings, 0 Likes, 6 Favorites )Was a tummy supposed to look like that? Why did no one tell Draco these things?
714 Words, Started 07/11/2009, Completed 07/11/2009
For His Angel
by dracontia
9.0/10 (11 Ratings, 0 Likes, 4 Favorites )Have you ever wondered why Snape made that unbreakable vow to Narcissa without hesitation? A series of vignettes, illustrating how a sympathetic Slytherin prefect helped a scared, awkward first year adjust to the realities of life in Slytherin House, suggest a possible answer... (Before we get the real one and all this speculation is shot.)
5,479 Words, Started 07/13/2007, Completed 07/13/2007