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Potions Under Duress The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice
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The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice

1: Prologue: Situation Normal, All--Well, You Get the Picture...

2: 1: If You're Happy and You Know It, You Obviously Aren't Planning a Wedding

3: 2: Just Call Us the 'Road to Hell Paving Crew'

4: 3: You Look Good When I'm Drunk

5: 4: Send My Mail to the Barcelona Jail

6: 5: Can We Just Skip the Morning After?

7: 6: The Incorrigibles

8: 7: Hey Mister--Wanna buy a Wedding?

9: 8: Three Weddings, No Funerals

10: 9: Okay, Maybe ONE Funeral. Or At Least, Some Passing On

11: 10: Moving On

12: Epilogue: Bright Blessings

The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice

dracontia

129 Reviews   |   129 Ratings, 0 Likes, 37 Favorites )

Humor Romance General Parody post-HBP/HBP compliant Potions Under Duress 76,808 Words 12 Chapters Complete
Hermione Granger Original Character Severus Snape Mr. Granger Mrs. Granger Nymphadora Tonks Padma Patil Remus Lupin Draco Malfoy Ginevra Weasley Harry Potter Luna Lovegood Ronald Weasley Minerva McGonagall Molly Weasley Pomona Sprout Rita Skeeter Neville Longbottom Narcissa Malfoy Percy Weasley Fred Weasley George Weasley Penelope Clearwater Arthur Weasley Colin Creevey Filius Flitwick Lucius Malfoy

Third installment in the 'Fairy God-Jarvey Chronicles.' (For the record, I, too, cringe at the pretentiousness of calling them that.) As a Master Fairy God-Jarvey, Regina Fletcher gets an apprentice. However, it's going to take more than two Fairy God-Thingies to rescue Severus' and Hermione's wedding. So, if said thingies needed reinforcements... whom would they deputize?

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Chapters (12)

Chapter 1: Prologue: Situation Normal, All--Well, You Get the Picture...

Chapter 2: 1: If You're Happy and You Know It, You Obviously Aren't Planning a Wedding

Chapter 3: 2: Just Call Us the 'Road to Hell Paving Crew'

Chapter 4: 3: You Look Good When I'm Drunk

Chapter 5: 4: Send My Mail to the Barcelona Jail

Chapter 6: 5: Can We Just Skip the Morning After?

Chapter 7: 6: The Incorrigibles

Chapter 8: 7: Hey Mister--Wanna buy a Wedding?

Chapter 9: 8: Three Weddings, No Funerals

Chapter 10: 9: Okay, Maybe ONE Funeral. Or At Least, Some Passing On

Chapter 11: 10: Moving On

Chapter 12: Epilogue: Bright Blessings


About dracontia

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Author

dracontia

Member Since 2006  |  69 Stories  |  Favorited by 208  |  51 Reviews Written  |  1,397 Review Responses

Mostly Harmless! Though I have to admit, I'm even stranger than I appear. ;-) There's a pile of unbeta'd stuff on my LJ (dracfic) if you're interested in Raw, Untamed, fanfic.

Believe it or not, "How Argus Filch Got Wild, Got Laid, and Got His Magic" has been rec'ed by Know It Alls! It's true! They gave me this pretty lil' ribbon and everything! And in March 2007, they saw fit to likewise reccommend (as an antidote to angst) the story that started it all, 'Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey'--just in time for the first anniversary of that story's posting! *hugs Harm*

(I also have to admit that 'mostly harmless' may not be the most apt description of a member of the Mad Chatters...)

Rec'ed by Know It Alls 

Finally, I just have to say... Storyville. If you were there, you know what I mean.

Author Website
http://dracfic.livejournal.com/
Also Archived At
The Hex Files, Sycophant Hex

Reviews for The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice

Displaying Review 1 - 25 of 129 in total
← Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next →
0/10

BulletTimeScully

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I laughed my ass of at the 'Pinky and the Brain' Pygmy Puff scene!! That is absolutely hilarious! I love your stories.....if I need a good laugh, I know just what to read! Thanks! :)

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

You're entirely welcome! Thanks so much for reviewing (your laughs make my day!)

Response from BulletTimeScully (Reviewer)

You're very welcome......and I'd also like to thank you for giving me the irresistable urge to swear in Spanish!  One can never know too many foreign obscenities!

10/10

jessajohns

Another highly entertaining chapter!  Moto is really starting to come into his own.  Loved Severus' letter to Lucius.  Always looking forward to more!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Thank you kindly (and Moto thanks you, too!)Chapter 10 is in the queue... the last but for the epilogue. Enjoy!

10/10

Maddy Riddle

*squee*

For some mysterious reason, I never received notice of the updates, so I saw the hgss_digest and run here to read... and found 2 chapter to read. woohoo.

I don't know if it was your intention or not, but I thank you sending Lucius to me ;) Moto may have left him a bit away from home and smelling like manure, but I can tell you he managed to arrived... mellowed, but in good shape. :P 

BTW,  I love the chapters. And I don't want to know what Reggie and Narcissa can cook up together. Well... I wouldn't mind knowing... sounds too much like mischief not to know. ;)

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

LOL I'm glad you managed to retrieve him in once piece. Considering the old 'war criminals hiding in South America' cliche, and given the choice of sending him to Brazil or Argentina... there was no doubt where he would end up. gotta love those ladies that look good in silver...Thank you as always for reviewing--Chapter 10 is in the queue, and will be duly pimped on P_P.

10/10

Shishkeberry

Narcissa and Reggie having tea?  It's one of the first signs of the Apocalypse. *lol*

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

*nods sagely* Yup.  Thanks for the review!

0/10

Raye

Yay, another chapter.  Thank you.  I love Reggie, and Draco as a sub - he does seem the sort that would enjoy that particular role in the bedroom, and if Ginny's anything like her mother...nothing more needs to be said about their potential.

I love the way that Severus and Hermione react to each other, and totally putting the kibosh on any 'Detention' fantasies made me giggle.

I look forward eagerly to the next parts :) thank you for yet another laugh fest. 

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

LOL! I had to do in the detention fantasy thing. One of my delights in life is gently mocking fandom cliches. (Shut it, Draco. Did I give you permission to speak? That's better.)You're very welcome, and the next chapter is in the queue!

10/10

Elisabeth

Lucius returns...and then he leaves again. Please tell me he doesn't get too friendly with the cows; mysterious potions are no excuse. Love the way your version of Narcissa is evolving; she's the sort of person who would probably do a great job running Vogue magazine if she were a Muggle. And I also just love the way she never uses Ginny's nickname -- it seems so much in tune with everything else about her!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

woohoo! Narcissa running Vogue... Yeah. She could do that. ;-)LOL I don't think there's anything strong enough to make Lucius feel, um, that 'well-disposed' towards cows!!Thanks for the review! :-)

9/10

orm irian

Loved the t-shirts--esp the first one!  Thanks for bringing a laugh (or ten) to my otherwise boring day!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

heh heh heh... we loved them, too. I steal hubby's 'nicer' one every chance I get. ;) Reggie and I live to redistribute the laughs. See you in Chapter 10--we promise, there's more than enought to go around.Thanks for the review!

10/10

septentrion

I certainly won't complain from the proliferation of plot bunnies in your mind!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

LOL If only 'plot bunny rancher' was a paying profession! Thanks for reviewing. :-D

10/10

casey

Fabulous chapter.  There's so much going on!  Besides the jokes and wordplay, I liked the Fairy Blessing--they never knew what hit them.  Hopefully they won't get it all at once.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

wooo... three squirts at once? No, even I cannot conceive of that much chaos! LOLYet I promise, they still won't know what hit them. *wink* Thanks for the review!

10/10

septentrion

All this mayhem around the organisation of a wedding sounds so real, and so funny, as long as one isn't implied in the plainning.I suspect the twins' motivation to imagine such a complicated plot to get Rita in her Animagus form has more to do with fun than efficiency.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Fun... efficiency. Fun... efficiency. Decisions, decisions. *wink*We of the Guild of Perpetual Chaos thank you for your review, and hope you will be pleased to remember  our subsidiary disorganization, Anarchy Transport, for all your travel needs! 

10/10

jenonymous

Splendid!  I'm a little annoyed that Hermione and Severus can go to Las Vegas from Britain and I can't go there from Ohio.  It just isn't right.  But I'll not begrudge them the sun and the Elvis impersonators, not for a moment.  Is there any way Wayne Newton can go to the wedding?

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Yeah, I'm still hoping Reggie can hook me up with a jarvey discount journey to Phoenix Rising... not looking like it, though...As for Wayne Newton... LOL Oh, golly, if I could have thought of a way to do it, I would have! Thanks as always for reviewing!

10/10

DawnEB

Oh dear.

Okay, now I have mopped up the sprayed drink and applied  heat to the strained ribs, I can review.

There were just too many jokes in that chapter.

I love the way you have worked out the weddings, but I can't wait to see how Severus reacts to Las Vegas.  Will he open a button or two? 

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Ooops... I haven't been posting 'no drink warnings' lately, have I? *contrite expression*Buttons--to be opened in Chapter 9!Thanks kindly for the review, and I will try to remember warnings and a bottle of potion to deal with the pain next time around...

10/10

amsev

“Vegas, baby.” Oh my, how you keep track of all the plot twists Reggie dances through -- I am in awe! Hopefully this isn't your last Jarvey Outting. Mayhap she could help plan Jorge and Federico's weddings....

 

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Thank you! This isn't Reggie's last adventure, though I confess that the series is winding down. Just hang on to the little silver tail and enjoy the ride!

10/10

Shishkeberry

And what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas (and subsequently posted on Petulant Poetess) *grins*  Lovely chapter!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Heh heh heh heh... let's see if this lot can keep it in Vegas. *wink*Thank you kindly as always for reviewing!

0/10

orm irian

Brilliant!  Still side-achingly funny.  It's about time the "real" Hermione made an appearance.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

'Real' Hermione is back, and will be in residence throughout the remaining chapters. The potions for aching sides are still on the third shelf of the bathroom cabinet (I think...) Thanks for the review!

10/10

ayerf

It's been a long day. I managed to hold in any hysterical laughter until 'Prince Snarking' had me in stitches. Thank you for that!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

You're very much welcome, and thank you for the review! (Comics, tailors, doctors... the only three professions on earth where you can legally put someone in stitches...)

10/10

casey

Brilliant, once again!  You pack these chapters with so much humour and clever dialogue.  You're the best.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Thank you! One more chapter (hopefully at least as humorous as the last) coming right up!

0/10

anastacia

So, should we wait for a spin-off about Mr Delectable Arse and his lustful partner?

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Hee hee... why wait? It's entirely possible they could get up to something within the next four chapters...Thanks for the review!

0/10

KarenDetroit

I have no idea how I got so far behind the times here, unless you are slipping chapters in with a "Do Not Notice" spell. I'm getting a Dramamine prescription for the rollercoaster ride, by the way. It's worse than being drunk, to read this.The non-makeup scene at Snape's house had me turning red with suppressed laughter. This is because I'm at the library, since my computer is still at the California Computer Spa run by Hewlett Packard.If you drag this out properly, you can throw in some Bill Murray Groundhog Day schtick. Not that I'd want to give someone as obviously vulnerable, if not impaired, as you any further means of mayhem.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

No 'do not notice' spells here--just a really fast moving queue! (At SH it scarcely budges, and here it speeds by so fast everything gets buried.) I hope it's better than being drunk... at least, I don't THINK reading mad stories causes hangovers. *Wonders if someone should be researching this.*You have no idea how you tempt me to sneak  'I've Got You, Babe' into the coming chapter. But, I will resist. For the sake of my offspring, it's best they don't confine me to a rubber room just yet. Thanks for the review!

10/10

jenonymous

I laughed a bit more than usual.  I needed a good laugh or eight.  Thanks!  I loved "I could have been born female and been spared the need to learn Legilimency, he thought."  Other LOLs: "I would prefer to deny any and all knowledge of all Thursdays for the foreseeable future."   "For reasons beyond her understanding, humans usually found that objectionable."  And Pip was splendid.  Can't wait for more!

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Thanks very much, and I hope the next chapter proves worthy of the last! The wait will be over soon--next chapter is in the queue (along with the offspring of a wayward plot bunny that jumped me at the sink.)Happy reading!

9/10

septentrion

The alliance of Reggie and the Weasley twins is a promise of mayhem of cataclismic importance.Candy fetishes: I'm still laughing with this one.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Thank you! I do believe mayhem and cataclysm are highly appropriate words to associate with Reggie and the twins. I hope Chapter 7 proves worthy of the combination--I had to cut off their chaos eventually, if we were ever to get to the wedding!

10/10

Maddy Riddle

I love Reggie a bit more every chapter (if that is possible). The fact that you were able to write a Ñ in an English webpage is amasing (I've been known for using the same kind of vocabulary as Miss Fletcher when trying to post something with Spanish only characters in the Internet).

Reggie, Rico and Jorge working together. Should I run in fear or stay and watch the train-wreck? ;)

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

LOL! Well, it depends upon how you feel about train wrecks! I hope there is enough carnage to suit, though I have to warn you, Reggie is making sure the lads will be on their best behavior. REALLY sure. :)Reggie returns the love, and treasures the ~ that Tempest was able to provide! I don't have one in my character set, either! Thank you always for your kind reviews.  :)

10/10

casey

[wondering if I can type and giggle both-at-once]*bows*  My vast appreciation for your ability to provide a bucketful of laughs using only a two-dimensional surface.Thanks for updating & enjoy your holidays.  ~

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

It must be that improbability drive, bending space/time. *wink*Thank you very kindly for reviewing! I consider it a privilege to make a contribution to holiday cheer, any time of year! :-D

10/10

anastacia

You see, that's the nice thing about being drunk, everybody looks good! Drunkness makes the world a better place.I really enjoyed this chapter, but I noticed something: Why men always have more fun than women?! I only hope that one day I will be chased out of a respectful club due to lewd behaviour.

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

*snerk!* I have to wonder if the men thought they were having more fun, especially in light of what happened next! If one of your aspirations is to get chased out of a respectable club for lewd behavior, then Reggie is definitely pleased to make your acquaintance. Thanks for the review!

10/10

Maddy Riddle

perhaps the first thing she needed to do was find Britain.

*giggles madly*

Loved the chapter. The moment I saw it was up I had to read it. That means it's now 7:19AM and I'm still up reading...

Response from dracontia (Author of The Fairy God-Jarvey's Apprentice)

*snicker* Rita Skeeter is going to feel the pain in this one. You'll begin to see what I mean when chapter 6 gets out of the queue...Here's to reading so late it gets early! Thanks for the review!

Displaying Review 1 - 25 of 129 in total
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