XXXIII: Always By Your Side

Thanks go to JKR for letting me play with her characters.

Thanks to Apple Blossom for beta reading.

And thanks to you for reading and reviewing.

Chapter XXXIII: Always By Your Side

Nothing had changed in Severus' old study. The door had resealed itself after my last visit, so nobody could enter.

And that afternoon down in the dungeons, I prayed that Severus would forgive me for ever doubting him.

~ ~ ~

The resolute knocks on the heavy oak door mixed with the tolling of the bell. Ten o'clock sharp. Severus could not help but smile: Morgaine had never let him wait. She had always been punctual.

Dumbledore had left his portrait, but Severus could still hear the old man's voice ringing in his ears: 'Keep your promise, Severus. Protect her.'

Yes, he would keep his promise. Even if it meant risking everything else.

He never let Morgaine enter the office. At her second knock, he flung open the door, grabbed her by the wrist and literally dragged her down the stairs, through the Entrance Hall and out into the grounds. He had no idea where he was heading. He did not even know why he was running, but the castle – the only place he had ever called home – suddenly seemed to suffocate him.

At the edge of the lake, Severus fell dead in his tracks. Dumbledore's white tomb was bathing in the pale moonlight, shining bright in the darkness. The wind was whispering in the treetops, and the water of the lake was softly lapping against the shore. Why had he come here of all places?

He let go of Morgaine's wrist and turned away, his hand feeling strangely empty. He stood still close enough to her to hear her breathing. But he was too scared to turn and look at her, too scared that he might find that she had turned her face away from him. He almost expected her to run away now that he had loosened his grip on her, or at least to take a step away from him, but she didn't move. He could feel her eyes on his back, but still he did not dare turn around. What if her eyes were still as empty as they had been that morning?

Then suddenly there was a silent whisper, the gentle brushing of two minds:

Look at me.

Cautiously Severus turned around, and his dark eyes met her blue ones. He recognised the look. He had seen it many years before, in front of the fireplace, the night Morgaine had come to offer him her friendship. She had understood then. And she understood now.

For a while, they just stood gazing at each other, and the only sound that could be heard was the rushing of the waves against the shore. Then Severus felt Morgaine take his hand, and before he knew what was happening, he felt his body being dragged into the familiar spiral of Apparation.

~ ~ ~

'Where are we?' Severus asked as he had found his balance again.

'Don't you recognise this place?' Morgaine was still holding on tight to his hand.

Severus let his gaze wander over the moss-clad hills. The midnight sun was casting eerie shadows, and he could have sworn that he saw something flitting around in the semi-darkness. He heard the mumbling of the river. And when he knew what to look for, he found the birch tree.

Yes, he knew this place. It had been a dear memory to him for many years. But it seemed lifetimes ago that they had sat there under the very birch tree that Morgaine was leading him towards now.

'Why have you brought me here, Morgaine?'

'I thought we needed some place to talk.'

They settled under the tree, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, just as they had all those years ago. Severus stared at the horizon, and for a long time, neither of them said anything.

When her voice broke the silence, it was soft and warm. 'You were there, weren't you? At Dumbledore's funeral.'

Severus felt her eyes upon him and nodded.

'I sensed you.'

Again, Severus nodded. 'I thought you did.'

'It was foolish of you to come. You could have been caught.'

'I had to take farewell.'

For the second time that evening, Severus turned to look at Morgaine. There were tears shining in her eyes, but he knew that she would not shed them in front of him. Just as he would not shed those tears that were burning in his own eyes.

Forgive me.

He didn't know who had pleaded for forgiveness first, but he knew that their promises had been renewed. Neither of them would ever have to walk alone again.

He reached out for Morgaine and pulled her towards him. Her head came to rest against his chest, and as he held her in his arms, inhaling the comforting scent of sandalwood and honey, he felt as if he had travelled back in time, back to the night of the Harvest Feast, the night when he had lost his heart.

'I should make you stay here,' he whispered as the moon rose over the horizon. 'You would be safe here, at least for a while.'

He felt her shift slightly in his arms, and when Morgaine looked into his eyes, Severus could see that all the warmth and trust had returned.

'I will not let you return alone, Severus. I have promised to stand by your side. And I intend to keep that promise.'

'Those were different times, Morgaine,' he replied as he let his fingers caress her cheek. 'I cannot ask you to keep that promise'

'This is not yours to decide, Severus. I have chosen my fate. I belong by your side.'

He felt her lips brush his slightly before she freed herself from his embrace. As she spoke the incantation, there was not the slightest trace of doubt in her voice: 'Expecto Patronum.'

And as Severus looked after the Wyvern as it danced under the midnight sun, he realised what a fool he had been to ever doubt her loyalties.

~ ~ ~

Having Morgaine by his side was more than Severus had ever hoped for. He drank her strength and absorbed her warmth. She gave without taking. She was there whenever he reached out for her. And he was endlessly grateful.

When he entered the Great Hall at the Start of Term feast, Severus' eyes darted immediately towards the high table. Morgaine was already there, sitting in the chair next to the headmaster's, waiting for him. She held his gaze steadily as he strode through the hall, and he clung to her eyes like a drowning man to a lifebuoy.

The silence in the Great Hall was eerie. Of course, the students knew already that he had been appointed headmaster. The Prophet had given the event a big enough headline. And therefore, there were no gasps of surprise or shock. But the air seemed to crackle, and the hatred that emitted from the students was almost tangible. Severus felt chills go down his spine. He was perfectly aware of the fact that they had never liked him. Many of them had even feared him. But now, they loathed him, thoroughly, passionately.

When he sat down on the headmaster's chair, the Slytherin table erupted in dutiful applause. The offspring of Death Eaters especially cast him meaningful glances. Naturally, they knew who had made him headmaster. And they knew that defying him meant defying the Dark Lord himself. Hence they deemed it best to start off on the headmaster's good side. They were after all Slytherins, self-preservation was part of their nature. But even among his ever so loyal Slytherins, Severus could spot worried faces.

The few worried Slytherin faces were however nothing compared to what the Hufflepuffs had to offer. They were huddled together at their table as if a thundercloud were hovering above them. They could have been reduced to tears by a single word of his, but Severus had no reason to scare them. Not today.

His gaze wandered towards the Ravenclaw table. They all looked at him with eyes schooled for science. Yes, they hated him, too. But they would at least give him a chance as headmaster. They wouldn't judge him too soon but gather facts first. Anything else would be against their nature.

Before he turned to face the Gryffindors, Severus took a deep breath. This was not going to be easy. They had never liked him, but the cold hatred that emanated from them now was overwhelming. Yes, they despised him, loathed him. Every single one of them wished him to die a very slow and painful death. And he couldn't blame them for their feelings. After all, he had killed Albus Dumbledore.

He noticed several empty seats at all the tables. Muggleborns and half-bloods in particular were missing. Good, he thought. At least they were out of harm's way – for a while. As for the others, he had sworn to protect them, and he would look out for each and every one of them as well as he could. If he could help it, not a single one of them would fall victim to the Dark side.

It took him a while to realise that Potter wasn't there, nor were his two sidekicks. Severus hadn't expected any of them to show up either, since they had disappeared after the Death Eater attack at the Weasley wedding. But with Potter away from Hogwarts, he would not be able to protect him anymore. And so Severus could only hope that the boy – just for once – would keep a low profile and that he wouldn't get himself killed, because the Boy Who Lived would be of no use if he was dead.

The Sorting Hat's song resembled the one they had heard the previous year. It warned from the dangers that were lurking outside Hogwarts and advised the students to stand together, be strong from within. Not a chance, Severus thought. They were too scared to trust anyone, especially their new headmaster.

There was no point in making a big start of term speech, he knew that very well. All he could do was repeat the Sorting Hat's message and advise everyone to unite, teachers and students alike. If they didn't stand united, if they didn't trust each other, then there was no way that he was going to be able to protect any of them.

He was relieved when the food appeared and most of the students shifted their attention away from him. Meeting them had been tough and cost far more strength than he had anticipated. And he was unspeakably thankful that Morgaine was right there by his side, looking out for him. He knew that it was not easy for her.

The day after his instalment, he had seen McGonagall take Morgaine aside. And as the both of them could not be found anywhere in the castle for hours, he had understood that the Order had called for a meeting. At first, he had almost felt disappointed that she had attended, but the feeling had passed quickly. Of course Morgaine would still stand on the Order's side. After all, the Order did not fight him personally, but the Dark Lord. And bringing the Dark Lord down was his goal as well.

How long before dinner Morgaine had returned, Severus did not know, but it had been at the dinner table he first caught sight of her. She had looked strangely uneasy. And he could have sworn that her eyes had been red from crying. But when he had tried to approach her, she had shaken her head and turned away.

~ ~ ~

I had never thought that attending an Order meeting could be that demanding. Nobody said anything. Nobody asked me why I still trusted Severus. But I felt their eyes upon me, and I knew that they questioned my loyalties.

I was still part of their plans and was informed about any move against the Dark Lord, just as any other member. But I could not help but wonder if they would convey anything to me if they ever plotted Severus' downfall.

~ ~ ~

The autumn term passed blissfully uneventful. The students as well as the staff kept an amazingly low profile, especially around the Carrows. And Severus was glad for it. The less trouble they made, the easier was his task to protect them. As long as they were invisible, the Dark Lord would have no reason to dispose of any of them.

Severus knew that Morgaine had dutifully attended every Order meeting since the start of term. And he knew that she had become what he once had been, a spy on the headmaster.

Not that there was anything to spy on. She knew as much about his orders from the Dark Lord as any other teacher at Hogwarts did. And even if there were more to know, he would not convey anything to her. She must not know. He refused to let Morgaine be used as a weapon, not against him and not by him. And so he let her attend the meetings of the Order, hoping that they would at least treat her with respect, and making sure that the Carrows never found out that she was leaving the castle.

'How are they treating you?' he asked one evening as he watched her clasp her travelling cloak over her black robes. He had never asked her about the meetings, and to be honest, he was dreading the answer to his question.

Morgaine did not look at him when she spoke, but kept her eyes resolutely on her gloves in her hand. 'Nobody says anything. But the looks on their faces ...' She broke off and started fidgeting with the gloves, feverishly chewing her lip.

Yes, Severus knew just how much strength this took. He knew how it felt to enter a room full of people who were suspicious of you. It was not easy to give your report and then walk out of there with you back straight and you head held high, knowing that the people in the room did not know whether to trust you or not.

He took the gloves from her hands and cupped her chin so she would look at him. 'I am sorry for this, Morgaine.'

'Damn your chivalry, Severus.' She was looking straight at him now, and in her eyes he could see the perseverance of the Slytherin snake as well as the strength of the Gryffindor lion. 'This is not your fault,' she went on, her voice determined. 'Neither of us has ever had a choice in this.'