XIX: Like a Candle in the Dark

Thanks to JKR for some amazing characters.

Thanks to my beta Apple Blossom.

And thanks to you for reading and reviewing.

In this chapter, you will recognise passages from Rowling's 'Hallowe'en' (Philosopher's Stone). I am just borrowing.

Chapter XIX: Like a Candle in the Dark

'Mediocre, attention-seeking, impertinent ...' Severus' voice was filled with contempt, but his face was an inscrutable mask.

Dumbledore had called his staff to his office in order to discuss Harry Potter. The boy had been at Hogwarts for a month now, and Dumbledore wanted to know how he was doing. In Severus' opinion, the headmaster couldn't have chosen a worse day. He had woken up with a pounding headache, and discussing his least favourite student didn't improve his mood.

'I find him very likable,' Professor Sprout said, beaming at Severus.

Of course she did, gullible little woman. Severus glared back at her.

'Considering the fact that he has been brought up by Muggles and hasn't had any magical education whatsoever, I'd say he is doing quite well,' McGonagall said. 'Morgaine here has been keeping an eye on him.'

Severus saw Morgaine chew her lip. He knew that she did this only when she was nervous or concentrating very hard. How come that she had still not given up on this uttermost annoying habit?

'I know how it is to come to Hogwarts without having had any contact with the Wizarding world. It can be rather confusing at times. But Harry is doing all right. He is not the most hardworking student Hogwarts has ever seen, but he is not lazy. He wants to learn. And he does his best.'

Severus shot Morgaine an icy look. Why couldn't she just have called Potter an insufferable brat? Why did she have to take his side? As a matter of fact, he thought that Morgaine had been spending way to much time with Potter anyway. And what was even worse, she seemed to like the boy.

He didn't take his eyes off her as Morgaine continued reporting her observations, but he didn't really hear what she was saying. His thoughts were elsewhere.

Morgaine had been back at Hogwarts for a month now, but Severus had barely spoken to her. They greeted each other politely whenever they met in the corridors and exchanged some collegial words at the staff table but nothing more. And despite the fact that he saw her daily, Severus had to admit that he missed her. Every time when there was a knock at his office door, he hoped that it would be her, that she had come to sit in the armchair by the fire, that she would defeat him miserably at wizard chess, just at she had done years ago. But it was never her.

Severus sensed clearly that they had grown apart, and he blamed himself for it. After all, Morgaine had tried to keep in touch, but he had never replied to any of her letters. And now, she was back, and he was too proud to apologise and too scared that she might turn from him.

He was so immersed in his own thoughts that he barely noticed that the staff meeting had ended. It was when Dumbledore spoke his name that he first realised his colleagues were leaving.

'Severus, a word.'

He stayed seated. When the door had closed, Dumbledore spoke again.

'Don't be too harsh on the boy, Severus.'

He opened his mouth, but Dumbledore cut him short.

'You see what you want to see, Severus. But keep in mind: Harry is not only the son of his father. He is Lily's son as well.'

Then Dumbledore turned a page in the paper that was lying on his desk and said, without looking up, 'Keep an eye on Quirrell, won't you?'

~ ~ ~

I could have sworn that Severus avoided me. I had been back at Hogwarts for a month, and we hadn't spoken once. A polite greeting here and a collegial word there, that was all. He had raised his mental shields and made it very clear that he did not wish me to approach.

I wasted time. We both did. Precious time that we could have shared together. But we were both too proud and too scared to take the first step.

~ ~ ~

It was only with great effort that Severus could force himself to attend the Halloween feast in the Great Hall. He truly hated this holiday. Too many dark and painful memories were attached to it, memories that he wanted to forget.

There was only one Halloween night that he wanted to remember. It hadn't exactly been a happy occasion either, but it had been the first time Morgaine offered him her company: she had abandoned her birthday party to come and check on him, and her smile had lightened up his dark dungeon. Back then, he had not known that she would come to mean so much to him.

One year later, they had spent another Halloween night together. Morgaine had been crying that night. He had uncovered her darkest and most painful memories that night, and then he had stayed by her side until the early morning and promised to protect her.

And now he did not even dare talk to her. All of a sudden, the whole situation seemed utterly ridiculous.

When Severus entered the Great Hall, his eyes darted at once towards the staff table. There she was, talking to McGonagall. And then, she suddenly turned her head in his direction and looked straight at him with a smile on her face. Had she sensed him? Was her mind still in tune with his, although he was trying so hard to keep his barriers up? He held her gaze steadily and politely nodded into her direction before he continued his way towards the staff table.

He had only just sat down, when all hell broke loose. Quirrell came running into the Great Hall, shouting something about a troll in the dungeon, and Dumbledore sent all the students to their dormitories. Nobody took care of Quirrell. He had fainted in the middle of the Great Hall, and suddenly, he was just gone.

Severus knew at once that something was amiss. He had never trusted Quirrell. So while all the other teachers were running to the dungeons, he decided to head for the third floor. And sure enough, there he found Quirrell, who was desperately trying to close the door that was separating him from Hagrid's three-headed dog and its sharp teeth. And as much as Severus would have enjoyed seeing Quirrell being ripped to pieces, he knew that he would have to help him to close the door, unless he wanted Hagrid's beast to run wild in the castle.

He quickly learnt that his colleague was not a grateful man. As soon as Quirrell noticed him approaching, the stuttering fool shot a hex at him that made him stumble and fall right into the gap of the open door. He felt a piercing pain in his leg. The three-headed dog was obviously not picky and had now targeted his leg instead of Quirrell's. With some advanced spells, Severus made the dog let go of his leg and slammed the door shut.

The pain in his leg was excruciating, and he was shaking. He knew that the danger of three-headed dogs was not only that they had three sets of teeth to bite, but that the bacteria in their mouths made wounds infect very quickly and the flesh rot within an hour. He also knew that the wisest choice would be to immediately return to his study to start brewing a healing potion, but he had to follow Quirrell. Who knew what other vicious plans he had in store?

He overtook Quirrell somewhere between the third floor and the girls' toilets, where Potter and his friends had managed to knock out a full-grown mountain-troll. McGonagall was already there when he arrived, and shortly after Quirrell showed up as well, looking as if butter would not melt in his mouth.

Severus knew that he should inform Dumbledore about Quirrell's attempt to make his way past the three-headed dog, but the pain in his leg reminded him that he needed to treat his wounds. Dumbledore would have to wait.

He limped down to his study where he at once started to prepare a healing potion. He needed silverweed, alder, agrimony and sanicle, four delicate plants which had to be freshly cut and boiled immediately in order to have any effect.

His hands were shaking so much that he could barely chop the ingredients for the potion. His leg seemed to be on fire, and there were now spasms going through his body. The cauldron in front of him shifted in and out of focus, and then his knees gave way. He realised that he would crash headfirst into the table, but there was nothing he could do to stop his fall.

Then he felt someone grab his shoulders, and for a second, he saw her blue eyes in front of him. And then everything went black.

~ ~ ~

As all the other teachers, I had been looking for the troll when I had sensed him. At first, I had felt a wave of anger rush over me, and then there had been the sensation of excruciating pain. I didn't know what was happening to Severus. I just knew that I had to find him. And I did not care anymore whether he wanted me to find him or not.

Of course I wondered what had he been doing on the third floor while everybody else had been looking for the troll in the dungeon. But I didn't have time to ponder that question. I had a potion to brew.

~ ~ ~

When Severus came around, it took him a couple of seconds to realise that he was lying in his bed. He tried to sit up but was immediately thrown back onto the pillow by a wave of pain. He hissed angrily.

'I'd hold still if I were you.'

He recognised her voice immediately. Gingerly, he turned his head and caught sight of Morgaine. She was sitting at the foot end of his bed, leaning against the bed post. She looked tired.

'What time is it?' Severus asked in a raspy voice.

'About two thirty in the morning. You've been unconscious for almost three hours.'

Then he remembered. He had seen her eyes before he had passed out. She had kept him from crashing into the table. But what had made her come down to the dungeon?

'You needed help.' Morgaine answered his question before he had phrased it. So the connection between their minds did still exist. 'Now, I have to change your bandages and wash your wounds. This is going to hurt.'

Despite her warning, Severus wasn't prepared for the pain that shot through his leg when she applied the disinfecting potion. Instinctively he jerked away, but she held his leg in a firm grip.

When the pain had ceased and his sight had become clear again, Severus looked at Morgaine. She was working with great concentration, her eyes on the task and her teeth gnawing at her lip. She looked just the same as she had years ago when preparing potions.

'That will do,' she said as she carefully put his injured leg on a pillow. 'Would you like me to give you a Sleeping Potion?'

Severus shook his head.

'Then I'll be back in the morning to change your bandages. Sleep tight.'

She turned to leave, but he called her back before she had reached the door. 'Morgaine, please, stay.'

She turned to face him, cocking her head. Once again, she was looking straight into his eyes.

'Morgaine, I ...' He wanted to tell her that he was sorry for not having replied to any of her letters, but apologising had never been a big talent of his, and the words got stuck in his throat.

She came to stand at the side of the bed, eyebrows raised, arms crossed in front of her chest. 'Yes?'

There was a slightly mocking tone in her voice, and Severus bit his lip. There was so much he wanted to tell her.

'You have been missed, Morgaine.'

Finally, the words he had been longing to say since the day she had come back to Hogwarts had formed. Now, that had not been so hard.

Morgaine sat down at the edge of the bed and took his hand into hers. Carefully, she brushed a strand of hair from his sweaty forehead and looked into his eyes.

'I have missed you, too, Severus.' And then she smiled, just for him. 'You should sleep now.'

Relieved, Severus closed his eyes, knowing that Morgaine would not leave his side tonight, knowing that she would still be there when he woke up in the morning.

~ ~ ~

Once more, everything changed on Halloween. Severus reached out his hand, and I was there to take it, just as I had promised years ago. I was there by his side, watching over him. And he let me.

Suddenly, the wall between us seemed to have disappeared. Suddenly, the closeness we had shared three years ago was back. Suddenly, it felt as if I had never left. And I was unspeakably grateful for it.

A/N: Plants and herbs mentioned in this chapter:

Infusions of silverweed are used to reduce cramps.

Infusions of alder are used to wash wounds and lower fever.

Infusions of agrimony are used to disinfect wounds, so are infusions of sanicle.