XVII: A Bittersweet Farewell

This chapter is dedicated to all those who have loved and lost.

Thanks to JKR for creating Severus Snape.

Thanks to Trickie Woo for beta reading.

And thanks to you for reading and reviewing.

Chapter XVII: A Bittersweet Farewell

The year had passed all too fast. Severus had tried to spend as much time as possible with Morgaine, but it had been too little. He had been busy preparing lessons, and she had been studying for her N.E.W.T.s. Apart from their occasional potion brewing on Friday nights, they had hardly spent any time alone together since January.

But maybe, this had been for the best. Severus didn't trust himself around Morgaine. He was longing for the closeness they had shared last summer, for her touch. Many times, he had wanted to take her into his arms, just to hold her, nothing more. But he knew that he mustn't. She was his student, and he was her teacher. And they both knew the rules.

Morgaine had done well, earning Outstanding in both Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Severus was proud of her. He had talked to Dumbledore about the possibility of taking her on as his apprentice, but the headmaster had said no. Morgaine was to return to Iceland, and there was nothing either of them could do about it. It had been decided years ago.

The end of term celebration was glorious as usual. Slytherin had won the House Cup, and the Great Hall was decorated in green and silver. As Head of Slytherin House, Severus would usually have taken pride in Slytherin's achievements and rubbed McGonagall's nose in it, but this year, he couldn't care less. The only thought on his mind was that Morgaine would be leaving the next morning.

He retired early from the feast. He wasn't in a festive mood. Down in his study he poured himself a glass of wine, a wine so heavy that even the deepest sorrow could be drowned in it, and emptied the glass in one big gulp. The alcohol warmed his body, but it didn't warm his soul. He felt cold and alone that evening.

From his drawer, he took a small box covered with black velvet. It contained his farewell present to Morgaine. He had never given any student a farewell present before, but Morgaine was not just any student. For some reason, which he himself couldn't really understand, Severus wanted her to remember him. His thumb caressed the smooth fabric, and for a moment he feared that Morgaine wouldn't come to see him, that she wouldn't come to say goodbye.

He was so occupied by his thoughts that he didn't hear her enter the room. Suddenly, she was just standing in front of him. She was wearing a dark green, laced gown, her hair was messy as always, and around her neck she wore the Witch's Star. There was a sad smile on her face.

'I came to say goodbye.'

Severus felt a lump in his throat. He wanted to tell her just how much he would miss her, but the words didn't come.

'You have done well, Morgaine,' he said instead. 'This calls for celebration.'

He handed her a glass of wine and proposed a toast. 'To an extraordinary witch.'

Morgaine toasted back at him. 'To an extraordinary teacher.'

She sipped on her wine and wrinkled her nose. Severus could tell that she didn't enjoy it, but he knew that she would drink it because he had offered it to her.

They settled into the armchairs by the fireplace where they had sat so many times before. It had been here that Severus had shared his innermost secrets with Morgaine, and it had been here where she had held his hand in the dark for the first time.

Once more, the light of the flames gave her hair the warm golden-red shine he loved so much. And once more, Severus couldn't take his eyes of her.

'You will be leaving in the morning?' he asked.

'Yes,' Morgaine replied in a low voice. 'Dumbledore arranged a Portkey. I'll be leaving before breakfast.'

Severus just nodded. He knew that she would be leaving. He had known it for a long time. And he knew that there was nothing he could do. But still, he desperately wanted her to stay.

They sat a long time in silence. Morgaine was staring into the flames, and Severus wondered if she was avoiding his gaze. As the clock struck midnight, she turned to look at him, smiling. But the smile didn't reach her eyes.

'Now the school year is over,' she said. 'And I need to go and pack.'

When she rose, Severus reached for her hand. 'Wait.'

He went to fetch the black velvet box from his drawer and pulled out a simple leather necklace. There was a silver dragon dangling from it.

'A Wyvern,' he explained. 'It is a charm. It is supposed to give its owner the skills to get what they want.' He cocked an eyebrow. 'Not that you have ever had any problems with that.'

He led Morgaine towards the mirror where he laid the necklace around her neck. 'It is like it was made just for you.'

His hands lingered on her shoulders, and their eyes met in the mirror. The minutes ticked by as they stood there, gazing into each other's eyes. Neither of them spoke.

Finally, Severus turned Morgaine around and pulled her into a tight embrace. He hadn't held her that close since their last evening on Iceland. When his lips found hers, they were warm and soft and tasted of honey and wine. How he wished he wouldn't have to let go of her.

'Stay with me tonight.'

It had sounded like an order, and for a moment Severus thought that he saw a flicker of uncertainty in Morgaine's eyes, and he was afraid that she would say no. But then he felt her hand close around his, and this simple gesture meant more to him than any words she could have spoken.

He led her into his private chambers. She had seen his study, but this was new territory. He never brought anybody here, it was his sanctuary. He offered her another glass of wine.

'Are you trying to get me tipsy, Professor?' she asked in a slightly mocking voice. And then she laughed. It was the loveliest sound Severus could imagine. It spread through his chambers just as the light of a newly lit candle enlightens a dark room.

'This is the first time in many years these walls have heard laughter,' he said, looking into her sparkling eyes.

Once more, he pulled her close. The warmth of her body was just as comforting as the sound of her laughter. He placed yet another tender kiss on her smiling lips and let his hands slip down her back. He could feel her shiver under his touch.

Suddenly, Severus started feeling slightly uneasy. He had had his fair share of women, but he had never cared for any of them, rarely even asked their name. They had been pleasurable distractions for some hours, and he had often left before dawn, leaving them behind, never to be seen again.

But for Morgaine, he did care, he cared deeply. She would still be there in the morning and so would he. What if he made a fool out of himself? What if he pressured her too much? What if he hurt her?

'Are you having second thoughts, Severus?' Morgaine whispered into his ear. She had always been able to read him like an open book. She had sensed his insecurity.

He looked into her eyes, shaking his head.

'Good,' she said, her voice calm and firm. 'Because I'm not.'

Severus frowned slightly. He was the one who should have been reassuring her, not the other way around. But then he felt her hand close around his once more, and without any more doubts he led her into the bedroom.

Her chestnut hair and her pale skin contrasted beautifully with the silken black colour of his bed sheets. And Severus wished he were a painter, so he could capture the beauty of the moment.

He kept his eyes on hers the whole time. It felt as if he could see right into her mind. He could sense her emotions as clearly as if they were his own. After every kiss, every touch, he paused to read her. He let her reactions guide him and made sure to caress every inch of her body. This night wasn't about him, it was all about her.

As his hand slid up on the inside of her thigh, he felt her stiffen, and suddenly, he detected a flicker of fear in her eyes.

'I will not do anything that you do not want me to do, Morgaine,' he whispered. 'There is no need to hurry, we have all night.'

He kept his eyes fixed on hers as he let his hand wander over her body. He was delighted to see how his touch made the blood go to her cheeks. Once more, he let his hand slip down over her belly and in between her legs. He knew that she was prepared this time, the look in her eyes had given her away. He heard her gasp as he shifted the angle of his hand slightly and smiled. Obviously, he was doing something right.

'Do you want me to stop?' he asked with a slightly mocking tone.

She didn't need to answer, and her kiss made it very clear that she wanted him to continue. He sped up the movements of his fingers and felt her hips press up against his hand in response. He saw her eyes fly open and felt her nails dig into his shoulders. And when she called out his name, he knew that she was ready. He positioned himself between her legs, his eyes still locked onto hers.

He knew that he would have to be careful. It had been quite a while since he had been with a woman, and he didn't want this to end too quickly.

For a brief moment, he considered telling Morgaine that this was going to hurt, but then he changed his mind. She was, after all, not a stupid girl, and she had followed him to his bed on her own account. She must have known what had been waiting for her. He heard her soft whimper, he saw her eyes fill with tears, but what good would it do to stop now?

He tried not to rush, he wanted it to last, but the sweetness of her lips and the warmth of her body made him lose control, he couldn't hold back. Soon, far too soon, he felt his own movements go from smooth to erratic. He heard himself call out her name, and then he collapsed, burying his face at her neck, his whole body tingling from the sensation of his orgasm.

When he had caught his breath again, he shifted his weight and rolled over onto his back beside Morgaine. For a while, he didn't move nor talk but silently stared at the ceiling, feeling slightly sorry and slightly embarrassed at the same time.

Then he felt Morgaine brush a streak of hair from his face, and when she kissed him, he realised that there was nothing to be sorry for. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body close to his, inhaling the scent of sandalwood and honey.

When he kissed her goodnight, he had no idea that he would wake up alone the next day.

~ ~ ~

Leaving Severus in the dead of night was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. How I wanted to stay. How I wanted to be there when he woke up. How I wanted to see that loving look in his eyes again.

I, however, left my heart behind that night. I would never love another man. But then again, that was a promise I had given long before we had ever even kissed.

A/N: The Wyvern is a winged dragon found in medieval Europe. The name 'Wyvern' is derived from the Saxon word 'Wivere', meaning serpent. The Wyvern is a violent and fierce but also very intelligent creature, related to the Basilisk. It symbolises conquest, strength and endurance but also destruction, envy, famine, war, hatred and pestilence. The Wyvern has often been depicted in heraldry on shields, banners and coats of arms.