XXXII: Severus Snape, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Thanks to JKR for letting me play around with her characters.

Thanks to Apple Blossom for beta reading.

And thanks to you for reading and reviewing.

In this chapter, you will recognise passages from ‘The Dark Lord Ascending’ (DH).

Chapter XXXII: Severus Snape, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

‘Do you recognise our guest, Severus?’ The Dark Lord’s voice was cold but at the same time almost triumphant as he addressed his servant.

Severus felt the muscles in his neck tense and tentatively raised his eyes towards the slowly revolving figure that was suspended over the table. He did not want to look. He did not want to know. Then his dark eyes met her blue ones, and he woke up, screaming.

His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought it might crack a rib. His nightshirt was drenched with sweat. He found it hard to breathe. He looked around the room, for a moment at a loss about where he was. But then he recognised the stone walls of the little cottage that had become so familiar to him over the last months. He still returned there several nights a week, despite having been offered more luxurious quarters by some of his fellow Death Eaters and even by the Dark Lord himself. He wanted to return there. The little cottage had become a sanctuary to him, a place where he could disappear, a place where he could rest.

He brought his shaking hands to his face and rubbed his burning eyes. It had been a dream, just a terrible nightmare. The same that had haunted him since the night he had seen Charity Burbage die. Every night when he closed his eyes, he relived the gruesome scene. But in his dream, it was never Charity Burbage who suffered the Dark Lord’s wrath. It was always Morgaine.

Severus buried his face in his hands. How was he going to protect her? If the Dark Lord decided that he wanted to hurt her, kill her – for the sake of revenge or just for enjoyment – there would be nothing he could do to save her from harm. Nothing at all.

He would see her later that day, at Hogwarts, where he was to be presented as the new headmaster. How would she react when she saw him, he wondered. He did not, of course, expect her to wrap her arms around him and rejoice. Not after what he had done. But he desperately hoped that she would at least look at him.

He knew that they were all there, the people he had worked with for seventeen years, his colleagues, his fellow fighters. They were all up in Dumbledore’s old office, awaiting their new headmaster. But none of them knew that he was on his way there, too.

Severus gave an almost inaudible sigh. He wasn’t looking forward to meeting them. He knew what they were thinking of him: in their eyes he was a liar, a traitor, and a cold-blooded murderer. None of them knew the truth. And he couldn’t tell them either. If there was any chance for him to carry out his mission, they couldn’t know, none of them.

He noticed the Ministry clerk in front of him fidgeting with his robes and sweating like a pig as they climbed the stairs to the headmaster’s office and could not help but smirk at the little man and pity him. It could not be a gratifying task to present Lord Voldemort’s most loyal servant as the new headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But the poor clerk had no choice. Just as little as Severus himself could choose whether he wanted to take the position or not.

‘What in the blazing hell are you doing here?’

Sprout’s words hit Severus like a clenched fist when he entered the office through the polished oak door. He had not expected any other reaction, but still, it stung.

‘The Ministry has appointed Severus Snape new headmaster of Hogwarts,’ the clerk announced in a shaky voice.

Sprout’s mouth fell open. McGonagall sank onto the nearest chair. Slughorn looked dumbstruck. And Flitwick gasped for air. But nobody said a word. They just stared at their new headmaster, looks of surprise and terror on their faces.

Severus’ eyes darted towards Morgaine. She was standing by the window, at the same spot that he himself had occupied so many times. She held his gaze steadily, and her face was a stern mask which did not reveal any of her thoughts or emotions. Deep inside, Severus felt proud. He had taught her well.

After what felt like an eternity, he managed to turn away from her to address the rest of his staff.

‘Welcome to another school year.’ His voice was cold, and he looked at his staff with a scowl that made clear that he would not tolerate any interruption. ‘There will be some changes in staff. Alecto Carrow will take over Muggle Studies. Her brother Amycus will teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. The rest of you will continue teaching your usual classes. Professor Slughorn, you will take over as Head of Slytherin House.’

Still nobody moved. Still nobody uttered a sound. They didn’t even react to the appointment of two Death Eaters.

Good, Severus thought. At least they knew when it was best to hold their peace.

‘I expect complete loyalty towards the school,’ he continued. ‘If you feel unable to give me that, then there is the door.’

Still nobody moved. Still they were all just staring at him.

‘I will discuss the new guidelines with each and every one of you in private. For now, you are dismissed.’

They all left without any comment. Nobody even looked at him. It was spine-chilling. And Severus was not sure if he really preferred their silence to any emotional outburst.

Morgaine was just about to close the door behind her and McGonagall when he mustered the courage to call her back.

‘Professor duLac, a word.’

She turned wordlessly to face him. And for a while, they just gazed at each other. The cut under her right eye had healed nicely, only a thin white line suggested that she had been injured. But she looked still pale and tired, and the shadows under her eyes had never been darker. But what shocked Severus the most was the look in her eyes. She had always looked at him with love and understanding, but now this look was gone, replaced by coldness and distance.

‘How are you, Morgaine?’ Her name tasted sweet on his lips. He had longed to say it all summer.

Her voice was calm when she answered his question, and still there was no trace of any emotion on her face. ‘Considering the circumstances, I’d say I am fine, Headmaster.’

Headmaster? No, this was not what he wanted her to call him. He wanted her to call him by his name, with the warm and caressing voice she had used the last night they had spent together, the night when she had given him all the strength he had needed to carry out his gruesome task. Because today, he needed her strength just as much as he had then.

They looked at each other in silence for several minutes. Severus’ heart was aching. He wanted to fall to his knees, beg for forgiveness. But he did not even dare taking a step in Morgaine's direction. What if she shrank away? Or even worse, what if she turned her head away from him?

‘Is there anything else, Headmaster?’ The coldness in her voice cut through Severus like a sword. And he just shook his head.

‘Am I dismissed then?’

Severus nodded and watched her leave. When she had closed the door behind her, he sank onto the nearest chair and closed his eyes. She had promised to be there for him when he returned. She had promised to stand by his side. But right there and then, Severus had no strength left to remind Morgaine of her oath.

After the night Dumbledore died, every day was a fight. I was torn between my heart and my brain and clung to every scrap of evidence that spoke for Severus’ innocence, although there weren’t that many. None, in fact. Everybody believed the account of Harry Potter, the only witness. And why should they not? Harry had seen Severus arrive with the Death Eaters, he had seen him cast the Killing Curse. And the Wizarding world had always doubted Severus’ loyalty. So in their eyes, he was a cold-blooded murderer. And there were days when I believed that, too.

Over the summer, I had come to terms with the fact that the next time I saw Severus, he would either be dead or in Azkaban, and that there was not a damn thing I could do about it.

How many times I cried myself to sleep that summer, I don’t know. But however hard I cried at night, the pain did not go away. It waited there at the side of my bed, ready to sink its fangs into my soul at the first rays of sunlight.

When Severus entered the headmaster’s office, I didn’t know what to think, what to feel. Every fibre in my body was screaming for his embrace. I just wanted to lie in his arms, forget the war, forget the dark times. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare that had haunted me all summer. But my brain told me that he was a liar, a traitor. That he had deceived me in the most despicable way.

When he called me back, my first impulse was to run away. I felt that I was not ready to look into his eyes, not ready to hear the truth. I wanted him to be innocent. I wanted to be able to stand by his side as I had promised to do. But I felt weak, so weak. For every ounce of trust I had given him over the years, I had received two ounces of sorrow and misery. And before I could help him carry his burden, I would have to gather the strength to carry my own. So I walked away, leaving Severus behind. And with every step that I took away from him, the daggers of pain cut deeper into my heart.

I don’t know why I went down to the dungeons. But by the time I had reached the oak door that led to the study that was no longer his, I understood that neither of us would be able to carry on without the other.

Severus called every member of staff to his office separately to discuss the current situation with them. He needed to be sure that they would be loyal to the school. He had promised that no harm would come to the students of Hogwarts. And with two Death Eaters lurking around in the corridors, he would need all the help he could get from his staff. And he hoped that they – for the sake of the innocent children – would cooperate even with him, the murderer of Albus Dumbledore.

They all had the same look in their eyes: they all despised him and saw him as a traitor, a murderer. They all wished that he would burn in hell. And he understood them all too well.

He wished that he could tell them what really had happened, that he could let them in on his secrets. But he knew that he must not. He mustn’t tell them about the plan that lay behind the death of their beloved headmaster. He had to carry the burden alone. But he would do all in his power to make sure that his colleagues kept their mouths shut and with that out of harm’s way. As long as they all played by the rules, the Dark Lord wouldn’t have any reason to dispose of any of them.

It had been a long day. Enduring the icy, reproachful stares of his former colleagues had drained Severus completely. Thankfully, he had talked to every member of his staff now, all but one.

He sank back into his chair and looked at the clock. It was five minutes to ten. Morgaine would arrive any moment. He sighed. What was he going to say to her? He couldn’t use the same speech he had used on his other colleagues. He couldn’t just tell her that she could choose between being loyal to the school and leaving. He knew that she would stay. He had no doubts about her loyalty towards Hogwarts. But from her he needed more.

A polite cough ripped him out of his thoughts, and he turned to face the portrait of Albus Dumbledore. The old man was looking at him with his ever so sparkling blue eyes. Even now, Severus had the feeling that the old man could see right into his very soul.

‘Morgaine will arrive soon, I assume,’ Dumbledore said.

Severus nodded.

‘You cannot tell her, Severus,’ Dumbledore continued. ‘You mustn’t tell her. It is too dangerous for her.’

‘This has been too dangerous for her from the very start,’ Severus retorted. ‘I should never have let you drag her into this.’

‘Now, my dear boy, do not blame me for this,’ Dumbledore replied in an almost patronising tone.

‘Not blame you?’ Severus heard his voice shake, but he did not care. He was losing his patience with the old man and finally needed to get all of this off his chest. ‘You made sure that Morgaine and I were linked together from the very beginning. You made me her tutor. You made me teach her Occlumency. You made me go to Iceland. You made me take her to Malfoy Manor. You …’

His rant was cut short by Dumbledore’s raised hand. ‘I didn’t need to meddle, Severus. You and Morgaine are two of a kind. Smart enough to be in Ravenclaw House, brave enough to be in Gryffindor, loyal enough to be in Hufflepuff, but you were both sorted into Slytherin. You both combine the Dark and the Light. You are a powerful union. You would have found to each other even without me.’

‘You never cared about either of us,’ Severus hissed, not really taking in what Dumbledore had just said. ‘All you wanted was to create the perfect distraction for the Dark Lord.’

‘The defeat of Lord Voldemort has always been my greatest goal, Severus. You have known that for many years.’

‘Do you even care how many lives you destroy to achieve this goal, Albus?’ Severus’ voice was now dripping with hatred.

‘Are you implying that I have destroyed your life, my son?’ Dumbledore asked. ‘I, who gave you the opportunity to repent?’

‘My life?’ Severus almost laughed. ‘My life was destroyed the day the Dark Lord branded me with his Mark. But what about everybody else? All the people who trusted you? What about Lily, what about Morgaine? They both trusted you, and you failed them.’

For the first time that evening, there was a shadow on Dumbledore’s face. He didn’t say anything for a while, and then he just nodded, his eyes fixed on Severus. ‘Morgaine stopped trusting me years ago.’

Severus frowned. Was it possible that he had just heard a note of regret in Albus Dumbledore’s voice? Could it be?

‘But she still trusts you, Severus. Just as she has done since the day that I put her into your care. She still trusts you, and she always will. Don’t let her down now, Severus. Fulfil the promise you have given her years ago. Protect her from the Darkness.’