XXV: In the Arms of an Angel

Thanks go to JKR for letting me play around in her universe.

Thanks to my beta Apple Blossom.

And thanks to you for reading and reviewing.

In this chapter you will recognise passages from 'Veritaserum' and 'The Parting of the Ways' (GoF).

Chapter XXV: In the Arms of an Angel

'He's back. He's back. Voldemort is back.'

Potter's whispers confirmed what Severus had dreaded for the last hour: the Dark Lord had risen again.

He had been patrolling the outside of the maze when the searing pain in his left forearm had made him sink to his knees. He would not have needed to, but he had still pulled back his sleeve. And there it was, the Dark Mark, the mark of sin etched into his flesh, dark and horrid. Yes, the Dark Lord had returned, and he was calling.

Severus was still cowering in the grass, clutching his arm, when Morgaine found him. She didn't need to ask any questions ... one look on the Mark was enough to make her understand. She pulled him up and more or less dragged him back to the start of the maze, to Dumbledore. They arrived just in time to see Potter appear on the ground, clutching the Triwizard Cup with one hand and the body of Cedric Diggory with the other.

'He's back. He's back. Voldemort is back.'

That was all the boy was able to utter. And Severus knew that he didn't have much time left before he would have to face his master.

~ ~ ~

They would be fighting alone. Fudge had made it very clear that he did not believe a word about the Dark Lord's return. In his eyes, Potter was too shocked by Diggory's death to know what he was talking about, and Dumbledore was either losing his marbles or trying to take over the Ministry. He could not even be convinced when Severus showed him the Dark Mark. No, they could not expect any help from the Ministry; the Order would stand alone against the Dark Lord and his followers.

And Severus knew all too well that they would have to stand united if they wanted to have any chance of succeeding. Reluctantly, he did as Dumbledore asked and shook Black's hand. Yes, he would have to get along with his childhood nemesis, his sworn enemy. They all had their role to play, their jobs to do, and they had to try to get along.

'Severus,' said Dumbledore, 'you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready ... if you are prepared.'

Severus nodded. Yes, he was prepared. But that didn't make it any easier. He almost smirked when Dumbledore wished him good luck. Luck was the last thing that could help him that night.

He swept wordlessly out of the hospital wing and descended to his private chambers. Everything was already prepared. His cloak and mask were lying on the chair, and Dumbledore's Pensieve was standing on his desk. He raised the tip of his wand towards his temple and systematically removed all the memories he did not want the Dark Lord to see, all the memories the Dark Lord mustn't see. He had prepared for this all year and knew exactly which memories to pick.

And suddenly, Morgaine was just standing there, looking at him. Severus had not heard her come in.

He saw the fear in her eyes. But as much as he wanted to tell her that everything was going to be alright, he couldn't. Because he didn't know if anything would be alright. He did not even know if he would return.

'I suppose you will join the Order, Morgaine,' he said, his eyes locked onto hers.

'There isn't really any choice, is there, Severus?'

He shook his head. No, there wasn't any choice. This choice had been made the day the Dark Lord had thrust a wand into Morgaine's hand and made her curse her mother. Or even before that, maybe the day Morgaine had been conceived. Or even the day her mother had fallen in love with a Death Eater.

Severus reached out and gently let his fingers caress Morgaine's cheek. He wanted to tell her to be safe, to keep out of harm's way, but he knew there was no point. Nobody was safe anymore.

'I have to go,' he said instead and grabbed his cloak and his mask.

Morgaine simply nodded. She knew that Severus had no choice either. As he passed her on his way out, she grabbed his arm. Again, their eyes locked.

'I'll be waiting for you,' she said. 'When you return, I will be here.'

When, not if. She trusted him. She trusted his abilities to resist the Dark Lord. She trusted his loyalty.

For a brief moment, Severus rested his forehead against Morgaine's. He felt her assuring hand on his shoulder, the warmth of her body against his. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the scent of sandalwood and honey. How he wished that he did not have to leave, that he could stay in her embrace for ever. But he knew that he couldn't. So he straightened, and without looking back at Morgaine, he swept out of the dungeon. He was to meet his master.

~ ~ ~

How many women have sent their loved ones into battle and promised that they would wait for them? How many of them have waited in vain? How many of them have never seen their loved ones return?

We didn't say goodbye that night, Severus and I. It was a brave choice. If he hadn't returned, I would have regretted it forever. But right there and then I was convinced that he would return. And I would wait for him and be there when he needed me.

~ ~ ~

Severus didn't know where he Apparated to. He never knew. Whenever the Dark Lord called, he had to follow the call and do what his master expected him to do. He had never been in a position to ask questions.

He found himself in a big room, a library he assumed. But where this room was, he didn't know. Around him stood his old companions: Malfoy, Macnair, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott and Pettigrew. They all wore their Death Eater robes, they all kept their eyes submissively on the ground. He saw their hands tremble and knew that they had already received their punishments. He could see the traces the Cruciatus had left behind.

And he stood tall, awaiting his own punishment. But it didn't come. No curses were thrown at him. For a while, nothing happened, nothing at all. Then he heard footsteps behind him.

'My most truthful servant has finally returned. Kneel, Severus.'

He didn't need to be told. As soon as he had sensed the Dark Lord's presence, Severus had sunken to his knees, head bent, ready to kiss the hem of his master's robe. 'My Lord.'

'Many of your companions have doubted your loyalty,' the Dark Lord continued, his voice cold and inhuman. They said you would not return. But I knew better. I told them you had your reasons for being late. And now I hope you won't disappoint me. Tell me, Severus, why are you late?'

The Dark Lord entered his mind with a force that would have thrown Severus off his feet, had he been standing. He felt icy fingers probe around in the corners of his mind, looking for answers. But he had been prepared for this, he knew how much he could disclose.

He gave the Dark Lord as much as he could, as much as he deemed necessary, as much as he and Dumbledore had agreed upon, ordinary things, everyday life. But he knew that the Dark Lord would not be content with ordinary things. He could not hope that the Dark Lord would believe that all he had done for the last thirteen years was rolling his thumbs, teaching Potions and scaring students. He had to give him more.

So he gave him Potter. He noticed the Dark Lord's joy as he showed him that Potter was nothing more than an average teenage wizard: impertinent, mediocre, prone to breaking the rules and with just too much luck than what was good for him.

He gave him Dumbledore. Oh, they had prepared this moment carefully. The Dark Lord would never find out just how much Dumbledore knew, just how much Severus had conveyed. He would never know how deeply his so called most faithful servant was involved in the plotting of his downfall.

And he gave him Morgaine. He didn't want to, but he knew that there was no choice. And the Dark Lord took everything he had to offer about Dumbledore's great-granddaughter, the daughter of a Death Eater, the girl who was tempted by the Dark Arts and who, by now, was the newest member of the Order of the Phoenix.

She will be useful one day. Lucius' words were echoing in Severus' mind, and there and then he finally understood their meaning. And it terrified him more than anything else.

He didn't know how long the Dark Lord had been examining his mind, but when the contact broke, Severus collapsed. He found it hard to breathe, his throat was tight, and he felt the urge to vomit.

'Rise, Severus.'

The tone in the Dark Lord's voice made it very clear that there was no other choice than to get up. Inch by inch, Severus picked himself up from the floor. His whole body was shaking. But he came to stand tall in front of his master.

'For now, I am content, my friend,' Severus heard the Dark Lord whisper. 'Your companions, on the other hand, might be harder to convince. Good luck, Severus.'

For the second time that night, this phrase made Severus smirk. No, luck was not what he needed. He stared after his master as he strode across the room and saw the door close. It was in this very moment that the first curse hit him in the back and made him fall to the floor once more.

~ ~ ~

It was near dawn when Severus returned to Hogwarts.

The Dark Lord had been right, his fellow Death Eaters had indeed been hard to convince of his loyalty. But Severus wondered if all the torture really had been about his loyalty or if they had just needed to find an outlet for their own frustration.

He had never stood a chance. He had been outnumbered, and when the first spell had hit him in the back, he had dropped his wand. They had cast spell after spell, and he had not had any means of defending himself. He hadn't screamed, not once. He would not have given them the satisfaction.

They had always disliked him, each and every one of them. Some feared him for his powers, some looked down on him because he was a half-blood, and some were jealous of him because the Dark Lord favoured him. And tonight, they had all shown him just how much they hated him.

They had let him go after what seemed to be an eternity. They had hurt him but not managed to break him. And as he had left, he had carried himself tall. And he had not looked back.

Now, he was stumbling down the stairs and along the dungeon corridor, supporting himself against the wall. He was indescribably thankful that he didn't meet anyone.

As he staggered into his chambers, he saw Morgaine stepping out of the shadows. Her face was pale, and her hands were shaking, and Severus knew that she must have felt his pain all night, his torment. She shouldn't have. He shouldn't have allowed it.

He took some steps towards her, and when he felt her grab his shoulders, he thankfully sank into her arms. And then everything went black.

When he awoke, the sun was setting. His whole body was aching. Every single muscle, every sinew seemed to be on fire. His head was spinning, and he felt like throwing up. He closed his eyes again, taking some deep breaths. Then he felt a hand on his left shoulder, a small hand with a warm and tender touch.

He opened his eyes and gingerly turned his head. The single candle on his nightstand gave just enough light for him to make out Morgaine's silhouette. She was sitting on the bed beside him with her back against the headboard and her knees pulled up to her chin. So he hadn't been dreaming. Morgaine was really there, sitting beside him, watching over him.

With the greatest effort, Severus moved his right hand to touch hers. Then he passed out again.

It was early morning when Severus regained consciousness. The candle had been extinguished and the soft light of dawn was filling his chamber. He was alone. He tried to sit up but quickly understood that it had been a bad idea to try. The pain was atrocious, and the whole room was spinning around him.

'You shouldn't be moving,' Morgaine said as she re-entered the chamber, carrying a washbowl.

Severus sank back onto his pillow and closed his aching eyes. He was relieved. For a terrifying moment, he had been afraid that she had left him.

He felt her charm off his sweat-drenched nightshirt, and then he felt warm water on his skin. He opened his eyes. Morgaine was sitting beside him on the edge of the bed with her back towards his head. She was holding a soft sponge in her hand and carefully washed his hurting body, his legs, his chest, his arms.

When she laid her hands upon his left arm, Severus jerked it away. Not the Dark Mark. He didn't want Morgaine to touch something that foul. But she calmly continued her work.

'What are you doing here?' His voice wasn't much more than a whisper. Even speaking hurt.

'Taking care of you, as I promised that I would.' Her voice was warm and calm, caressing his soul.

'I do not deserve being taken care of,' he responded in a bitter tone. 'I am back in the fold. Your Boggart has come alive. You should despise me.'

She put the washbowl onto the nightstand and turned to look at him. Her blue eyes met his dark ones. Her gaze was steady. 'I have promised to stand by your side, Severus. Don't push me away.'

As he closed his eyes, Morgaine's words were echoing in Severus' head. He had heard them before, many years ago, the night he had shared his darkest secrets with her. Yes, that night she had promised to always stand by his side. And he had pushed her away, so many times. And still, she was there, right by his side.

After a while, he heard her leave. She must have thought that he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes to look at the door she had closed behind her and felt tears burn in his eyes.

~ ~ ~

It was mid-morning when Morgaine returned. She had entered so silently that Severus had not heard her. Suddenly she had just been standing beside his bed.

'How are you feeling?' she asked, her voice warm and calm just as it always was.

Severus shrugged slightly, and even this little movement sent daggers of pain through his body.

'I need you to drink this.' She held out two phials towards him, one containing a painkiller, the other a Strengthening Potion. 'Dumbledore wants to see you. The Order is here.'

Of course they were. And Severus knew that they were eagerly awaiting his report.

Morgaine helped him sit up, supporting him with her left arm around his shoulder. He gagged as he drank the potions. His body didn't react positively to the intake of the liquids. For a while, they were just sitting there. Severus leant heavily against Morgaine, and she cradled him at her chest, stroking his hair, warming him. Just as she had promised that she would.

'Are you ready?' she asked when he had stopped shaking, and he nodded, although he had preferred to stay in her arms just a little while longer.

She helped him to get dressed and led him up the staircase to Dumbledore's office. Again, the corridors were deserted. They didn't meet anyone on their way.

When they reached the headmaster's office, Morgaine stepped away from him. At first, Severus didn't know why, but as he looked into her eyes, he understood: she wanted him to walk into the office tall and proud, just as he always did.

'Thank you', he said in a soft voice, and Morgaine smiled at him.

He felt her thoughts brush his own, and as he opened the door, he heard her whisper: 'I'll be right there beside you.'

They were all there: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, Moody – haggard but in remarkably good shape for having been locked up in a trunk for nine months – the Weasleys, Figg, Fletcher, Lupin, Black, and a young witch with bubble-gum pink hair. They had all been deeply immersed in discussion when Severus and Morgaine entered, but immediately fell silent as they caught sight of them.

Dumbledore was the first to speak: 'Have you seen him?'

Severus nodded. 'Yes, Headmaster, I have seen him. The Dark Lord has returned.'

He kept his voice calm and steady as he gave an accurate description of the night's events. He stood tall and refused to sit down although it took an enormous amount of strength and willpower to keep his body from shaking. And all the time Morgaine was there, right by his side, just as she had promised. They all had thousands of questions, but after Severus had given his report, Dumbledore dismissed the rest of the Order.

When the door closed, Severus felt himself being pushed upon a chair. He didn't resist, he had no strength left. Morgaine made him drink another dose of painkiller and Strengthening Potion. And again, he didn't resist.

'Can't this wait, Dumbledore?' Severus heard her ask. 'He is exhausted.'

He felt her standing behind him. She couldn't be more that a few inches away from him, he could feel the warmth of her body. It seeped through his skin and seemed to ease the tension in his muscles.

'No, my child, it cannot wait. It mustn't. You may wait for him outside if you want to, but right now, I must ask you to leave.'

Morgaine did as she was told. She always did. She left and closed the door behind her, and Severus knew that she would be standing there, waiting for him when he left the office.

He heard Dumbledore pull up a chair beside him, and he opened his tired eyes to look at the older wizard.

'Severus, I must know. What did you show him?'

'I showed him what we agreed on, Headmaster,' he answered.

'Is this all, Severus?'

He felt his throat tighten. He wanted to scream, he wanted to rage, but he didn't have the strength. His voice wasn't more than a whisper when he spoke.

'Morgaine, I have given him Morgaine.'

Dumbledore nodded. 'I thought you might have.'

'It was a mistake, I should not have ...'

'No, maybe you shouldn't have,' Dumbledore answered, his voice somewhat softer now. 'But he would have found out about her sooner or later. Would you have preferred your friend Lucius Malfoy telling in about her?'

Severus shook his head. Again, Lucius' words were echoing in his mind: She will be useful one day.

He raised his gaze and stared at Dumbledore, suddenly realising that maybe, Lucius Malfoy was not the only one to have plans with Morgaine.

~ ~ ~

Morgaine was waiting for him when he left Dumbledore's office, just as she had promised. She took his arm and led him back to his chambers where she made him sit down in his armchair and drink another potion. Then she settled in the chair opposite him, and Severus felt her eyes resting upon him.

'How was he?' she asked. 'The Dark Lord.'

He had known that she would ask, but still he wasn't prepared. He sighed deeply.

'He is even colder now, appalling, totally inhuman.'

There were no words to describe what he had seen, Severus knew that. So he reached out for Morgaine's hands and opened his mind. The scene seemed oddly familiar. They had been sitting there once before. That night he had shown her things that were too terrible to put into words as well. And once more, Morgaine did not shrink away despite the evil he showed her.

But as thankful as Severus was, he knew that he had to push her away if he wanted to protect her.

'Morgaine, when the Order has established headquarters, I want you to go there for the summer. Or even better, go back to Iceland. You must not return to Spinner's End. You must not. It is too dangerous.'

He saw the questioning look in her eyes. He knew that she wanted to hear his reasons for keeping her away. But what could he say? That he loved her too much to see her come to harm? That he was scared of losing her?

Yes, that was exactly what he should have said, Severus knew that. But he did not dare. Instead, he took her face into his hands and looked deep into blue eyes.

'Swear that you will not come to Spinner's End, Morgaine. Swear.'

She took his hands into hers and held them to her chest, her eyes still locked onto his. She swore not to come to Spinner's End. But Severus knew that she would always be there for him whenever he reached out his hand for her.

A/N: As there is no point in re-writing something that is already perfect, the line

'Severus,' said Dumbledore, 'you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready ... if you are prepared.'

is directly taken from 'The Parting of the Ways' (GoF, p.773) and thus belongs to JKR.