XVI: See but Not Touch

Thanks to JKR for some amazing characters. Thanks to Trickie Woo for beta reading. And thanks to you for reading and reviewing.

Chapter XVI: See but Not Touch

Severus was unpacking his trunk: Potions books, a new cauldron, some herbs, nothing unusual, just necessary things. Outside, the rain was pouring down, and that kind of weather fitted his mood perfectly.

After leaving Iceland, he had returned to Spinner's End, to an empty house, an empty life. He would never have thought that he would miss Morgaine so much. He had spent some of the most peaceful days of his adult life with her that summer, and now, every moment away from her felt like a moment lost.

He hadn't been able to cope with the emptiness of his house, and so he had decided to return to Hogwarts, three weeks prior to the start of term. And now he was there, unpacking and trying to settle in again.

A knock on the door made him lift his head.

'Good afternoon, Severus,' the headmaster said in his soft voice. 'I saw you arrive, and I thought I'd come down and have a chat with you.'

Severus looked at the headmaster, who had already made himself comfortable in one of the armchairs by the fireplace.

'I assume you are here to inquire about my summer, Headmaster,' Severus stated in a slightly mocking tone. After all, that was what Dumbledore usually came to see him about at the end of summer.

The old man smiled. 'My dear Severus, for once, I know perfectly well how your summer has been.' His eyes were twinkling. 'No, Severus, I have not come down here as your headmaster but as a concerned great-grandfather.'

Of course he had. Severus abandoned his trunk and sat down opposite Dumbledore. If the old man had come down here to tell him off, he would have his defence ready. He had not done anything indecent, and it had, after all, been Dumbledore himself who had invited him to come and visit Morgaine on Iceland.

'She is a charming little witch, isn't she?'

Severus nodded, holding Dumbledore's gaze steadily.

'Quite ... engaging.'

Again, Severus nodded. And at the same time, he was getting annoyed at the old man. Why could he never come to the point straight away?

'Just seventeen summers.'

There it was. Dumbledore had come to remind him that Morgaine was just a child.

'And you are her teacher,' Dumbledore continued.

Yes, he was. Severus knew this all but too well.

'She is your student.'

'Are you telling me to stay away from her?' Severus heard the bitterness in his own voice, but he did not care. He had lost his patience with the old man. Somebody had to address the matter, and as long as Dumbledore was beating about the bush, he could just as well be the one to do it.

To his surprise, Dumbledore chuckled. 'Telling two Slytherins not to pursue their goals? Severus, please, I might be old but I am not naïve.' He leaned forward, looking at the younger wizard.

'And as I have already told you, love is too rare a gift to cast it aside. No, Severus, I am not asking you to stay away from Morgaine. That would be straight out cruel, since both of you seem to blossom in each other's company. I am simply asking you to be ... discreet. She is still your student for one more year.'

'And I am her teacher. We have been over that already, Headmaster.'

'Good. Then we understand each other.' Dumbledore rose from his chair. 'One day you will have to tell me where you bought these chairs, Severus. They are amazingly comfortable.'

Severus arched an eyebrow in surprise. Dumbledore had an astonishing talent of being able to change the subject in a heartbeat.

'I will find out if they are still in production, Headmaster,' he answered.

'Lovely. Now, dear Severus, continue unpacking. I will see you at dinner. The house-elves have made a delicious lamb casserole.'

Dumbledore had already reached the door when he turned around to look at Severus once more. 'And do remember that Morgaine will have to return to Iceland next summer. That decision is final.'

Severus nodded in acknowledgement. He was aware of that, far too aware.

~ ~ ~

Seventh-year Slytherins and Gryffindors had their first joint Potions lesson of the term on Tuesday morning.

Severus was pacing the classroom several minutes before the lesson was about to begin. He felt unusually nervous. He had only caught a glimpse of Morgaine at the start of term feast, and he hadn't had any chance to speak to her yet. He wondered if Dumbledore had been talking to her as well.

At eight o'clock sharp, he opened the door to his classroom. The seventh-years streamed inside, chatting and giggling. Severus spotted Morgaine at the end of the line, beside Bill Weasley. When she passed him, she smiled at him, just as she always did.

'Good morning, Professor Snape.'

He nodded politely into her direction. Just as he always did. Now, that hadn't been too difficult.

He closed the door after the last student and strode across the classroom, his black robes billowing behind him. Morgaine was sitting in the front row, beside the Weasley boy. Yes, everything was just as usual.

Severus spent a good part of the seventh-years' first lesson lecturing them about their upcoming N.E.W.T.s. He expected nothing more than perfection from them, and they had to be aware of that from the start of the school year.

For the rest of the lesson, they worked silently and once more, Bill and Morgaine finished first. And once more, Severus found nothing to criticise.

'Miss duLac, a word,' he said at the end of the lesson when the students were already filing out of the classroom.

Morgaine turned and walked back towards him, coming to a halt about three feet away from him. She looked straight at him with her blue eyes, and for a second, Severus felt his knees go soft. Then he straightened and cleared his throat.

'Miss duLac, are you interested in earning extra credits for your N.E.W.T.s?'

He had chosen to address her with her last name. She was, after all, his student as Dumbledore had pointed out just a couple of days ago.

'What do you have in mind, Professor?' Morgaine asked in a matter-of-fact tone.

Professor? Now, that didn't feel right. He wanted to hear her say his name. He wanted her to talk to him in the warm and loving tone he had gotten used to over the summer. But he knew that it was better this way.

'You would be assisting me with some advanced potions. Are you available Friday evenings at eight o'clock?'

Severus bit his tongue. What a lousy invitation. He could just as well have put her in detention.

He was relieved to see her smiling at him when she inclined her head in acknowledgement. Obviously, she had understood what he had meant to say. When she turned to leave, he called after her once more.

'Morgaine.'

Her name felt so sweet on his tongue.

She turned to look at him, the look in her eyes somewhat softer than before.

'Has Dumbledore been talking to you?' he inquired.

Morgaine nodded, chewing on her lip.

'So we know where we stand?' He paused. 'Miss duLac?'

'Yes, we do, Professor Snape. We do.'

~ ~ ~

It wasn't easy. Dumbledore had made it quite clear that he expected us to be discreet. Of course we would be. I was Severus' student, and he was my teacher. An appreciative glance in class, a handshake at the door, that was all, and we both knew that it was for the best.

But we both knew the rules, and we would follow them.

~ ~ ~

Severus was idly flicking through a stack of parchment lying on his desk. Grading papers was the last thing he felt like doing at that moment. His eyes kept darting towards the clock on the wall: twenty to eight, nineteen to eight, the minutes seemed to be stretching into hours. He had told Morgaine to come at eight as usual, but he sincerely hoped that she would come earlier.

Half the school year had already passed. It was the first Friday of January. Morgaine had spent the Christmas holidays with her grandmother, and since she had returned to Hogwarts, he had only seen her once, during Potions class. Now, he had invited her to brew a potion with him over the weekend. All with Dumbledore's blessing.

He had chosen Plagium Mentis, a potion that was normally not taught at Hogwarts. But he had been searching for a potion to suit his protégée, and Plagium Mentis fitted perfectly. First, it was complicated enough to be a challenge for her. And second, he had seen her eyeing his books about the Dark Arts. Obviously, she was getting interested again. As a matter of fact, even her DADA teacher had pointed out just how interested Morgaine was. And Severus knew that she was not only interested and curious but also incredibly stubborn. Sooner or later, she would try one of these potions, and when she did, he wanted to be able to keep an eye on her.

Finally, there was a knock on the door. Seven to eight, Severus smiled; she was always early.

'Good evening, Professor Snape.'

'Good evening, Miss duLac.' It still felt strange to call her by her last name, although he had been doing it the whole year. 'Are you ready for your first thirty-six-hours potion?'

She nodded.

'Then have a look at the ingredients.' He pointed at the ingredients he had already laid out on the table.

After having examined them for a while, Morgaine looked at him, frowning. 'Some of these ingredients are restricted, sir.'

'Yes, they are. They are not to be handled by underage wizards and witches. But if I am not mistaken, Miss duLac, you came of age two months ago.'

Morgaine nodded, but the look on her face told Severus that she had more to say. 'This is a Dark potion.'

'What makes you think that, Miss duLac?'

'It's the night of the new moon. You don't exactly start healing potions on a night like this.'

Severus nodded. She had certainly done her homework.

'This potion, Miss duLac, is not listed as a Dark potion and hence not restricted. It is, however, not part of the curriculum. It will enable the brewer to bewitch the mind of any person. For it to work, the brewer has to pour his or her very soul into it. This will irrevocably link the brewer and the drinker. You must be aware of that.'

'For all you do comes back to you.'

'What was that, Miss duLac?'

'Nothing, sir.'

He saw her bite her lip and frowned. It had not been more than a murmur, but he could have sworn that she had been citing the age-old Counsel of the Wise Ones. He did not, however, pursue the matter further.

They spent the first couple of hours working in silence. Morgaine treated the ingredients carefully, using as little magic as possible so she wouldn't diminish the magical power of the plants and herbs they were using. Severus was pleased. She had learnt a lot over the last four years.

By four o'clock on Saturday morning, the potion was well on its way, and all they had to do for the next couple of hours was to make sure that it wouldn't boil over. Severus could see that Morgaine was tired, but he knew that she was too stubborn to admit it.

'Sit down and have a cup of tea, Miss duLac. The elves will bring sandwiches.'

Once more, his tone was much harsher than he had intended it to be. Why ever would he make an invitation sound like an order? But it seemed to bother him more than it did Morgaine.

'I'll brew the tea,' she said, smiling. 'Never trust an elf with tea.'

Severus sat down and watched her closely. She handled the tea leaves with just as much care as she treated potions ingredients. After a couple of minutes, she handed him a steaming cup. He took in the scent.

'Violets, lavender, and what else?'

'Elderflower,' Morgaine replied. 'It clears the mind.'

'Your knowledge of herbs and flowers never ceases to amaze me, Miss duLac.'

Morgaine laughed. 'It is nice to be able to surprise you now and then, Professor.'

Saturday passed without any disturbances. They worked on their potion, drank tea, ate sandwiches and talked. It was a peaceful day, and Severus wished that it could always be that way.

By midnight, they had come to the part of the process that demanded uttermost concentration: the spell work. It required not only complete attentiveness but also great physical and mental strength. Morgaine did well, and Severus was pleased with her. He knew that this was an exhausting kind of work, and he was therefore not surprised when she asked to be excused.

He noticed her swaying slightly when she walked to the door, but he didn't worry. They had been working for thirty hours, of course the girl was tired. But when she hadn't returned from the bathroom after ten minutes, he decided to go and check up on her.

The door to the girls' bathroom was ajar and light was streaming out into the corridor. There was no answer when he knocked.

'Miss duLac?' Severus called and knocked again.

Still no answer. He pushed the door open. There she was, bent over one of the sinks, clinging to it, her face chalky white.

'Morgaine.'

He approached her silently. And as she didn't turn to face him, Severus wondered if she had even noticed him. She flinched as he touched her. He could feel her tremble. She was completely exhausted.

With his free hand, he grabbed a towel, moistened it and handed it to her. She took it from his hand and pressed it against her face. After a couple of deep breaths, she straightened up, and her eyes met his in the mirror.

'I'm sorry,' she said with a tear-filled voice.

Gingerly, Severus put his arm around her shoulders. 'Let me take you back.'

Back in his study, he sat her down in the armchair by the fireplace and handed her a goblet.

'Drink.'

She did as she was told. When she had drained the goblet, the colour was returning to her cheeks.

'I'm sorry, sir,' she said again, rubbing her eyes. 'It seems as if I don't have what it takes.'

The note of disappointment in her voice annoyed Severus. Silly girl, she had been doing just fine. 'I am impressed that you made it so far,' he said. 'I should have made sure that you drank and ate properly while we were working. And now, I should send you to bed.'

He saw her opening her mouth in protest and cut her short by raising his hand. 'However, as I know how stubborn you are, Miss duLac, I just ask you stay seated for a while.'

'Yes, sir,' Morgaine said with a slightly mocking tone in her voice. But she did take off her shoes and crawled up in the chair. And Severus knew that she appreciated his suggestion. Within minutes, she had fallen asleep.

Severus smiled. The effect of the Sleeping Potion he had given her would wear off just in time for her to finish their potion in the morning.

He pulled a blanket out of a cupboard and wrapped it around Morgaine. Then he sat down in a chair opposite her. He had watched her sleep only once before, the night he had discovered her dark memories. That night there had been tears running down her cheeks all night. But tonight, she slept peacefully. And he just sat opposite her, watching her, memorizing her face. In only a couple of months, she would be leaving Hogwarts, leaving him, and already he dreaded the day they would have to say goodbye. Would he dare telling her how much she meant to him? Or would he just let her go?

Their potion was almost ready when Morgaine woke up.

'Did I fall asleep?' she asked, terrified.

'Actually, I made you fall asleep,' Severus replied with a slightly amused tone, waving the empty goblet in front of her. 'You should know better than drinking a potion you do not know.'

Morgaine tightened her lips and tried to give him an angry look, but then she laughed. 'You're not playing fair, Professor.'

Severus smirked. 'No, I am not. And now, if you are feeling better, I want you to finish our potion.'

By the time they were sealing the last phial of the potion, Sunday morning was dawning.

'You have done well, Miss duLac,' Severus said. 'You should consider a career in Apothecary.'

She sighed. 'I wish I could.'

'You will return to Iceland this summer?'

'I don't really have a choice, do I, Severus?'

Hearing her saying his name hit Severus right in the heart. This wasn't fair. Why did she have to leave?

He silently took Morgaine's hand into his, and for a brief moment he just held it, looking into her eyes. He hadn't touched her since last summer, and this little gesture was all he dared.

A/N: Plagium Mentis, kidnapping of the mind: derived from the Latin words mens – mind, spirit and plagium – kidnapping

'Take caution of the next law too. For all you do comes back to you.' Wiccans will recognise this line as a part of the Wiccan Rede. It can however even be found in other religions.