Chapter 48

Hermione entered their rooms and found that Severus was still not back from his rounds. There was a note from him telling her he would be waiting for her at the staff table in the Great Hall for dinner. He didn't appear to know she'd been gone, and that was how she wanted it. She cleaned her clothing and took a quick shower to wash the scent of the prison and the sea from her body and her hair. She hoped he would appreciate her surprise. She was nervous about this decision. Seeing Malfoy had not been the trial she had thought it might. He had changed. He wasn't the deranged man who had attacked her. He was clean and sober, and there was a kindness about his eyes. She wondered if Severus realized that his faith in people could change them. Scorpius was different and now so was Lucius. She wondered if Severus had a gift he didn't know about. Helping people would be the last thing he would expect to be good at...but look at the evidence.

She picked her robe up and slipped it on. She would ask Poppy to go see Molly and ask if she needed any help. Hermione thought about her visit to the Ministry. After her visit to Azkaban, she'd gone to the Ministry to sign his release papers. Having been the person who'd brought the charges against him, she had the right to modify that complaint and have him released earlier to home arrest.

The minister had stared at her for some time when she had requested that Lucius be allowed to attend the Bonding. Kingsley had questioned her for nearly five minutes as to why she would even consider possibly bringing those memories up.

Hermione had finally convinced him she'd put it all behind her. Wasn't that what forgiveness was about? It gave second chances, and everyone needed a second chance. She did, however, reserve the right to carry her wand up her sleeve. She had no reservations about protecting herself, and she would Obliviate Malfoy into the psych ward at St. Mungo's if he so much as laid a finger on her with a malicious intent. She grinned to herself and headed for the Great Hall.

Severus had worked all afternoon using the potion ingredients Scorpius and Albus had carefully prepared for him. He had watched the boys work with envy as they sliced, diced, and ground the ingredients to perfection.

He'd been trying hard to ignore the pain his injury was causing him...not physically, but mentally. He felt inadequate. He couldn't hold his wife close with both arms. Having sex was awkward, and Hermione had to help him dress. It was getting harder and harder to bottle up his emotions. He prayed this potion would work. He'd found it in a very old book in the Ministry. It had some rare ingredients. Luckily, when he was Voldemort's Potion's master, he'd collected a number of rare items and placed them on a secret shelf in his rooms. Plus, Albus' stores had proved invaluable. He'd nearly forgotten about his stash until this afternoon. He'd returned to their rooms and found them still stored under a stasis spell he'd invented. The life of the spell had astounded him. It suddenly occurred to him that he'd shared the spell with Albus. What if the old man had used a variation of that spell to encase him? He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. Had he been a party to his own incarceration in that bubble? He'd felt his fury rise, and he'd had to clamp it down. Wasn't he already in a precarious state? No, he would not compound the wall by creating a new one on top of it. He used his wand to preserve the potion he was working on and went to have dinner.

Hermione was waiting for him at the table, and he bent to kiss her forehead as he took his seat. "How was your day?" he asked.

"It was productive," she said and was glad when he did not press her. "What about yours. Did you get the potion started?"

"Yes." He took a goblet of pumpkin juice and sipped it. "It will be done tomorrow. Would you come back to the lab with me after dinner and help me stir the last ingredients into it? I know the boys would come if I asked, but they need to do their homework."

Hermione was delighted that he'd asked her. "Of course I will." She turned as Poppy took the seat beside her and said, "Poppy, I told Molly you would come tomorrow and help her with the arrangements. Severus and I are both here, and we do know a bit about healing. We can keep watch. If anything comes up, I will send my Patronus. I've already asked Minerva."

Poppy grinned and rubbed her hands together. "A day off and a Bonding to plan for. That's a rare treat. Thank you, Hermione."

Hermione nodded. "I have to go to Diagon Alley the next day and get my gown. Severus, do you want to go with me? Is there anything you want to look for?"

Severus nodded. "Yes, I do have a few things to get. We can go as soon as your last class is done. It's an early day, and that will work well for all of us.

Poppy was grinning as ideas shifted through her mind. She knew Hermione and Severus didn't want anything elaborate, and she knew she would have to head off a few of Molly's ideas. Their bonding should be small, elegant, and simple. Severus, being as he was, would not want anything else. She was glad he felt this was the thing to do. She knew it would help Hermione stabilize her emotional difficulties. There was no going back from the way they planned to bond: It was forever.

She watched them for the rest of the dinner. They did not speak a great deal, but they touched more. She could see that Severus was breaking through the walls he'd placed around himself. Between the potion and the bonding, she was sure he would return to the Severus who had fallen out of the bubble: a more relaxed man who enjoyed his life and wasn't afraid for people to see that...like the boy she known when he was a teenager at the cabin during the summers. He laughed, played on the beach, watched TV, and danced to rock music. That was the Severus she knew. The man he'd become after the Dark Mark had hurt her heart so much. The evil took away his joy. Watching the pain he experienced because of his choices had been difficult. She honestly had never hoped to see that young man again; but with Hermione, he could be a new man who was free of his past and his pain. She realized that Severus and Hermione had risen from the table and he was telling her something.

"... going to the lab to finish the potion. Do you want me to come to the infirmary when I ingest it, Poppy?"

"Yes, please. I would like to be in attendance. We have no idea what this might do to you." She had been quite worried about him trying such an ancient potion, but she had not been able to talk him out of it.

Severus nodded. "Alright, we will be in your office in about two hours. It should be complete by then. If it's the right color, I will want to try it tonight." He bent and placed a kiss on her right temple and took Hermione's hand.

Hermione grinned at Poppy and mouthed behind Severus' shoulder, He's on his way back.

Poppy gave her a thumbs-up as Severus guided her out of the room.

Minerva, who'd been quiet throughout dinner, asked Poppy, "He's getting better, isn't he? It shouldn't be too long now."

Poppy smiled and said, "Yes, he's better. I don't think he even realizes how close he is to breaking out of that shell. Minerva, I want to see him enjoy this pregnancy." She said quietly, "It won't be long before Hermione starts to show."

"It's a good thing we wear robes. Why, I remember when I was pregnant with my first son..."

Poppy's eyes grew large.

****

Severus continued to hold Hermione's hand as they walked toward the lab next to Minerva's office. They stood in silence after the code was given to the phoenix, and they rode the steps upward.

"Are you afraid, Severus?" Hermione asked as they crossed Minerva's office to the lab's entrance.

"I'm not sure afraid is the word. I'm excited, concerned, and maybe afraid for you if something happens to me. I'm sad that I may not get to know our child."

Hermione tightened her hold on his hand. "You don't have to do this. I don't want to lose you." Her fingers tightened almost painfully on his.

"I need to be whole, Hermione. If I am to be a husband and father, I need to be a whole man."

Hermione smiled sadly at him. "Severus, physical infirmities don't make you less of a man in my eyes. I love you no matter what difficulties your body experiences."

"Please understand: I need to be myself again. My profession is an important part of my life. Perhaps it's selfish of me to take this risk, but I really believe it will be all right."

Hermione took a deep breath. "It will be all right," she parroted him, praying under her breath, God, please let it be all right. We have been through so much together. We still have a lot more life to live and love to give.

They entered the lab, and Severus released the cauldron from its stasis field. He proceeded to tell her exactly what it needed and to watch as she expertly prepared the final potion ingredient. Then he measured the amount and told her how to stir the potion.

Hermione forced herself to listen carefully and do exactly as he told her though she felt conflicted inside. When it was done, they stood looking at the color, willing it to turn the indigo it was supposed to be. Then it flared, sending up a scent that neither of them had smelled before: peaches, wine, apple, and mango all wrapped together in a fine mist. Then the color turned the dark blue they had been hoping for.

Hermione felt herself begin to tremble, and Severus slipped his arm around her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm scared for you. Do you know how much I love you?" She laid her head against his chest when he pulled her close.

He felt inadequate; she needed comfort, but he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I am being selfish but I need this, Hermione. I need to be whole to regain what I was. You are my wife, and I need you to accept this." He could not tell her he loved her, so he bent his head and kissed her deeply, hungrily.

Hermione understood and clung to him a few minutes before she let him go. He carefully filled a number of vials of the potion before vanishing the rest of it.

They took a couple of the vials and left the lab, walking toward the staircase. Hermione wrapped her arm wrapped through his, and their fingers entwined.

Poppy was waiting for them. Her eyes were wide, and a smile tugged at her face.

Severus eyed her. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

To lighten the mood, she told them "under strictest confidence" what Minerva had shared with her. She'd been pregnant her senior year at Hogwarts...just managing with a glamour to hide the pregnancy from the mediwitch. She'd had her first son only three weeks after the Leaving Dinner.

Hermione laughed and felt much better, and Severus stared at Poppy with disapproval. "You shouldn't go spreading stories of such a personal nature," he admonished her. But his voice was not harsh, and Poppy just grinned at him.

"Oh, go on with you. You're happy to know the woman's not perfect," she teased him.

"Right you are. Wait until I get a hold of her...after telling Hermione and me to be careful about letting the students know about the baby."

"You'll do no such thing. You promised not to tell anyone." She held her hand out.

Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the near-black vials and a small book with darkly stained pages. "You will have to perform the spell as well."

Poppy peered at it and then held it up to light of her wand. It was easy to see the deep blue of the potion with the light piercing it. "It certainly is a singular color." She opened the vial, poured a bit out into a reflective dish and ran her wand over it, chanting a spell as she did. She watched the colors around the dish.

Hermione and Severus stood watching with interest. Both knew the procedure and could also read the colors.

Then Poppy took some time to study the spell. Poppy finally put her wand down. "It looks sound. I do not detect anything that will harm you. I know you both could easily have done this spell, but I'm glad you have allowed me to take part."

"Poppy, even a man has need of his mother's support," Severus said gently.

Hermione and Poppy turned to stare at him. He'd sounded so much like himself...well, the "himself" from the bubble.

"Stop lollygagging, old woman, and let me take the potion," he snapped.

Hermione giggled, and Poppy punched his arm. "Go lay on the bed, there. Its best you're not standing, so I don't have to heal a broken head if you faint."

"Faint, I have never...." He stopped when Poppy raised an eyebrow.

"Not a word, Poppy," he sternly told her.

The look on Poppy's face was barely controlled mirth, so Hermione couldn't help but wonder what they were alluding to.

"For now," she said, her eyes promising Hermione she would tell her sometime.

He took another vial from his pocket and held it up, staring at it for a minute. Hermione touched his face and caught his eye.

"I love you, Severus," she said. "It will be all right."

"You are my wife, Hermione. I want no other," he said.

Hermione kissed him, knowing that was the only way he could say I love you for now. She then moved back, but she held on to the hand that had no feeling as Poppy uncorked the vial and Severus drank it down.

Poppy's voice took on a new tonal quality. The spell rang out, and light poured from the tip of her wand and struck Severus' arm. His fingers held tight by Hermione began to twitch.

He seemed to be looking inward; his eyes became unfocused, and Poppy cast a spell to monitor his vitals. Hermione looked anxiously at Poppy, but the woman was studying her spell and didn't seem concerned. Hermione willed herself to relax, but then the hand she was holding flexed, and his nerves danced uncontrollably. A tremble seemed to travel up his arm, and then his body convulsed.

"Severus!" Hermione cried out. She used her hand to press him onto the bed while still holding his other hand. It jerked hard, but she would not let go.

Poppy had left and returned a moment later with a potion for Severus. His body jerked a few more minutes and then became quiet.

Hermione, tears running down her face, looked up at Poppy.

"I sedated him; nerve regeneration is painful and quite active." She came to slip her arm around Hermione's shoulders. "He seems fine. I think he will sleep most of the night."

"Nerve regeneration... Is it working, Poppy?" Hermione searched her face for truth and saw the woman nod.

"He's fine, and, yes, I think it's working." She waved her wand and made the bed larger so that Hermione could crawl in and sleep next to him. "Now, get some rest, Hermione. Please. I promise he's all right, and I will be right here to monitor him.

Exhausted emotionally, Hermione scrubbed her face with the back of her hand and left her robe on the chair before climbing into bed and lying against Severus with her head in the crook of his good arm. She stared into his face until she fell asleep.

Poppy sighed. She let a spell flow around Hermione that checked her health and found she and the baby were okay. She pulled up a chair and sat watching her children with concern and some relief. The potion Severus had brewed seemed to be working. She hoped that by tomorrow he would be recovered enough for her to go to the Weasleys. There were only a couple days left before the Bonding. The convulsions had alarmed her, but her potion had worked to arrest them. She sat back, watched, and hoped the long night would pass without further incident. She used her wand to tuck a light blanket around them before she opened the book she had brought to her chair.

******

"Hermione." Hermione heard her name as if from far away, a soft and nearly silent whisper.

Hermione opened her eyes and saw Severus had raised his left arm and was flexing his fingers. She sat up quickly. "Oh, Severus, it works." She fell into his arms and felt him close them both around her for the first time in many weeks.

Poppy had stood and was watching them. There was a rare sight: Severus still behind the wall with a smile on his face. She felt her eyes tear up, and she turned away to go have a good cry of relief and left the lovers to their moment.

"Severus, I'm so happy for you, for us," Hermione said before he'd captured her lips for a hungry kiss.

Severus relished the feel of his arms closing around his wife and her lips against his and then his eyes. He left her wet happy tears on his face and did not mind them. He was happy to be whole again. He could feel some stiffness in his fingers, but he felt with exercise they would be good again, and the nerves would continue to regenerate a few more days.

Her kisses had become more urgent, and he hadn't been paying attention to his body. He broke the kiss and pushed back a bit. "Hermione, should we not wait to get back to our rooms for this?"

She looked into his face, wondering if he was opposed to the idea of making love. She blushed and looked around, expecting Poppy to be standing there watching them. "I'm sorry." She started to back away, not wanting him to disapprove of her.

He saw her fear and look of confusion and apology. He reached to touch her face, realizing he cared a lot for this woman, even in the state he was in. She had become his anchor. "Hermione, I am very open to continuing this, but not in this location. Now if we can just get Poppy in here to release me..."

Hermione grinned, and tears leaked form her eyes again. "God, I'm a soppy, wet thing," she complained out loud to herself.

He slipped an arm around her waist. "Yes, but you are my soppy, wet thing."

"Severus Snape, I think that's the nicest thing you've said to me since you slipped behind that wall." She followed him as he hopped off the other side of the bed, and together they went in search of Poppy.

Lisa, thank you for all your beta work.