Twenty-Three
Chapter 24 of 50
neelixA/N: Thanks to ARo for the Beta.
Hermione didn’t go into work for three days after her row with Severus, for the simple reason that she couldn’t stop crying, she couldn’t eat and at night, she couldn’t sleep. It had taken her all of her effort to Floo a message to work to tell them she was sick with Muggle flu, for which there was no wizarding cure. It seemed plausible and had the added advantage that no one bothered her for fear of catching it.
On the first morning, Hermione had woken up on the kitchen floor, and it took her a moment to remember why she was there. When reality hit her, she was devastated all over again. It felt like she had lost a limb and that nothing would ever be normal again. It didn’t help that everywhere she looked, there were memories of Severus, which would set her off crying all over again.
She still received her mail, and the first letter that she got was from Severus. Her hands had trembled as she lifted the envelope and looked at her name, elegantly written in his angular scrawl on the pale parchment. It still sat unopened on her mantle. She felt weak, and she knew that if she read his words she would be at Spinner’s End before she got to the end of the letter.
But gods, she missed him. Her body ached for his touch, her lips needed his kisses, and she felt hollow and incomplete without him. And yet, he had hurt her deeply by not trusting her, despite everything they had been for each other. At her lowest, Hermione hated him for making her feel like this, hated him for not loving her as much as she had loved him. The more she hated him, the easier it was to function like a human being, so she nurtured the hate and let it blossom until she felt able to face the world again.
***
For someone who had just recently been dumped, Severus was feeling oddly chipper.
After Hermione had left, he had finished his Firewhisky. Then he had resolved, in a drunken haze, to woo her back. He knew that she still loved him, so surely all he needed to do was confess his love, beg for forgiveness, and they could start all over again. Damn it, he’d even appear in public again, if that was what she wanted him to do.
He had started by writing her a long and heartfelt letter. He had been a little hung over at the time, but he put off searching for a potion until he had everything on paper. His first attempt had been thrown into the waste paper basket, his tears making the ink run until the words were illegible. His second attempt was better, and he had found it a strangely cathartic process to pour out his innermost feelings onto the parchment.
‘My dearest Hermione,
I feel I must apologise for what took place here last night. My behaviour was unforgivable, and yet I am writing in the hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me none the less.
My life before you was nothing. I felt nothing. I had nothing. I thought it was what I wanted. But you changed everything, and I have never been more content than with you in my life.
I know I have been lacking, Hermione. I was never prepared to have a relationship with anyone, as I am sure you know. My expectations were purely selfish; I did not pause to consider your needs. I deeply regret it, my sweet witch. You looked very beautiful when you collected your award, and I was never more proud of you. I should have been with you, and I accept that. It was a mistake I hope you can forgive.
Perhaps you would allow me to accompany you to the next ceremony; for I am in no doubt that you will receive many accolades in the future.
You must know that I do indeed love you, Hermione. I have never spoken those words to anyone, but if you were here with me at this moment, I would hold you in my arms and whisper them to you over and over again.
I love you… I love you, Hermione.
Yours, always,
Severus’
He had posted it immediately, certain that she would respond within the week, either by writing back, or better still, turning up at his door. In anticipation of just such an event, Severus busied himself with sprucing up the house for the first time in years, even buying new net curtains and replacing the threadbare rugs in the front room. He would show Hermione that Spinner’s End, while not a palace, was certainly not a prison.
It was while Severus was fixing the creaking stair that he realised it had been over a week since he’d posted the letter, and still there had been no word from Hermione. He felt a sudden stab of concern and berated himself for not checking on her. He had no idea how she was feeling, or how she had reacted to the argument, and she had been upset when she left. He was sure that, knowing Hermione, she would have shed more than a few tears.
Severus lowered his wand slowly and stared at the bare floorboards, now fixed. Perhaps the witch was sick. If she was and it was serious, the news would have made the Prophet by now. Maybe she was scared of his response if she just Apparated to his house unannounced, particularly after what had happened the last time.
‘Damn it,’ Severus said out loud. He couldn’t just keep waiting for her. He needed to know that she was all right, and he needed to see her. He missed her, and he wanted her back.
Severus ran up the stairs two at a time and into his room, pulling out a fresh shirt and jacket from the wardrobe. Stepping into the bathroom, he showered, using Hermione’s favourite bergamot and sandalwood scented soap and then dressed quickly.
Instead of Apparating straight to the cottage, Severus walked to the local florist and bought a bouquet of red roses, then found a quiet, Muggle-free spot from which to Apparate. He aimed for the secluded hedgerow just a few doors down from the cottage, so that he could walk up the front path and gather himself. He would never admit to feeling nervous, but his stomach was bubbling with anticipation as he pushed down the handle of the gate.
He was almost at the front door when it opened and a tall, fair-haired young man stepped out of the house and locked it using the Muggle key. He was carrying a briefcase and a clipboard, and he started slightly as he almost walked into Severus, who was glaring darkly at him.
‘I’m so sorry, sir,’ said the young man. ‘Were you expecting to visit with Miss Granger?’
He smiled warily at Severus, who had pulled himself up to his full height and was giving off an air of intimidation that was making him want to run.
‘Not that it is any of your business, but yes. Who are you?’ Severus said coldly.
‘Sam Parker, from Rowcliffe Estate Agents, in Union Road,’ he said, holding out his free hand. Severus ignored it.
‘Why on earth would Miss Granger need an Estate Agent?’ Severus said.
‘Well, she’s letting out the cottage. Didn’t she tell you? She’s in America now, won’t be back for at least six months, possibly longer.’ Sam stepped back slightly as he watched the change of emotions play across Severus’s face.
Shock and dismay turned to anger in the space of moments, and he stared at the cottage, narrowing his eyes slightly. So the bitch had really left him, with no word and no reply to his letter, which told him only one thing, the most obvious conclusion he could come to.
He had been right all along, of course, and now, she was in America, most likely with her new lover.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Hilltop Cottage
734 Reviews | 7.3/10 Average
This was such a great read, thanks for sharing! I was especially happy to see that Minerva recovered well enough to be able to attend Severus' and Hermione's wedding. It just wouldn't have been the same without her. And Donovan, you just know that boy is going to be such a heartbreaker. Well done!
God what a beautiful beginning. I got chills when I read the first few sentences of this chapter. It reminded me of a 19th century British novel.... something from Hardy. I love your writing. There are naughty bits that are fun to read, but you have a charming prose that just strikes me sometimes. So, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing. THANK YOU!
Response from neelix (Author of Hilltop Cottage)
To be compared to Hardy made me smile :) You're very kind,but more than that I'm so happy you like the,story :)
For such inteligent people, in the love department they really had lower grades...so quick to think badly of one another, especialy Severus, but Hermione had her moments, too.
I was so glad when they finally learned and began to trust each other!!!
It was an interesting journey. Thank you.
Great story :) Excellent job with the buildup, realistic angst scenes, and a happy ending. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
WTF!! Why is she letting Alicia plant stupid doubts in her mind? Alicia doesn't even know Severus! And Severus was obviously not too happy with Alicia. For Merlin's sake! What the hell is the matter with Hermione?? When did she become so gullible and wishy washy? This isn't the Hermione who stood up to Malfoy and punched him in the face! She needs to take a pill or something.
And there are a hell of a lot of worse things in the world than a man who stands by you as the mother of his child!!! Get over the Cinderella complex Herms. 
OK! What the Fuck is wrong with Severus now? These aren't weak minded individuals. Snape is a freaking spy who fooled Voldemort for like 20 year, for gods sake! He should be able to see a BSer from a mile away! These two are really getting on my freaking left nerve. Doesn't Mister Ligilimens remember being inside Hermone's head? I don't know how much more of their BS I can stand. Get over yourselves Hermione and Severus! You two are freaking making me want to poke my damned eyes out!!!
Oooooh, I never would have thought! Severus will put her in her place. There's a reason Hermione is his first and only relationship. I'm sure Alicia isn't the first woman to come on to the Potion's Master. 
Too bad for Hermione, though. Betrayed by a friend. Hopefully if Alicia realizes tonight that they are engaged to be married she will back off, for Hermione's sake. I can't imagine she would think she had a chance with Severus if he want's to brush her off. He's a master at putting people in their place.
I'm looking forward to that if it becomes necessary.
I just hope this doesn't interfere with Minerva's cure.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, neelix! 
It was about time these two became a family. I'm so glad Hermione realizes she should not have left him. I will forgive her for breaking Severus' heart because of her youth and immaturity.
Now that she's a grown woman, she hopefully has her priorities straight. She can still be Dr. Granger, but she should keep it in prospective. Now, what about dear Minerva?
Severus wouldn't be the first man to change his ways once a father. If I was Severus though, like you said in the story, he needs to be sure she is committed to making this work and not leaving again when she feels hurt. Obviously she has no idea how she nearly killed him the first time she left him. By the same token, Hermione wouldn't be the first woman to grow up and make a committment to see the rough spots through rather than leave when things got rocky after having a child together. Everything changes when a couple says, you are stuck with me for the rest of our lives. How do you want to do the next 60 years? The hard way or the easy way? Make your choice.
Hopefully, she has seen that if you leave, you just change the problems you have for new ones. Unless there is physical abuse, infedelity or addiction, I think most things can be worked out. The 4 things just mentioned would be deal breakers for me. I hope they are happy together now. That's what stories are for. The happily ever after.
Please!!! It's not my place to say???? For God's sake! Let drag out the pain as long as possible shall we? Intereasting the penny dropped and Severus knew why he hadn't got her letter. Luna had told her but I guess she wasn't listening. I give up! Snapes blaming himself for being a jerk but she isn't blaming herself for anything at all. She didn't do anything wrong.
"What- an- idiot!" Hermione. How long did it take you to realize he didn't know.
I'm going back to Hermione's visit to St. Mungo's. Is she that thick? Did she hear Luna say he didn't get her letter, or at least take the hint that he may not have gotten her letter, the same as Minerva, and that she was wrong? Now she has a chance to do something about it and it doesn't seemed to have crossed her mind.
Poor Severus. I don't remember reading any stories where I liked Severus and thought Hermione was the idiot. Good original plot, just uncomfortable.
She didn't want to give up the parties and her work for Severus, but she has because she had his baby. Now, she's just lonely while giving them up. And it was all unecessry. He jumping to the conclusion that she left him for someone else, and she to he conclusion that he couldn't change.
You never even gave him a second chance to know he was wrong. Was it worth it Hermione, in the scope of things?
Did you think you were going to find someone else who understood you better and loved you more?
You could have been pregnant while with Severus and had a baby together.
There needs to be a smiley for="Self Absorbed!"
I'll think about it????
I had written a novel sized review after the last chapter but I hit one wrong button and lost it. Damn!!! I think I spent an hour and a half going back and researching the story so that I could review all the chapters I'd missed at the same time.
She needed to put chapter 14 in a pensive.
As for this
"Hermione was thrown. Not only had Severus left Spinner’s End to help find a cure for Minerva, he was also back at Hogwarts. After all that time spent in New Mills, avoiding the wizarding world and holing himself up like a hermit, he was back in the public eye in a way she would never have anticipated. She wondered what it all meant." 
I'll tell you what it all means, little sister. It means you jumped the gun when you went off in a huff! You never worried about any one elses pain but your own, including the man you claimed to love.
I am sorry to be so bitter toward her for your sake. I don't blame the story or think the story is lame. I'm just pissed off at Hermione, still have a migrain and should be in bed, because I have to go to work tomorrow, but I can't stop reading your story.
Please forgive me for not spell checking.
Goodbye Severus???? Hermione stared up into his face. It shocked her to realise that she didn’t truly know the man before her. He was more complex and insecure than she had ever imagined, and he wouldn’t change, not ever.
She's his first relationship in his entire life and he is her first love. How does she know he won't change, ever.( 
Know-it- All) I will say, OK he is being a really big prick, a huge bastard and a fuck up. He has really hurt you with this.
However, he already has changed by having his first relationship this late in his life.
She knows she is the first person he has ever trusted like, this doesn't she?
I know she's hurt and doesn't think he really loves her right now, but I dont feel like she was ever really committed to a long term relationship with him. He was handy and helped her get over the war. I guess she was on a war just rebound.
She sure made up her mind rather abruptly!
Only a few momments ago she was declairing her deep love for him. Maybe what she should really say is, "he's just too complex and insecure for her to waste any more of her time on."
Is she sweet little Hermione who just accepts him as he is, loving him so unconditionally. Or, is she just not willing to take the time to work on a relationsip with Severus Snape. She doesn't seemed to have warned him that this, not going places with her, was becoming a deal breaker for her.
Has she ever brought up the fact that it bothers her that he never says he love her?
This is his first relationship in his entire life for a reason. Of course, she is young and after all he isn't her husband, he's just a "boyfriend".
I don't know what she means though, when she says she's shocked and doesn't know this man.
He's been a mean tempered git since the first time she met him when she was 11, and she just now realized he has a tendancy to jump to the worst possible conclusions when he's worreid or up set, and that he has serious anger management problems?
If she truly loves him as much as she says, I think she should have told him what the deal breakers were and given him a chance to prove himself.
He's already pissed off right now, as it is. So she can tell him what needs to happen if he wants to keep her then leave him to stew and think about how much he is willing to do to keep her.
I've been with the same man three times the number of years I was single or 3 times longer than I was alive when we first got together. You don't get to have a lifetime mate unless you give people a chance to work on their issues before you bail for good. I don't think Hermione had ever intended to spend her entire life with Severus.
After 5 years, I think she would have pressed him a little harder to work things out sooner.
Snape is being a real shit. Yes he just falsly accussed her. However, ‘I understand, witch,’ he whispered. ‘I wouldn’t want to stay with me either.’ Is this the hint of the century or what? He can't imagine why she had wanted to be with him in the first place. From chapt. 11-'I missed you, you know. After you “died.”’ Hermione made quotation marks with her free hand and looked into his face. ‘I had no idea you meant so much to me, until I thought you were gone forever.’
She was looking at him with expectation. Severus shrugged.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Hermione,’ he sighed. ‘Whatever you see in me is misguided. I have nothing to offer.’
This is so sad.
I'm sorry for not keeping up on my reviews for each chapter, but I've had a migraine all weekend. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about all that I've read so far. I hope they work this out.
about time! I should have been in bed two hours ago but I couldn't leave it on such a sad note.
This isn't a good sign guys.
Poor Severus. She didn't give him much of a choice without him rejecting her outright. But he doesn't have a chance in hell of coming away unscathed. Will it be worth it? I hope Hermione doesn't let me down. She on a war rebound which is worse than a Ronnald Weasely rebound. She says she needs him. Does she know what she's asking from him? I really don't think so. If he's in for a penny, he's in for a pound. Severus Snape does nothing in the middle. I hope Hermione see's that.
I'm very happy she has given Severus a garden. I hope she isn't leading him on. She seems very young here. I know that in a story this long there are usually some bumps in the road to love, but I never look forward to them. The story is sweet and filling me with anticipation of them becoming a couple.
I know Snape will keep her secret. And I think Snape is going to get a friend. Will it turn into a romance or will it bite him in the butt just like he probably expects it to?
I hope Hermione is trying to figure out how to get Snape back as much as he's trying to get her back.
I assume Severus will keep Hermione's secret. It's not Snepelike to gossip. But he'll think about what Minerva has said and will feel duty bound to check on "the girl". I wonder who will contact who first. I am also assuming that Hermione isn't using her wand so that she can't be traced back to this place by the Ministry knowing her wand has been used. When she uses it in Diagon Alley doing little insignificant spells, is just no one paying attention because of where the magic is being cast and mainly only notice it when it's in a Muggle area? Could the Ministry have found Hermione, Harry and Ron the last year of the war by following thier wands? 