Twenty-Two
Chapter 23 of 50
neelixA/N: Many thanks to ARo for being so kind and beta'ing my story.
Apologies for this chapter. Please don't hate me!
Severus paced around his front room in a state of frenzy. He couldn’t believe what was happening to him, or how he had reacted to Hermione. He had known she was there as soon as she’d started to dismantle the wards, but he was feeling like shit so he couldn’t even be bothered to stop her. He knew they would have to see each other eventually, but he hadn’t been prepared for what the sight of the woman would do to him. His emotions had been conflicted by turns, the pain of seeing her battling with the urge to claim her, caveman like, and throw her onto his bed and take her.
The anger was something he hadn’t anticipated, but her barefaced indignation had blindsided him and made him bloody furious. He had thought she would at least have been honest with him, or contrite, perhaps. If she had begged his forgiveness, his might have relented. But the stupid bitch had challenged him, confronted him with her own accusations, and something inside him had snapped. He ran his hands through his hair and tugged at the greasy lengths in frustration, then sat, deflated, on his sofa. He hadn’t meant to turn on her. Despite his feelings, he wouldn’t ever want to harm Hermione. The memory of the terror on her face hounded him, and he closed his eyes in a vain attempt to block it out.
***
Hermione walked slowly into the room and stared at the back of Severus’s head. It was difficult to judge his mood from her vantage point, so she shifted until she was by the window. She leant lightly against the window ledge, her arms folded across her chest. For some time, neither of them spoke, and as usual, Hermione hated the silence and couldn’t bear the atmosphere between them.
‘What do we do now?’ she said quietly, her voice raw with unshed tears.
Severus looked at her with a sneer and shook his head. ‘We don’t do anything. You can do what you damn well want,’ he said coldly.
Hermione had wanted to resolve things, to talk and find out what the hell was going on inside his head, but his attitude towards her made her seethe.
‘What I want, you stupid man, is to know why you would possibly think I was seeing someone else,’ she said.
Severus stood and faced her coolly, but didn’t move. Hermione felt a tremor of relief, because she wasn’t sure she trusted him after what had happened earlier.
‘It didn’t take a genius to work it out, Hermione. The late hours, the convenient invitations to dinner that you knew I would turn down. How perfect it must have been,’ he said, his voice low and smooth.
Hermione stared at him in disbelief. She felt like he had stabbed her, and she held onto the window ledge for support while trying in vain to hide the pain.
‘How could you think that of me? I… I love you,’ she whispered, her bottom lip trembling as she tried to fight the tears. ‘There is no one else, Severus. There has never been anyone but you. You know that!’
‘Love?’ he hissed. ‘How easy that word is for you to say. Do you say it to him, I wonder? And does he believe you, as I did?’
‘Severus, you are being ridiculous! I’ve been working late because I need to complete my work, and if you had just bloody come with me on all of those horrendous events and dinners you would know the truth of it,’ Hermione said sadly. ‘I wanted you to come with me, every time. But you wouldn’t, because of your precious need to stay hidden. They may not have put you in Azkaban, Severus, but you have created your very own prison, right here.’
Severus glared back at her, his jaw set and his eyes glinting. Hermione saw his fist clenching tightly at his side, and she felt for her wand in her sleeve for reassurance.
‘I thought we trusted each other,’ said Hermione. ‘But maybe I was just fooling myself. I assumed that you loved me, but you’ve never said it, have you, Severus? Not once. I wish you had been with me when I won the award. I needed you that night, so much.’
‘I was there,’ Severus said, ‘I did come.’ He had relaxed as he listened to her words, his eyes soft as he looked at her, and it seemed to Hermione that perhaps he was starting to see his error of judgement.
‘I know, and I was grateful, really,’ Hermione said, smiling at the memory of him waving at her. ‘But it wasn’t the same as having you by my side. We could have danced together. We’ve never done that, have we? All of those nights, Severus, I really needed your support.’
‘Show me,’ he said, stepping closer to her a little awkwardly.
Hermione stared up into his face. It shocked her to realise that she didn’t truly know the man before her. He was more complex and insecure than she had ever imagined, and he wouldn’t change, not ever. With growing certainty, Hermione knew what she had to do, and so she pushed on before she lost her nerve and crumbled before him. She knew precisely what he wanted to do, but she shook her head sadly.
‘No, Severus, not this time. If you can’t trust my word, then I don’t see much point in going on with this, do you? I need someone who will be there for me, you see. Someone who can put his own discomfort aside now and again to support me. You couldn’t do that. I don’t blame you, Severus, I really don’t. But I need unconditional love, and I don’t even know if you do love me,’ she said, her eyes filling with tears.
‘Silly witch,’ he whispered. He reached up and stroked away a tear as it fell, and Hermione took hold of his hand and kissed the palm softly before letting it drop.
‘Goodbye, Severus,’ she said quietly.
‘Hermione, don’t… I’m sorry.’ Severus gasped, making a futile reach for her arm as she walked to the door.
‘I know you are,’ she replied sadly, and as the tears started to blur her vision, she stepped outside the house and Apparated away before he could stop her.
***
Hermione collapsed as soon as she landed in the kitchen at Hilltop Cottage, and her throat was wrenched painfully by the sobs that spewed from her. She had never felt so much anguish, and she cried for hours as she replayed her relationship with Severus over and over again. Exhausted, she eventually fell asleep, her cheek against the cold tiled floor, her body curled in a tight ball.
***
Severus stood staring at the back of his front door, willing Hermione to walk back through it. After ten minutes, he realised it wasn’t going to happen, so he walked in a daze to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of Firewhisky from the cupboard. He didn’t bother with a glass.
Slumping onto the sofa, he lifted the bottle to his mouth and took a deep slug, letting the liquid burn his lips, mouth and throat. It was warming, and as the alcohol coursed through his veins, he dissolved in tears as the reality sunk in.
Hermione had walked out of his life, and he knew it was his own stupid fault, which just made it worse. What had he been thinking? He was a spy, after all. He could have just followed her and found out the truth, and they would probably be curled up together in their bed in Hilltop Cottage, loving each other.
He really did love her, with all of his heart. He should have bloody well told her.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Hilltop Cottage
734 Reviews | 7.3/10 Average
This was such a great read, thanks for sharing! I was especially happy to see that Minerva recovered well enough to be able to attend Severus' and Hermione's wedding. It just wouldn't have been the same without her. And Donovan, you just know that boy is going to be such a heartbreaker. Well done!
God what a beautiful beginning. I got chills when I read the first few sentences of this chapter. It reminded me of a 19th century British novel.... something from Hardy. I love your writing. There are naughty bits that are fun to read, but you have a charming prose that just strikes me sometimes. So, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing. THANK YOU!
Response from neelix (Author of Hilltop Cottage)
To be compared to Hardy made me smile :) You're very kind,but more than that I'm so happy you like the,story :)
For such inteligent people, in the love department they really had lower grades...so quick to think badly of one another, especialy Severus, but Hermione had her moments, too.
I was so glad when they finally learned and began to trust each other!!!
It was an interesting journey. Thank you.
Great story :) Excellent job with the buildup, realistic angst scenes, and a happy ending. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
WTF!! Why is she letting Alicia plant stupid doubts in her mind? Alicia doesn't even know Severus! And Severus was obviously not too happy with Alicia. For Merlin's sake! What the hell is the matter with Hermione?? When did she become so gullible and wishy washy? This isn't the Hermione who stood up to Malfoy and punched him in the face! She needs to take a pill or something.
And there are a hell of a lot of worse things in the world than a man who stands by you as the mother of his child!!! Get over the Cinderella complex Herms. 
OK! What the Fuck is wrong with Severus now? These aren't weak minded individuals. Snape is a freaking spy who fooled Voldemort for like 20 year, for gods sake! He should be able to see a BSer from a mile away! These two are really getting on my freaking left nerve. Doesn't Mister Ligilimens remember being inside Hermone's head? I don't know how much more of their BS I can stand. Get over yourselves Hermione and Severus! You two are freaking making me want to poke my damned eyes out!!!
Oooooh, I never would have thought! Severus will put her in her place. There's a reason Hermione is his first and only relationship. I'm sure Alicia isn't the first woman to come on to the Potion's Master. 
Too bad for Hermione, though. Betrayed by a friend. Hopefully if Alicia realizes tonight that they are engaged to be married she will back off, for Hermione's sake. I can't imagine she would think she had a chance with Severus if he want's to brush her off. He's a master at putting people in their place.
I'm looking forward to that if it becomes necessary.
I just hope this doesn't interfere with Minerva's cure.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, neelix! 
It was about time these two became a family. I'm so glad Hermione realizes she should not have left him. I will forgive her for breaking Severus' heart because of her youth and immaturity.
Now that she's a grown woman, she hopefully has her priorities straight. She can still be Dr. Granger, but she should keep it in prospective. Now, what about dear Minerva?
Severus wouldn't be the first man to change his ways once a father. If I was Severus though, like you said in the story, he needs to be sure she is committed to making this work and not leaving again when she feels hurt. Obviously she has no idea how she nearly killed him the first time she left him. By the same token, Hermione wouldn't be the first woman to grow up and make a committment to see the rough spots through rather than leave when things got rocky after having a child together. Everything changes when a couple says, you are stuck with me for the rest of our lives. How do you want to do the next 60 years? The hard way or the easy way? Make your choice.
Hopefully, she has seen that if you leave, you just change the problems you have for new ones. Unless there is physical abuse, infedelity or addiction, I think most things can be worked out. The 4 things just mentioned would be deal breakers for me. I hope they are happy together now. That's what stories are for. The happily ever after.
Please!!! It's not my place to say???? For God's sake! Let drag out the pain as long as possible shall we? Intereasting the penny dropped and Severus knew why he hadn't got her letter. Luna had told her but I guess she wasn't listening. I give up! Snapes blaming himself for being a jerk but she isn't blaming herself for anything at all. She didn't do anything wrong.
"What- an- idiot!" Hermione. How long did it take you to realize he didn't know.
I'm going back to Hermione's visit to St. Mungo's. Is she that thick? Did she hear Luna say he didn't get her letter, or at least take the hint that he may not have gotten her letter, the same as Minerva, and that she was wrong? Now she has a chance to do something about it and it doesn't seemed to have crossed her mind.
Poor Severus. I don't remember reading any stories where I liked Severus and thought Hermione was the idiot. Good original plot, just uncomfortable.
She didn't want to give up the parties and her work for Severus, but she has because she had his baby. Now, she's just lonely while giving them up. And it was all unecessry. He jumping to the conclusion that she left him for someone else, and she to he conclusion that he couldn't change.
You never even gave him a second chance to know he was wrong. Was it worth it Hermione, in the scope of things?
Did you think you were going to find someone else who understood you better and loved you more?
You could have been pregnant while with Severus and had a baby together.
There needs to be a smiley for="Self Absorbed!"
I'll think about it????
I had written a novel sized review after the last chapter but I hit one wrong button and lost it. Damn!!! I think I spent an hour and a half going back and researching the story so that I could review all the chapters I'd missed at the same time.
She needed to put chapter 14 in a pensive.
As for this
"Hermione was thrown. Not only had Severus left Spinner’s End to help find a cure for Minerva, he was also back at Hogwarts. After all that time spent in New Mills, avoiding the wizarding world and holing himself up like a hermit, he was back in the public eye in a way she would never have anticipated. She wondered what it all meant." 
I'll tell you what it all means, little sister. It means you jumped the gun when you went off in a huff! You never worried about any one elses pain but your own, including the man you claimed to love.
I am sorry to be so bitter toward her for your sake. I don't blame the story or think the story is lame. I'm just pissed off at Hermione, still have a migrain and should be in bed, because I have to go to work tomorrow, but I can't stop reading your story.
Please forgive me for not spell checking.
Goodbye Severus???? Hermione stared up into his face. It shocked her to realise that she didn’t truly know the man before her. He was more complex and insecure than she had ever imagined, and he wouldn’t change, not ever.
She's his first relationship in his entire life and he is her first love. How does she know he won't change, ever.( 
Know-it- All) I will say, OK he is being a really big prick, a huge bastard and a fuck up. He has really hurt you with this.
However, he already has changed by having his first relationship this late in his life.
She knows she is the first person he has ever trusted like, this doesn't she?
I know she's hurt and doesn't think he really loves her right now, but I dont feel like she was ever really committed to a long term relationship with him. He was handy and helped her get over the war. I guess she was on a war just rebound.
She sure made up her mind rather abruptly!
Only a few momments ago she was declairing her deep love for him. Maybe what she should really say is, "he's just too complex and insecure for her to waste any more of her time on."
Is she sweet little Hermione who just accepts him as he is, loving him so unconditionally. Or, is she just not willing to take the time to work on a relationsip with Severus Snape. She doesn't seemed to have warned him that this, not going places with her, was becoming a deal breaker for her.
Has she ever brought up the fact that it bothers her that he never says he love her?
This is his first relationship in his entire life for a reason. Of course, she is young and after all he isn't her husband, he's just a "boyfriend".
I don't know what she means though, when she says she's shocked and doesn't know this man.
He's been a mean tempered git since the first time she met him when she was 11, and she just now realized he has a tendancy to jump to the worst possible conclusions when he's worreid or up set, and that he has serious anger management problems?
If she truly loves him as much as she says, I think she should have told him what the deal breakers were and given him a chance to prove himself.
He's already pissed off right now, as it is. So she can tell him what needs to happen if he wants to keep her then leave him to stew and think about how much he is willing to do to keep her.
I've been with the same man three times the number of years I was single or 3 times longer than I was alive when we first got together. You don't get to have a lifetime mate unless you give people a chance to work on their issues before you bail for good. I don't think Hermione had ever intended to spend her entire life with Severus.
After 5 years, I think she would have pressed him a little harder to work things out sooner.
Snape is being a real shit. Yes he just falsly accussed her. However, ‘I understand, witch,’ he whispered. ‘I wouldn’t want to stay with me either.’ Is this the hint of the century or what? He can't imagine why she had wanted to be with him in the first place. From chapt. 11-'I missed you, you know. After you “died.”’ Hermione made quotation marks with her free hand and looked into his face. ‘I had no idea you meant so much to me, until I thought you were gone forever.’
She was looking at him with expectation. Severus shrugged.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Hermione,’ he sighed. ‘Whatever you see in me is misguided. I have nothing to offer.’
This is so sad.
I'm sorry for not keeping up on my reviews for each chapter, but I've had a migraine all weekend. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about all that I've read so far. I hope they work this out.
about time! I should have been in bed two hours ago but I couldn't leave it on such a sad note.
This isn't a good sign guys.
Poor Severus. She didn't give him much of a choice without him rejecting her outright. But he doesn't have a chance in hell of coming away unscathed. Will it be worth it? I hope Hermione doesn't let me down. She on a war rebound which is worse than a Ronnald Weasely rebound. She says she needs him. Does she know what she's asking from him? I really don't think so. If he's in for a penny, he's in for a pound. Severus Snape does nothing in the middle. I hope Hermione see's that.
I'm very happy she has given Severus a garden. I hope she isn't leading him on. She seems very young here. I know that in a story this long there are usually some bumps in the road to love, but I never look forward to them. The story is sweet and filling me with anticipation of them becoming a couple.
I know Snape will keep her secret. And I think Snape is going to get a friend. Will it turn into a romance or will it bite him in the butt just like he probably expects it to?
I hope Hermione is trying to figure out how to get Snape back as much as he's trying to get her back.
I assume Severus will keep Hermione's secret. It's not Snepelike to gossip. But he'll think about what Minerva has said and will feel duty bound to check on "the girl". I wonder who will contact who first. I am also assuming that Hermione isn't using her wand so that she can't be traced back to this place by the Ministry knowing her wand has been used. When she uses it in Diagon Alley doing little insignificant spells, is just no one paying attention because of where the magic is being cast and mainly only notice it when it's in a Muggle area? Could the Ministry have found Hermione, Harry and Ron the last year of the war by following thier wands? 