Nine
Chapter 10 of 50
neelixA/N: Thanks for the reviews, everyone. I'm truly grateful.
Snape scraped the remainder of his egg fried rice and congealed chilli sauce, which was a shocking shade of pink, from his plate and into the empty take away container. As usual, his meal had been delicious, in spite of the calorific content. He wasn't quite sure just how much of it he had been aware of eating, however.
The stilted conversation that had taken place between himself and Granger was playing on his mind, and his usually measured and detached approach to the curve balls that life threw at him was teetering on the edge. As if he hadn't already been confused by their strange connection--he had spent the day pondering it, for goodness sake--now she had thrown another log onto the fire.
He was fairly certain that her lunch invitation had been just a friendly gesture. While at Hogwarts, Minerva would occasionally make the same offer at weekends, to have lunch in Hogsmeade, or on one occasion, Diagon Alley. It had been pleasant to spend time away from the school, to talk about things other than work or the doom and gloom of the war, although inevitably the conversation would touch on that, the closer the threat had become.
And yet, there was something about the way Granger had asked him, an awkwardness that ordinarily he would have attributed to her youth had they had not already shared each other's company comfortably over the past few weeks. Her invitation had been heartfelt. But had he heard something in her tone of voice that suggested it was more than just lunch?
Snape stared down at his hands and found that he was gripping onto the edge of his sink so tightly that his knuckles were shining white through his pale skin. His stomach was starting to roil slightly at the notion Granger may desire more than just friendship from him. It was a ridiculously pathetic notion, and he would tell her that if he had to.
Regardless of the age difference, which wasn't something Snape had thought about until this moment, she was most likely on the rebound from Weasley and needed someone to fill the gap. He knew she admired him for some strange reason. Looked up to him, almost. But he had convinced himself that he was a sad excuse for the father figure so obviously missing in her life, not a potential paramour. One thing he was certain of was that he would end up hurting her, one way or another, and he was beginning to wish she had never turned up in New Mills.
Solitude had been so much easier.
***
Hermione was having a nightmare. Her legs were jumping beneath her duvet, as if she was running where she lay, and small, indistinguishable murmurs were escaping her pursed lips. Beads of perspiration sat on her top lip, and her hair was clinging to her face as she tossed and turned.
It was dark, and she was somewhere in the Forbidden Forest. The sound of hexes and curses being screamed and yelled were coming from all directions, and yet Hermione knew she was safe where she was. There was a smell of burning, and as she looked upwards, she could see the tops of trees set alight by spells gone awry. She turned at the sound of twigs breaking, and her heart jumped into her throat as she shrank back against the trunk of a nearby tree.
Whoever it was, they had stopped close to where Hermione had been standing moments before, and she could hear panting, wheezy breaths as they paused. Steeling herself, Hermione ducked a quick look around the tree trunk and sighed with relief. It was only Severus.
'Oh, thank goodness it's only you,' said Hermione.
Dream Snape stood upright and sneered down his nose at her with contempt.
'Granger,' he growled.
'Severus?' Hermione stepped towards him with her arms outstretched, wanting to hold him to her and offer comfort.
'I have no need for you,' he said, folding his arms across his chest and almost staring through her.
Hermione walked closer to him, ignoring his words and his offhand manner. She went to wrap her arms around him, only to find them slipping through him as if he was but a ghost or an apparition.
When Hermione looked around her, Snape was suddenly nowhere to be seen, and the sound of laughter pierced through the darkness as Bellatrix Lestrange entered the clearing, her hair crackling with magic and her wand arm outstretched.
'Silly little girl,' Bella sang, 'wants to touch what isn't hers.'
Hermione thrust out her wand and felt herself trembling as she stepped towards the Dark witch.
'He's not yours either,' she said warily.
Bella cackled and licked her lips. 'He will want a real witch, you stupid, little Mudlood!'
She screamed at Hermione and then lunged forward with her eyes wide and her lips stretched in a grin-like grimace.
'Avada Kedavra!'
Hermione screamed as a flash of green light sped towards her.
Her scream was real, and she awoke in terror, her duvet wrapped around her and almost strangling her as she tried in vain to scramble from the bed. In blind panic, Hermione began to sob as she stumbled and tripped over the pile of Daily Prophets that stuck out from under her bed. Fumbling to the floor, she grabbed a paper from the top of the pile and stared at the front page in the half-light.
The moon was shining through a small gap in the curtains, and it fell on the moving image of Severus as he scowled and sneered in turn. His hair was lank and looked unhealthy, his face pale and wan. A makeshift dressing was half hanging from his still-open neck wound, the photograph having been snatched when he had least expected it. It had been his first venture beyond his front door since the final battle, and all he had wanted was a little fresh air and a pint of milk.
Hermione's hands shook as she stared into his blank gaze. It was reminiscent of the Severus of her dream, uncaring, unfeeling and distant. This wasn't the Severus she knew. Her Severus had warmth and humour, and he cared about the living. He cared about her. Didn't he?
Bellatrix's words were ringing in Hermione's ears, and even though she knew it was a dream, they cut her to the quick. The thought of Severus sharing himself in any capacity, with another witch made her want to throw up. As unreal as the dream was, the pain that Hermione had felt when Severus disappeared had stayed with her, leaving her feeling empty and bereft. With sudden anger, Hermione clawed at the paper and started to tear it into small pieces, grabbing and ripping until it lay like black and white confetti around her. Her tears fell, unchecked this time by handy packet tissues. Severus wasn't here to calm her now, and the thought that she might have to live her life without him in it sent a shiver of terror through her. In a remote and very small rational part of her brain, Hermione asked herself what it all meant.
There was no answer.
***
When Hermione awoke again, the sun was shining through the gap in the curtain and lay in rays across her face. Small dust motes flew like floating glitter as she shifted herself upright and rested her head back against the mattress. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to clear her head of the previous night's events. Glancing over at her alarm clock, she groaned and then gasped. It was almost noon. And Severus was coming for lunch.
Pushing herself up, Hermione walked quickly to the front bedroom and peered out of the window and down the lane that lead to the house. Severus was walking slowly up the road, his leg dragging slightly and his black hair bobbing a little as he limped along.
'Fuck,' Hermione muttered. Why was he so damn punctual?
Dashing back to her bedroom, she threw on her underwear and yesterday's jeans, fastened her bra with fumbling fingers, and grabbed the first t-shirt from the pile in her top drawer. She lifted her deodorant spray and spritzed herself liberally just as she heard Severus knocking on her door.
With a deep breath, Hermione walked barefooted down the stairs and opened the door breathlessly, forcing a false smile onto her face.
'Hi' she said.
Severus opened his mouth to speak, but his words choked and became a startled laugh as he stared at Hermione.
'What on earth happened to you?' He was almost grinning, like he couldn't help himself.
Hermione had never seen him smile fully before, and she was mesmerised by the change in his features. His eyes were almost twinkling, his face looked fuller and a little pinker around the cheeks, and his lips stretched wide and full to show his uneven but fairly white teeth. With a start, she realised he was now in full flow and laughing so much he had to lean on the door jamb for support.
'What are you laughing at?' Hermione said, grinning in spite of herself.
'This,' he said. With a swift movement, he propelled Hermione by her shoulders into the living room and stood her in front of the mirror above the mantelpiece. She gasped and started to giggle as she saw her hair for the first time that day, stuck out at all angles like a bushy halo. Her skin was blotchy and still showed her tearstains, and as she rubbed at her cheeks, the memory of her nightmare came flooding back, and her face fell.
Severus was standing behind her as she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked ridiculously wonderful with her mad hair, and as he stared at it, he noticed bits of paper stuck here and there. Tentatively, he lifted a scrap from one of her curls and stared at it. It looked like newsprint, and he caught Hermione's gaze in the mirror with a questioning glance.
Hermione's lip trembled as she looked into Severus's reflection. This was her Severus. His eyes were warm, and the trace of his recent laughter lingered around his twitching lips. Slowly, Hermione turned until she was staring up into his face. A look of fear flashed in his eyes, then softened.
'You've been crying again,' he stated quietly.
'I had a nightmare,' she whispered. They were standing so close; Hermione could feel his warm breath on her cheek and caught the hint of peppermint.
'Tell me about it.' Severus stood as still as a statue, his arms by his sides, and stared down at Hermione's pale face.
With a small sob, Hermione flung her arms around him. She hugged him to her so tightly that he almost lost his balance. She was weeping against his shirt, and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't remember the last time he had been in close contact with a female in such a way. His experiences with Bellatrix had certainly not been caring or affectionate, and it was with shock that Severus realised the last female to hug him like this was his mother. Lily did not count. Nothing she had ever done counted any more.
With gentle, slow hands, Severus pushed Hermione away from him, keeping a firm hold of her upper arms as she wiped away her tears.
'Tell me about your dream,' he said again. He knew how destructive nightmares could be, and if he could help her work through it, all the better.
'You left me,' Hermione sighed. She stepped towards him and laid her head on his chest, inhaling him and wrapping her arms more gently around him. 'You left me, and I couldn't bear it.'
Severus felt his stomach tighten, and his breath hitched at her words. He closed his eyes, and against his better judgement, wrapped his arms around the now calm witch, pulled her closer and rested his chin on top of her curly head.
To his dismay, it felt good. Amazing, in fact.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Hilltop Cottage
734 Reviews | 7.3/10 Average
This was such a great read, thanks for sharing! I was especially happy to see that Minerva recovered well enough to be able to attend Severus' and Hermione's wedding. It just wouldn't have been the same without her. And Donovan, you just know that boy is going to be such a heartbreaker. Well done!
God what a beautiful beginning. I got chills when I read the first few sentences of this chapter. It reminded me of a 19th century British novel.... something from Hardy. I love your writing. There are naughty bits that are fun to read, but you have a charming prose that just strikes me sometimes. So, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing. THANK YOU!
Response from neelix (Author of Hilltop Cottage)
To be compared to Hardy made me smile :) You're very kind,but more than that I'm so happy you like the,story :)
For such inteligent people, in the love department they really had lower grades...so quick to think badly of one another, especialy Severus, but Hermione had her moments, too.
I was so glad when they finally learned and began to trust each other!!!
It was an interesting journey. Thank you.
Great story :) Excellent job with the buildup, realistic angst scenes, and a happy ending. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
WTF!! Why is she letting Alicia plant stupid doubts in her mind? Alicia doesn't even know Severus! And Severus was obviously not too happy with Alicia. For Merlin's sake! What the hell is the matter with Hermione?? When did she become so gullible and wishy washy? This isn't the Hermione who stood up to Malfoy and punched him in the face! She needs to take a pill or something.
And there are a hell of a lot of worse things in the world than a man who stands by you as the mother of his child!!! Get over the Cinderella complex Herms. 
OK! What the Fuck is wrong with Severus now? These aren't weak minded individuals. Snape is a freaking spy who fooled Voldemort for like 20 year, for gods sake! He should be able to see a BSer from a mile away! These two are really getting on my freaking left nerve. Doesn't Mister Ligilimens remember being inside Hermone's head? I don't know how much more of their BS I can stand. Get over yourselves Hermione and Severus! You two are freaking making me want to poke my damned eyes out!!!
Oooooh, I never would have thought! Severus will put her in her place. There's a reason Hermione is his first and only relationship. I'm sure Alicia isn't the first woman to come on to the Potion's Master. 
Too bad for Hermione, though. Betrayed by a friend. Hopefully if Alicia realizes tonight that they are engaged to be married she will back off, for Hermione's sake. I can't imagine she would think she had a chance with Severus if he want's to brush her off. He's a master at putting people in their place.
I'm looking forward to that if it becomes necessary.
I just hope this doesn't interfere with Minerva's cure.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, neelix! 
It was about time these two became a family. I'm so glad Hermione realizes she should not have left him. I will forgive her for breaking Severus' heart because of her youth and immaturity.
Now that she's a grown woman, she hopefully has her priorities straight. She can still be Dr. Granger, but she should keep it in prospective. Now, what about dear Minerva?
Severus wouldn't be the first man to change his ways once a father. If I was Severus though, like you said in the story, he needs to be sure she is committed to making this work and not leaving again when she feels hurt. Obviously she has no idea how she nearly killed him the first time she left him. By the same token, Hermione wouldn't be the first woman to grow up and make a committment to see the rough spots through rather than leave when things got rocky after having a child together. Everything changes when a couple says, you are stuck with me for the rest of our lives. How do you want to do the next 60 years? The hard way or the easy way? Make your choice.
Hopefully, she has seen that if you leave, you just change the problems you have for new ones. Unless there is physical abuse, infedelity or addiction, I think most things can be worked out. The 4 things just mentioned would be deal breakers for me. I hope they are happy together now. That's what stories are for. The happily ever after.
Please!!! It's not my place to say???? For God's sake! Let drag out the pain as long as possible shall we? Intereasting the penny dropped and Severus knew why he hadn't got her letter. Luna had told her but I guess she wasn't listening. I give up! Snapes blaming himself for being a jerk but she isn't blaming herself for anything at all. She didn't do anything wrong.
"What- an- idiot!" Hermione. How long did it take you to realize he didn't know.
I'm going back to Hermione's visit to St. Mungo's. Is she that thick? Did she hear Luna say he didn't get her letter, or at least take the hint that he may not have gotten her letter, the same as Minerva, and that she was wrong? Now she has a chance to do something about it and it doesn't seemed to have crossed her mind.
Poor Severus. I don't remember reading any stories where I liked Severus and thought Hermione was the idiot. Good original plot, just uncomfortable.
She didn't want to give up the parties and her work for Severus, but she has because she had his baby. Now, she's just lonely while giving them up. And it was all unecessry. He jumping to the conclusion that she left him for someone else, and she to he conclusion that he couldn't change.
You never even gave him a second chance to know he was wrong. Was it worth it Hermione, in the scope of things?
Did you think you were going to find someone else who understood you better and loved you more?
You could have been pregnant while with Severus and had a baby together.
There needs to be a smiley for="Self Absorbed!"
I'll think about it????
I had written a novel sized review after the last chapter but I hit one wrong button and lost it. Damn!!! I think I spent an hour and a half going back and researching the story so that I could review all the chapters I'd missed at the same time.
She needed to put chapter 14 in a pensive.
As for this
"Hermione was thrown. Not only had Severus left Spinner’s End to help find a cure for Minerva, he was also back at Hogwarts. After all that time spent in New Mills, avoiding the wizarding world and holing himself up like a hermit, he was back in the public eye in a way she would never have anticipated. She wondered what it all meant." 
I'll tell you what it all means, little sister. It means you jumped the gun when you went off in a huff! You never worried about any one elses pain but your own, including the man you claimed to love.
I am sorry to be so bitter toward her for your sake. I don't blame the story or think the story is lame. I'm just pissed off at Hermione, still have a migrain and should be in bed, because I have to go to work tomorrow, but I can't stop reading your story.
Please forgive me for not spell checking.
Goodbye Severus???? Hermione stared up into his face. It shocked her to realise that she didn’t truly know the man before her. He was more complex and insecure than she had ever imagined, and he wouldn’t change, not ever.
She's his first relationship in his entire life and he is her first love. How does she know he won't change, ever.( 
Know-it- All) I will say, OK he is being a really big prick, a huge bastard and a fuck up. He has really hurt you with this.
However, he already has changed by having his first relationship this late in his life.
She knows she is the first person he has ever trusted like, this doesn't she?
I know she's hurt and doesn't think he really loves her right now, but I dont feel like she was ever really committed to a long term relationship with him. He was handy and helped her get over the war. I guess she was on a war just rebound.
She sure made up her mind rather abruptly!
Only a few momments ago she was declairing her deep love for him. Maybe what she should really say is, "he's just too complex and insecure for her to waste any more of her time on."
Is she sweet little Hermione who just accepts him as he is, loving him so unconditionally. Or, is she just not willing to take the time to work on a relationsip with Severus Snape. She doesn't seemed to have warned him that this, not going places with her, was becoming a deal breaker for her.
Has she ever brought up the fact that it bothers her that he never says he love her?
This is his first relationship in his entire life for a reason. Of course, she is young and after all he isn't her husband, he's just a "boyfriend".
I don't know what she means though, when she says she's shocked and doesn't know this man.
He's been a mean tempered git since the first time she met him when she was 11, and she just now realized he has a tendancy to jump to the worst possible conclusions when he's worreid or up set, and that he has serious anger management problems?
If she truly loves him as much as she says, I think she should have told him what the deal breakers were and given him a chance to prove himself.
He's already pissed off right now, as it is. So she can tell him what needs to happen if he wants to keep her then leave him to stew and think about how much he is willing to do to keep her.
I've been with the same man three times the number of years I was single or 3 times longer than I was alive when we first got together. You don't get to have a lifetime mate unless you give people a chance to work on their issues before you bail for good. I don't think Hermione had ever intended to spend her entire life with Severus.
After 5 years, I think she would have pressed him a little harder to work things out sooner.
Snape is being a real shit. Yes he just falsly accussed her. However, ‘I understand, witch,’ he whispered. ‘I wouldn’t want to stay with me either.’ Is this the hint of the century or what? He can't imagine why she had wanted to be with him in the first place. From chapt. 11-'I missed you, you know. After you “died.”’ Hermione made quotation marks with her free hand and looked into his face. ‘I had no idea you meant so much to me, until I thought you were gone forever.’
She was looking at him with expectation. Severus shrugged.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Hermione,’ he sighed. ‘Whatever you see in me is misguided. I have nothing to offer.’
This is so sad.
I'm sorry for not keeping up on my reviews for each chapter, but I've had a migraine all weekend. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about all that I've read so far. I hope they work this out.
about time! I should have been in bed two hours ago but I couldn't leave it on such a sad note.
This isn't a good sign guys.
Poor Severus. She didn't give him much of a choice without him rejecting her outright. But he doesn't have a chance in hell of coming away unscathed. Will it be worth it? I hope Hermione doesn't let me down. She on a war rebound which is worse than a Ronnald Weasely rebound. She says she needs him. Does she know what she's asking from him? I really don't think so. If he's in for a penny, he's in for a pound. Severus Snape does nothing in the middle. I hope Hermione see's that.
I'm very happy she has given Severus a garden. I hope she isn't leading him on. She seems very young here. I know that in a story this long there are usually some bumps in the road to love, but I never look forward to them. The story is sweet and filling me with anticipation of them becoming a couple.
I know Snape will keep her secret. And I think Snape is going to get a friend. Will it turn into a romance or will it bite him in the butt just like he probably expects it to?
I hope Hermione is trying to figure out how to get Snape back as much as he's trying to get her back.
I assume Severus will keep Hermione's secret. It's not Snepelike to gossip. But he'll think about what Minerva has said and will feel duty bound to check on "the girl". I wonder who will contact who first. I am also assuming that Hermione isn't using her wand so that she can't be traced back to this place by the Ministry knowing her wand has been used. When she uses it in Diagon Alley doing little insignificant spells, is just no one paying attention because of where the magic is being cast and mainly only notice it when it's in a Muggle area? Could the Ministry have found Hermione, Harry and Ron the last year of the war by following thier wands? 