XIX: Of Men and Snakes

Chapter XIX: Of Men and Snakes

'Odgens.'

Rosmerta quickly picked up a glass and uncorked the bottle of Firewhisky without batting an eyelid; she was used to Snape's curt manner and did not take offence to it.

'You better fill that to the brim.' He sneered, watching her pour the amber liquid.

'Severus! On a Sunday evening?' Rosmerta admonished jokingly. 'You have classes to teach in the morning.'

Snape raised his eyebrow at the landlady of the Three Broomsticks. 'You have never taught teenagers, have you?'

Rosmerta laughed and filled the tumbler right up to the brim, just as Snape had asked her to do. 'Is it that bad that you need a drink to be able to face the second week of term?'

'You have no idea.'

Snape took a first gulp and closed his eyes for a moment as the burning sensation of the liquid trickled down his throat, filling his chest with warmth. He had been longing for a drink all week, and he deserved it, by Merlin! This must have been the most horrid first week of term in his teaching career.

Potter had been the first to make his bile rise. The teachers of Hogwarts, together with a whole host of Aurors, had placed uncountable protective charms around the castle to ensure the safety of the Chosen One, and what did Harry bloody Potter do? He decided to hang back a little on the Hogwarts Express and come sauntering up to the castle an hour late, together with that clumsy klutz Tonks. At least, that had given Snape the opportunity to deduct points from Gryffindor, but that had been a small victory and had obviously made no difference to the boy. Otherwise, he would surely not have been so insolent during Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Ah, DADA. Snape gave an inaudible sigh. Not in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that those dunderheads were even worse at Defence than they were at Potions. Then again, he reasoned, what more could be expected seeing the parade of incompetent fools that had taught them over the last years? Oh well, at least said dunderheads were not fingering his precious potions ingredients anymore. And jinxing someone during DADA seemed to be more, ah, acceptable than poisoning someone during Potions.

Snape watched Rosmerta top up his glass and then looked around the empty pub.

'I'll be over there,' he said, pointing out a booth in the darkest corner. 'I expect a refill in about fifteen minutes. Otherwise, pretend that I am not here.'

Rosmerta nodded, realising that Snape was neither in the mood for company nor small talk, but when he turned from the bar, her curiosity got the better of her.

'Severus, don't get me wrong, now. I love having you, and Merlin knows business has been slow today. But if you don't want to talk, then why did you come here? Why not have a wee dram in the privacy of your quarters?'

Snape snorted. 'Privacy? Dear Rosmerta, you seem to forget that the Headmaster is a curious old man. If I retire right after dinner instead of joining the ever-so-delightful Sunday tea in the staff room, he will come looking for me.'

Rosmerta smiled sympathetically. 'In case I get any more customers tonight, which I severely doubt, I will make sure they don't bother you. Refill in fifteen, then.'

Snape gave a curt nod, and Rosmerta watched him slink into his booth and disappear into the shadows, and her heart went out to him. Poor man, she thought. He should be taken care of by a lovely witch on a Sunday evening, a witch who would cook for him, hold him and make love to him by the fireplace. Instead, he fled to a pub and hid in a corner. It was a shame, a true shame.

The minutes went by, and Rosmerta was just about to approach the dark booth, despite it not being time for the refill yet, when the front door opened and two young witches entered, one blonde, one red-haired.

'Now this is a surprise!' Rosmerta exclaimed, approaching the two new arrivals. 'Welcome back, lovelies. Welcome back!'

From the corner of her eye, she saw Snape sink even deeper into the shadows and quickly ushered the two girls towards a table by the window, as far away from Snape's booth as possible.

'What brings you two back to Hogsmeade?' she said cheerily, taking her place back behind the bar in order to serve drinks.

'We're here to meet Tonks,' Morgana explained. 'But I see she isn't here yet.'

'Can I get you both a drink while you're waiting?'

Morgana settled for pumpkin juice whilst Charis bravely ordered a glass of red. She felt confident to order the drink after the wonderful meal with Grindling last night. Then she looked around, noting that not much had altered since her last visit.

'I've missed this place. It feels weird being here and being able to order something alcoholic for a change.'

'Like you didn't manage to get some booze here already in your sixth year,' Morgana grinned as they took their places by the window.

'Shhh! Rosmerta will hear!' Charis answered playfully.

'What? Think she's going to have you arrested for underage drinking in retrospect?' her friend asked with her eyebrow sardonically raised. 'Talking of alcohol: how did your wine tasting go with Grindling?'

'Well, it became more of a meal...' Charis began, taking a deep breath. She'd been dying to tell Morgana all day. 'Have you heard of The Auld Stoney restaurant, overlooking Loch Lomond?'

'He took you there?' Morgana asked in astonishment. The place was very expensive, from what she'd heard, and the waiting list was weeks long.

In his booth, Snape tightened the grip around his glass. The girls might not be able to see him, but he could hear them very well. And what he was hearing now made him sneer. Losing your touch, are you, Grindling? he thought bitterly. Do you now have to bribe witches with lovely views and expensive wine to get under their skirts?

By the window, Charis nodded bashfully, and Morgana's eyes widened.

'Merlin's balls!'

'I did feel like a fish out of water,' Charis confided. 'I don't mean to sound ungrateful... The food was amazing, and as for the wine...' She sighed. 'I don't know how much the Ministry is paying him, but no expense was spared. But I didn't feel comfortable. I felt a bit like a pauper amongst aristocrats.'

'That's what the Gibbons are, right? "Aristocrats". They have gold to spend,' answered Morgana matter-of-factly.

'It appears so.' Charis bit her lip anxiously.

'Does that bother you?' Morgana asked curiously. She herself had very much enjoyed the taste of indulgence that her affair with Lucius Malfoy afforded her, and she found it difficult to see how any woman could be anything less than thrilled at being spoiled rotten by a handsome, wealthy man.

'I don't know...' Charis paused, and it seemed as if what she would say next took great effort. 'I don't feel like I'm worthy of his attention... I'm Muggle-born and from a council estate. I was brought up on Findus Crispy Pancakes.'

'Don't know what they are, but they sound nasty.' Morgana wrinkled her pretty little nose. 'But hey, at least you know he's sincere and not dating you for your money.'

'I'm not dating him for his money either!' Charis answered hotly. She may have been brought up in a poor household, but she was not a gold-digger.

'Never said you were,' Morgana replied, holding up her hands in a truce gesture. 'By the way, are you officially dating?'

Charis looked confused. 'I... I don't know.'

'The Auld Stoney...' Morgana leant back in her chair with a smirk. 'I'd say you are. You don't really bring co-workers there.'

'It was... intimate,' Charis admitted.

At the word intimate, Snape almost choked at his Firewhisky. What had those two done at The Auld Stoney? Fornicated on the table?

'How intimate?' Morgana asked, obviously interested in the details, and Charis blushed.

'Well, we were surrounded by couples. The restaurant overlooks the loch, and...'

'And...?'

'It was nice.' Charis blushed even more and looked down.

'Nice? You went to one of the fanciest restaurants in Scotland, and it was just nice?' Morgana scoffed in disbelief.

Snape, however, triumphed. Nice? Ha! So Grindling had not had any success with his seduction tactics. Of course, Charis would not settle for a little twit like Grindling. She knew real men who didn't have to resort to bribes in order to get what they wanted.

'It was lovely, alright?' Charis defended herself. 'But Grindling is so much older than me... We come from very different backgrounds...'

'But you like each other, don't you?' Morgana asked, once more sounding as if her question was the most simple in the world.

And Charis once more nodded in the affirmative.

'Just like, or like-like?' Morgana pressed.

'I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him,' Charis confessed. 'He was such a gentleman, Morgana.'

Morgana couldn't help but sneer at the word "gentleman". Been there, done one of those, she thought bitterly.

'Don't let yourself be dazzled by nice behaviour, Charis,' she said instead, suddenly feeling somewhat protective of her friend. Despite her not having found out anything negative about Grindling Gibbons, she did not trust him entirely. And she did not want Charis to get hurt the way she had been hurt. After all, until two months ago, the Ministry files hadn't said anything about Lucius Malfoy being a Death Eater either. Grindling could have skeletons hidden in a closet no one knew about.

'He didn't even try it on with me at the end of the night,' Charis pointed out. 'We hugged, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. And then he went home.'

Ha! Snape sneered. He'd always known that Grindling was a bit of a nancy-boy. At Hogwarts, he had taken better care of his long blond hair than even Lucius, and he had spent about as much time in front of a mirror as Gilderoy Lockhart. Most probably, they had spent a lot of time there together.

'A kiss on the cheek?' Morgana asked incredulously. 'That's it? After he had paid for a dinner most people have to work about a month for?'

'It was like he was showing me that he wasn't paying for dinner just to get into my knickers,' Charis insisted. She would have been lying if she'd said that she hadn't thought about the same thing as her friend. But she was so glad Grindling hadn't tried anything. After all, she was used to men who just took whatever they wanted. Zabini had used her, and so had Snape.

Morgana's lips twitched into a mischievous grin. 'He missed out on a pair of lovely knickers,' she pointed out.

Charis could not help but giggle in response.

'Would you have wanted him to?' Morgana asked. 'Get into them, I mean?'

Charis swirled the wine in her glass around, looking into its burgundy depths. 'I am attracted to him. But I am glad he didn't rush it. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. He is so much older than me, after all.'

You were ready in your dream, alright, Snape thought sourly. You moaned for him. Don't you remember?

'So, if he'd made any advances... would you have turned him down?' Morgana wanted to know.

'I honestly don't know,' Charis answered truthfully. 'Merlin knows I'm amorous at the moment, but emotionally... I don't know if it would have been too soon... I work with him, Morgana. It's not like I can avoid him should anything go wrong...'

Morgana opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, the door opened and Tonks entered the pub. Her hair was mousey grey, and she looked like she had been having a tough time of it.

'Wotcher, girls,' she said in a subdued voice, as she dropped down on an empty chair beside Charis.

'Hey, Tonks,' Charis replied. 'Are you okay? You look exhausted,' she added with concern.

'Hell of a week that was,' Tonks replied, shaking her head. 'Glad to see some friendly faces. Not that you two look too cheery.'

'We're discussing relationships,' Morgana explained, hoping Tonks did not want to join in. It was one thing to discuss this topic with her best friend. They'd know each other for years. Tonks, however, was practically a stranger.

Tonks pulled a face at the word relationships. 'Don't get me started.'

'What's happened?' Charis asked.

'Nothing's happened, that's the problem,' Tonks replied. 'Remus and I were supposed to go out for dinner yesterday, and he... didn't show.' The young Auror bit her lip and swallowed. She was clearly still upset about it.

'He stood you up?' Morgana clarified in disbelief as Charis looked shocked.

'That's not like Remus.' He was a nice guy, in her opinion. Caring and rather sweet. Surely, if he had not shown up, he must have had his reasons.

'He sent an owl,' Tonks admitted, 'But... His excuse was just ridiculous! He said he's too old for me. Too dangerous. Bugger, I don't care.'

The last of Tonks' self-control evaporated as her lip wobbled in grief.

'Oh, Tonks.' Charis put a comforting hand on the Metamorphmagus, who was battling to contain her emotions.

'I mean, he takes his potion regularly,' Tonks continued. 'He isn't more dangerous than I am. And I don't care about his age!'

'Looks like age is the theme of the day,' Morgana muttered, thinking of Charis repeatedly commenting on Grindling's age.

'I am sure he didn't mean to hurt you,' said Charis kindly, giving Tonks's hand a squeeze.

'It's just not what I needed after this week, that's all,' Tonks replied, sniffling slightly. 'I was really looking forward to going out with a nice guy after bumping into that... dungeon bat every other day.' Tonks said the word bat like it was coated in something deeply unpleasant.

Charis frowned. 'You mean, Snape?'

'Yes, I mean Snape. He was ever-so-charming once again,' Tonks replied sarcastically.

Charis and Morgana exchanged a surprised look.

'What did he do?' Morgana asked curiously. She was well aware that her former Head of House was never going to win any "Most Lovable Teacher of the Year" award, but after he'd stood up for her against Moody and Tonks had pointed out how much she had appreciated the gesture, Morgana found it hard to believe that Snape had been nasty to Tonks.

'He's been making snide comments about my new Patronus,' Tonks explained. 'Like I could help it what shape it takes,' she added defensively. 'I think you were better off with your old one. The new one looks weak,' she continued in a clear imitation of Snape's voice, before sighing. 'You should have heard the malice in his voice. It's like he's happy my Patronus is weak.'

'I'm sure he didn't mean it like that,' Morgana started, remembering that although Snape had asked about her own Patronus, he hadn't commented it.

'Just because he defended you,' Tonks replied sourly.

'I don't think he's happy about your Patronus being weak,' Charis said quietly whilst Tonks snorted in response.

Snape glared at Tonks from the shadows. He hadn't meant to snap at her on the first evening of term. He had been annoyed with Potter, not her. But her Patronus was weak. And in these days and the days to come, it was important for Tonks to have a strong Patronus. One day, it could make the difference between surviving and perishing.

'Snape knows how important it is for you to cast a proper Patronus,' Charis continued. 'But your Patronus is a werewolf and, well, I think Snape isn't happy you and Remus have a thing going on...'

'What does he have to do with that?' Tonks spluttered.

'Well, nothing, I guess. I'm... sure he didn't mean it personally, that's all.' Charis knew Snape hated Remus, although she had no idea why. It seemed therefore logical to her that Snape would be disapproving of Tonks' budding relationship with Remus. And she also knew – from her own experience – how cruel Snape could be, but she'd realised that his abrasive manner usually disguised a softer emotion. Maybe he cared for Tonks?

'Just because he isn't getting laid,' Tonks muttered darkly.

'Getting laid is overrated,' Morgana sniffed, before taking a deep swig of her pumpkin juice.

Charis raised her eyebrow. This did not sound like the Morgana Belakane she knew.

'I most certainly don't think so!' said Tonks, looking to the blonde Ravenclaw who nodded in agreement.

'Well, I do! So are men,' countered Morgana matter-of-factly. 'I mean, look at you two... Wouldn't life be easier without men? Without... love?' She looked slightly disgusted at the very thought.

'Maybe. But it wouldn't be half as exciting,' Charis pointed out.

'I could do without that excitement,' Morgana answered flatly.

'Aren't any Slytherins getting any at the moment?' Tonks whispered to Charis, but loud enough for Morgana to hear. 'They seem all rather grumpy.'

'Maybe we Slytherins don't need to get any,' Morgana shot back, feeling irritation prickle. 'We do pretty well without.'

'Sex or love?' Tonks demanded, eyes narrowed.

'Well, both,' Morgana snapped.

'That's not true!' Charis burst out.

Both Tonks and Morgana looked at Charis in surprise. Since when had the blonde witch become an expert in Slytherin behaviour?

'I... I mean, Slytherins have needs just like anyone else,' Charis clarified. 'Just because someone is in Slytherin doesn't mean they are a heartless beast without any sex organs.' She blushed. She knew full well just how potent Slytherin sex organs could be. And she very much wanted to believe that there were caring hearts beating inside Slytherin chests. She knew Morgana cared and hoped Snape did, too.

'Just because one has sex organs doesn't mean one has to use them,' replied Morgana dismissively. 'As for the heart, that should be locked up so no one can tear it into pieces.'

Tonks looked a little shocked at this confession. Whatever could have happened to the rookie Auror to make her feel like that? The girl was eighteen and good looking. She should be fighting off young men with her wand. But now that she thought of it, Tonks couldn't think of a single occasion when Morgana had said anything positive about the opposite sex. She had never mentioned men at all.

'You can't open yourself to love unless you open yourself up to being hurt,' Charis reasoned. 'That's the price of it.'

'Well, it isn't worth it, is it?' Morgana sneered.

'Of course it's worth it!' Charis replied. 'To be touched by love is the greatest thing in life of all.'

Morgana snorted cynically at her friend's soppy words. 'That would be why you both look so cheerful tonight then.'

Tonks sighed. 'Let's change the subject, shall we? This is far too depressing. If we carry on like this we'll all go and jump in the Black Lake at this rate.'

Charis and Morgana managed to raise a smile at this.

'So, how's Moody been with you, Morgana?' Tonks asked, grabbing hold of the first best topic that had come to mind. 'Since... you know, the incident.'

'Alright,' Morgana shrugged. 'He seems to have turned softer, if you know what I mean. Doesn't cast Scorching Hexes anymore.'

'I should hope not!' Charis interjected, shocked.

'He's always hard at the start,' Tonks explained. 'Needs to sort out the wheat from the chaff, to see who's tough enough. Looks like you made it okay, Morgana.' She smiled.

Morgana smiled back rather weakly. 'Not sure about that. I have been called in for a second psych evaluation.'

'Good. That means he's taking your health seriously,' Tonks said approvingly.

'Or, they think I'm losing it.' Morgana rolled her eyes like a mental patient, and the other girls laughed.

'If you ask me, I think Moody could do with his own psych evaluation,' Charis joked.

'Constant vigilance!' Tonks barked in a canny impression of Moody. 'Have you checked that wine, Charis? Might be poisoned!'

All three girls laughed again, clearly relieved the mood had lightened. Even Tonks seemed to have been shaken out of her gloomy mood.

'Hey, I know it's a school night and stuff, but I feel like going somewhere a little bit more lively. You chicks up for that?' she asked, looking around the table at the girls.

'Know anywhere?' Charis asked, surprised but pleased at Tonks' mood swing.

'There's a great bar called The Shaking Warlock in London. There might be a hottie or two there,' she added with a wink.

'Sure, why not?' Charis grinned. It sounded like fun.

Morgana, however, did not look convinced.

'Come on, Morgana,' Tonks pleaded. 'We girls need to let our hair down. If I stay here any longer, I might just drown in my Butterbeer. No offence, ladies.'

Morgana raised a sardonic eyebrow. 'Fine. Just don't make me dance.'

'I won't.' She winked conspiratorially at Charis.

And with that, the girls finished up their drinks, bade Rosmerta goodnight and left the pub, the whole time being watched from the shadows by Severus Snape.

He'd listened to them talking quite intensely over the last couple of minutes, and what he'd heard had both shaken and surprised him.

The biggest surprise, he had received from Charis. She had talked about love so passionately that one could have thought she'd only had the most positive of experiences, that she'd been carried on hands by her lover and bedded on roses. But Snape knew she had been used. He had used her and spent many sleepless nights over it. She had loved him, she had told him so. And despite him knowing that he would never be able to give her what she wanted from him, that he could never give her pure love, he had not pushed her away but instead taken pleasure in coaxing her. And when he finally had done the right thing, when he had finally told her to stay away from him, he had broken her heart. But now it seemed as if she once more believed in love, as if she had found love. And Snape felt almost guilty for having tried to drive Grindling from her mind. Charis deserved to be happy, she truly did. And Snape really tried to be happy for her, even if he felt immensely jealous and wished that she had chosen a different object of admiration.

Morgana, too, deserved to be happy, but unlike Charis, she seemed to have given up hope and decided that living without love was better than being hurt. And Snape could understand her. Having one's heart ripped into pieces, being turned down and rejected, hurt immensely. But he also knew how much it hurt to be alone, and he didn't wish Morgana such a fate.

'Sorry I'm late for the refill. But I thought you wouldn't want the girls to know that you were here.'

Rosmerta's voice ripped Snape out of his thoughts, and he looked up at her, slightly puzzled. He had almost forgotten about her being around.

'Lovely things, all three of them,' Rosmerta commented. 'Shame that their men don't seem to appreciate them. Well, apart from Charis, that is. She seems to have been treated to a lovely dinner last night.'

Snape sneered. 'Do you eavesdrop on all your customers?' he enquired.

'Only when they're talking about something interesting,' Rosmerta pointed out. 'Morgana was in your House, wasn't she?' she asked. 'I can't remember her ever coming here with a boy. Charis did now and then. Think his name was Jack or Jake or something. And Tonks always had suitors. But Morgana... no, I think she never was here with a boy.'

'As you might have overheard,' Snape commented drily, 'Slytherins do not need love.'

'Now you and I both know that this is rubbish, Severus,' Rosmerta said vehemently, and once more she thought that Snape deserved to be loved. She'd love him, if he would let her. But he never would, she knew that very well.

'Refill then?' she asked, but Snape put his hand on his empty glass, shaking his head.

'I have changed my mind,' he declared and rose to leave. He would be needing a clear head later that night. Because whispering to Morgana would most probably prove much more difficult than whispering to Charis. She was stubborn, after all, and Slytherins had never been known for listening to advice.

* * *

'Come on, stop pouting and admit that it was fun!'

'I never said it wasn't.'

'You didn't dance. You didn't drink.'

'You know I do neither.'

'Well, I for one had a great time! Tonks is a hoot! And the moves she has!'

Charis started humming a song, closed her eyes and started dancing around her bedroom, and Morgana couldn't help but smile as she observed her friend in her little silver mirror.

'Go to bed now, Charis,' she said, sounding tired. 'Or you'll regret this night in the morning.'

Charis kept on dancing while she kicked off her shoes and scattered her clothes on the floor before lying down to sleep, and Snape was tempted to keep watching her, to wait until she was asleep and then once more invade her dreams as he had done about a month ago. He knew very well what kind of effect alcohol had on Charis, and if he whispered to her tonight, she would surely show Grindling the cold shoulder in the morning, no matter how expensive a dinner he had treated her to. She would remember her dream; she would remember him, a real man, not some nancy-boy.

But he could not stay with Charis, not tonight, not even if he wanted to. He had promised himself to take care of his other girl tonight. And that promise, Snape intended to keep.

The right half of the mirror turned black as he blocked Charis, and as he sat back in his chair to watch Morgana change into her nightgown, the feelings her naked body awakened inside him were anything but sexual. Instead, his heart ached with pity for the young woman. She'd once been full of confidence, proud and maybe a little bit too cocky for her own good. But now all of this seemed to have vanished, and Morgana was hiding behind downcast eyes, a scowl and an armour of dark, shapeless clothes. Gone was the cheeky witch he had once known, the witch who'd thought she could take on Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape at the same time.

He watched her in silence as she lay down and was delighted when the movements of her hands suggested that Charis' amorous feelings might have rubbed off on Morgana. He saw hands wander and disappear under the folds of her nightgown, her eyes flutter shut and her lips part in a silent moan. But Snape's hopes were shattered moments later as Morgana pulled the blanket over her and her hands came to rest on top of it, balled into tight fists.

'Why do you deny yourself even this?' Snape whispered, so quietly that if Morgana had heard him, she'd think it had been the curtains rustling in the night wind. Did she not realise that she deserved – that she needed – every kind of affection she could come across, no matter who it came from? If she was unable to accept even her own caresses, how could she ever allow someone else to touch her?

It took quite some time for Morgana to fall asleep, and Snape watched her silently, waiting for her the drift off into the land of dreams, into a state of mind when he could talk to her without her knowing that it was him, without her having to be ashamed that he had found her greatest weakness.

Once her fists relaxed and her breathing was slow and regular, he took his chance.

'Hiding away from the world will not do you any good, Morgana,' he whispered, carefully monitoring her reactions. If there were the slightest sign of her waking up, he would retreat. But she seemed to be sound asleep, and Snape could only hope that she could hear him.

'You might succeed in convincing people that you are tough, that you are in control of your emotions, or even that you do not have any emotions at all. But you will never be able to fool yourself. You will always know your heart.'

He inhaled deeply. He knew only too well what he was talking about. Ever since he had been hurt, he had not let anyone come close. And as a result, he was one of the loneliest people in the world, unable to love and let anyone come close.

'You are young, Morgana. Your whole life lies ahead of you, and the world at your feet. Do not give up. Do not lose hope.'

She turned, and for a split second, Snape thought Morgana would open her eyes. And even though he knew that it was essential for him to retreat, he couldn't. There was one more thing he had to say, the most important of them all.

'Don't give up on love, Morgana,' he whispered. 'You might think that it is not worth the pain because your wounds are still bleeding. But they will heal if you let them. And once they have healed, you will realise that a life without love is no life at all. Embrace love now, Morgana, before it is too late, before you forget how to.'

Then he retreated into the shadows, and had Morgana awoken, she would not have seen him, even if she had looked directly into her mirror. But she did not wake up, and after watching her sleep for some more minutes, Snape put his mirror down, hoping that she would sleep peacefully and that she would remember his words in the morning.