A Shower of Confessions

A/N: I'm afraid that I have had this ready to update for a few days, but I've been busy with the fic move to Az's new archive, WIKTT Archives! Good show, Az. The new archive looks beautiful!

Special thanks to alert reader, Wolf_Moonshadow, for catching two words in the last chapter that merely sounded like the word I wanted. My favorite wolf rocks! I am also happy to announce that Wolf has been kind enough to agree to be my second beta for the rest of this fic. I tell you, between Vaughn and Wolf and their very sharp eyes, I doubt that my alert readers will have many oopsies to find anymore! They rock! Of course, if anything does slip through the cracks, please email me at Plaidpooka@yahoo.com and I will happily give you credit in the next AN. I love my alert readers!

As always, big thanks to all who have taken the time to review. Those reviews mean so much to me!

Disclaimer: They are not mine; I only take them out to play.

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I'm crazy for tryin' and crazy for cryin',

-Patsy Cline 1932-1963

The lav door was ajar when Hermione reached it. Cautiously, she peeked into the room. Severus did not like closed doors, and she had once inadvertently walked in on him while he was using the toilet. Of course, Severus had thought it was hysterically funny, and chuckled at her for the rest of the day while she blushed furiously. He certainly was very immodest, at least when Hermione was around. Severus still showered with the door open, and had also taken to parading around the lav absolutely starkers when she was there. There were times when Severus would let Harry or Ron keep him company while he showered, and while he still showered with the door open, the boys had made no mention of him being such an exhibitionist. It seemed that he only pranced about naked when Hermione was in attendance.

That thought reminded Hermione that she had neglected to bring a book with her to shield herself from further embarrassment. Well, it was too late now. If she kept Severus waiting any longer, he was likely to refuse to shower at all. She would just have to bite the proverbial bullet and try not to let Severus catch her looking at him. The man was unbearably smug when he caught her "peeking like the whore she was," as he put it.

The whole whore thing was getting old. At first it had seemed odd, then rather funny, but now Hermione was sick to death of the man she was undeniably in love with calling her various forms of whore all of the time. Somehow, knowing that he called everyone some version of whore didn't really make it any easier to accept. Severus managed to call Draco "boy," surely he could call her something else as well. Well, the next time he seemed in a calm mood, she'd just have to speak to him about it.

Knowing that she really shouldn't put off the inevitable any longer, Hermione opened the lav door and entered the room, leaving the door slightly ajar behind her. Still dressed in a white, short-sleeved shirt and a pair of summer-weight black trousers that Harry had bought for him, Severus had just finished shaving. As Hermione entered the room, Severus spun towards her. In his haste, he knocked the glass of toothbrushes off of the sink and it fell, clattering to the floor. His eyes were wild with fear and Hermione saw that his wand was pointed straight at her chest. Damn! She knew better than to sneak up on him!

"Severus," she said softly, "it's only me. I'm sorry...I didn't mean to startle you." Crossing slowly towards him, Hermione put one hand gently on his wand arm. With her other hand, she smoothed his tangled hair away from his face tenderly. The tension visibly drained from Severus' body as he leaned slightly into the caress.

Abruptly, Severus pulled back from her. His expression gloomy, he stared down at the scattered toothbrushes as he spoke. "It's not going to do you one whit of good to try to distract me, little whore," he growled. "I want to know what you and that whorish brat were doing locked away in the sitting room for so long."

Running a hand through her hair in frustration, Hermione paused while she considered how she wanted to handle this subject. It was impossible to tell Severus what they had been doing, as one mention of the tower would send him into screaming fits. But how was she going to convince Severus that there was nothing going on except research? Perhaps she could turn the tables a bit.

"Severus, what are you going to brew with the ingredients we are getting for you?" Hermione asked suddenly.

"What?" Severus snapped. "That has nothing to do with this discussion. Not to mention that what I'm working on is none of your business, you nasty little whore!"

"And what Harry and I were working on is also none of your business, Severus," Hermione said a trifle smugly.

Hermione was so pleased that she had used his own words against him that she didn't immediately see the effect that they'd had on Severus. For one brief moment, Severus raised his head to look Hermione directly in the eye before dropping his gaze back to the floor. His anger disappeared to be replaced with an expression of confusion and sorrow. When Hermione tried to reach out and comfort him, he backed away from her until he fetched up against the lav wall.

To say that Hermione was stunned would be putting it mildly. One moment, Severus was snapping at her, and the next, he looked sad and lost. She wanted nothing more at that moment but to hold him, comfort him, and set his fears to rest, but he wouldn't let her touch him. The man looked as if he was about to cry, and it was all because of her. At that moment, Hermione realized something that she hadn't quite believed before. This wasn't some passing fancy on Severus' part. Muddled as he was, Severus truly cared for her, just as she did for him. That was why he was so upset. Knowing that nothing could come of it unless Severus' madness was somehow cured, Hermione had never told him exactly how she felt. Now the man she loved was suffering, and needlessly. For all Severus knew, she could be dating half of the wizarding world, including Harry.

Deciding that it was time to end the confusion, Hermione stepped up to Severus. When he pressed back against the wall, and started wildly shaking his head back and forth, she stopped him by putting her hands firmly on both sides of his face. Pulling his head down close to hers, she waited for him to open his tightly shut eyes. Eventually, he did so, and the sorrow reflected in them made Hermione want to weep.

"I need to tell you something, Severus," she murmured softly as she brushed her thumbs lightly over his cheeks. "I need to tell you something that I should have told you weeks ago. My only excuse is that I didn't realize until right now that it was something that you needed to hear."

The sadness in Severus' dark eyes was slowly replaced by a look of pained confusion. "I don't understand what you are on about," he muttered.

"Severus, there is nothing of a romantic nature going on between Harry and me. In fact, there is nothing of a romantic nature going on between me and anyone. You see, I'm already in love with someone, so I'm not interested in anyone else."

At this declaration, Severus once again squeezed his eyes shut and tried to shake his head. "No," he whispered. "No...I don't want to hear this...I don't want to know this...leave me be," he cried plaintively.

"I think that you need to hear this, and I know that I need to tell you. Severus, I'm very much in love with a man, but I haven't told him about it because he's not quite himself at the moment. Although it is very difficult, I've promised myself that I will not do anything about my feelings until he is well. I simply don't think it would be right to take advantage of him when he may not know exactly what he wants. But I tell you, it's damned hard to deal with the situation when that very man is insinuating that I'm having some sort of affair with one of my best friends."

Opening his eyes very suddenly, Severus quickly gripped Hermione's shoulders with both of his hands. "This man is me?" he asked desperately, peering down intently into her eyes. "This man you care for, can he be me?"

"Yes, Severus," Hermione whispered. Though she was smiling at him, a few stray tears crept from her eyes to slide slowly down her cheeks. "The only man I care for is you. I love you, Severus."

Pulling her firmly against him, Severus wrapped his arms around her and held her blissfully tight. For a moment, he said nothing. Burying his face into the riot of curls at the top of her head, he simply held her close. Eventually, he pulled back just far enough to lean his face down to hers. At first, Hermione thought that he meant to kiss her, but he only leaned his forehead against hers.

"Stupid little whore," he whispered gruffly. "I know damned well what I want...I want you," he said, punctuating the sentence with a firm squeeze. "But you, you silly Gryffindor whore, you have to be all noble. I know what I want...I...I may not...be myself...but my caring for you isn't ever going to change...no matter what happens to me."

"Perhaps not," Hermione murmured, giving Severus an answering squeeze. "But I'm not willing to take that chance. I don't want you doing anything you would regret when you are well. You get well first, Severus. And when you do, you tell me if you still want me...if you still want this."

"And if I do?" he asked, leaning back slightly to gaze into her eyes.

"Then I'll be yours," Hermione said with a bittersweet smile. "Severus, do you know what happened to cause your troubles?"

"I do," he said flatly.

"Then, do you think that you will ever be well again?" Hermione asked, her worry showing clearly on her face.

"Perhaps," Severus muttered. As he spoke, his eyes slid away from hers and lit on the mirror above the sink. "Perhaps. There's a slim chance, but I can make you no promises. It's better for me...easier...if I don't try to talk about it. It's...I can't..." As he tried to speak, Hermione could feel his body stiffening against hers and the wild look was creeping back into his eyes.

"It's all right, Severus," Hermione said, giving him another squeeze. "I know that some things are hard for you. I'm not going to pressure you for explanations, I promise."

As she spoke her assurances, Severus relaxed and his gaze fell away from the mirror to rest once again on her. Then, he did kiss her. A brief, sweet, adoring kiss that made Hermione's heart literally skip a beat. Breaking the kiss, Severus unwrapped his arms from around her and brought his hands up to wipe all trace of tears from her face.

"And I," he murmured, "will do my best not to try to undermine your delicate Gryffindor sensibilities." Severus paused to give Hermione another brief kiss. "Though, I must say, it will be damned hard," he ended with a growl.

"Well, at least we are both in the same boat," Hermione said with a shaky smile.

"Boat? What are you on about now? There is no boat, little whore. This is the lav," Severus grumbled.

In his illness, sometimes Severus was so literal minded that it made one want to pull out one's hair. "I was speaking metaphorically, Severus," she explained patiently.

"Speak more plainly, for Merlin's sake. It's hard enough for me to concentrate on what people are saying to me...then the silly whores go rambling on about boats and Switzerland and all sorts of rubbish."

"I'll do my best to keep that in mind," Hermione said. "Now then, how about that shower that you were so keen on having?"

"Oh, I suppose," Severus said with a sigh. Then, giving Hermione a sudden grin, he smooched her again before turning towards the shower. As he walked across the room, he started peeling off his clothes and tossing them here and there in the room. Hermione had to force herself to avert her eyes from his naked form long before he reached the shower. Severus may have said that he wouldn't try to undermine her Gryffindor honor, but that obviously wasn't going to stop him from running around nude in her presence. At least there was one thing that Hermione could do to distract herself.

"Kreacher!" she called sharply. "Kreacher, come here please. Severus needs you." Invoking Severus' name was one sure way to get the cranky house-elf's attention. In a moment, he appeared in the room with a soft pop.

"What is you wanting?" he asked angrily.

"Please take Severus' clothes and bring him a fresh set, Kreacher," Hermione said with patient politeness. Sometimes, between dealing with Severus and Kreacher, Hermione thought that she was developing the patience of a saint.

"All right, missy whore," Kreacher said with a nasty, fake smile. "If it's for the dark man, then Kreacher is doing it."

After collecting the scattered clothes, Kreacher disappeared with a pop. It was only a moment before he reappeared to bring Severus' fresh clothes and then immediately left. The whole episode had scarcely taken five minutes. Unfortunately, once Severus was convinced to take a shower, he could be in there for a good twenty minutes. A quick peep through the open shower door showed that Severus had barely finished washing his hair. It was going to be a long, frustrating time before Severus was decently clothed again. With a sigh, Hermione crossed to the dressing table and sat down, facing the mirror. Taking up a hair brush, she began the difficult process of brushing out her curls. Soon she heard a soft voice from the direction of the shower.

"You know, pretty little whore," Severus cooed, "I rather like your hair. However, it obviously causes you a lot of trouble. I'm surprised that you don't have it cut, and wear it at a more manageable length."

Steadfastly refusing to allow herself a look in his direction, Hermione replied to him. "My hair is a lot of trouble, but I like it this long. I have never been one to shy away from something simply because it is difficult."

"No, my little whore, you certainly are not one to do that. And that is a mercy for me, I suppose."

There was silence for a moment in the lav, and then Severus spoke again. This time, the cooing quality was completely absent, and he spoke in a rather petulant tone.

"You know, little whore, for someone who fancies herself in love, you certainly don't do near enough peeking for my taste. Am I such an offensive sight that you must constantly avert your eyes from my form?"

"Hardly!" she said, with a happy laugh. "Believe me, Severus, I find your form infinitely distracting. Why do you think I take such care to bring something to read when you are taking a shower? If I wasn't being very careful indeed, I assure you that I would be ogling you to your heart's content."

"Bloody Gryffindor whores and their ridiculous honor," he grumbled. Despite his grumbling, Hermione detected a distinctly smug note in his voice. When she then risked a brief peek at him through the mirror, he caught her looking. The sound of happy laughter echoed off of the tiled walls.

"Not too terribly honorable, to be sure," he said, still laughing. "Thank that old whore, Merlin, for that!"

Hermione's laughter joined Severus', and for the very first time since Hermione had realized she had feelings for this mixed-up man, she felt honest hope spring up in her heart. Surely, where there was such love, there would also be a way to sort their troubles.

Eventually Severus was clean, dried, and dressed. Instead of immediately leaving the lav--as was his usual habit when his ablutions were finished--Severus stopped near the dressing table and stood nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"Severus, is there something that you need?" Hermione asked with concern.

"No, not really," he replied, hesitantly, "but I was wondering..."

"What is it, love?"

"Would you...well...would you brush my hair?" If the words themselves were hesitant, his manner was even more so. He stood there beside Hermione, still fidgeting, with his eyes practically glued to the tiled floor by her feet.

Standing, Hermione moved to the side of the bench she had been sitting on, and motioned Severus to it. "I would enjoy that, Severus. Please, sit down."

With a sigh of relief and a happy grin, Severus took the bench that Hermione had vacated and sat quite still while she brushed his hair out. When Hermione then used her hands to follow the brush and smooth his hair, he sighed in contentment, leaning slightly into her touch. His eyes closed, and a soft purring sound rumbled in his throat. It almost brought tears to Hermione's eyes, how such a simple touch could bring him such joy. She supposed that he had never had much gentleness in his life, and vowed to do her best to make up for that in whatever way that she could. It was true that she was determined not to take their relationship too far until the happy day when Severus was again himself. However, there was nothing wrong with simple touching and the occasional smooch. These actions were obviously good for Severus, as they calmed him down and seemed to help him think more clearly. Hermione had to admit that simple contact, such as brushing his hair, made her feel better as well. She would just have to use care not to let it go to far. In many ways, Severus was like a child. She was the adult in this situation, and she would have to make the boundaries for it.

"There you go, love," she said when she was finished brushing. Leaning down, she gave him a quick kiss on the top of his damp head. "Now then, you haven't had any sleep all day. Why don't we tuck you into bed?"

"Absolutely not!" Severus snapped, standing and glaring down at her. Sometimes his mercurial moods were hard to keep up with. One minute he was purring, and the next he was glaring at her as if she'd suggested that he eat a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

"Why not, Severus?" she asked patiently. "I know that you must be tired."

"Some of us cannot muck about taking a kip at all hours of the day," he snarled. "I've a basket full of fresh plant parts that must be processed and properly stored."

"Oh, yes, of course. I know you can't leave them lying about too long. You'll need to preserve some and put a Stasis Charm on the ones that must stay fresh. Why don't you let me help you? Two can get the work done faster than one, and then we can both get some rest."

"I'm not going to tell you what I'm working on, little whore. And I won't have you spying about the lab!"

"I won't spy, Severus. And I won't ask you any questions about your work. I only want to help you process the plants. Surely that wouldn't hurt anything? I'm a fair hand at processing ingredients, and I do a wicked Stasis Charm, if I do say so myself." Placing a hand gently on his arm, she smiled up at him. "Please let me help you, Severus. I would really like to."

For a long moment, Severus simply stared at her with his eyebrows scrunched together in thought. Then, with a dramatic sigh, he spoke. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let you help a bit. But if I tell you to leave, you have to leave. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

For a brief moment, Severus' attitude reminded Hermione of the Potions professor he used to be. With a wistful smile, she agreed to his demand. Taking his hand firmly in her own, Hermione walked with him to the library to gather the plants that still lay scattered over the coffee table.