Kiss and Tell

A/N: I tell you, there couldn't have been a better birthday present than the slew of reviews that I got on the last chapter! You all rock, and you made my birthday brighter!

Special thanks to alert readers, Jenloo and CocoaChristy, for catching a couple of typos in the last chapter. They have eyes like a hawk! Thanks, loves, you rock! And speaking of eyes like a hawk, Sun caught a period that needed a tail! I can see why she's an admin at the PP! Sun rocks my socks!

As always, huge thanks to the grammar goddess that is my beta reader. Vaughn is both the cat's pajamas and the bee's knees! (Not to mention groovy and keen!) And thanks to her kindness, I have this chapter to post. I only finished it yesterday!

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This thing called love, I just can't handle it

-Freddie Mercury 1946-1991

For two hours, Hermione endured being lectured by Harry and Ron. The boys told her how disappointed they were in her. They told her how much she meant to them. They patiently listened to her faulty reasoning, and then gave her a dissertation of the many times that her knowledge and her quick thinking had been invaluable. In the end, they both hugged her fiercely and solemnly promised to kick her arse if she ever did anything of the sort again.

Though a bit drained by the experience, Hermione felt better about herself than she had in days. Harry and Ron had convinced her that she was a much more valuable member of the team than she had realized. Both cheered and chastised by their concern, Hermione left the boys to their reading and went to speak with Severus. All that talk about the cup had left her desperate to get started on the new research and get the blasted thing taken care of once and for all.

Pulling the chair from her worktable closer to Severus' desk, Hermione sat and regarded the man for a moment. All trace of the man who had kissed her so tenderly the night before had vanished. In fact, Severus didn't seem to be aware of her presence at all, so busily he wrote on his parchment. It looked to be some sort of list that he was writing, but Hermione couldn't see much of it. Severus had one arm circling the parchment protectively, and he hunched over it as he wrote.

"Severus," Hermione began softly, "could I speak to you for a moment?"

"I suppose," Severus said to his quill before placing it reluctantly on its stand.

"You said last night that you knew something that would help me destroy the cup...something to do with taking the soul out. Can you tell me what that is?"

Severus looked at her then. He looked at Hermione and he smiled with such obvious affection that for a moment Hermione's breath caught. Then he opened his mouth and said sweetly, "No."

The bizarre dichotomy of his actions versus his words left Hermione momentarily confused. Blinking at him stupidly, she finally found her voice. "But, Severus, you told me last night that you would be able to help me."

"I've changed my mind," Severus said jovially as he turned back to his list.

"But...you...Severus!" she sputtered.

"Hmmm?" he said, clearly bored with the conversation.

"You said you would help! Don't you want to help destroy the cup? After all, what's to keep me from trying it on my own again?"

Looking at Hermione again, he gave her the sweetest of smiles while he said, "You've promised the two whores on the sofa that you would not. I heard you. I know very well that you will not break a promise to them, so why should I bother?"

"Because you promised, Hermione hissed.

"I did no such thing," Severus said dryly before returning again to his list.

Quickly reviewing the previous night's conversation, Hermione realized that he was correct. He had promised nothing. He'd only said that he couldn't let her blow her head off. "Severus," she said cajolingly, "the cup has to be destroyed. It's very important; you know that! If you know of anything that will help, you are honor bound to help me."

"Sorry," Severus said dryly, "but I'm not feeling particularly honorable today. Why don't you ask some nice Hufflepuff whore?"

"Why, you ungrateful wretch!" snarled Hermione. "After all I've done for you, you would honestly refuse to give me information that you know damn well that I need?"

Raising his head to look at Hermione again, Severus gave her a crooked smile. A sly expression came into his eyes as he said, "I haven't noticed you doing all that much for me lately. Why should I put myself out on your account? I'm busy, little whore. Go away."

A complete fury overtook Hermione. "You unmitigated bastard!" she shouted. "If you have any information that will help me, you damned well better tell me!"

"No!" Severus shouted back. Grabbing his list and quill, Severus stood so fast that he knocked over his chair with a crash. Waving the parchment over his head wildly, he ran from the room, still shouting "no" over and over.

For the next twenty minutes, Hermione paced the library while she loudly listed the failings of all men in general and Severus in particular. Ron and Harry wisely stayed out of it, knowing that any word on their part would only fuel the fire. They were men, after all. They managed to stay quiet until Hermione wound down, though they did have to hide their smiles at some of Hermione's more inventive insults.

Eventually, Ron braved Hermione's temper and asked a question. "So what set him off that time, Hermione?"

"I don't think that anything set him off; that's why I'm so furious! He was being ridiculously stubborn for no reason whatsoever. How dare he talk like that to me! That's it! I'm going to hex his bollocks off!"

Drawing her wand, Hermione began stomping towards the door before Harry stopped her. Rising from the sofa, Harry beat Hermione to the door and stood, blocking her way. His arms were crossed over his chest and he had a wicked glint in his eye. "Now, Hermione," he began reasonably, "it sounded to me as if Severus simply wanted something in exchange for his help. He did say something about you not doing anything for him recently. Perhaps if you give him a good snog, he'll tell you all of his secrets?" he finished with a grin.

Harry was a brave man indeed. It wasn't just anyone who would tease Hermione when she was angry and already had a wand in her hand. Luckily, his teasing diffused Hermione's anger. Dropping her wand arm to swing limply at her side, Hermione blushed to the roots of her hair.

"How...why would you...how dare you even suggest such a thing!" Hermione sputtered.

At this point, Ron, who had fallen off the sofa because he was laughing so hard, wiped the mirthful tears from his eyes and added his two Knuts. "Honestly, Hermione, I don't know what you're so upset about. If it'll get you what you need to destroy the cup, I say you should snog the living daylights out of the bastard!"

"Oh, do you now?" snapped Hermione. "Well, if one of us has to take one for the team, why don't you go kiss the prat yourself?"

"Nah," joked Ron, "if he saw my mug coming at him, he'd probably have a right fit, he would."

"I'm afraid that if there's any snogging to be done, it's up to you, Hermione. Ron's promised not to do anything to upset Severus again, and I don't want to go making you jealous!"

Both young men laughed heartily at that jibe, while Hermione glared daggers at the pair. "That's hardly fair, Harry. I told you that nothing of the sort was going on between Severus and me."

"Well, I'll be buggered!" squeaked Ron. "She's lying, mate! I thought you said that they weren't doing anything but cuddling?"

"I didn't think they were," said Harry, the surprise evident in his expression. "What exactly happened last night, Hermione?"

With a resigned groan, Hermione collapsed onto the sofa and dropped her head into her hands. She knew better than to try to lie to Harry and Ron; they always caught her out. "He kissed me, all right?" she muttered into her hands. "He kissed me last night when we were arguing about my attempt to destroy the cup."

"Blimey," Ron said, staring up at Hermione from where he still sat on the floor. "What did you do?"

"I...er...I sort of kissed him back."

At Hermione's confession, Ron turned a bit green, though he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to say anything to start Hermione shouting again. He loved the girl...she was one of his best friends...but she was still a bit scary.

Harry, on the other hand, laughed loud and hard. "So tell me, Hermione, what was all that rubbish about you not taking advantage of a sick man?"

"I did not take advantage!" Hermione snapped, lifting her head from her hands to scowl at Harry. "Severus kissed me! He took me by surprise...I didn't mean to..."

Crossing to the sofa, Harry knelt down and took both of Hermione's hands in his own. "Take it easy, love. We were just teasing you; no one's blaming you for anything. I told you yesterday, you're a grown woman and whoever you chose to cuddle with...or snog...is really none of my business. Or Ron's," he added.

When Hermione then looked to Ron, Ron gave her a definite, if reluctant, nod. "We're your friends, Hermione. It's our job to love you, and protect you, and kick your arse when you need it. But Harry reminded me that it's not our job to tell you who you can and can't fancy. All of us thought that Neville was mad for wanting to date Luna, but we didn't tell him not to, did we?"

"No," Hermione said quietly. "That's not the sort of thing friends should try to dictate to one another."

"I'd forgotten that, when I blew up at you the other day, but I remember it now. Harry and I talked about it a lot after Mum left. I'm not saying that I think it's a brilliant idea, mind you, the man's off his rocker. I think you'll get your heart broken, or get yourself tied to someone who can never be a real partner to you. But it's up to you, Hermione. Whatever you decide to do about it, Harry and I will stand by you."

This was what friendship was all about. It wasn't about what you had in common, or saving the world together. True friendship was about sticking by your friend's side, even when you thought they were being a complete and utter idiot. Thinking of this, Hermione was not surprised to find herself blinking back a few tears. Through good and bad, through thick and thin, these two young men were her best friends in the world. It felt uncommonly good to know that they would always stand beside her, even if she did things that they did not agree with. Even if she fell in love with a madman.

"Now then," said Harry gently, "why don't I go and make us a spot of tea while you get yourself together, Hermione. Once you've calmed down a bit, you should go talk to Severus. I know it's frustrating, but it's not like you to resort to hexing so easily. You're a very clever girl; I'm sure you can think of some way to tempt Severus into telling you what you need to know," he finished with a grin.

"Boys!" Hermione said with exasperation. "Go make that tea before I hex you!"

"Right away, missy whore!" Harry teased, bowing to Hermione as he backed towards the door. "There's no need to be hexing poor Harry! Harry will fetch missy whore's tea!" Ducking deftly when Hermione lobbed a sofa cushion at him, Harry laughed again as he left to fetch the tea.

The tea did help calm Hermione's temper, but it did nothing to quiet the thoughts that were spinning in her head. Were the boys right? Was Severus being stubborn because she hadn't run up, called him some ridiculous name, and given him a good morning kiss? Did a couple of kisses out in the garden make them a couple? Surely even a deranged Slytherin wouldn't jump to that conclusion. But what did Severus want? He was a grown man almost twenty years her senior. Perhaps he was looking for more than the odd snog. Hermione had to admit that he certainly had the right bargaining chip. She needed that information and she needed it now. How far was she willing to go to get it? Not that far, she decided. What she'd told Harry still stood. She wasn't about to take advantage of a man who was ill. Nor was she willing to get that intimate with a man who might throw an eppy in the middle of things. Snogging and cuddling were fairly innocent, after all, but anything more than that would seriously strain her sense of honor. It simply wasn't ethical. If Severus was keeping the information that she needed to himself in hopes of getting her into bed, then Hermione would just have to think of some other way to get it.

That quandary rather loosely settled in her mind, Hermione went looking for Severus. She soon found that finding him was not as easy as usual. Normally, if Severus wasn't in the library, then he could be found in the lav or the kitchen. When Hermione couldn't find him in any of those places, she checked his bedroom, despite the fact that he never went in there unless someone took him there to put him to bed. Growing concerned, Hermione checked the sitting room and the back yard, but she couldn't find hide nor hair of him. In the end, she was forced to appeal to Kreacher, who reluctantly told her that Severus was in the potions lab.

Heading back down the stairs, Hermione was surprised that Severus even knew where the small lab was. Perhaps Kreacher had showed it to him. Hermione had set it up in a disused room near the kitchen when they had moved into Harry's house. Making the simple potions that all households need was far cheaper than purchasing them, so Hermione had taken up the task. The lab was small, but serviceable. Perhaps Severus had grown bored with his books and parchments and decided to brew something. As Remus had told her before Severus moved in with them, Severus was very calm and almost normal ninety percent of the time, but that other ten percent was worrisome indeed. What would happen if something set Severus off when he was in the middle of a volatile potion? Well, she'd just have to cross that bridge when she got to it. The lab wasn't stocked with anything but the most basic of ingredients, so Hermione doubted that Severus would come to any harm. Besides, there was no sense borrowing trouble when she had more immediate issues to deal with--such as the strangely tempting but absolutely impossible idea that Severus was withholding information to get into her knickers.

Walking into the small potions lab, Hermione was relieved to see Severus looking through her small stock of ingredients. Glancing about the room, it looked to Hermione as if everything in the place had been moved slightly from where she had left it. Knowing Severus, he'd probably been examining everything down to the last stirring rod.

Now that she'd finally found the man, Hermione wasn't certain how to begin. At the moment, she might as well be invisible for all the attention he'd given her after she walked into the room. Perhaps he was angry at her for losing her temper, but how could she help it when the man was so bloody frustrating?

"Severus," Hermione began hesitantly, "do you mind if I join you for a while?"

"No," he said simply, "so long as you don't start shouting again. It's most unbecoming in a whore of your age."

"Is shouting becoming behavior for any type of whore?" Hermione teased.

With an honest smile of amusement, Severus said, "I suppose not."

So far so good. Severus didn't seem especially upset with her, and she'd even managed to get a smile out of him. Sitting down on the bench at one of the two worktables, Hermione considered her next move. "What are you doing, Severus?"

"Checking over your stock. It is pitifully limited," he said disdainfully.

"I know that there isn't much there. I don't brew much here except for the odd healing potion. I'm sure that if there is an ingredient or two that you need, we could get it for you."

"Could you?" Severus said, an odd note in his voice.

"I don't see why not." Deciding to move on to the matter at hand, Hermione changed the subject. "Severus, I'm sorry that I was rude to you upstairs, but you must know how important destroying the cup is. Isn't there any thing that I could say or...er...do that would change your mind about helping me?"

When Severus turned to face her, Hermione saw a wicked smile gracing his features and a clear look of triumph in his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat as she waited breathlessly to find out what it was that he wanted of her.

"Actually," he drawled, "there is one little thing that you could do to convince me..."

Ten minutes later, a very irate Hermione stormed back into the library. Ron and Harry both looked up from their reading, trepidation in their eyes, as Hermione began to pace the room. A slightly crumpled parchment was clenched tightly in one of her fists.

"Hermione," Harry began, "did you find out what Severus was after?"

"Shopping!" she shouted. At Harry and Ron's blank stares, she continued. "He wants me to do his bloody shopping for him!" As she spoke, she shook the fist with the crumpled parchment at them. "There are over eighty things on this bloody list, some of them quite pricey, but he won't budge an inch until I've gotten him every single one!"

"What is it he wants?" asked Ron.

"Potion ingredients," she snapped. "And looking at this list, I'd have to say that he is thinking about brewing some rather scary things."

"Sweet Merlin, help us," muttered Harry, as he dropped his head into his hands.