Explorations

Author’s note: Wow, it’s been so long since I wrote the beginning of this fic. I haven’t really done any writing since I stopped on this one. I have no good excuse. I have caught no debilitating diseases, my hands weren’t lobbed off in a freak vending machine accident… I feel badly that this fic has gone unfinished. It weighs on me. And it isn’t anything to do with me, really, I just know I’ve let my lovely readers down. I won’t excuse myself, but for my readers I will offer what explanation I have.

The release of book seven really took the wind out of my sails. I think, and this is just one Pook’s opinion, that it is one of the most poorly written pieces of drivel I have ever read. The pacing of the book is atrocious. Some of the plot choices are nonsensical. It reads as if JKR was sick of the whole mess, and eager to do other things, so she just wanted to get it over with. It rather outraged me. JKR had such a fine tale going, and it seemed to me that her story got bigger than she could handle. It reads like she ignored all of her own foreshadowing and just wanted to trick everyone so they couldn’t guess what would happen. One shouldn’t write to those ends. One should be true to one’s tale and ignore what people say. The details themselves did not bother me so much as the overall clunkiness of the writing. A few details did bother me. I can’t imagine I need a spoiler alert at this point, but here is one anyway. I wasn’t at all surprised that she killed off Snape, I was expecting it. No matter, something as silly as a character being killed off has never stopped me from writing around it, if I wanted them alive. But JKR killed off both Remus and Tonks, leaving us another orphan, and then she went and killed one of the twins, which I think was just cruel. It was as if she just wanted to show how “adult” she could write. Writing horror and atrocities is easy, as proven by every angst-ridden fic out there. Writing with compassion, writing comedy, writing love in a way that doesn’t sound all trite, that’s what’s hard. That’s what is “adult.” One doesn’t hear much about JKR’s writing anymore, and that doesn’t surprise me. I think the fame got to her, and that’s understandable. Fame is a burden. Common folks like me don’t always remember that. So I’m still trying to forgive JKR for that monstrosity of a book. I’m getting there, but apparently I can hold a literary grudge for some time.

But enough rambling. On to the important stuff. This chapter was written a year ago, along with half the next chapter. It was beta read by the ever lovely and always encouraging Southern Witch. Thanks, Sun, for your sharp eyes and incredible patience. Any mistakes that are left are all my own fault. Feel free to let me know, gentle readers, and I’ll get them sorted. I will make no promises about if or when I will finish this fic. There isn’t much of it left to go, just a couple chapters really, but I’m out of practice, and writing comes hard to me these days. I wasn’t going to post anymore, until I had it all written, but maybe this will be the spur I need to get my butt in gear. Thanks to all my readers who have emailed me kind words over the years. Your kindness has not gone unnoticed.

With all affection,

Pook

Disclaimer: They are not mine, I only take them out to play.

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“Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what he loves.”

Blaise Pascal

“You look divine, trollop,” Severus said, his voice low and gravelly. “Come here.”

For a moment, Hermione simply stood as still as a statue, completely transfixed by the expression of naked hunger on Severus’ face. This was no schoolboy who lay on the bed before her, beckoning to her with his eyes. This was no boy hoping for a snog and a quick grope. Severus was a grown man with a man’s passions.

After their many late night snog sessions in Severus’ bedroom at Grimmauld Place, Hermione had always left Severus to go to her room, alone and frustrated. She had assumed that if her love returned to his senses, she would be thrilled. Many times, while lying awake in bed, she had fantasized how it would be to stay in his arms instead of retreating to her own room. All she knew about sex was what she had read in books and what she’d heard other girls whispering about. She’d been certain that when the chance arrived to find out for herself, she would jump at it.

Hermione didn’t feel like jumping anywhere. Suddenly fidgety and nervous, Hermione found herself shifting her weight from foot to foot. Is this how it was? Did a man just say “Come here,” and you just jumped into bed and did it? And why wasn’t she jumping? There he was, the man she loved. He wanted her and she wanted him. But in all of her many imaginings, it had never seemed quite like this. The silence stretched as she hesitated. The expression in Severus’ eyes faded from hunger to quiet contemplation. For goodness sake, she had to say something! What if he misinterpreted her hesitation as disinterest? What if he decided she was too young and foolish after all?

“You should rest,” she said, her voice a bit high and more squeaky than normal. Oh, this was brilliant. Severus was likely to think he had regained his sanity just in time for her to lose her own. What on Earth was wrong with her?

“I assure you that I am fine, Hermione. Poppy intends to release me in the morning. The only activity Poppy has cautioned me against is Apparating before I am fully rested.”

When Hermione peeked at Severus through her lashes, she saw that he looked neither angry nor impatient, though he was still studying her intently.

“You should rest,” Hermione repeated lamely. “This morning… I don’t want that to happen again… You were so weak… and I could go stay in a guest room… I…”

Realizing that she was seriously beginning to babble, everything suddenly seemed far too difficult to cope with. Turning abruptly away from the bed, Hermione would have fled the room if she had not found the door firmly locked. Frustrated, she shook the handle fiercely. When a hand fell softly on her shoulder, she spun around in surprise to find Severus standing close to her.

“Why is the door locked?” she asked, horrified to hear how shaky her voice sounded.

“Because I locked it, Hermione. Now don’t fret,” he added, seeing her worried expression. Raising a hand, he stroked her cheek tenderly. “I only want to talk with you for a moment. While I am feeling much improved from this morning, I do not think I am quite up to chasing you through the halls.”

When he finished that speech with his crooked smile and wry lift of an eyebrow, Hermione abruptly let go of a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding. Here was the man she knew, speaking to her softly and touching her tenderly. The situation didn’t seem at all frightening anymore, and she rather wondered what she’s been so nervous about in the first place. With a soft cry she went straight into his arms, and he wrapped them tightly around her.

“Forgive me, Hermione,” Severus said softly into her hair. “I am still not quite myself. I know that you may find this incredibly difficult to believe, but I am not the most suave and romantic of fellows even at the best of times.”

Her spirits lifting further, Hermione found herself giggling into Severus’ chest.

Leaning back slightly, Severus lifted Hermione’s chin with a gentle hand until she met his eyes. “Better?” he asked.

“Much better,” she said with a nervous smile. “I’m sorry, Severus. I’ve never… well…”

Embarrassed, Hermione dropped her head again, but Severus lifted her chin until she once more met his eyes.

Leaning forward, he said in a conspiring whisper, as if confessing a great secret, “I rather gathered as much.” His manner more than his words made Hermione giggle again.

“Come, love,” Severus murmured, taking her hand and leading her away from the door. “I promise I will not rush you again, and I will not pressure you to go farther down this road than you are ready to travel. However, after the way you leapt to my defense in that meeting, I simply have to show you how you make me feel.”

Docilely, Hermione let him lead her to the bed. When he stretched out and patted the mattress next to him, she gladly joined him. Wrapping her tightly in his arms, Severus simply held her closely for what seemed like ages. Eventually, he shifted their positions until he lay half over her, and brought his head down to hers for a toe-curling kiss. This was familiar territory, for many of their good night kisses had resulted in them cuddling in the bed, kissing and caressing each other. When Severus’ hand drifted down to softly knead her breast, Hermione moaned softly into his mouth, for this was deliciously familiar territory as well.

When Hermione felt Severus’ fingers working the buttons of her blouse, she couldn’t help but flinch slightly. Though he had kissed her many times, and had his hands all over her clothed body, Severus had never gone so far as to unbutton one button while he had been mad.

“It’s all right, love,” he whispered, his breath hot against her ear. “We will not travel too far tonight, but please let me touch you. I’ve wanted to touch you for so very long.”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Oh, yes.”

Slowly, the blouse was unbuttoned, and then Severus lifted her with one arm so that he could get to the hooks on the back of her bra. When her bra disappeared over the edge of the bed, Hermione scarcely had time to be embarrassed by her nudity before Severus lowered her back to the bed and kissed her again. This time, his hand was caressing and kneading her bare breast, and Hermione moaned into his mouth again.

When Severus blazed a trail of hot kisses down her throat and then closed his lips around one crinkled nipple, Hermione found herself instinctively arching up against him. So distracted was she by the new sensations coursing through her that she didn’t realize Severus had unbuttoned her jeans until she felt his hand slip under her knickers and caress her intimately.

“Severus?” she whispered nervously.

Lifting his head from her breast, Severus returned to her mouth and kissed her tenderly. “Hush, love,” he whispered against her lips. “Let me touch you. Tonight, let me touch all of you.”

With that, Severus kissed her again, and as he parted her lips with his tongue and deepened the kiss, his clever fingers parted her nether lips and he began to stroke the hot, needy flesh beneath them. Hermione had never felt anything like it in her life. While her own fingers had always seemed clumsy and inept, Severus seemed to know exactly what to do. In moments he had her writhing beneath him and lifting her hips to get more of his touch. When she came apart in his arms, he clamped his mouth over hers to muffle her sharp cry.

As Hermione slowly got her breath back, Severus gently removed his hand from her knickers. While she lay panting and watching him, he slipped a finger into his mouth and licked the moisture from it. Hermione was surprised to realize that the gesture didn’t disgust her. Instead, it made her catch her breath and wish that he would touch her again. He gazed at her as he licked his other fingers clean, and his dark eyes were filled with fire.

“You’re brilliant,” Hermione blurted abruptly. Blushing furiously, she lowered her eyes. Was that the sort of thing one should say to a lover at a time like this? While Severus had calmed her nerves, she still felt awkward and out of her depth. Perhaps that sudden non sequitur required further explanation. “It’s only that... well… I didn’t realize it would feel like that… so strong. I read that it…”

Realizing that she had just confessed to reading about sex just as she did about any subject that interested her, Hermione’s words trailed off and she blushed again. Severus’ amused chuckle startled her.

Still chuckling, Severus lay back down beside her and gathered her into his arms. “Trollop,” he murmured into her hair, “it is no secret that you are a very curious woman and certainly no shock that you have done some research into the subject. I would have been astounded to find out otherwise. As for my possible brilliance, can I assume that was… uncharted territory for you?”

“Yes,” she admitted easily. Now, wrapped snugly in his arms with his face nestled in her hair, it didn’t seem so awkward to talk to him about it. “I’ve tried it on my own, but I don’t seem to quite have the hang of it.”

“Nothing a little practice won’t cure, I imagine,” he said huskily into her ear before nibbling on her ear lobe. As his mouth wandered to her throat, she felt him slip his hand into her knickers again. The electric sensations that he had aroused before returned almost as soon as he stroked her. This time, as he stroked her sensitive flesh with his thumb, he slipped a long finger into her tight passage and began to move it slowly and firmly in, and out, and in again.

This dance of finger and thumb was beyond anything Hermione had ever imagined. Though she wanted desperately to kiss him, she couldn’t seem to move. She couldn’t think; she could scarcely breathe. All she could do was cling tightly to him and whimper as the intense sensations rolled through her entire being. It wasn’t long before her release rocketed through her again, and as she came, she said his name over and over.

When Hermione had recovered enough to think again, she opened her eyes to see that Severus looked unbearably pleased with himself. In fact, he looked a right smug bastard. While she was almost in awe of the feelings he had awakened in her, she knew this mustn’t continue. Severus was her love, but he was also a Slytherin, and with that breed you had to begin as you meant to continue or they would walk all over you. Not to mention the fact that, so far, all the pleasure of this night had been completely one-sided. Realizing just how one-sided it was caused Hermione to be more than a little chagrined. While Hermione was unpracticed in the ways of sex, she was still a Gryffindor, and all Gryffindors knew when it was time to leap into the fray. Oh, yes! She would wipe that smug smile right off of his face!

When they had arrived back at Severus’ room in the infirmary, Severus had shrugged out of the long, black dressing gown he’d been wearing. Now he wore only a vest and a pair of pajama bottoms with an elastic waist. That should be easy enough to manage, even for someone as unskilled as she was. To distract him for a moment, Hermione leaned up to kiss his smugly smiling mouth. Severus answered her kiss readily enough, and as they kissed, Hermione slipped a hand under the waistband of his pajamas and wrapped it snuggly around his hard cock. Though she was rather shocked to discover that Severus was not wearing pants beneath his pajamas, she was not so surprised that she released her new found prize. A sharp hiss of breath was all the response she got from Severus, but when she tentatively stroked him from root to tip, that hiss turned into a ragged moan.

“Hermione,” he whispered breathlessly and then buried his face in her hair. Reaching down with one hand, he pulled the front of his pajama bottoms out and down to expose his cock.

While Hermione had peeked at him while he was showering, she’d never been this close to a naked man before. The sight of his proudly standing shaft intrigued her. As she stroked him a second time, Severus moaned again, and a drop of fluid appeared at the tip.

So far so good. She must not be doing too badly, or he would surely tell her so. He wasn’t shy after all. Indeed, if she did anything amiss, she could easily imagine him giving her an impromptu lecture on the subject. Her hand traveled back down to the root of his cock and slowly back up again. She could feel Severus’ hot breath against her neck, and he groaned again as her hand made a fourth journey. Now then, what had Ginny told her about this sort of thing other than “Grab and pull and Bob’s your uncle.” Oh, yes! If you added a twisting motion with your hand, that was supposed to feel good. It was really supposed to make a man stand up and take notice, so to speak. When she added a twisting motion as she rubbed up and down, Severus growled, a low and throaty sound that sent electric shivers down her spine.

Realizing that Severus was moving his hips, thrusting his cock into her hand, Hermione increased the speed of her strokes. It wasn’t long before his sexy growl rose to a higher pitch. Straining against her, his body went completely rigid, and Hermione could feel the cock in her hand twitch and jump. Hot fluid gushed over her hand and splashed onto her bare stomach. His face still buried in her hair, Severus’ body went completely limp.

Smiling in triumph, Hermione gently released her softening prize. Maybe she didn’t have any previous experience at this sort of thing, but she’d done it! She’d pleased him just as he had pleased her, and she felt momentarily giddy with her success. Men sure were messy in their passion. Her hand was slick with the stuff. A cleaning spell was in order, and she could feel her wand still in the back pocket of her jeans, digging into her hip. Reminding herself to be more careful in future, lest she break her wand during a moment of passion, she slipped her clean hand under her hip and retrieved her wand. Before she cast the spell, curiosity overcame her. A glance at Severus showed that his eyes were still closed and his face still buried in her hair. Stealthily, she brought her wet hand up to her mouth and licked the tip of a finger. Oh! That was really not very pleasant. The taste was a bit bitter and slightly salty. It wasn’t horrible at least. She imagined that when it came time to get more adventurous and take her lover into her mouth, she would manage well enough. A silent spell later and the slick fluid disappeared from her hand, her stomach, and the bed.

The man beside her finally stirred. Raising up on an elbow, Severus looked down at her. The smug expression had fled entirely, and her lover looked down into her eyes with an expression of surprised adoration. So tender was the look in his eyes that it made Hermione doubly glad that she’d been brave enough to give back some of what she had received. It was clear by Severus’ expression that he had planned to make no demands on his innocent lover this night, that he had meant it to be all for her. Such generosity in love brought tears to her eyes. The Snape she had known in school had been a bitter, difficult man. The madman she had come to love had been difficult and stubborn, but also sweet and caring. This sane Severus was a wholly new creature to her. While she was sure that there would be times when she wanted to hex him for being the stubborn bastard that he was, it touched her heart to know that the sweetness she had found in her madman was not lost.

When Severus raised a hand to brush a lone tear from her cheek, she whispered, “I love you.”

“And I love you, my trollop,” he whispered back.

Then he was kissing her again, and she was surprised to feel his cock hardening against her hip. Though he’d said that they wouldn’t go too far tonight, Hermione found that she didn’t care if he’d changed his mind. This was the right man, this was the right time, and she was feeling anything but nervous. Severus lifted away from her. Kneeling on the bed, he reached for the waistband of her jeans and pulled them down to her ankles. Leaving her knickers in place, he stretched out on top of her, letting his still bare cock press against her cloth-covered mound.

Now they were in the position they had been in that morning, when Hermione had realized he wasn’t well enough for such things. Though Severus was panting warmly in her ear, he was obviously fine, and the grinding of his hips against her felt wonderful. Wrapping her arms tightly around him, she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts.

“Oh, my trollop,” he whispered into her ear. “It feels so good to be pressing you down, covering you completely, feeling you wrapped around me so tightly. Hold me Hermione… hold me tighter.”

“Yes, Severus! Oh, Yes!” she replied, clasping her arms even more fiercely around him.

Raising his hips for a moment, Severus licked a palm and rubbed the moisture on the bare skin of her thighs. Sliding down ever so slightly, he pressed his cock between her thighs and began to thrust it in and out.

“So soft,” he whispered. “So sweet and soft.”

Just when Hermione was beginning to think this encounter was solely for Severus’ benefit, a clever hand worked itself between their bodies and slid into her knickers. He teased her at first, with soft, slow strokes. As the pace of his thrusting hips increased, his hand rubbed faster, and he slipped two fingers into her tight channel. Then his mouth was on hers, and he kissed her hard, thrusting his tongue into her mouth in rhythm with the hard pumping of his hips.

“Come for me now,” he said against her lips. “So close, I’m so close. Oh, Hermione, come for me, love. Say my name again. Oh gods, Hermione. I almost came myself when you chanted my name as you trembled and bucked in my arms.”

As the sensations swelled and broke over her, she said his name over and over. His hips bucked erratically, and he gave a short bark of triumph as he came. She could feel his cock twitch between her thighs as it had in her hand, and a wet heat spread over her skin. Collapsing over her, Severus breathed as heavily as a horse after a long race, and she was breathing just as hard.

Still holding him tightly, Hermione was amazed by how wonderful her first forays into sex had felt. If this felt so good, how would it feel when Severus was thrusting deeply into her body instead of between her closed thighs? Whatever nervousness she had felt when they had first reached his room was completely gone, and all she felt now was a deep yearning to finish what they had started.

Eventually, Severus stirred. Lifting up on his elbows, he kissed her forehead, her nose, and her mouth. Retrieving his wand, he cast the same cleansing spell she had used earlier and the dampness on her thighs disappeared. He then retrieved her jeans from around her ankles and slid them back onto her, placing a chaste kiss on the triangle of cloth that showed through her open fly. After pulling his own pajama bottoms up, he left the bed and helped Hermione to stand so that he could turn down the coverlet. The bed set to rights, they got under the coverlet and snuggled closely together. Neither said a word as they fell asleep in each other’s arms.