In Hagrid's Head

A/N: As always, big thanks to everyone who has left me a review. I can't tell you how encouraging it is to hear a bit about what folks think of this fic so far. I just love it!

Extra special thanks to my intrepid beta, Vaughn, for this chapter. She helped me a lot in getting Hagrid's voice down better. I'd done all right in spots, but in others I had him sounding a bit like an Irish elf. *giggle* I really like Hagrid, so I was glad to have some help making him sound more like himself. Vaughn rocks!

Disclaimer: They are not mine; I only take them out to play.

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Much madness is divinest sense - to a discerning eye - much sense - the starkest madness.

-Emily Dickinson 1830-1886

"Nah, Harry, I don't mind if yeh try that spell on me noggin'," Hagrid said pleasantly. "Yer a right good wizard, yeh are. But why would yeh want ter?"

"I've been trying to find some answers to some dicey questions, Hagrid," Hermione replied, setting her huge mug of tea down on Hagrid's kitchen table. "We want to see if we can hear a little more of that argument you overheard between the headmaster and Snape. Tell me something, Hagrid. How did you feel about Professor Snape, and what was your reaction to him killing Dumbledore?"

Though Hagrid's face clouded over at the mention of the traitor's name, he then made an obvious effort to calm his emotions on the matter and speak objectively. "I always rather liked Sev'rus. Made me feel a great fool when I found out tha' he couldn be trusted. A'fore tha, I liked 'im fine. Sure, he was a bit prickly...'e always reminded me o' a hippogriff, touchy and proud--but a good man fer all tha'. 'E used to make me the potions I needed for my wee beasts...I was never tha' good with fiddly potions. Sure, he'd grumble a bit, but 'e always done it for me, no matter how often I asked."

"What did you think when he killed Dumbledore?" Ron asked.

"I didn believe it at first. If young Harry hadn seen it with his own two eyes, I'd still nah believe it. Like I said, the man was a might touchy, but 'e always seemed like a good man ter me."

"We've been talking about this a lot, Hagrid," Hermione said. "I think he was a good man at heart, up until that night on the tower. We don't understand what made him change. That's why we want to hear what happened in the forest."

"Like I said, yeh can do the spell if yeh want ter. I'm not worried about it."

Standing up, Harry retrieved the Pensieve from where he had left it by the door to Hagrid's hut and carefully placed it on the table before approaching Hagrid. It was a good thing that Hagrid was seated; otherwise, Harry would have been hard pressed to reach the tall man's head. Pulling out his wand, Harry said, "It won't hurt, Hagrid. It just feels a bit funny, like your head has gotten cold all of a sudden. Now, I need you to concentrate on that specific memory before I do the spell."

"Anytime, Harry," Hagrid said, closing his eyes. "I got it firmly in my head."

The three friends had continued practicing silent magic after they'd left school, so Harry made no sound as he started the spell. It worked as easily on Hagrid as it had the previous night on Hermione. In a moment, he'd drawn the long, shimmering trail from Hagrid's temple and placed it into the Pensieve. The Pensieve flashed brightly as the memory hit it and then it returned to its usual churning silver surface.

"Do you want to come with us, Hagrid?" Harry asked.

"Nah, I'll leave the three o' you ter it. I don't rightly know if I feel up ter hearin' the headmaster's voice just yet, so soon after..." Hagrid's voice trailed off, and he rubbed a hand at his watering eyes.

"It's all right, Hagrid," Hermione said soothingly. "We'll fill you in on anything that we find out. There's no need for you to come."

With a final 'Good luck ter yeh' from Hagrid, Hermione, Harry, and Ron leaned over the Pensieve.

Suddenly, Hermione found herself in the Forbidden Forest on what looked like a seldom used path. As the large form of Hagrid moved past her and walked along the path, Hermione at first thought that Hagrid had changed his mind and joined them. Realizing that she was seeing the Hagrid from his memory, she shook her head as she joined Harry and Ron in following him. It wasn't long before the three friends heard voices in the distance.

"Let's go!" Harry said. "Quickly!"

Leaving Hagrid behind, they wound their way through the underbrush until they drew nearer to the people who were arguing amongst the trees. As they hurried, they caught snippets of the conversation.

"I'm sick to death of being..."

"...that. You were never that."

"...should never have let you talk..."

"...the right thing to do..."

"...push me, old man!"

"...I promised you...an alternative."

"...is none! You lied..."

Suddenly, as they grew nearer to the speakers, they could hear the rest of the argument clearly.

"We've been through this already, Severus. You gave me your word that you would do what I asked of you."

"What do you want of me, Albus? A fucking Unbreakable Vow? As you are well aware, I've got one of those already, and I assure you that one is more than enough!" Though Snape's voice was sharp and venomous, when Hermione peeked through the tree trunks, she was shocked to see that Severus Snape sat cross-legged on the ground, his head in his hands.

"My dear boy, your word has always been more than enough for me," Albus said so softly that it was no surprise that Hagrid had not heard him.

When Snape then lifted his head, Hermione could see that, though he didn't weep, his eyes were watery and an expression of great sorrow belied his sharply spoken words. "There's no guarantee that this will even work, Albus. I only agreed because you promised to look for a way out of it. Even if I do it...even if I go back to them...I may never even find what we need."

Stepping over to where Snape sat on the ground, Dumbledore knelt beside him. Putting a comforting hand on Snape's shoulder, Albus said, "I know that you will find it, Severus. If anyone can, it's you."

Shaking off Albus' hand, Severus shouted straight into the older wizard's face. "Damn it, Albus! You take too much for granted! I don't want to do this anymore, and short of forcing an Unbreakable Vow on me, you can't make me do it."

The voice that answered him had grown firm and cool, "Never forget, Severus. You've already made me your promise. I've never known you to break your word to me, and I don't think you'll start now. That's all there is to it."

"You are supposed to be my friend, Albus," Severus said in so soft a voice that Hermione could barely make it out. "What kind of friend would make me promise to kill him?" At that point, the tears that had been threatening to fall slid silently down Severus Snape's face.

Gathering the weeping man close to his chest in a firm hug, Albus said, just as softly, "The kind of friend who wants you to live, dear boy. My time is almost done, and you are still a young man. Even if we discard the other reasons for this to happen, it's not only your life that hangs in the balance, but Draco's as well. Believe me, lad, if I find no other way out of it, then this is the correct thing to do."

For another moment, the two men murmured together in voices so hushed that even Hermione, who was standing the closest, couldn't hear them. Then Snape and Dumbledore rose and prepared to leave.

As they began to walk, Albus said, "Don't forget to start your investigations into Slytherin house about that cursed necklace, my boy."

"Lot of foolish nonsense," Snape grumbled softly. "Wasting my precious time pretending to look for the culprit when we know damn well who it was."

"Too true," Albus said, chuckling. "But we must keep up appearances, or the boy will get far too suspicious."

At that point, Hermione felt a strange pull that drew her away from the two wizards. Looking for Harry and Ron, she soon saw that they were being pulled away as well.

"Hagrid must be moving on," Harry said. "We can only be so far away from him."

The words were scarcely out of Harry's mouth before the Hermione felt the odd feeling of the Pensieve and the three friends abruptly reappeared in Hagrid's hut. Still seated next to the table, Hagrid smiled happily at their safe return. As Harry put the shining string of Hagrid's memory back into his head, Hagrid remained quiet. As soon as Harry had finished, he spoke.

"So how did it go?" Hagrid asked. "I expect 'twas just a silly argument about that fool necklace, just as I said, weren't it?"

As Harry opened his mouth to tell Hagrid all that they had learned, he then snapped it shut as Hermione quickly interrupted him. "You're right, Hagrid. It was just a foolish disagreement. We didn't learn anything important after all."

Rising to wash up the empty mugs, Hagrid missed the confused expressions that Harry and Ron gave Hermione, as well as the sharp look she threw them in return.

"Well, I am sorry tha' I wasn't more help ter yeh. I told you back when it happened tha' it weren't likely as bad as it sounded. Sev'rus always was one for shoutin'; it didn mean that he was especially angry."

"I suppose that you're right, Hagrid. You knew him better than we did, after all."

"Too true. I miss him sometimes, yeh know. Then I remember what he did, an' I feel right foolish."

"We don't know why Snape did what he did, Hagrid," Hermione said kindly. "Whatever happened, that doesn't mean that he wasn't truly your friend before that. Things change. People change."

"I hadn'a thought about it like tha'. I always thought that he'd just been pretendin' ter be my friend. I still hate the bastard fer what he did, but knowing tha' maybe it weren't all an act does make me feel better. Thanks, Hermione."

"Anytime, Hagrid," Hermione said, her expression much sadder than the cheerful tone that she had forced into her voice. "We'd best be off. Now that we've hit this dead end, we had better sort out what to do next."

After the three friends had said their goodbyes and promised Hagrid that they would come back again when they had time for a proper visit, they left Hagrid's hut, silently walked to the Hogwarts' gate, and Apparated back to Harry's house. Once they were inside, the silence was loudly broken.

"What did you do that for, Hermione?" Ron snapped. "You heard Hagrid; he liked the great git! It would have made him feel better to know that Snape had made that promise to Dumbledore."

"Do you think I don't realize that?" Hermione snapped back. Her tone quieted as she said, "Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you. Give me a moment to explain."

With obvious effort, Ron got hold of his temper. "I shouldn't have jumped you like that. It's just that I don't understand."

"I don't understand it either, Hermione," Harry added. "What harm could it possibly have done to let Hagrid know what we found out?"

"Possibly a lot of harm. Look, I adore Hagrid, and I'd do a lot to make him happy. But Hagrid isn't a great one for keeping secrets, is he? Especially secrets that he knows will make others happy. If we had told him what we found out, how long would it be before he was off to Minerva, or Filius, to tell them the good news?"

"Why would that matter? The teachers all rather liked Snape when we were in school. Why shouldn't they be told that he had no choice about killing Dumbledore?"

"Why do you both make it sound like what he did is suddenly all right?" Harry loudly interrupted. "I don't care what Albus said, Snape is still a bloody murderer! He should have died first! He should have died!"

"Harry," Hermione said, keeping her tone of voice as calm as she could manage, "he promised the headmaster. You heard him, Harry. Snape didn't want to promise that, but he did. Dumbledore must have had good reasons to ask that of Snape. Snape did the honorable thing...he kept his word, even though he hated it. Just as you did in the cave."

"It's not the same thing, Hermione. I didn't kill Albus!"

"I don't mean to be cruel, Harry, but how do we know that? I saw your memory of Dumbledore on the tower; he looked horrible. He looked like he was dying...even the Death Eaters said so. Whatever that potion was, it was very vile." At Harry's stricken expression, Hermione quickly continued. "I'm not saying that you did the wrong thing, Harry; we've already discussed that. You kept your word, and that's important. I'm only saying that Snape did the same thing."

Though Harry still didn't look as if he agreed, he stopped arguing. Feeling it a good idea to get the subject back to something less volatile, Ron said, "What about Hagrid, Hermione? Why was it important to lie?"

"Snape's with the Death Eaters now. From what he and Dumbledore were discussing, it sounded like they knew that would happen. It also sounded like the headmaster expected Snape to do something important there. All the Order members, even Hagrid, can keep a nasty secret. But as you said, Ron, this would be welcome news to the Hogwarts professors. It's far harder to keep good news a secret than it is to keep something nasty."

"So you're saying that if knowledge of Snape's promise gets out, it would compromise his position with the Death Eaters, and he wouldn't get to do whatever it was that Dumbledore asked him to do," Ron said.

"Exactly!" Hermione replied. "We don't even know what Snape is supposed to do. It might be something truly important. I know that I said the Order is getting too obsessed with secrecy, but that doesn't mean we should act foolishly. I really think that we should keep this to ourselves...at least until we know exactly what we are dealing with."

"All right, I can't argue with that," Ron said kindly. "I still think it's a bit crap, but I understand why it was necessary."

"Thank you, Ron. Harry, all right?"

Though he still looked upset, Harry nodded. Unsettled by both the heated discussion and the trip though Hagrid's memories, Hermione left her friends and headed to the library for some much needed thinking time. Carefully, she studied the conversation that they had overheard in the forest. Several things seemed clear to her. Snape had not wanted to kill the headmaster, and he had been angry that Dumbledore had not found any other alternative. The headmaster expected Snape to stick to his promise, and thought that Snape could find out something important when he went back to the Death Eaters. He'd made it quite clear that he was willing to give up his life if it meant that Snape and Malfoy would be saved. It was a noble decision he had made, and Hermione respected Dumbledore for it, though it made her miss the older wizard all the more.

Her musings were interrupted by a loud crack of Apparition coming from outside the house. Rushing to the library window, Hermione studied the street outside. Evening had fallen and the night was dark and gloomy, but the dull shine of the Muggle street lamps gave a decent view of the street just in front of Harry's house.

Severus Snape stood on the pavement near the house. The frustrated expression on his face made it very apparent that he could not see the house, even though he knew where it was. Pacing back and forth on the pavement like a caged tiger, he soon began to shout.

"I know that you bloody whores are in there! Come out, you whores! Come out!"

As Snape continued to pace and shout, another loud crack of noise split the night. Draco Malfoy appeared. Striding up to Snape, it was obvious that Malfoy was trying desperately to get Snape away from the house. Pulling on Snape's arm, Hermione could see that Malfoy attempted a Side-Along Apparition, but that was a rather dicey thing to try at the best of times. It was impossible with an unwilling partner. In a Side-Along, both parties had to make the turn at the same time, almost like dancing. It was clear that Snape was having none of it. Shaking Draco off, he shouted again.

"I know that you're in there. Get your whorish arses out here! Whores!"

As Hermione gazed at the whore-shouting man in shock, Ron and Harry rushed into the library, wands drawn, to see what was going on.