Keeping Secrets
Chapter 3 of 34
PlaidPookaIt's possible in wartime that madness eventually comes for us all. Yet some madness might be carefully purchased; some sanity knowingly sacrificed. This story is such a tale.
ReviewedThanks to everyone who has taken the time to leave me a review. You have no idea how very much they mean to me. (I'm a confessed review slut.) Everyone has been so kind, and I thank you all!
This chapter was beta read by the fantabulous Vaughn. She is the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee, the willy in the porn flick of my life...ok, perhaps I've finally gone too far. I'll just say that Vaughn rocks!
Disclaimer: They are not mine; I only take them out to play.
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Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
-R. D. Laing 1927-1989
Dusting off the soot from his journey, Remus looked warily around at Hermione, Harry, and Ron. It was a shock to see a man who had always been so open and honest with them looking so uneasy. Harry seemed more taken aback by this than any of them.
"This is serious, isn't it, Remus?" Harry asked quietly.
"Deadly serious, Harry," Remus said, running a hand nervously through his hair. "I confess that I'm not at all certain about what to do."
"Listen, Remus. It's true that Ron and I are curious about what happened to Hermione tonight...we were dead worried about her. However, if this falls into the "need to know" category of Order business, then you can count on Ron and me not putting any pressure on you or Hermione for answers."
"Harry's right," Ron agreed. "We aren't eleven anymore. We've left school and we're Order members. If this is something that you can't tell us, then we trust you to have good reason for it."
With a relieved sigh, Remus sat heavily on a wingback chair and leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment. He suddenly looked older than his years, and so very tired that Hermione was surprised he was managing to stay awake at all, let alone take part in an important discussion. Though she wished she could let the weary man rest, Hermione hadn't even begun to say her piece.
"Remus," she began softly, "I understand very well why secrecy is important in this matter, but is such tight secrecy necessary or even wise?"
Sitting up straight, Remus gave Hermione a sharp look as he opened his mouth to protest.
"Wait," Hermione said, holding up a hand, "let me explain before you give me hell. Certainly, secrecy in Order matters is important; we all know that. However, it seems to me that we have been getting a little too paranoid in our secrecy. The three of us are trying our best to find some answers to some very important questions. The Order's left hand not letting its right hand know what it is doing is not helping that. Consider this, Remus. Because someone decided that I had no "need to know" about the hit on my parent's house tonight, I almost died."
"I understand that, Hermione, and I am sorry for it," Remus said, his voice both kind and firm. "But that's a rather different situation than me risking the life of...another person just to satisfy someone's idle curiosity!"
"It's not a matter of curiosity!" Hermione countered, her voice getting more heated. "Dumbledore himself believed in the Order sharing as much information as possible, and with good reason. We can't fight in the dark, and we shouldn't have to. Knowledge is power, Remus. The more each of us knows, the stronger we all shall be. I'm not saying that the entire Order needs to know the identity of your source. But consider this: the information that you are receiving is invaluable. What happens to it if you get killed? Who would trust your source if you were not there for confirmation? What happens to your source if you die before the war ends, and there is no one to tell the world that they were working for the light?"
Remus had gone pale while Hermione talked; the worried expression was back in his weary eyes. "You would know," he said softly.
"I would not be enough," Hermione replied just as softly. "The Order would not listen to the seemingly insane opinions of one young witch, and you know it. However, they would listen to the three of us, if we all said the same thing. I know why you are worried...I know exactly why, but I would trust Harry and Ron with my life, and, more importantly, I would trust them to do what they knew was right, even if they hated it."
Having been silent through the whole serious and inexplicable discussion, Harry decided it was time to speak. "Hermione is right. We all three would do what we knew was right, even if we truly hated the idea." His eyes looked haunted as he spoke, and Hermione wondered why.
"We've also been used to keeping secrets since we were eleven years old, Remus," Ron added. "I won't pretend to know exactly what the situation is, but the circumstances must be dire indeed, the way you two are going on. Hermione, Harry, and I are used to working together and used to keeping our own counsel. You can trust us to keep that up."
With another sigh, Remus stared at the carpet for a moment, obviously thinking hard. Eventually, he raised his eyes to regard each of them in turn. "I know you can be trusted; it's not a question of trust. I had thought that the fewer people who knew, the safer it was for my source. You've made me question my logic on that, Hermione. However, it is not my decision to make, and I simply cannot do so without first speaking to the person involved."
"Understandable," Hermione agreed. "I'll stay silent on the matter until I hear from you."
"Thank you," Remus said sincerely. "Now boys, if you don't mind, I would like to speak with Hermione alone for a moment."
"Of course," Ron replied. "Hermione, Harry and I are both pretty knackered. We'll go on up to bed. Don't be afraid to wake us if you need anything."
"I will, Ron, I promise. But I think that I will be going back to bed as well. I didn't get much sleep tonight." Remembering her earlier actions, Hermione went up to her friends and gave them each a fierce hug. "Thank you for listening to me earlier. I was jumpy as hell when I arrived. I'm fine now, I promise you."
After Harry and Ron had left the room, Remus took the precaution of casting a Silencing Charm.
"Is that necessary, Remus?" Hermione chided. "They gave their word; they won't spy."
"It's not them, Hermione, it's Kreacher. Without Harry giving that nasty little piece of work specific instructions, I'd rather not chance it."
"Of course, you are quite right. I'm sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for, love. You've every right to question my actions at the moment. It was my decision not to tell you about the hit tonight. I didn't want to upset you. Believe me, I regret that very much. I'm afraid that I do still think of the three of you as children sometimes."
"You aren't the only person in the Order guilty of that," Hermione said, her tone of voice showing her exasperation.
"Well, I can't speak for the others, but this Order member is going to try his best to do better by all of you. You have all behaved admirably tonight, and I am not going to forget that, Hermione."
"Thank you for that, Remus."
"I have to go back soon...I only wanted to tell you that it may be a few days before I can get in contact with Draco and Severus. I'll let you know what they decide as soon as I can. It's up to Draco, really; Severus already said that the three of you should be filled in."
"He did?" Hermione asked, her eyes showing her confusion.
"Yes, he did. Draco was going on about how you had probably already told every member in the Order and then some about what happened to you tonight. I told him that I didn't think you would even tell Harry and Ron until you knew what was going on. Draco really had a fit about that. Severus agreed with me. He said...let's see, how did he put it? 'It hardly matters, at any rate. They may act like they're all fur coat and no knickers, but the whores know how to keep their mouths shut.' I tell you, Hermione, it's hard to believe...well..."
As Remus' voice trailed off sadly, Hermione asked him the question she was fairly certain that she already knew the answer to. "Is he truly insane, Remus?"
"He's completely off his head, Hermione. Draco is having a terrible time trying to keep him safe."
"Why don't you get him away from the Death Eaters then? He can't be that much help, not in the shape he's in."
"He won't leave. Draco has tried. He says that Severus is looking for something, he won't say what, and he won't leave until he finds it. Severus has also been doing a lot of research in You-Know-Who's library, and he won't tell Draco what it's about."
"You mean to tell me that Voldemort lets a madman run around loose with all those dark arts tomes?" Hermione asked, her voice going a bit high and squeaky.
"He lets Severus do much more than that, Hermione. Draco and Severus practically live with You-Know-Who. He's always had a strange patience with the insane...just look at how he lets Bellatrix fawn all over him. As his supposed spy in Hogwarts, Severus always was a favorite of You-Kn...the hell with it, Voldemort." Remus said the dreaded name in a firm voice, though he did flinch a bit. "Now that Severus has run mad, Voldemort seems fonder of him than ever. His fondness only goes so far though. He's not above hexing Severus for the slightest offense, and he certainly does nothing to keep the other Death Eaters from doing so."
"You said that Snape was doing some sort of research. What's it about?"
"I haven't the foggiest. Draco tried to find out, but Snape's written all of his notes in Goblin."
"Goblin? I didn't know that anyone knew Goblin, except for Bill Weasley, of course. What in the world could Snape be doing?"
"No one knows. The truth is that he might not really be doing anything. Severus may only think he's doing something important. He's mad enough that he might not know the difference."
"What happened to him, Remus? What drove him mad?"
"Draco said that it started as soon as they left Hogwarts, though it's been steadily worsening. He loved Albus, Hermione. I know that he did. I'll never understand why he...did what he did, but it broke his mind...killing Albus."
"Have you asked him about it? Surely Snape could tell you why."
"I can't ask him," Remus said with a sigh. "Oh, I've tried, but it does no good. If you mention Albus' name, or the Astronomy tower, or that night, or even mention the word 'headmaster,' Severus goes completely nutters. The last time I tried, it took thirty minutes to calm him down, and thirty minutes of a wailing, clothes rending, hair pulling Severus is about thirty minutes too long."
"He seemed so calm tonight!"
"He is, most of the time. But he has triggers that simply throw him into screaming fits. Anything to do with Albus is the worst one. I tell you, Hermione, I'll never understand what happened on that tower. If you look at everything Severus has done over the years, that action simply doesn't belong."
"No, it doesn't, does it?" Hermione said, tilting her head in thought. "If something like that doesn't fit the pattern, then we are missing something. Something important. Could he have been under the Imperius?"
"No. Severus can shake the Imperius--I've seen him do it. Draco did tell me that his mother forced Snape into making an Unbreakable Vow to finish Draco's assignment, to kill Albus if Draco did not. Bellatrix Lestrange was there when Narcissa confronted him. I'm sure that Severus felt he had no choice, if he wanted to keep his cover. But I would have bet my life that Severus would have died himself before he'd have done anything to hurt Albus. I don't understand it, Hermione. I never have."
"I don't understand it either, Remus. Like everyone else, I simply accepted that it was. I didn't try to understand it." Hermione paused for a moment, lost in thought. "I need to consider this. And I need Harry to show me what happened that night. Maybe that will give me some clue as to what was going on."
"I could try asking Dumbledore's portrait again," Remus said, rubbing at his eyes, "but that's as impossible as asking Severus."
Giving a small chuckle, Hermione said, "Harry tried that. He didn't get very far."
"Butterflies?" asked Remus with a tired smile.
"Butterflies," said Hermione, shaking her head.
The portrait of Albus Dumbledore, which had appeared in the headmistress' office on the night that he died, was always up for a chat when people came for a visit. He would talk about wizarding history. He would talk about spells and incantations. He would talk for hours about his favorite sweets. But ask him anything about his death, or about Severus Snape, and he always talked about the same thing. Butterflies. When Harry had approached the portrait to make inquiries about the events that fateful night on the tower, Harry had gotten an hour long lecture on the butterfly Boloria euphrosyne. Harry now knew that this particular butterfly...also known as the Small, Pearl-bordered Fritillary...lays its eggs singly on dead bracken in the month of July. Harry also knew that this species tended to form colonies around suitable breeding areas. After an hour, he learned far more about the Small, Pearl-bordered Fritillary than he ever wished to know. He learned nothing, however, about what happened on the tower.
Stubborn, Harry tried again. He hadn't gotten past the word 'Snape' before Albus began telling Harry all about the Neozephyrus quercus...also known as the Purple Hairstreak butterfly...and its penchant for oak trees. Wisely, Harry had left in disgust after the first ten minutes of this lecture. Needless to say, he hadn't tried a third time.
"It's interesting, isn't it," said Remus. "The two people who could tell us what we need to know seem incapable of doing so."
"Interesting, or fishy?" asked Hermione, her expression growing suspicious as she raised an eyebrow.
"Fishy, definitely," agreed Remus with a slow smile. "And with the two most interested parties refusing to talk about it, I think I know just the witch to get to the bottom of the matter."
"I'll try...I will...but I've a number of other mysteries on my plate at the moment," Hermione said. Then her mouth opened as she gave a huge yawn.
"I do believe that's my cue," Remus said, yawning in turn. "If I don't leave now, I'll be sleeping in this chair when you wake up in the morning."
Looking out the window, Hermione could see the first traces of dawn lighting the sky. "It already is morning," she grumbled, "but if I don't get some more sleep, I won't be figuring anything out."
"Goodnight then, Hermione. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."
"Thank you, Remus. I'll keep quiet until you do."
With a flash of green fire, Remus vanished into the hearth.
Climbing the stairs slowly, lost in thought, Hermione made her weary way up to her bedroom. Taking the time only to take off her dressing gown and change into a more acceptable nightgown, Hermione crawled into bed. Despite her sleepiness, rest did not come to the witch for a very long time. Her mind spun in circles as she examined all of the new information it had received. Once Hermione had fretted over that for a while, she thought about exactly what she would tell the boys the next day, and how she would convince Harry to show her what she needed to see in the Pensieve. With a plan of attack in place, Hermione rolled over at last and immediately fell asleep.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Price of Madness
1094 Reviews | 6.86/10 Average
Wonderful!! I really enjoyed this. Such a brilliant idea and execution. I feel like many authors lost their mojo for writing fanfic after book 7. I am glad that given some time you decided to come back. You have such a great talent for writing.
Exciting battle. Loving this story.
Lemons!!! Yippee!!!!
Lol. Still calls her Trollop. But now it seems sweet.
Poor Harry. It would be quite the emotional upheaval to find out you harbor a chunk of Riddles' soul.
My, oh my. I adore the idea of Goblin soul magic. What a creative and fun concept. That Severus was sheltering Ablus' soul the whole time is poetically beautiful.
Lol. The constant use of the word whore is making me laugh. It reminds me of the tv she is Dwadwoid and their use of cocksucker. So funny!
Intense start. I like the idea that her memory is so perfect. I'm curious to see if her acute mental abilities will help to get her out of the situation.
Oh my goodness, I just stumbled upon this, and am so delighted to find it finished! I haven't read your final chapters yet. Because I remember how great your story is, I feel I really need to start over and reread it in its entirety.
I know how hard it can be to finish a story. Please know that your efforts to tie up this loose end are greatly appreciated.
I also look forward to reading your paranormal fic, after I've had time to resavour and finish this one!
best regards,
One of your long time fans
The story was absolutely fascinating and I'm truly sad it's over. I love (I wish there was a word that meant more) the way you undid the evil carnage waged by the horrible old whore who wrote the infamous book 7. I was tempted to be done with the fandom then too, but I couldn't bear to leave Severus Snape dead. The Half Blood Prince deserved so much better than what the blond whore gave him. I hated that book, and it took me years to read the whole thing through once I saw how she had killed of Severus Snape in the most un-Snapish way possible. But, so many wonderful authors like yourself came to my rescue, and I was eventually healed by the overwhelming evidence demonstrated by a plethora of other stories that proved Severus Snape had not lived a tragic and lonely life, then died a horrible meaningless death as his reward for protecting Harry Potter and helping to destroy Voldemort. Instead, he had survived and found love at last. But your story is the only one I can think of that lessened my dislike of Albus Dumbledore for his unfair exploitation and cruel use of Severus Snape to accomplish his goals for the greater good. It seemed Albus thought everyone else had a right to some little happiness except him. I was desperately looking for a nice long love story between Severus and Hermione when I saw that I had bookmarked this story and came back to finally find it had been finished. The way you brought back Dumbledore was utterly brilliant! You also achieved a very rare feat in this fandom by allowing Severus to not only live, but live without the lifelong grief of having killed Albus Dumbledore. The fact that the curse on the tower knocked Albus over the side didn't seem like any other Avada Cadavra listed in cannon. At the end of book 6 I had a little hope that maybe he wasn't really dead after all. I also don't think I've ever read a story where Voldemort was rehabilitated. That was genius! I did find it fitting that he should be nearly a squib and take Filche's place. He deserved so much worse. Thank you so much for coming back and finishing this story. I am sorry you are done with this fandom, Pooka. I love your writing. Thank you a thousand times for such a happy ending. I'm still as addicted to the fandom as I was 12 years ago when the first movie was released. I must be completely crazy.
No! No! I must go to bed again!!! You are marvelous. You are brilliant! I will tell you how brilliant when I have more time. I must exercise self discipline and tear myself away so that I can rise at 5 am. Maybe just one more chapter.
I have to go to bed and I just don't want to stop reading. I always write reviews but I can't stop between chapters. I promise to go back and read the entire story again and write my reviews. The story is just too good to pause from. Love to you PlaidPooka. I love this story. I must make myself go to sleep so I can work tomorrow. Kisses and hugs to you from breastlady. I'll be off to mother mothers and another very long day.
I stand by my opinion that JKR got to the Polyjuice scene, everyone changed.......and she dropped the completed book in a puddle on her way to her editor and had to hurry the rest out over a long weekend.
'm so pleased that you've finished this!!
Thank you!
When I caught this title on the newest updates list, it tugged at my memory, that perhaps, I had read some it of, but I wasn't sure. Into the first chapter, I certainly recalled it.
Even though I knew it had been some time, I hadn't realized just how long it had been since I lost track of your updates.
I sat down and read this from start to finish all of this morning.
I can't recall exactly how long ago I read this - I will tell you that this story has been embedded enough in my mind somewhere, so-much-so, that I remembered each and every chapter as I re-read them.
I am very pleased that you found it within you to complete this tale. It's incredibly well thought out, well written and overall, just a wonderful story.
I, too, was immensely disappointed with book 7. I have read so much better endings in the fan-fic realm, that that drivel that JKR thrust upon her fans. And it does appear that now, in hind-sight, she is realizing that herself. Not that it does much good, at this point.
I do find it sad that you have washed your hands of fan-fic. You have such a passionate balance, a realistic approach with these characters - its truely a pleasure to read your works here.
I enjoyed The Price of Madness very much. Thank you for sharing your musings.
Ah... I just finished reading this in one sitting, and to the end! I've always lamented that such a great work was unfinished - but no more! Thank you so much for coming back and completing this story!
Good god, the lunch discussion had me heaving with laughter! Your writing is a joy to read and the story has me on my toes to find out more!
I enjoyed it all. Couldnt stop. Now 2:43 am it was an excellent fic.
I should be writing more reviews. This idea of getting Albus back, Bloody Brilliant. I find the story extremely good and was so happy to see I did not have to wwit till the end for Severus to get his wits about him again. I ov that Harry and Ron treat him with respect and took him in, also understanding Hermione falling in love with the mad man. I love it when they are mature enough to understand him.
gads its 1.25 am and I'm going to have to get to bed, Tomororw will be Christmas eve 21012. So much to do. I do hope I can finish but I don't see how. Thanks again for such an amazing story.
Precious, love the dangly bits sentence, hysterically funny. I'm loving this story and can't imagine how I've missed this one. It's new, brilliant and a pleasure to read.
~Squees with joy!~
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I am ecstatic to see this story finished. Thank you so much for seeing it through to the end. Sometimes obstinate little fangirls gets exactly what they want for Christmas!
~Smooches you.~
Thank you so much for finishing the story. I had forgotten about it until I saw it again this morning. I'm glad I stopped and read the ending. I like what you did with Tom, I think it gives hope to the world. A very sweet ending. I will never be able to see the word or hear the word trollop without smiling.
I don't usually write reviews on stories because I don't really have a way with words but here goes. I can't tell you how excited I was when I heard that you had finished this story. It has always been on my top ten favorites and I was resigned that it would remain unfinished. I am very grateful to all of the authors that give their time and put their heart and soul into writing for others enjoyment. There are so many wonderful unfinished works out there and it is really a shame. I am so glad that this story isn't one of them any longer. I can understand your feelings about book 7. I still have not read it all and was very disappointed in how it ended.
Thank you Pook for all the wonderful memories reading your stories! Maybe some day the muse will hit you and you"ll come back and write something else!
Thank you, Pook for finishing your story. Though I wasn't one of your original readers, I've certainly enjoyed myself these last two-and-a-half days. (Hardly fair, is it? Something that takes years, devoured in the blink of an eye...)
I share your sentiments wholeheartedly about Book 7. I adored the first five books, and read and re-read them many times. Book 6 seemed to me to be a bit off; almost as if Jo were getting even with all us SS/HG shippers. But it was all right, re-readable. Uh huh. Book 7 was read once... and then thrown roughly to the floor, never to be read again.
Almost made me give up on reading fanfiction, almost. Though I've lost the thrill of SS/HG, I'm still here. I loved your mad Snape and all the whore references. Thanks for being here for us long term fans! B R A V A ! ! !
Wonderful story! You are now one of my favorite fic-writing trollops!