Whores and Serpents

A/N: Thanks to all of you readers who have been kind enough to leave a review. It really encourages me to keep on plugging along! Many of you have expressed curiosity about Severus' "whore" habit. *giggle* Yes, there is a reason that he's fixated on the word, but we aren't going to get to that for a bit. In the meantime, this fic should be chocked full of our whore-shouting madman, so we should have some fun!

Ginormous thanks to the lovely and talented Vaughn, who not only has been helping me with this fic, but also my SS/HG gift exchange fic. A beta's work is never done!

Disclaimer: They are not mine; I only take them out to play.

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Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.

-Elizabeth Wurtzel 1967

"Come out, you bloody whores!"

The word 'whores' echoed softly off the neighboring houses as Severus Snape continued to pace the pavement in front of Harry's warded house. Though Draco tried to drag the shouting wizard away, Snape was having none of it.

"What the effing hell are they doing here?" Harry snarled. "I don't care if Snape killed Albus on Albus' orders or not, I'm not going to let Death Eaters cause trouble outside of my house! The way he's shouting, he'll have the Muggle police down on our heads."

"Let's go drive them off then," Ron growled. "I've always wanted a chance to hex Malfoy good and proper."

As the two young men turned to leave the library, Hermione blurted, "No! You can't." When Harry and Ron turned back to her with puzzled expressions, Hermione continued. "I promised Remus that I'd keep quiet until he got back to me, but I think you both have suddenly developed 'need to know' status."

"Bloody hell!" Ron said. "Are you telling me that Snape is Remus' secret source?"

"Not only Snape...Malfoy too. Listen, I don't have time to explain everything right now." Outside the house, Snape was still shouting, which proved the need for them to hurry. "I'll go out to them and try to calm Snape down. You two fire-call Remus. If he isn't home, track him down, but don't the two of you come out until he gets here."

"Hermione," Harry said tensely, "there is no way that I am going to let you go confront those two alone. I don't care if they are Remus' sources, you could get hurt. I've never trusted Malfoy, and Snape's acting like a madman."

"You don't know the half of it," Hermione muttered under her breath. "Listen, without Snape and Malfoy's help, I would have died at my parents' house the other night. They saved my life...they won't hurt me now. Just trust me and get Remus!"

"It will only take one of us to call Remus," Ron said sensibly. "Let me go with you while Harry calls."

The shouting in the street grew louder, and more frantic. "No, Ron. I can't explain right now, but if you go out there, it might upset Snape more." As Hermione headed for the front door of the house, she shouted back, "Just trust me and get Remus!"

Hurrying across the small front lawn, Hermione saw Snape take one brief look at her before he focused his attention on a nearby dustbin. He stopped shouting as soon as he saw Hermione, and waited patiently for her to approach.

"I need to see the whore's son," he said conversationally to the dustbin.

"Sorry about this, Granger," Draco said, coming up to stand near her. "I tried to get him out of here, but I couldn't get him to budge."

Dragging her eyes off of the sight of Snape staring interestingly at an old, crumpled newspaper lying near the dustbin, Hermione turned to Draco. "I know...I saw you pop in after him. How did you know he was here? Did Remus tell you that this is where Harry's house is?"

"No, of course not." Hermione watched as Draco lifted a suddenly quiet and docile Snape's right hand. There was a simple silver bracelet on Snape's wrist. "Tracking spell," Malfoy explained. "He has a tendency to wander off, and I'd never be able to look after him without it."

"Why did he come here?" Hermione asked.

"Haven't the foggiest. He's been telling me he has to talk to the whore's son all day. I told him that we should wait until we spoke to Remus. The sneaky bugger waited until I was in the shower and snuck off!"

"Whore's son?" Hermione asked, her tone of voice showing her confusion.

"That means Potter, though why he wants to talk to Potter, I have no clue."

Growing impatient, Severus placed a gentle hand on Hermione's arm. When he spoke, he addressed the general vicinity just to the side of Hermione's left ear. "Pretty little whore," he said cajolingly, "I need to see The-Whore-Who-Lived. Won't you go and fetch him out?"

"You'll see him in a moment," Hermione said in the sweet and calm tone of voice used by placating mothers the world over. "Why do you want to see him, Mr. Sn--"

"Severus!" Draco shouted before Hermione could finish the word. "We like to be called Severus, don't we?" he continued with a rather forced cheerfulness. The hard look he gave Hermione belied his tone of voice.

Never a fool, Hermione quickly accepted the hint before she continued speaking. "Severus, why do you want to see Harry?"

Unfortunately, Severus had gotten tired of her attempts to distract him. Stepping away from Hermione, he once again stared hard at the place where he knew the hidden house was. "Stupid whores," he muttered. "I haven't got time to play ridiculous games." Just as Severus opened his mouth to shout at the house again, Remus, Harry, and Ron appeared, hurrying across the lawn to join them.

Going right up to where Severus stood, Remus placed a friendly hand on the mad wizard's shoulder and said pleasantly, "Why Severus! What a nice surprise! We weren't expecting you to visit this evening."

Completely ignoring Remus, Severus took one glance at Harry and started unbuttoning his robe. The onlookers stared at him in shock as he unbuttoned enough of the opening to drag it off over his head before flinging the garment carelessly down on the pavement at his feet. As they still stared, Severus began on the buttons of his shirt.

Stopping the strange strip tease by firmly taking both of Severus' hands in his own, Remus said calmly, "Severus, what are you doing?"

"I have to take my shirt off!" Severus said in the tone of voice some people use when speaking to a particularly dimwitted child.

"Yes," Remus said, continuing to hold Severus' hands still, "I see that, but why are you doing so in the middle of the street?"

"Unhand me, werewhore! I told you, I have to take off this bloody shirt!"

Letting go of Snape's hands, Remus wrapped one arm around Snape's shoulders and pulled on him gently. "Severus," he said firmly. "Severus, come here."

To Hermione's shock, Severus stopped trying to unbutton his shirt as Remus drew him into a strange, one-sided hug. Though his arms hung limply at his sides, Severus leaned into the embrace and rested his head on Remus' shoulder.

"Now, Severus," Remus said, his voice low and affectionate. "Can you explain to me what you are trying to do?"

"I have to take off my shirt!" he grumbled. "How many times do I have to repeat myself?"

Remus raised an eyebrow at Draco, who shrugged in response. "Don't look at me. This is new. Usually I can't get him to take anything off. I have to practically hex him to get him to shower."

"All right. You have to take off your shirt," Remus said pleasantly to Severus. "Do you have to take it off here, in the middle of the street? I know it is summertime, but it's still rather chilly tonight to go parading about the street with no shirt on. Why don't we go into the house...hmm? Why don't we go inside and you can take your shirt off there?"

"Oh, all right!" Severus growled. "But you'll have to show me; I can't even see the ugly old whore of a house!"

"Harry," Remus said calmly, still holding Snape tightly against his side, "you'll have to invite Draco and Severus in."

"Remus," Harry replied impatiently, "are you certain that's wise?"

"Just do it, Harry," Remus said in that same calm tone. "Trust me on this one, please. We have to get him off of the street before he attracts any unwanted attention."

"Fine," Harry snapped. Turning to Malfoy, he said peevishly, "My house is at number twelve, Grimmauld Place." After he made the same statement to Severus, the group went inside. Remus kept his arm around Severus, who was strangely manageable now that they were moving. Taking the time to snatch Severus' robe from the pavement, Draco hurried to follow them.

"Lupin," Draco said as he caught up with them at the door, "I don't want them upsetting Severus any more than he is already. They don't know--"

"I talked to Ron and Harry before we came out," Remus interrupted in that same maddeningly calm voice. "They know about the name, and they know the worst one. Hermione doesn't know about the name."

"I told Granger about the name. We'll just have to take our chances with the rest."

Once inside the hall, Severus shook Remus off of him and went immediately back to the buttons on his shirt while the rest of the group stared at him in awkward silence. When the shirt was removed and flung impatiently to the floor, they could see that Severus had an odd harness on. Hermione thought that the device looked much like a Muggle shoulder holster. However, instead of a gun, it strapped a leather pouch close to Severus' body.

"What's that, Draco?" Remus asked curiously.

"No idea. I've never seen it before."

As Snape opened the pouch and rummaged through it, Hermione noticed that his bare torso was marked with scrapes, hex burns, and bruises. "What's happened to him?" she said with concern.

"The other Death Eaters happened to him," Draco said bitterly. "I try to protect him the best that I can. He only sleeps a couple of hours a night and he keeps wandering around without me."

"Why haven't these injuries been attended to?" Hermione snapped, appalled at Snape's condition.

"Look, Granger," Draco snarled, "I do my bloody best. I can barely force him to take a blasted shower let alone get him to allow me to point a wand at him."

The argument abruptly ceased as Severus drew a shining object from the pouch. Cradling it in his hands, Snape gazed at it for a moment like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"Hermione," Harry whispered, "is that what I think it is?"

"Yes, Harry," Hermione replied in an awed voice. "I think that there is no doubt about it."

The object that Severus held so lovingly was a small gold cup. It had two graceful handles and, as Severus turned it in his hands, an engraving of a badger on its bowl.

"That's one of Voldemort's Horcruxes," Hermione said, her face still showing her surprise. "It's Helga Hufflepuff's cup. We knew that it existed, but we haven't been able to find hide nor hair of it."

"The Dark Whore hid it most carefully," Severus said softly, caressing the rim of the golden cup lovingly with a fingertip. "The whore thought he was so clever...that no one could get to it. But I found it. Oh, yes, I finally found the cursed thing." Abruptly, his attitude changed. Holding the cup disdainfully between his thumb and forefinger...as if it was suddenly odious to him...he offered the cup to Harry. He averted his face, as if he could no longer bear the sight of it. "It's for you, whore's son. I was supposed to bring it to you."

Surprisingly, Harry did not object to the odd nickname. With a strangely mixed expression on his face, Harry gently removed the cup from Severus' grasp. "Thank you, Severus," was all that he said.

Now that he had accomplished what he had come to do, Severus seemed at a loss. Standing awkwardly in the hallway without his shirt on, his eyes began flickering around the hall as he gave the pictures and gaslights a brief glance.

Draco broke the sudden lull. "I don't know about all you whores," he joked, "but I could really use a drink."

"You know, Malfoy," Ron said with a grin, "I never thought I'd agree with anything that you had to say, but that's a bloody brilliant idea."

The group trailed into the library with Severus following along, his discarded shirt still littering the hallway floor. Once in the library, Severus began exploring the room, looking at its many objects with interest, as if he'd never been there before. As she accepted a glass of port from Harry, Hermione noticed that Severus seemed particularly fond of the suit of armor that stood by the door and the various Bluebell Flame lamps. She also couldn't keep herself from staring at his bare chest. The sight brought back uncomfortable recollections of when he had thrown himself atop her at her parents' house. Oddly, it was not her fear that she remembered. What invaded her thoughts was remembering the feel of his weight as he lay on top of her. The tickle of his hair on her neck. The hard bulge pressed against her thighs. Shaking her head as if to rid herself of the memories, Hermione put down her drink and went to the hall to fetch his shirt.

When she returned, Hermione did not immediately give the shirt to Severus. Putting a hand softly on his bare shoulder, as Remus had done in the street, Hermione said, "Severus, you know me. I think that you know that I would not do anything to hurt you. Won't you let me heal these marks before you put your shirt back on? They hurt--I know that they do--and there is no need for it. Let me fix them."

Her speech obviously agitated the mad wizard, but he did not shake off her hand or drive her away. Fidgeting, his eyes traveled wildly around the objects in the room. He looked at the ceiling light, the tapestry of the goblin battle, the bottle of claret on the mantel, and the shield that belonged to the suit of armor. Then, for the briefest of instants, he looked straight into Hermione's eyes. Dropping his eyes to the floor, Severus shrugged and said, "I suppose."

Taking his hand, Hermione lead him over to the straight backed chair at the worktable. Severus sat quietly as she began simple healing spells on the marks on his chest.

When Draco saw what Hermione was doing, he interrupted the awkward small talk he had been attempting. "Granger, how in the world did you get him to let you do that?"

Stopping her work to glance at Malfoy, Hermione saw that he wasn't teasing her as she had at first thought. His eyebrows were raised so high that they were almost lost in his fringe. His stunned expression showed exactly how shocked he was. Rather at a loss, Hermione simply said, "I just asked him."

The surprise on Draco's face melted into a huge grin. "Well, Granger, don't look now, but I think someone fancies you." He then broke into a rather girly fit of giggles. Both Harry and Ron looked a bit disgusted on her behalf, but Hermione noticed that Remus was trying to hold back a grin.

For once, Hermione was speechless. Though she opened her mouth and several protesting squawking sounds came out, she couldn't manage a word to save her life.

"Boy," Severus drawled, "I'll thank you not to annoy the pretty little whore while she has her wand pointed at my nipples."

This was too much even for Harry and Ron. While Draco burst into full-fledged laughter, Remus chuckled, and even Harry and Ron cracked smiles.

"I promise you that I shall do my level best not to blast your nipples off," Hermione growled, to the amusement of all present. Looking down at Severus, she could see the corners of his mouth twitch. Why, it was almost as if he'd done it on purpose!

"See that you don't," Severus said dryly.

Hermione knew that he was mad. She knew that she should try to be patient. But for Merlin's sake! The man had only been in the house for ten minutes, and he already had Hermione itching to hex him!

She could only hope that Malfoy and Severus took their leave before she succumbed to that desire.