10- Decisions and Denial

Standard Disclaimer goes here.

Author's Note: Man! This was another hard chapter to write! I guess it's the bridge chapters that are more difficult. I hope this chapter doesn't bog down. Rest assured that next chapter is the first rehearsal with the full cast together... we're getting there! :) Hope you enjoy...

Chapter 10- Decisions and Denial

Hermione was already in the Great Hall the next morning when Ron and Harry showed up. She had gone down early in the hope that she might be able to see Snape. She had racked her brain for an excuse to talk to him and get near him again, but couldn't come up with anything viable. She ended up just sitting there, wistfully watching for his arrival, and then surreptitiously looking at him after he had taken his usual place at the High Table. Only once had she caught his eye, and he had very abruptly looked away.

That just confirms it, thought Hermione, miserably. I must have acted like a complete hussy and he's so disgusted that he can't even look at me! At least I don't have Potions today. Maybe I'll get a chance to redeem myself at our next rehearsal. Remember, be as professional as possible! Forget about what happened and hopefully he will too. She rolled her eyes at herself, knowing how vain that hope was. She kept her face down, pretending to concentrate on eating her breakfast, but in reality, she didn't even taste any of it, she was so distracted. She was therefore taken by surprise when Ron and Harry plopped down raucously on either side of her.

"Morning, Hermione," Harry said, rather too brightly.

"Hey 'Mione. Oi, you're here early," Ron observed as he wrinkled his nose in distaste.

She looked from one to the other blankly, then manufactured a smile and said, "Morning, Harry, Ron. How was your meeting last night?"

Ron shrugged, loading his plate with sausages. "Eh, it was okay. What about yours? We looked for you last night, but you weren't around." Suddenly, he let his plate clatter to the table top and he turned an intensely probing gaze on Hermione. "Speaking of, did you see Harry last night?"

Hermione glanced at Harry, who was looking at his plate, his cheeks flushed. He didn't return her gaze. She turned back to Ron, bewildered, and said, "No, why?"

Harry let out a barely audible sigh and Ron scowled. "Well, like I said, we didn't see you, so Harry went to see if you were in your room. He was gone a while, but he said you weren't there. I just thought maybe you lot were still trying to keep things secret from me. But, if you say he wasn't there, I'll believe you." He flicked a calculating glance at Harry, who affected an air of wounded innocence.

Hermione looked back and forth between them and said to Ron, "No, I went to my room and took a bath. I was listening to the music too, so I wouldn't have heard anyone at my door." She turned to Harry. "Sorry. I wasn't ignoring you." She smiled winningly at him and was taken aback when he gave her a shaky half-smile and looked away almost instantly. He looked even more flushed. Concerned, Hermione asked, "Harry, are you all right?"

Harry nodded quickly and ran his hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. So, you didn't say, how was your meeting with Snape last night?"

It was Hermione's turn to flush and look down. "Oh, it was okay. He only yelled at me a few times." Forcing a laugh, she continued, "Really, in comparison to previous encounters, he was practically pleasant."

Ron snorted and rolled his eyes, unable to comment due to the huge amount of food crammed in his mouth. Harry smiled wanly and reached for the toast. He was so determined to not let Hermione catch his eye and possibly figure out what he had done that he missed her uncomfortable reaction. In all, it was a fairly relieved trio of friends who finished breakfast and headed off to lessons that morning.

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By lunch, the next meeting time was posted on the notice board. Hermione gulped quietly as she stepped up among the others crowded in front of it. Oh, relax. It's ridiculous to react this way just because the last time you looked here it was horrid. Nothing else could possibly be that bad again, so why be nervous about it?

"Act One roundtable reading- Thursday 7:00 p.m. Great Hall

All actors required to attend.

Bring your scripts.

-A. Dumbledore, Director

Costume Fittings- beginning Friday 7:00 p.m. Great Hall

Detailed roster to come.

Be prepared to arrive promptly for your scheduled time slot.

-A. Dumbledore, Director"

Thursday. Well, that means I'll have to see Snape in Potions before the next rehearsal. I hope that will be a good thing!

Hermione shrugged to herself and sighed, walking into the Great Hall for lunch. She plopped down and immediately pulled out a book, which she then propped up on the table to read as she ate. Even though she purposely did that to distract herself, she still felt her eyes inexorably sliding to look up at the High Table. Snape was eating mechanically, also reading something. She craned her neck a bit, trying to see what it was he was reading, and thought it looked like the script.

Is he reading the script? I guess he might be learning his lines. I shouldn't be surprised; when has he ever not given 100% to something once he's put his mind to it? He's such a dedicated man... Hermione felt the wistful tug again as she gazed up at him. Suddenly, his eyes flicked up and caught hers. She gasped, feeling like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Snape merely looked at her, face expressionless, for a moment. Then, he blinked and went back to his reading. Hermione dragged her eyes from him and looked back at her book. She could feel the flush creeping up her face again. Honestly! Get a grip on your feelings, girl! You have to stop blushing every time you see him!

She was startled to see her world go black as she felt hands covering her eyes. A husky whisper, full of pent-up mirth, tickled her ear as she heard, "Guess who! And the prize is a kiss if you guess right."

Hermione grabbed at Harry's hands as she chided, "Har-ry! Stop that!" Once she said his name, he laughed and pulled his hands back. As she turned around to scold him, he leant down and quickly kissed her. It wasn't a long fiery one like the ones they had shared previously, but it still took Hermione by surprise, since it was in the middle of the Great Hall.

Harry had a defiant yet sheepish smile on his face as he glanced around at the twitters of reaction to his bold move. Hermione felt her cheeks redden even more and flicked embarrassed glances around to see other students whispering and muttering to each other. She grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him down onto the bench beside her.

"Harry! Honestly! What did you do that for?"

Harry was taken aback by the harshness in her tone. He looked at her, owl-eyed, nervously running his hand through his hair. "What? I... Well, I mean... It's just... Uh, I was just playing around. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry..."

Hermione regretted being so brusque and felt quite the heel. "No. It's all right. I was just surprised, that's all. I... didn't realize you would be... quite so public about things. I mean, everyone is looking and talking. I guess that after everything that happened in fourth year I felt embarrassed when I saw people doing that. It's not your fault. I'm sorry I behaved so poorly." She laid an apologetic hand on Harry's and squeezed, giving him a wry half-smile.

Harry relaxed and smiled back, covering her hand with his other one. "It's okay. No harm done. I guess it is all pretty new and weird, huh? I just wanted to surprise you, and I can't help but look for any excuse to kiss you..." His smile deepened into a mischievous one and his eyes twinkled.

Hermione looked down, still feeling rather shy, and turned toward the table. "Well, uh, we should hurry and eat so we aren't late for class." As they settled themselves on the bench to eat, Hermione stole a glance at the High Table again. She was both relieved and disappointed to see Snape was gone.

But did he leave before or after Harry's little stunt? she thought distractedly. Then, she snorted at herself in exasperation. And why does it matter? Answer: it doesn't! So, put it out of your mind.

She and Harry were chatting lightly about the next rehearsal and the costume fittings when Ron came barrelling in. He rushed over, barely offering up a "Hello, mates," before he flopped down and started shoving food in his mouth. Harry and Hermione exchanged glances that were both amused and disgusted before returning his greeting and then just continuing their conversation until it was time to go to class.

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That night, Hermione and Harry joined others in the common room to work on homework and listen to the music some more. Harry had suggested that they work on their own in Hermione's room, but Hermione squashed that idea immediately, remembering how easy it had been to get distracted when they were alone. Ron joined them and started talking to Harry about the Quidditch practice scheduled for the following evening. Hermione was grateful for the diversion of Harry's attention from her. It did get rather disconcerting to repeatedly look up to find green eyes levelled at you, flickering with feelings that were more than friendly. Eventually, Ginny came over and sat by Hermione.

"Hey, Hermione. How're things?" Ginny grinned at her saucily.

Hermione fought the urge to laugh at the other girl's obvious rabid interest in her and Harry's new relationship. Of course she's interested. They dated before. Gods help me if she wants to "compare notes"!

"Oh, fine. How about you? Are you enjoying your role? I do think you'll be positively sweet as Meg, you know." Hermione smiled.

Ginny tossed her glossy hair over her shoulder and shrugged airily. "Oh, thanks. I know you'll be great as Christine. But, you know, I can't help but wonder how 'realistic' you and Harry will be, playing lovers on stage..." She tilted her head meaningfully and winked.

Hermione couldn't help it and laughed aloud at Ginny's expression. "I knew that's what you came over here for," she crowed, jabbing a finger at the other girl who was affecting innocence.

"What? Sweet, pure, innocent, naïve, little me?" Ginny feigned a wide-eyed look of virtue before wrinkling her nose and grinning wickedly. "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, people have been noticing that you two, um, seem a little closer, shall we say? And after his little display at lunch, I have to wonder just what's going on. Are you two an item now?" Her eyes shone with interest. She leant toward Hermione, lending an air of confidential secrecy.

Hermione rolled her eyes and glanced at Harry, seeing him still engrossed in Quidditch talk with Ron. She leant closer to Ginny and blushed. "Well, yes, I suppose so."

Ginny bounced up and clapped her hands, barely suppressing a squeal of excitement. "I knew it! So, tell me all about it! When did it happen? What have you done? Did you enjoy it? I know I did..." That last part came out a little archly and Hermione grimaced.

"Look, it all started when I woke up in my room after I fainted at the notice board. Harry and I were alone and he kissed me. And that's all!" she added sternly when she saw Ginny's eyes crackle with interest. Ginny made a moue of disappointment before she grinned raffishly. Hermione relented a bit and continued, "But I did enjoy it."

Both girls giggled. Ginny eyed Hermione speculatively and said, "So, that's as far as it's gone?"

Hermione gaped at her, shocked, and retorted, "Honestly, Ginny, it's only been a couple of days! What do you take me for?"

In all too matter-of-fact a tone, Ginny answered, "Well, I'd say you were a girl who hasn't been enjoying herself for far too long and should take such opportunities when she gets them. You've kept your nose buried in a book for so long, and you've worked so hard to help get rid of the Dark Lord, that you deserve to have some fun. And, trust me, it is." Ginny's earnest expression dissolved into one of remembered pleasure and she closed her eyes for a second before opening them to see Hermione staring at her, aghast.

"Oh, give over, 'Mione! Don't act like you didn't know. Harry and I had quite the satisfactory arrangement last summer before the Final Battle. There's something about thinking you may not live much longer that makes a chap really randy. It was an amicable enough split after the war was over. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten how much fun we had." Then Ginny's face clouded in irritation as she said, "Really, the only bad thing was Ron. He was so overprotective! But I gave him a piece of my mind enough that he finally laid off. He's not giving you lot trouble is he?" She looked ready to go beat him about the head with a Bludger, so Hermione hastily answered.

"No! Harry was kind of afraid to be obvious about it, but I talked to Ron and he's the one who pushed us to each other. Once Harry knew he was okay with it, he started being a bit more, um, demonstrative, like today..."

Ginny chuckled. "Indeed. So, no more juicy tidbits to toss my way, huh?" She snorted when Hermione glared at her. "Okay, okay, I get it. But, if there are, you'll talk to me, won't you 'Mione? I mean, there's no one else worth talking to around here, and half the fun of the doing is the hashing it out afterwards!" She bounced in her seat again, like a little kid on Christmas morning.

Hermione realized the truth in Ginny's statement and nodded. But I won't tell her anything about my inappropriate feelings for Snape. Those are best left unmentioned. Maybe if I ignore them, they'll go away... Ha! Un-bloody-likely.

Ginny grinned conspiratorially at Hermione and then turned a fond, indulgent look on Harry and Ron. "Look at them. Completely oblivious! Talking about Quidditch as usual." She turned a mock-stern scowl on Hermione. "All I know is that you better not throw Harry off his game, or I'll come after you as fast as Ron does. This is my last chance to be on the team with Harry as Seeker, and I want to win this year!"

Hermione shook her head resignedly and snorted. Ginny dropped her fake scowl and chuckled back at her. "Really, Hermione, I'm happy for both of you." She patted Hermione's hand and stood. "Ah well, I better get back to my homework. Snape gave us a horridly long essay to do." She wrinkled her nose in pique, then squinted at Hermione thoughtfully. "Hey, that reminds me. How was your meeting with Snape? Are you going to be able to handle working opposite him?" She frowned sympathetically. "I mean, you took it pretty hard when you saw the cast list."

Hermione looked down quickly and schooled her expression into one of brave martyrdom. "It was tolerable. I'm sure I'll manage. After all, I have Harry to work opposite as well." And she surprised Ginny with a coy look of her own. Again, both girls laughed.

Ginny sighed. "Talk to you later, 'Mione. I'm going to go write my essay in bed so I can fall asleep as soon as I'm done! G'night." And with that, she yawned and grimaced before striding off with a wave.

"Good night, Ginny." Hermione exhaled in relief that she had kept Ginny off the scent of the disturbing aspects of her encounter with Snape. She's probably right, though, about me deserving some fun. I just need to loosen up. She looked over at Harry and Ron. They were gesticulating wildly, apparently talking flying strategy for the next evening. Hermione smiled to herself and gathered her books. Smirking, she stealthily sidled up behind Harry and surprised him by tilting his head back to kiss him good night.

Harry went speechless and Ron sat staring, mouth agape, until it widened into a huge grin. A couple of other Gryffindors still in the room hooted and giggled at Harry's stunned expression. Hermione just simpered at him and watched his cheeks go pink.

"Good night, Harry," she lilted. She turned and glided a few steps from him before turning back, murmuring lowly, "Sweet dreams." Then she blew him a kiss and wiggled her fingers in a wave. Laughter erupted around the common room at her performance and Harry's dumbstruck expression. He was barely able to lift his hand in a weak response.

Hermione grinned smugly and tossed a cheerful, "Good night, Ron!" to the boy gasping and wiping laugh-tears from his eyes. He waved an arm at her, unable to speak. Satisfied, Hermione left the common room and made her way to her own room, revelling in the success of her little ploy. Surprise me, will you, Harry Potter? Hmph. Turnabout is fair play!

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Tuesday was fairly normal, but Hermione was still getting used to the little hand clasps, fleeting kisses, and affectionate looks she got from Harry at almost every opportunity. When nothing happened that day like Harry's previous display at lunch, the other students lost interest in the new couple and stopped their amused whispering. Still, Hermione was relieved to have time to herself that evening when Ron, Harry, and Ginny were all at Quidditch practice.

She found herself musing about how she would handle Potions the following morning. She had resolved to behave as professionally and unobtrusively as possible, hoping that Snape would ignore her.

Nevertheless, she was very nervous as she parted ways with Harry and Ron Wednesday morning and made her way down to the dungeons for N.E.W.T. level Potions. Since the war was over, neither Harry nor Ron had elected to continue in Potions their last year, and Hermione was secretly relieved, since it seemed that without them in the room, Snape wasn't nearly as volatile in class. It was a fairly small class, and she wasn't afraid to admit that she enjoyed the advanced level of thinking necessary in it.

Now, however, she tried to forget about how she might enjoy Snape's lessons...for an entirely different reason. Taking a deep breath, she entered and took her normal seat near the front, calmly getting her supplies ready for the lesson.

She stiffened as Snape swept into the room. Wiping any expression from her face, she politely looked up to where he stood before the board. His eyes scanned the room grimly and slipped right over her. She let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"Instructions are on the board. Begin," Snape said curtly before taking his seat at his desk. Hermione stole a glance at him as she copied down the instructions. He appeared to be reading. Again, her curiosity got the better of her and she stretched to try to see what it was.

She jumped in guilt as she glanced up at his face to see that even though he hadn't moved his head at all, he was glaring at her stonily. As he captured her gaze in his, he deftly snagged a parchment and languidly dragged it over what he was reading, covering it from her view. Then he arched an eyebrow, and somehow managed to glare at her even harder.

Hermione flushed at the unspoken reprimand and looked down, flustered. I wonder what he's reading. He obviously doesn't want me to see. I better stop looking or he might do something that will embarrass me in front of everyone else. Gods know I've provided him with enough ammunition to humiliate me into the very dust! She realized she was grinding her teeth in self-disgust. Resolving to be as responsible as she usually was, she focused on her lesson and avoided raising her eyes from her instructions and ingredients.

Fortunately, she did get involved in her potion and didn't get distracted whenever Snape paced through the room, checking students' progress. Granted, he kept a fairly wide berth from her anyway, so as not to cause himself more trouble.

The class period was almost over when Hermione finished her potion and looked at it, satisfied. She knew it was brewed correctly, and was pleased with herself. She was still immersed enough in the lesson that she didn't even get nervous as she walked up to Snape's desk to turn in her sample. As she placed her vial on his desk, she noticed him reading and instinctively looked to see what it was. His head snapped up and he yanked the parchment over it again, but not before she recognized the script. She looked up at him, surprised by his secrecy, and was startled by the simmering anger in his face.

In a deadly quiet hiss, Snape said, "Miss Granger! You are to keep your prying nose away from my business! Must we add incorrigible snoop to your title of Know-It-All?"

Hermione was confused and hurt, and spoke before she thought. "But, sir, what's the big deal about learning your lines? It's not as if it's a secret that you have the part."

Snape's eyes narrowed menacingly and Hermione involuntarily took a step back, wishing she had kept her mouth shut. "Ten points from Gryffindor for talking back. Now, I suggest you return to your seat before you offer up any other personal opinions or feelings." He snarled the last word at her and she realized what he was referring to. Her hand flew up to her mouth and her eyes widened in horror. Taking a long, shaky breath, she spun and hurried back to her seat, trying to fight back the tears that threatened.

Oh gods, he knows, he hates me, oh gods, I can't face him, how awful, oh gods...

Hermione cleaned up her station with trembling hands, glad that, at this level, she didn't have to work with a partner. She sat quietly, head down, waiting for the lesson to end so she could flee from Snape's presence and the shame she felt. Finally, Snape stood.

"Turn in your samples if you have not done so already. Clean your stations. Your homework is 12 inches on the situations in which today's potion is useful and those in which it can be dangerous if not handled correctly. Class is dismissed."

He stood at his desk as students filed up to place their vials on it. Hermione grabbed her things and hurried to the door. She did not look back to see a pair of glittering obsidian eyes following her retreat.

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Hermione managed to avoid Snape for the rest of Wednesday and Thursday. She kept herself from looking at him in the Great Hall at meals and stayed away from the dungeons. For her, seeing him at the next rehearsal would be soon enough.

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She's already there when I enter the Great Hall for breakfast. I'm surprised that her hangers-on aren't with her. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her watching me take my seat. Must not look at her. Just eat. She's looking down again. I flick my eyes to her for a fleeting moment, taking in the slump of her normally dignified posture, the distracted way she picks at her food.

No doubt she's regretting everything that she let show last night. I snort, ridiculing myself. Please, she's probably regretting ever having those feelings to begin with! No doubt it was all a mistake. She's likely in the thrall of the play. It was nothing. Forget it. There's no way she could possibly feel anything for you, so get over it!

I force myself to focus on my breakfast, brooding over my cold, solitary life. I feel a tingle on my scalp and I look up to find her gazing at me. Wary that she might see how much she has affected me, I look away quickly, as if I didn't mean to look at her at all.

Eventually her cronies show up and I take the opportunity to watch her as she talks to them. I still feel the jealousy flare when Potter sits near her. Look at him. He's such an inexperienced child! He won't even look at her. Hmph. Maybe this relationship of theirs won't last after all.

Slightly cheered by that thought, I depart to make ready for the day.

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Resignedly, I make my way to the notice board to see when then next rehearsal is scheduled. Thursday. Act One. Very well, I will be prepared for the entirety of Act One by then. If I'm going to be forced to take part in this aggravation, I will show them that Severus Snape does not do anything by halves! Besides, I refuse to take second place to that know-it-all.

I retrieve my script and take it to lunch. May as well make use of the time.

I'm reading, practicing my lines in my head, when I feel that annoying tingle again. I look up to see Granger gazing at me, looking almost forlorn. She instantly freezes when I catch her eye and I can see her trying to hide the longing that stuns me. Gods, she still feels like that? I blink at the sudden throb in my chest and I look back to the script, studiously keeping my face blank.

I realize that I am no longer comprehending the words that I see on the page. I feel a flutter in my stomach as I try to come to terms with the idea that she may really have feelings for me. Cautiously, a fragile part of me starts to open. I want to let in the warmth that the thought gives me. I raise my eyes to look at her again, and I see Potter kissing her.

That fragile part of me shatters under the weight of the rage that engulfs me. Bitterly, I shoot to my feet, gripping my script so tightly that the pages are wrinkling. My nostrils are flaring as I breathe heavily, trying to maintain my composure. I can't stand it, seeing them holding hands like that, and I abruptly turn on my heel and stalk angrily out of the Hall.

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Resolutely, I pour my energy into perfecting my role, vowing to show them all up at the rehearsal. I try to keep my mind off her, but it's hard when the play keeps me immersed with her. I practice with my script at meals, during lessons, and in my quarters. At least I can avoid seeing bloody Potter mooning over her if I'm reading instead. Thank Merlin that he's not in Potions anymore!

I see Granger stiffen as I enter the classroom Wednesday morning, but I refuse to pay her any particular attention. I will not allow her to trifle with me.

"Instructions are on the board. Begin."

I sit and begin practicing my lines again. Ahead of me, I can sense her attention on me again. I keep still and merely raise my eyes to look at her through my lashes. She is obviously trying to see what I'm reading. Nosy chit! Suddenly she notices my glare. She jumps and looks embarrassed as I pointedly slide a parchment over my script and raise my eyebrow at her. She looks down, blushing, and turns back to her work.

The lesson drags on and I periodically circulate through the room. But I avoid her. I try to stifle my feeling of betrayal, but it keeps resurfacing every time I picture her with Potter. Seething, I throw myself into my practice, driving all thoughts but my lines from my head.

Suddenly, I am surprised to notice that Granger is at my desk, openly looking at what I'm reading. Incensed that she managed to catch me, especially after I made such a show of keeping my study from her, I hastily cover my script with the parchment and glare at her.

I manage to control my desire to yell by strangling my words into a bare whisper. "Miss Granger! You are to keep your prying nose away from my business! Must we add incorrigible snoop to your title of Know-It-All?"

Her face is perplexed as she says, "But, sir, what's the big deal about learning your lines? It's not as if it's a secret that you have the part."

"Big deal"? "Secret"? Well, Miss Granger, I was the fool to make a "big deal" about your little "secret," but now I know better. How dare you try to play me... Bitter anger surges within me and I taste the acid on my tongue. I can't hold it back, and I spit, "Ten points from Gryffindor for talking back. Now, I suggest you return to your seat before you offer up any other personal opinions or feelings." I watch with the satisfaction of a wounded man striking back at his attacker and seeing the blow hit home as her hand flies up to her mouth and her eyes widen in horror. Part of me feels ashamed at the tears that are welling up in her eyes, but I ruthlessly shove that unwieldy emotion away as she spins and rushes back to her seat.

She sits, head bowed, as if crumbling into herself. Remarkably, I feel a spark of pity, but I quash it with visions of her and Potter kissing. Finally, the class period is over. I stand.

"Turn in your samples if you have not done so already. Clean your stations. Your homework is 12 inches on the situations in which today's potion is useful and those in which it can be dangerous if not handled correctly. Class is dismissed."

I see her frantically gathering her things and almost running for the door as the other students turn in their work. Internally, I'm warring with myself about how callously I treated her. I can't help but watch her leave, wondering if I have once again ruined any chance I might have had at escaping my lonely life by spurning the one person who has shown any regard for me in far too many years.

Dread settles over me again at the thought of rehearsal the next evening. Sodding miserable existence... Sometimes I think that death would be much kinder.