Chapter 68

A/N: Hello! We are one step closer to Hermione and Severus' reunion. Please review! It's been a long road. I can't believe it has been over two years since I first began this fic. My thanks again to karelia and kittylefish for their hard work!

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During the days, Hermione perfected her timing getting up into the crawl space when the Snatchers came round, and she spent her evenings listening to Potterwatch. It was a fantastic way to hear the voices of old friends and to hear news of the Resistance. They gave them all so much hope during the dreary winter nights.

Tonks especially looked forward to hearing from Remus. She told Hermione all about his hiding at the Weasley's Great Aunt Muriel's house with Fred, George, and Lee Jordan.

"But of course he'll be coming soon! He promised to be here for the birth."

Hermione watched Tonks as her belly grew larger and larger. She was now in the same month Hermione had been when she'd lost Serena. Hermione tried not to dwell on it, but it was becoming clear that she couldn't stay. She felt torn between the tortures of seeing Tonks healthy and happy with her glowing face and the fierce need to remain with her own child. Wasn't it enough she had to endure knowing Serena was deep inside the cold, frozen earth when she should be in her arms, growing and thriving under her watchful eye?

***

One late night in February, the three witches gathered to listen to Potterwatch. Lee Jordan announced that Dirk Creswell, Gornuk, the Goblin, and Ted Tonks had been killed on the run. The look on Andromeda's face was agonizing. Hermione and Tonks both sat with her in dreadful silence as the program continued and then ended in a silent tribute for the lives lost.

After Tonks turned off the wireless, Andromeda started to wail a gut-wrenching cry. Hermione was all too familiar with that emotion. She silently left to go downstairs and make them all a fresh pot of tea. They had grown lax in their security since it was getting harder for Tonks to climb the stairs. Hermione was standing with a pot of tea in her mittened hand not four feet from the door when someone knocked. She froze, her hand holding the pot, trembling. Mother and daughter came downstairs, and Andromeda strode into the kitchen and called out sharply, "Who is it?"

"It is I, Remus Lupin, married to Dora Lupin. She is pregnant with my child, and if you don't open this door, I shall tell all and sundry what she likes me to do to her when we make love!"

"Open the damn door!" Tonks shrieked.

A gust of snowy wind swooshed over Hermione as she stood frozen in place, looking at Remus. It had been a long time since she'd last seen him...the night Severus had killed Albus, and she had been placed in the Prisoner's Tower.

"Hello, Hermione," he managed to get out before he was attacked by his wife.

While Tonks kissed her husband, Hermione turned her back to them and poured everyone a cup of tea. Remus hugged mother and daughter and gave them his condolences. He couldn't promise a body, but there was no doubt Ted was gone. Andromeda was beside herself with grief. She sat and cried desperately into her handkerchief. Hermione wanted to disappear. It didn't seem proper to witness this private family affair. Lupin stopped her as she quietly went upstairs to avoid the tender scene.

"Hermione, I must speak with you." His voice was grave.

Hermione came down the steps and watched Tonks take her mother to her bedroom to rest. After he watched them depart, Remus said to her, "I have word to you from Harry. He has been successful with finding the Horcruxes. However, he says they are now at a dead-end. What else is left?"

Hermione felt torn between anger and relief. After all this time, all the rage, and the estrangement between them, she resented that Harry was asking more from her. Nevertheless, she wanted this war over as much as anyone did.

"Well, I told Harry I always suspected Nagini was a Horcrux. He will have to lure the Dark Lord to Hogwarts; the final battle will have to be there. The Dark Lord doesn't know about the diadem, and no one must tell him. Once Harry arrives to where the Dark Lord is, the snake must be killed, regardless. It's a menace. Besides, it nearly killed Arthur Weasley. Then Harry...he will have to offer himself to the Dark Lord. Harry must let the curse strike him, and it should destroy the Horcrux within himself. Then the bastard will become mortal, and Harry will finally be able to kill him." Hermione stood there, not focusing on Remus, feeling strangely disconnected while she spoke.

Remus looked concerned. "Are you sure about Harry?"

Hermione sighed as she looked down at her trembling hands. "It's a hunch, I know, and Harry must know he's done all he can with what I have told him. There is an obsession You-Know-Who has always had about ownership over the belongings of the four founders. Now, Harry knows the diary had been a Horcrux...and I gave him the Diadem. If Harry has the locket and Hufflepuff's cup, that is all I can do to help him. The rest is mere conjecture."

Lupin cleared his throat roughly and whispered, "He has missed you terribly, Hermione. Why didn't you go with him? He could have used your help. Ginny has been brilliant, but you're Hermione. I know he would feel more secure if you could be there to help him deal with the last. He feels terrible over how things ended between you both."

Hermione felt her temper rise but remain silent.

Remus lowered his voice and said, "I know you must still have some anger over how things went after Albus' death...but Harry still considers you as a friend."

Hermione stood up straight and faced him with her hands on her hips. "A friend? A friend! He cared so much that he had me locked up because he hated my husband. He thought I had been a traitor!" she bellowed while gesturing with her hands. "Even when I gave him the evidence to prove my innocence, he still wouldn't believe me!"

"I thought you both had worked that out. I know he is aware of his guilt," Remus said, looking confused.

Hermione turned her back to him looking at the curtain that she knew just outside was the grave of her daughter. She wanted to throttle Remus, Harry, and everyone who had contributed to any part in the death of her baby.

"Being aware and saying it is two different things, Remus. Being wrong doesn't change what happened," she said in a staccato voice.

"Hermione, are you all right?"

Remus came around to her side and looked at her profile. "No, Remus, I am far from all right," she replied as she grew increasingly agitated. "I am sad, and I miss my husband. I have lost so much, a-and I don't know what to believe in or what to do anymore."

"Go help Harry, Hermione," Lupin said, a touch of urgently in his tone. "Talk with him. Work it out."

She turned sharply to face him. "I can't leave here!" she protested. "Not yet."

"What's happened to you, Hermione?" he whispered as he gently placed his hands on her arms.

Hermione shoved him from her. "It's none of your business! Now leave me be." She bounded upstairs and flung herself on her bed, crying despondently. How could she tell Remus about Serena before Severus? She felt like she was going to lose her mind. She had to leave this house. She couldn't stand being here with Tonks so pregnant and healthy while she could only remember being so ill, starving, and struggling to find enough food to keep Serena alive. Nevertheless, in the end, it had been no use. She had been without her husband to console her, and now Tonks was downstairs with Remus to stay, soothe her through the last part of her pregnancy, labor, and help them grieve Ted's death. She didn't have Severus to lean on when she had learned of her parents' deaths. At that moment, she hated them both for being together and happy for their baby.

Hermione knew and didn't care she was feeling sorry for herself. She didn't really care. She missed Severus and then she hated him. She remembered the vow that she said to him that she would never turn her back on him...even if the world did, she would never. The magic never failed her, even at the worst moments; it was her evidence that hope survived. However, what about Severus...did he feel the same pull or experience the same despondency or wavering trust in their love? Where was Severus when the world had turned its back on her, killed their baby, and wanted her dead as well?

Where was he?

The thought of leaving Serena's grave made her insides feel frozen. She didn't know if she could leave her. She thought at times, while peeking out the window at the tiny snow-covered grave that she was being a good mother by keeping vigil over her baby girl. It was the only thing she could do now.

"Hermione?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. It was Remus! Couldn't he just leave well enough alone?

"Go away," she said.

He opened the door.

She jumped up. "How dare you come in here without my permission! Get the hell out of here!" she screeched.

He went to her and enfolded her in his arms. She tried to fight him, but she realized he was soothing her. The smell of him, male and strong, and his arms, sturdy and robust, made her miss Severus more than she could handle. She couldn't breathe and couldn't hold it in anymore.

She choked and sobbed as the words forced themselves out from deep inside her. "They killed my baby! Harry made me run for my life, and Severus abandoned me! He hasn't even tried to find me or come for me," she screamed into his chest. "He just left me all alone. He promised he would love me. He swore!" She punched and hit at Remus as she let out her pent-up rage. He never let her go, never stopped holding and soothing her, whispering in hushed tones.

She wept as Remus picked her up and carried her down to the kitchen and set a cup of tea in front of her.

"I'm not supposed to be down here," she grumbled as she swiped at her eyes angrily.

"I really couldn't care less, Hermione. For the first time in my godforsaken life, I couldn't give a fuck. Sometimes there are things more important than covering one's own arse," he said as he poured a cup for himself. "I think you know that lesson by heart now."

Andromeda and Tonks came in and sat at the table looking concerned.

"This will be the plan, Hermione," Remus continued. "Tonks will send her Patronus to Hagrid."

He glanced at the witches to see if there were any objections. Andromeda looked fearful, but Lupin continued with his hand on Hermione's arm. "Now, if we do this, you must leave this house immediately. I will Apparate you to where Hagrid is hiding. There are others with him: Firenze, Colin and Dennis Creevey, and some other students who ran away from Hogwarts. I've heard many stories, Hermione. You are Severus' wife, and you deserve to know.

"Severus has been killing himself trying to keep the Carrows under control. Three times now, he's had to stop Fenrir Greyback from entering the castle. He is one man surrounded on all sides by many evil people. Neville and Luna broke into his office, trying to steal the Gryffindor Sword, and they were caught. The punishment should have been a caning for both of them at the minimum . Mostly, what happens, even for the smallest of offenses is the Cruciatus Curse. You know what Severus did? I know the answer because Hannah Abbott, who was a student there when it happened and went into hiding during the Christmas hols, told me first hand. Severus, instead of handing them over to Filch and the Carrows...which was mandatory policy...handed them over to Hagrid to do patrolling in the Forbidden Forest. You know Hagrid. A real sadist, that Severus Snape!"

Hermione laughed. She was shocked at the sound. Andromeda and Tonks began to laugh as well. A smile spread over Remus' face.

Hermione quickly sobered. "I can't leave Serena. I need to be here with her. I can't leave her!"

Tonks and Andromeda each took one of her hands. "Hermione, Hermione," Andromeda called to her, getting the young woman to focus. "I will be here. I buried her and have cared for her grave in your stead. And I know it isn't right. You should have had the right to care for your own daughter's grave. But you can't right now. You need to go and try to make contact with Severus, to help with the war effort. The Order needs you. I will remain here and watch over Serena's grave."

"I know it must seem stupid," Hermione whispered, "but I have been watching though my peephole in the window upstairs, looking over her, keeping watch over her grave. It makes me believe I'm being a good mother."

Tonks and Remus began to weep quietly. Andromeda's eyes were full of unshed tears. She steeled her voice and said, "Hermione Snape, you are a good mother. A good mother would entrust her child into the hands of a person who will care for that child, just as you have. I will be here with Dora and Remus. Now, go help win this war and try to reach out to Severus. Be safe and remember he has a role to maintain."

Hermione nodded. She stood to go upstairs, but abruptly stopped.

She faced them and took a shaky breath. "I'll go. But, I will not fight. I'm through fighting. I've done my share...I've had enough! The kindness and love...I-I won't forget what you risked. Just don't expect me to go back there and fight. I will go back only to get my husband and leave. We don't owe anyone anything! And if that means Azkaban, well, we'll just disappear. I hope you can understand my feelings on this."

She went upstairs to pack her clothes, and Tonks packed another large bag chock full of foodstuffs, bread, cheese, meats, and cans of various vegetables and soup.

Hermione shrank it down and placed them in the pockets of a traveling cloak Andromeda gave her. Once she was ready, she watched Tonks send her Patronus with the following message:

"A friend is coming. Please send the scattered Galleons our regards."

As the werewolf bounded towards Hagrid, Remus took Hermione's hands, and they Apparated to a mountain range. It was cold, and the wind was blowing fiercely. They walked a few yards downward where the wind was not so strong and came upon a camp settlement. Hagrid came out of nowhere and pointed his crossbow directly at Remus' heart. His expression then softened, and a broad smile came over his face.

"Blimey, Remus!" he said. "Me heart can't take tha'!"

Hagrid looked at Hermione and his mouth fell open. "Is tha' 'Ermione?" he asked.

Hermione began to cry again and hurtled herself into Hagrid's friendly arms. Hagrid was holding her close to him, telling her she was safe now.

Hagrid will make it all right again. As long as Hagrid is here, I will be okay, she thought.

"Well, I have to get back to Dora now," said Remus. "Good luck everyone!"

"Wait!" Hermione shouted out to him. She ran to where he was, a ways from the others. "Where are you going? Will you be at the battle?"

Remus cupped her face and said, "Of course, Hermione." He started to turn to leave but halted.

He looked at her with eyes she had not seen in a very long time. "I love you, Hermione. I always have. I love Dora and our child very much...don't mistake that. But if I were to die, I would want you to know that I have loved you and a part of me always will."

Hermione was speechless. She didn't know what to say. He kissed her then, gently on the lips. "Goodbye, Hermione," he whispered. Then he was gone.

After he had Disapparated, Hermione walked slowly back to Hagrid's camp. Remus' kiss had been unexpected, and it had by no means excited her. However, what she had felt was finality to that part of their relationship. If Remus lived, never would he mention his love for her ever again.

Hermione made her way towards the campfire and looked at all the old friendly faces of days past. Sure, everyone could do with a decent wash, but the smiles and grins on their grubby faces made them look lovelier than if they had all been wearing silken robes.

Colin Creevey came immediately and pumped her hand, giving her a slap on the back. "Hermione, I'm so glad you've joined us! It's not going to be long now, Potterwatch says."

Hermione looked around as everyone clamored around for a welcoming hug or handshake. Hermione remembered her parcels and began to take out her bags, her wand, and brought them to their original sizes. Everyone squealed and shouted happily at all the food at she had brought.

She told Hagrid as she passed out the food, "Tonks sends her love."