Chapter 67

This is a long chapter with a great deal of information for Hermione to swallow. I know the last chapter was a great shock, and I hope this chapter will help with the bluntness of the last.

Thank you to all who reviewed last chapter. I really appreciated it. Also, my continued thanks and gratitude to karelia and kittylefish for their beta work. You gals are awesome!

***

Andromeda took Hermione to a free clinic near the Muggle city where the Tonks family lived. The doctor diagnosed Hermione as anemic and malnourished.

"Hermione, why haven't you been caring for yourself?" the doctor asked. "Your body is stressed, and you are underweight. Before the birth of the fetus, had you been feeling suicidal or depressed about being pregnant?"

Hermione was furious. She resented having to lie about what had happened to her and the implications the doctor was expressing. "First of all," Hermione said angrily, "my baby is not a fetus. Her name is Serena. Secondly, I tried, I really did, but the baby's father was cruel and wouldn't let me have enough food. He told me he would kill me if I left him. Lastly, I tried to get as much food as I could, I tried!" She broke down in sobs, and Andromeda placed her arms around her.

"I loved my baby!" Hermione cried out. "I wanted her! I want her back...I miss her!" Her racking sobs finally made her unable to talk. The doctor called in a nurse, laid Hermione down, gave her a sedative, and she quickly fell asleep.

***

Andromeda asked the doctor, "Will she be all right?"

"She will," he answered as he checked Hermione's vitals. "At least she is open about her grief. I would be more concerned if she weren't emotional. A situation like this, a stillbirth, when it all could have been prevented...have the police been notified about the baby's father?" he asked, sounding anxious.

"They are looking for him, but we think he's done a bunk," she blurted out. "American bloke."

"Where will she live now?" the doctor asked.

Andromeda didn't miss a beat. "She will live with my daughter and me. They're best friends, and I've got room, so it'll be best for her to stay with us."

"Does she have any family of her own?"

Andromeda brushed some of Hermione's curls away from her face and smoothed them down. "No, her parents died in a gas explosion some months ago. Poor thing, she's really had a lot of pain and stress these last months," she whispered.

Andromeda looked up sharply at the doctor. "How is she physically?" she asked. "She lost so much blood, and it happened so fast."

The doctor sighed and said, "Well, Hermione is going to be fine. It was an unfortunate experience. I believe from what you've told me, the cause was Antiphospholipid Syndrome, which causes the baby to starve of essential oxygen and nutrients in the womb. This happens when the placenta fails to provide nutrients due to blood clotting. She doesn't have any damage that won't heal. Her uterus expelled everything, according to what the ultrasound has shown us. If she starts to have more heavy bleeding, cramps, or fever, take her to hospital."

***

Andromeda took an extremely groggy Hermione back to her house where she could get some much-needed rest. Andromeda made her drink rich, nourishing broth, full of vitamins to help her body heal. She gave her Blood Replenishing Potion and additional potions to heal her body. When Hermione's milk came in, despite all of Andromeda's efforts to prevent it, she cried for days...even after Andromeda gave her another potion to dry up her milk that was successful.

Hermione spent the next few days recuperating and trying to sort out her feelings. It was a rather tense situation. Tonks was pregnant, and the emotions of rage, envy, hate, anger, sadness, and guilt came out at random moments. Therefore, Hermione thought it best if she didn't spent a lot of time with Tonks until she could get a hold on her state of mind.

After a few more days, Hermione was doing much better. She went outside with Andromeda to walk about and get some fresh air in her lungs. Tonks and Andromeda told her they had buried Serena and carefully guided her to the small grave in the garden patch. Hermione slowly knelt by Serena's grave. She placed her hands on the earth, and she wept. Mother and daughter knelt by her and silently let Hermione grieve.

Finally, Andromeda spoke. "It's a cruel thing: war. It forces people to do things they never thought they would have to in a million years. Your baby should have had a proper funeral with a priest, a coffin, plus your husband and parents at your side. I am truly sorry for all you've lost, Hermione."

Andromeda stood and spoke over the tiny grave.

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believeth in me shall live, even if he were dead; whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die."

Hermione then recited the words she knew from when she had been a child. The three witches spoke softly in unison.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

After an adequate silence, Andromeda spoke over the grave once more.

"We therefore commit Serena Snape's body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life. Amen."

Hermione stood in front of the grave of her little baby girl. She missed her kicking, missed the dreams she had created, the personality that she had seemed to have already developed whilst in her womb.

Where was Severus?

Where was her husband when she needed him the most?

She told Andromeda she had to owl him. Andromeda advised against it, but Hermione couldn't go on anymore without him knowing the pain she was enduring. As she held the quill over the parchment at the kitchen table, Andromeda stood at the sink, silently objecting to what she was about to do; all Hermione could think to write was of the painful utterance of Jesus to His Father.

Why have you forsaken me?

She crumpled the parchment and laid her head on the table next to the paper clenched in her fist. She squeezed her eyes tight and heaved wracking sobs that made her feel as though her whole body was going to explode. Andromeda came to her side, and Tonks rushed in from the next room. Andromeda gently extricated the parchment from Hermione's hands. Hermione turned her head to watch Andromeda unfold it. Tonks looked at it solemnly. Hermione hid her face and muttered, "Throw it in the fire; just throw it in the fire."

Andromeda walked out of the kitchen, and Tonks embraced Hermione's shoulders. What was so painful was that she could not give up the hope that Severus still cared for her...still thought of her. It seemed after all this time, after all the pain and testing their relationship and marriage had suffered, it couldn't just end like this, could it?

***

Life became a daily terror. Hermione was a wanted woman, and word had spread that she wasn't with Potter. Andromeda blew in the door one day and told them the whole story.

Andromeda had taken to going around Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade to get whatever snippets of information and gossip she could find. They couldn't rely on the Prophet anymore to tell them what was really happening across Britain, so Andromeda, being the safe pure-blood and not restricted in her movements, went to spy and find out what she could.

She took off her cloak and sank into one of the dining room chairs. "Well," she began as her daughter handed her a hot cuppa. "Oh, ta, darling," she breathed.

"It's getting worse. The Snatchers are getting bored, and they are bringing in less and less Muggle-borns from the 'Master List,'" she said with a roll of her eyes. "The talk is that there are no more Muggle-borns left in the country. They have either all been killed, taken to Azkaban, fled the country or are in hiding."

"Girls, the Ministry is going to start searching people's homes." Andromeda and Tonks looked at Hermione.

"I know I should leave," Hermione whispered, "but I can't leave Serena. She doesn't even have a headstone!" She began to cry again, and Tonks wrapped her arms around her, cradling her.

"You will think no such thing!" Andromeda chided her as she put her teacup down forcefully on the table next to her chair. "You will stay in this house. We just need a plan, is all, for when they come round. Unfortunately, the bitch of it all is that you will have to stay on the second floor until the war is over, or circumstances change, and you are either forced to leave, or Severus decides to collect you and take you back to Hogwarts."

Hermione sat shaking her head. "How could he just abandon me like this?" she whispered. "How could he...knowing what fate is left for me...do nothing?"

It was the first time she had actually come out and spoken about her doubts over Severus. She felt the thrumming of magic that had become commonplace, bringing to her mind all the promises and oaths she and Severus had sworn. It always served to help her to hold on and keep her faith, but she was starting to fall apart, and each time she saw the tiny grave in Andromeda's garden, it seemed another cord that bound her to Severus had been severed.

***

The Ministry officials came to Andromeda's house every other day to interrogate her and Tonks. Hermione had to stay in a hiding place in Andromeda's attic. When they came to raid the house, Hermione would leap into the sliding closet, pull the chord to open the tiny attic, hoist herself up inside, and pull the small door closed. She would then hide in a large footlocker that was empty and wait for Andromeda or Tonks to release her.

It was a nightmare that frightened the young witch beyond anything she had ever endured. Shutting the lid of the footlocker and hearing it catch...knowing she was trapped and unable to move was traumatic. Yet, she did it. Soon, the Snatchers discovered the small attic, and Hermione heard the footfalls of some Snatcher trying to find her. Once, the wizard had called for Tonks to open the footlocker, and Hermione heard her reply, "Don't know, actually. It's old. We have used every charm we could to open it. We even tried to pry it open once, but it still wouldn't open."

"Alohomora," the man said. Hermione squeezed her eyes tightly, praying the wards Andromeda placed on it would hold.

Only when the Snatcher had left did Hermione breathe freely again. Andromeda always took care to dash up and release her from the locker as soon as it was clear. No matter how long or short they stayed, Hermione always hoisted herself upright, gulping breaths of air. She hated that footlocker.

***

The worst thing about living on the second floor was that Hermione couldn't tend to her daughter's grave. Yet, Andromeda, ever faithful, cleared the leaves and broken twigs away from it. She apologized to Hermione for not being able to lay down stones or flowers to mark the grave.

"One day, Hermione, after the war is over, we'll get a proper marker and make it a real nice resting place for her," Andromeda promised as she set them down the tea in Hermione's bedroom.

"Hermione," she said as she reached her hand over. "It has been a month. Do you realize it is November? You must eat. You cannot allow yourself to grieve to death."

Hermione looked at Tonks. She had not been well. The morning sickness was upon her. Hermione remembered how she never had such a terrible time with morning sickness. Perhaps if she had, she would have known she was pregnant sooner and then Serena would be alive inside her today.

Hermione gave a start and flung the witch's hand off hers. She walked over to the window to peek at her daughter's resting place. "That's where I want to be! I have nothing anymore. No home, no husband, no baby, no parents, and all my old friends are scattered to the winds. I have lost everything I ever loved and cherished. Severus was right, we were never meant to survive this war."

Tonks jumped up to grab Hermione's arm as the girl continued to weep. "What's this about Severus?" she asked.

"Severus told me that Dumbledore had a plan for Severus to kill him instead of Draco. Dumbledore still had hope for Draco and didn't want him to be a murderer," she answered sadly. "But by taking Draco's place, Severus would forever be a marked man: forever the wizard who had killed the mighty Dumbledore! I will never be with him again."

Andromeda narrowed her eyes. "Why in the world would Dumbledore want to die?" she asked in disbelief.

Hermione ran her hands through her unruly hair. "Because he already was dying. A curse had slowly been spreading through his body. That was why his hand was black. Severus had tried to stop the curse from killing him immediately, and it had given him a few more months to live and help Harry," she explained.

"So, Severus is really on our side?" Andromeda whispered.

"Yes," Hermione said solemnly.

Andromeda gave a whoop. She leapt to her feet and declared, "We're not going to lose after all! If Snape is on our side, we can't possibly fail."

Hermione faced her. "At what cost?" she choked out through her tears. "The wizarding world gets it all, and Severus and I lose everything! It's too much to be borne! This makes our love...our lives...just some huge, fucking waster!"

Hermione lay on her bed and cried. Andromeda vanished away the tea, and she and her daughter left Hermione to grieve in peace. At least they could give her that one thing.

***

The first winter frost arrived, and Hermione spent her mornings peeping though the darkened windows and scratched away at the frost so she could peek out and look at Serena's lonely grave. December had arrived and with it came more raids than ever. It was rumored Potter had nearly been caught, and it was widely known now that he was on the move with Ginny and Ron.

"Hermione, I have some things I think you'd be interested in reading. You need to keep up with what's been going on in the world since you went on the run," said Andromeda one dreary December afternoon.

She took out a scrapbook with articles cut out and pasted within its pages. She and Tonks made themselves comfortable before Hermione opened it and began to peruse.

"Oh," she said right away. "That was I day I went on the run." She lifted her head and gestured to Tonks. "She sent me her Patronus to let me know I had to get out of the castle, that Scrimgeour was dead, and the Ministry had fallen to the Death Eaters."

She read further and said sorrowfully, "I didn't know he died trying to protect Harry's whereabouts."

Tonks piped up. "We're not certain, but that's the word on the street. So if it's true, he died a real hero because it had been complete pandemonium after the wedding."

"What happened?" she asked.

"Well, after Kingsley's Patronus came, everyone scarpered. Unfortunately, not everyone was fast enough. Those caught had their houses ransacked, even the poor Weasleys, they had the Burrow searched from top to bottom, and everyone was interrogated. It was a complete fiasco. We didn't know who was going to be arrested, or if people were going to get tortured...it was just scary. Then, the Death Eaters searched every Order member's house. No one died, but they all were pretty rough on us," she said quietly.

Andromeda spoke up as she held her daughter's hand. "They placed my husband and I under the Cruciatus. Dora had just found out she was pregnant and was hiding with Remus. We were pretty shaken up."

Tonks had tears in her eyes. "Remus left. He thought if it had not been for him, none of this would have happened. Mum told him they would have come anyway since she's a pure-blood and Dad's a Muggle, but he blamed himself anyway. He stayed away for a while in fact, even though I had just told him about the baby."

Andromeda cleared her throat and began to speak. "Dedalus Diggle's house was burned to the ground. It was just unbelievable. We all had Fidelius Charms on our homes...some were Unplottable. However, according to Remus, when he returned, the Death Eaters had full control of the Ministry and that meant knowing where everyone lived. They had complete authority to use any spell to brutalize those they interrogated. So, in a very short time, they found all the Impenetrable and Unplottable houses. Even the wards and signatures most wizarding families place on their homes were bypassed. It was terrifying," said Andromeda.

"But Harry got away, right?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, yes," said Tonks. "They were at the old headquarters at Grimmauld Place, and Remus saw them there: Harry, Ron, and Ginny. Don't have a clue as to where they are now. Grimmauld Place was searched as well by the Death Eaters."

"Dumbledore...The Truth at Last?" read Hermione from another cutout.

"Oh, yeah," said Tonks. "That's an excerpt from the book Rita Skeeter wrote. I have the book there." She pointed at the bed. "When this war is over, we'll get the real story, although it won't undo the damage done. She really places Dumbledore in a bad light."

Hermione read on. She had to admit, although she had no warm feelings for the man who had torn her and her husband apart, forcing Severus to do his filthy work for him, the prospect of learning his past held a great deal of interest for her. She read intensely until she reached Rita's interview where she spoke on Grindelwald and Dumbledore's relationship.

"Strange," Hermione muttered.

"What is it, dear?" asked Andromeda as she reached for a biscuit.

Hermione shifted on her bed and said, "She says the legendary battle between the wizards was not the mighty display we have all heard about. She goes on to say that Dumbledore had a relationship with him."

She read on and gave a snort. "Now, she's on about Harry! Right, she has a 'close bond' with Harry. What rubbish!" she said loudly. "She has the gall to suggest that Harry was the one to kill Dumbledore and pin it on Severus!"

"Shh!" said the two witches. "Keep your voice down."

Hermione apologized and went on. "Harry's relationship with Dumbledore was unhealthy and sinister."

She grew silent, and Tonks said, "Hermione? What's going on?"

"Well," she said as she toyed with the fringe on her blanket. "It's just that Albus had his moments. He could be quite... manipulative."

Both women nodded slowly and silently as she spoke. Perhaps Hermione wasn't the only person in the Order who felt the way she did about the wizard.

The next cutting was of a huge picture of Harry on the front page of the Daily Prophet with the heading "Wanted."

"I just can't believe this. It's like the whole world's turned upside down," Hermione whispered.

"Well, don't forget, love, that the Prophet is controlled by You-Know-Who now," Tonks reminded her. "Remus told me all about it. The coup was seamless. The Prophet reported that Scrimgeour had resigned and that Pius Thicknesse is now the new Minister of Magic."

"Unbelievable," said Hermione. "That man has to be under the Imperius Curse." Hermione thought for a moment and then said in panic, "All the areas of the Ministry? What of the Unspeakables?" she asked.

"Well," said Andromeda. "During the first war, Rookwood joined the Death Eaters, and he had been an Unspeakable. I'm sure anything is possible."

"Why?" asked Tonks.

"Severus and I knew someone we worked with in the Time Room. He helped me to get back to my timeline here. I have wondered about him many times over the years. He was a very wise wizard," said Hermione sadly. "We met him through Albus."

"Wish I could help you, mate," said Tonks. "Security is real tight. Now with the big hullabaloo over the Muggle-born Registration Act."

"Oh, yes," Hermione said. "Your father, Dirk Cresswell, and Dean Thomas told me about it."

"It was scary as hell!" Tonks exclaimed. "First, if you aren't a pure-blood and on the list, you have to go down and prove you have at least one wizarding parent."

Andromeda was furious, gesturing with her hands as she spoke. "I had to go down there because they hauled Dora out of work to put her on the line for registration!" she said angrily as she gestured wildly with her hands. "I was livid! However, once they knew it was me, Andromeda Black Tonks, that was her mother, Dora was out in a flash and back to work."

Tonks spoke up again. "Unfortunately, most of the people believed if they just cooperated all would be well. It was a complete ruse. Muggle-borns were taken straight to trial, their wands broken, and transported to Azkaban. Some, like my Dad, Dirk, and Dean got lucky. Then some refused to go in; they probably sensed it. My Dad refused to stay at home; he knew they were coming for him. Unfortunately, he was caught by the Snatchers."

"Yes," Hermione said darkly. "I heard all about them."

"And you should see the disgusting statue in the Atrium. The sign reads 'Magic Is Might,' and there is a wizard and witch sitting on what looks like the crushed and mangled bodies of Muggles."

Hermione felt ill. "That is barbaric on a level I can't even fathom," she breathed as she gripped her throat.

The two witches nodded. "That's why it's so important to keep safe and locked up," Andromeda reminded her. "You are Undesirable number two, right after Harry Potter!"

Tonks flipped to the page where her picture was on display, and Hermione gasped. She covered her mouth as she saw her picture hugely displayed on the cover of the Prophet. It had been dated at the beginning of September, right after her escape from Hogwarts.

"Here," Tonks said again as she flipped a couple more pages. "They keep a list of those who failed to register. Your name is there. Each week the list gets shorter, but it is slow going. I reckon more will be caught, with winter setting in," she whispered with a shiver.

Hermione shook her head as Tonks showed her the pamphlet that Dean had told Hermione about in hiding. "Mudbloods and the Dangers they pose to a Peaceful Pure-Blood Society." Hermione noted the pretty rose attacked by a weed with fangs. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was who in that illustration.

"Show her about Severus," Andromeda said as she refilled all their teacups.

Tonks showed her a page with her husband's face, looking regal and annoyed, as if he were above it all. Hermione smiled. She didn't realize until that moment how deeply she missed and needed him. The feeling went down into the depths of her empty womb, and she ached for him to know and for them to comfort each other.

She read the caption and choked. "What? Hogwarts is open?" she hissed. "How can it be? Who's even going to school there?"

Tonks spoke up. "Well, there is the whole of Slytherin house, and there are a fair number of pure-bloods and half-bloods in each house. Luna, Neville, Seamus..."

"...Not Justin Finch-Fletchley," Hermione mumbled.

"Who?"

"Just another Muggle-born, like me."

Hermione turned her thoughts back to Severus. "How could they make him headmaster?" she asked in disbelief.

"Well," said Tonks, "Snake-face is in charge of the Ministry, therefore, he is in charge of Hogwarts. Then there are the Carrows: Alecto and Amycus. They are the Muggle Studies and Dark Arts teachers. And it's no longer 'Defense Against.' It is just 'Dark Arts.' From what Remus has been able to gather from his contacts, it's sheer torture there. The students are forced to learn Unforgivables and are placed under the Cruciatus for punishment and 'educational' purposes. Sometimes the students have to perform it on each other. It's pretty bad."

"How could Severus allow this?" Hermione whispered. Looking off in the distance, she had never felt so detached from him in her whole life. Even during the three years they had been apart, there had remained a ray of hope, a light to hold onto. Now, she felt nothing anymore, only that damn thrumming magic that still kept her attached to him... somehow.

***

December went with sadder news on the war front. More people were missing; Andromeda and Tonks were growing stir-crazy, worrying over their husbands. The day Serena would have been born had long since come and gone. She looked out of the crack in the window and stared at the tiny mound of earth. She felt so empty and displaced. Where was she going to fit anymore? She thought about finding Harry and joining him on his quest for Horcruxes, but the thought of leaving Serena made her feel ill.

"Tonks," Hermione said over breakfast one late January morning. "Why isn't Remus with you?"

Tonks smiled and said, "He blames himself. He thinks being away and working with the Order will somehow make him a worthy man in my family's eyes. I told him it was shite and that it was only his fears talking...but he comes around to check up on us now and again. He promised when I get close to the delivery, he'd be here."

"When are you due?" Hermione asked.

Tonks looked at her in shock. It had been the first time Hermione had even acknowledged her pregnancy.

"April, middle, sometime," she said. "You know how these things are..." She stopped talking as her face went red.

"Hermione, I am so sorry. I didn't mean for that to come out like that...bugger!" she swore.

"It's okay, Tonks," Hermione said as she finished her eggs. She felt a bit better about things now that she had faced Serena's due-date and hadn't died from the emotional pain. Not that she thought she could be around for the birth, but she could stay until March. The weather would be changing, and she could make her way towards the mountains where Hagrid was hiding until the battle was ready to start. Hermione had a hunch it wasn't going to be much longer now, and it would finally all be over.

However, she felt betrayed and confused by Severus' position as headmaster. As his wife, she had the right to demand why...but she would rather be arrested and sent to Azkaban before she set one foot inside Hogwarts' gates.

All she could do was wait.

***

The winter did not stop the Snatchers from bothering Andromeda and searching the house for any Muggle-borns she might be helping. Hermione passed the time reading Rita Skeeter's book on Dumbledore and reading the various remaining newspaper clippings that Andromeda had collected over the months.

The book engrossed her. She read and re-read it, trying to understand this person who had been Albus Dumbledore. In the book, there was included a letter, one of the many correspondences Albus and Gellert Grindelwald shared. To read that Albus had been so connected to a wizard who would become a Dark wizard later in life was unnerving. She read the letter repeatedly; the words 'THE GREATER GOOD' etched themselves in her mind. How noble she had always thought that sentiment was. Now realizing those words were erected over the gates of Nurmengard Prison...the prison Grindelwald had built and then been imprisoned in...made her want to sick up.

The Greater Good, Magic Is Might, The Right To Rule, it was all a bag of wank in Hermione's mind. She was becoming tired of it all. Yet, the book called to her, and she refused to stop until she had read it cover to cover. One passage Hermione found the most compelling said that Albus never turned from Muggle-borns. Even after turning away from Grindelwald, he wrote, "... where we meet resistance, we must use only the force that is necessary and no more. " This was exactly what Hermione felt was the motivation behind his sugarcoated, precious "Greater Good."

Severus, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Sirius, Marlene, Lily, James, and herself...she couldn't think anymore of all who had followed the seemingly benign and fatherly wizard into battle. The question for Hermione was, "What can be defined as necessary force? Who has the right to make that choice for a nation of people?"

Hermione wanted desperately to think he had changed, but from where she knelt, looking through a crack in a glass window to gaze at a small, unmarked grave in Andromeda Tonks' garden, it was impossible to keep faith in that belief anymore.

***

The scripture and prayer Andromeda spoke over Serena's grave was taken from the funeral rites of the Anglican Church.