Chapter 51

A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. Also, my thanks to luvsev and WriterMerrin for their hard work!

***

Later that week, Hermione sat in the Gryffindor common room, listening to Harry talk about his Occlumency sessions.

"It's not getting better," he said, frustrated.

"Perhaps this will all play out like an illness; it has to get worse before it can get better," she reasoned.

"It's Snape that's making it worse. That man is pure evil. Every time I leave his office, my scar hurts, and I'm so sick and tired of walking down that same damn corridor every night!" he raged.

"Hey!" Hermione snapped at him. "You need to get yourself under control, Harry. Apply yourself. This is no joke. Dumbledore doesn't want you dreaming about that corridor, or he wouldn't have placed you in Occlumency lessons in the first place. So buck up, and just do it!"

"Blimey," mumbled Ron. "Don't need to get your knickers in a twist."

"Shut up, Ron!" she yelled. "Don't talk about things you can't possibly fathom."

"You're sounding more like Snape every day," accused Harry angrily.

Hermione slammed down her book. "It's not my fault you insist on spending more time complaining than working on your Occlumency!" she shouted.

"Maybe it isn't his fault!" Ron yelled.

"What are you on about?" asked Hermione, impatiently.

*"Maybe it's Snape that's making this difficult. Maybe he isn't trying to help Harry at all, but really he's weakening his defenses, making his mind more vulnerable."

"Dumbledore trusts Snape," she said firmly. "That has to be enough for any of us."*

***

The weeks passed, and before Hermione knew it, it was Valentine's Day. She was sad that she and Severus were not living together. Actually, they were barely speaking. More and more, he was being summoned to the Dark Lord, and Hermione felt herself shutting down. The only thing that seemed to matter anymore was getting Harry better, which didn't exactly endear her to her husband.

It hadn't escaped her notice that it had been nearly two months since they had made love. Not sharing a bed didn't help matters, but Hermione just couldn't do it. She had placed charms up around her doors, and only once, in the beginning, did Severus try to come to her room. When he found she had charmed him out, he stopped trying to reach her. Now, things were so bad she wondered if they would ever get past this.

She heard the stories. Professor Snape was being more of a bastard than usual. He was irrationally spiteful to everyone; she heard, except his Slytherins. Each day, Hermione racked her brain, trying to figure out a way to get the people to believe him. Severus would have to wait. She couldn't deal with intimacy now.

Later that day, an inspiration hit her. She dashed to Gryffindor tower where Ron, Ginny, and Harry were getting ready to go to Hogsmeade.

"Hi," she said nervously.

"Hey, Hermione," said Ginny. "Are you going to Hogsmeade today?"

"Yeah, I am. I wanted to know if Harry could meet me later, around midday, at the Three Broomsticks?"

Harry looked conflicted. "Er, well, the thing is I'm going with Cho, and I think she wants me to spend the day with her."

"Well, bring her along if you want, just please come!" she begged.

"Okay," he said.

"Do you want to walk with us?" asked Ginny.

"Sure. I have to meet up with a couple of people, but I sure could do with some Sugar Quills and Chocoballs."

"Let me treat you, Hermione," said Ron. "I know you don't have a boyfriend, but you deserve to be treated special. It's Valentine's."

Hermione's eyes watered up. "Ronald, that's so sweet of you!"

"Cor, if I knew you were going to cry about it, I wouldn't have said anything!" he huffed.

"No, Ronald. It's nice of you. I accept," she said as she wiped her eyes.

***

They met up with Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, and Ron ran ahead with them, talking about Quidditch. Ginny put her mittened hand in Hermione's.

"Hey," she said, trying to get Hermione to look at her.

"Hi," she replied softly.

"Look, I know I'm just a kid to you guys, but honestly, Hermione, you don't seem like yourself. You're so sad. Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"I'm in love," Hermione whispered. She couldn't believe she just blurted that out.

"That's great!" Ginny said excitedly. "Who...not my idiot brother!"

"Which one?" Hermione quipped sarcastically.

Ginny laughed. "Well, it better not be Percy," she warned her.

"No, he's not a Weasley," she said sadly.

"Can you tell me?" she asked.

"No," she answered. "I wish I could, but I can't. Look, it's really complicated, and I just can't talk about it. We're fighting and not speaking to each other, and it's really painful. So, please, just let's enjoy the day, okay?"

Ginny nodded, and they walked in silence.

Hermione went to Honeydukes with the crowd and got her Chocoballs and Sugar Quills. She looked around and saw the same huge box of chocolate that Severus used to buy Lily.

"Every year, Severus gives me a huge box of chocolate, and every year I gain a stone afterwards."

"Oh, you exaggerate!" Hermione retorted.

"I think Sev wants me plump. He gets really mushy during the spring and makes eyes at me. All I can think of is that I'm a big, fat cow, and there he is drooling over my cleavage."

She sighed and looked into the distance. "I started developing early. I started wearing a bra at ten! That was when I knew Severus liked me."

Hermione looked wistfully at the box of chocolate and couldn't remember at any time that Severus had ever given her a Valentine's gift. Perhaps it reminded him too much of Lily.

***

She finally ditched the crowd and tried to drown her sorrows in Butterbeer. She really could do with some charlie right now. Funny, she hadn't thought about taking cocaine in years; now she just wanted to escape reality. She waited and drank and drank until her first guest appeared: Luna Lovegood.

"Thanks, Luna,for meeting me," she said as she shook the girl's hand.

"You're welcome," Luna replied in an airy voice that seemed not to be concerned. She had long blonde hair and dreamy eyes that seemed to stare off into nowhere. Hermione wondered how she could achieve such a state of acceptance and bliss.

"Daddy says this will be very good for Harry and Dumbledore," she said suddenly.

"I hope so," replied Hermione. "Would you care for a Butterbeer?"

"Yes, please," she answered sweetly.

Hermione stood up and looked for Rosmerta. "Look," she whispered discreetly. "I'm having a really bad day. I'm sixteen, and the Butterbeer just isn't cutting it. What can I have that won't get you in trouble?"

Rosmerta smiled. "Come on, you," she whispered. She motioned for Hermione to follow her into the backroom.

"Here," she said as she passed her a bottle. "Muggle vodka. Doesn't leave a scent on you, but it's as potent as hell." She poured a generous amount and then took her wand and poured the rest of the glass with water. 'That'll get you a bit of a buzz, but not get you into trouble."

"Thanks, Rosmerta. What do I owe you?" she asked.

"Nothing, Hermione. Just... well, Severus was in here the other night, drunk as fuck. He was in a bad way, you know. There was a young prostitute trying to sneak past me. She was all over him like a cheap robe. He didn't do anything, but you could tell he was...considering. Now, I remember faces, and I remember people. I recall you coming around here a long time ago. I've kept my mouth shut, but I know from hearing the rumors that you are living in the dungeons near Snape. From what I remember, your last couple of years at Hogwarts before you graduated were about sneaking around here, trying not to be seen. I don't know what's going on, and I don't care. But if you want to keep your man, vodka won't get him back," she said as she looked into her eyes her directly.

Hermione was gobsmacked. "Okay," she said as she walked out of the backroom.

"Don't forget your Butterbeer," Rosmerta reminded her.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

***

Hermione made her way back and kept a smile that she hoped was convincing plastered on her face.

Rita Skeeter blew in the door, and Hermione waved her over. The months since her release from her summer of hell in Hermione's jar had not been kind. She looked less sparkly. That arrogant flashy smile was gone, as well as her neatly manicured nails.

*"Well, isn't it Little-Miss-Perfect?" she said nastily.

"Please, sit down," Hermione said sweetly. "Well, we are waiting for one more person to arrive, so in the meantime, would you care for a drink, Rita?"

"Why yes, I'll have a Firewhisky," she said nicely.

Hermione flagged Rosmerta down and ordered a Firewhisky for Rita. Just then, she saw Harry walk through the room.*

"Harry, Harry!" she called. "Over here!" She waved at him until he saw her and then came over. At first, he looked suspicious at the odd gathering of people.

"You're early," she said as Rosmerta came to give Rita her Firewhisky. "Rosmerta, another Butterbeer for Harry, thanks."

"So," she said as she watched Harry remove his cloak. "How did things go with Cho? Is she here with you?"

"Cho?" Rita said in a saccharine sweet voice. She immediately snatched up her purse.

Hermione slammed her hand on top of Rita's purse. "I know what you're thinking, and that topic is off-limits."

Rita glared at her angrily. Harry looked at the exchange and said timidly to Hermione, "What are you up to?"

"We were sitting here about to discuss some business," she said sweetly.

"One word, Rita, and I will call this meeting off!" Hermione said angrily.

"I swear, you had better watch your back, missy! I've ruined far more important..."

"Find someone who cares," Hermione interrupted and then took a gulp of her watered down vodka.

"So," Rita said, dropping her sickening-sweet voice, "what is this story, this exclusive you have for me?"

Hermione smiled and looked smugly at Harry.

*"So, you're actually going to stick to it, are you?" Rita asked as she leaned back with her drink. "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, and you saw it all?"*

Harry glowered at her. Hermione could see his jaw clenching.

"Fine, fine!" Rita capitulated. "I'll do your blasted story. Now what about my money?"

"No money from us, Rita," Hermione said as she stared stonily at her. "We're just giving you the material. You have to earn an honest Galleon for an honest story!"

"This will never happen!" Rita snapped. "I will lose everything if I write this bilge!"

"Of course it will, Rita," Hermione said smoothly, "and you are going to make it happen. That is, unless, you want to spend some more time in my jar? Now shut your mouth, and open your ears."

***

Later at dinner, Hermione turned to Harry and said, "Oh, by the way, how did things go with Cho?"

"It didn't," he mumbled.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I honestly don't know. It just seemed to go from bad to worse. Then she was talking about Cedric, and she cried again."

"Oh, dear," said Hermione.

"Then I told her I was meeting you at the Three Broomsticks, and she went berserk!" he said angrily.

"Was that how you approached it?" she prodded. "You just laid it out there like that?"

"What was I supposed to do?" he asked defensively. "I was honest."

"Harry, you know she is feeling insecure. She would have been more understanding if you had qualified your reasoning!" she insisted.

"Well, by that point she was already angry with me. She took me to Madam Puddifoot's, Hermione! That was her and Cedric's place!"

Hermione shook her head. "Obviously, she's not ready, Harry. I don't think you are either. I think it was too soon for both of you. Just chalk it up to experience, and let it be."

***

Hermione decided she was much too weary to pretend she was fine around everyone at the common room, so she went to her rooms. She lit the fire and curled up in bed. She heard a knock on her door. She went to remove her charms on the door, but stopped.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Your husband," a deep voice answered from behind the door. Hermione sighed and unlocked the door. He looked more miserable and unhappy than she had ever seen him. He was thin and gaunt, as if he hadn't eaten properly in days.

"It was Valentine's Day today," he said softly as he traced the door frame with one long finger.

"I noticed," she whispered as she stared into the fire.

"Hermione, I miss you. What did I do to have you turn your back on me? You promised me that you would never hurt me or forsake me. Why have you abandoned me?" he asked.

Hermione could hear the anger and frustration in his tone. "I haven't left you, Severus," she said.

"Then why are we separated?" he demanded angrily. "Why are you not in our bed? I reach for you, and you're not there. I miss you so much, it hurts."

"Rosmerta told me today about the prostitute that tried to solicit you," she said softly, still unable to meet his eyes.

Severus closed his eyes and hung his head. "Did she at least remember to tell you I was three sheets to the wind and still refused her?" he asked her weakly.

"Yes, but she also told me that you were close to caving in. She advised that I'd better fix whatever it is between us," she replied.

"I agree," he said evenly.

"There's just one problem, Severus," she replied. "This can't just be 'fixed.' A good shag with you is not going to erase the fear inside me."

Severus leaned into her. "Don't you know me enough by now that I don't want just a shag from you?" he asked as he shook from anger. "I am furious. I'm livid that Black has once again managed to destroy what's good in my life. I hate the fact that I may never be able to touch you again because of what he did, and I am fucking angry, but not with you!"

He stepped back from her and took a deep breath. "I am outraged that you have pushed me away. What he did to you, he did to me too. I feel violated. What hurts you, hurts me," he said with righteous fury. "I want us to work through this together. Don't shut me out. Just return to our bed, Hermione. Don't leave me!"

He walked away from her, returning to their sitting room, and he sank on the couch, weeping quietly. Hermione couldn't bear to see him like this anymore. It was breaking her heart. She came inside and knelt in front of him. "I'm sorry, Severus," she said in a rush. "All I can think of is being in our bed and you trying to talk me into having sex with you."

"I would never do that, Hermione," he said through his tears. "Please stop this. Stop hurting me. I didn't do anything wrong! Stop punishing me."

Hermione hugged him, and he held onto her desperately. "Severus," she whispered painfully, "your grip is crushing me. Please be gentle. I'll sleep in our bed again. Just let me go at my own pace."

He loosened his hold on her and stroked her arms carefully. "Talk to me about it, Hermione. We're best friends, remember?" he asked as he searched her eyes.

Hermione looked at him, and she broke down, sobbing. She had forgotten. He had been her friend years before he became her lover. How could she ever think he would force himself on her?

She held him and said, "I'm so sorry, Severus. I was so wrong."

He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom. On the bed was a fancy gift-wrapped bag of Chocoballs...her favorite.

"And I have champagne," he said as he gestured towards the bottle chilling in a silver ice bucket.

"What is your plan, Severus Snape?" she asked as she crossed her arms.

"My only plan is for romance. Oh, shite! I didn't get flowers!"

Hermione laughed. "It's okay, Severus. You're not that kind of a wizard; although, I am very impressed with the idea of Chocoballs and champagne. It will be heavenly with the strawberry mousse and clotted cream!"

"So what do we do?" she asked nervously.

"I thought a bath. We could take turns or..." he trailed off.

"You have to promise me no funny business if we bathe together. Promise?" she said hesitantly.

"I cannot promise I will not get aroused, but I will not make you feel you have to do anything about it. Is that okay?" he asked.

"Will you do something for me?" she asked shyly.

"Anything," he breathed.

"Let me get into the bath first, and then will you let me watch you strip?" she asked shyly. "I've always wanted to watch you do that for me."

"Just let me know when you're ready," he said. "The bath is already prepared for your enjoyment."

Hermione giggled and went inside. It was gorgeous. The bath had bubbles, and there were candles floating above her and in the corners, just like in the Great Hall. She inhaled the scent of lavender and took off her clothes quickly and got into the tub. She magicked her hair above her head and got comfortable before calling Severus to join her.

"You are lovely, sweet girl," he purred as entered the room.

She had forgotten how sensual his voice was. She was quickly becoming relaxed as the lavender eased her senses and the candles flickered around her. Then, Severus began to strip slowly in front of her. It had been so long since she had seen what he kept hidden underneath all of his black robes and protective wool armor. He began with the frock coat and eased it off his shoulders and arms gracefully. He pulled his linen shirt out of his trousers unhurried and deliberately worked on releasing each button, all the while gazing upon her with that predatory look she had forgotten. She remembered how much it turned her on. His thin, chiseled chest, toned shoulders and arms were making her breasts tingle and her clit ache. He looked extremely tempting. He was taking his time as well with his trousers. She watched as he deftly and expertly opened each button of his trousers to reveal...

He was hard.

Very hard.

She had forgotten how beautiful his body was. He let his trousers drop to the floor. He ever so slowly took off his underwear. He carefully stepped out of them, showing how agile and toned his legs were. Hermione was having a hard time remembering how to breathe correctly. He was unconcerned with the state of his arousal after he had shed every scrap of clothing on him and proceeded to elegantly pour her a glass of champagne. He walked over towards her and handed her the flute glass.

"I have room," she choked out.

***

After her bath, in which he helped her wash her hair, she was feeling extremely warm and tingly inside.

She stumbled into the bedroom, grasping her towel around her, and began to giggle uncontrollably.

"I think you are a bit drunk, Hermione," Severus observed as he helped her with her nightgown.

She batted the nightgown he had picked out for her away and stated, "No fluffy things!" as she shook her wet head. "I want this!"

She pulled out a mint-colored sheer nightgown, which was indecently see-through. She had purchased it right before Christmas to surprise Severus for his birthday.

"I forgot your birthday, Severus," she said as the tears welled up in her eyes. "I think I owe you," she teased him as she threw off her towel. Severus watched as she pulled the gown on over her head. She jumped onto the bed and tore into her Chocoballs.

"Why am I wet?" she asked as she looked down. Her wet hair had dripped water onto her chest, making her nipples harden and plastering the sheer material to her breasts.

Hermione watched Severus as he ogled her breasts and hardened nipples hungrily. She offered him a Chocoball, and he broke it open, eating only half, but making sure his tongue brushed the tips of her fingers. She felt shivers running all over her body only to rest between her legs. She ached for him, but the fear was still there in the back of her head, stopping her from straddling him and burying his hardened flesh deep within her own. Instead, she popped the other half into her mouth and savored the taste.

"Mmmm...this is so good," she said thickly as Severus offered her a sip of champagne from his crystal flute.

"May I kiss you?" her husband asked in a strangled voice as he placed his drink on the table.

She felt her head nod, although she couldn't for the life of her figure out how her body was moving without her direction. It wasn't the Imperius Curse; she would have felt a happy, numbing sensation. She was nervous and jumpy as a cat. What would she do when his lips touched her? Would he lose control and take her, swift and urgently, or would her body take over her mind and beg him to make love to her?

He leaned over, and she leaned to meet him halfway across their bed. They kissed, and Hermione in her haze recalled that first kiss, that tender and delicate kiss in that record booth from twenty years ago. As she tasted him, she felt the passion come back into her blood. She remembered that Severus was hers, the man she had fought time and space to be reunited with.

He drew away from her and slipped on a robe. He went over to their old Victrola, and he put on an old, familiar record.

She took his proffered hand, and he held her as they danced. The melody had never changed, yet it was as if she were listening to it for the first time.

They wrapped their arms around the other and swayed to the music until the last strains ended. Hermione lifted her head to meet his eyes.

"Lie with me, sweet girl. Let me feel your warmth next to me," he whispered gently.

Hermione nodded, and he swept her into his arms. He laid her on her side of the bed, and he walked over to his. He took off his robe, slowly eased himself naked under the covers and turned to face her. Hermione turned her head and laughed.

"Why are you watching me?" she asked.

"I'm trying to remember you're real, that I'm not dreaming," he whispered.

Hermione felt terrible. "I'm sorry you were hurting so much. I could only think of what happened to me."

"Hermione, you're angry with me. I understand and accept it. When you are ready to face it, I will be here to listen," his voice rumbled near her ear.

Hermione was confused. Angry? Why would I be angry with Severus? He hadn't even been there! She soon fell asleep.

***

Late in the night, Hermione sat up in bed and thought of that night Sirius attacked her. Severus hadn't been there! She shook him awake, and he was up in a flash, his wand pointed straight at her.

She flipped off the duvet and stood to face him. "You weren't there! Why didn't you come for me? I thought he was you, I thought you had come for me. You stayed away...why did you stay away from me?" she yelled.

She was shaking with rage. He sighed and rubbed his face. "I knew you'd get to this point. I didn't figure so soon."

"You answer me!" she demanded as she strode over to his side.

"I was afraid of being found out. There were too many people, too much temptation. I didn't want to risk anyone catching us. So, I stayed here, got drunk, brooded, then wanked off and went to bed feeling very sorry for myself. Believe me, Hermione. I would have been there if I had known how badly things had gotten between you and Black. I would have insisted on your return. But I need to ask, why didn't you leave and come home? Potter was doing better, things were tense with Black. Why didn't you take charge and make your own choice?" he asked.

Hermione blanched. "I didn't think I had one," she said, confused.

Severus looked at her firmly. "You always have a choice! Always! Don't be a victim of someone's circumstances. You don't owe Potter your life. You can't solve all his woes. You need to know when to draw that line for us and for yourself!"

Hermione was dumbstruck. "I need to think about this," she said weakly.

"Let's go to sleep," Severus said gently.

Hermione snuggled next to her husband's body. She felt better somehow, liberated and free. She slept well and was happy to be back in her husband's arms again.

***

A/N: The italicized sentences with asterisks belong to J. K. Rowling. The rest belongs to me.