The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

A/N: Dear readers, I have to say that this fic is appropriately titled, for it has 'consumed me' for the past two years, and finally, I am finished. I appreciate each of you who have read this fic, and to those of you who have reviewed--your words, thoughts, and sometimes shocked outbursts of 'Shell, you're EVIL' have truly warmed my heart. I feel blessed that I was able to get this wicked, twisted, demented love story out of my head and onto the page for my fellow SS/HG lovers to appreciate. I would like to acknowledge those who have helped me in this story along the way. To Lulabelle72: You are an amazing teacher, and I have learned an incredible amount while writing this story. I know I have said this a zillion times, but without you letting me borrow your ingenious idea of The Grotto from your story, An Unreasonable Man, Consuming Me would not have continued. Thank you for your patience, friendship, beta work and excellent ideas (and additional chapters about flying). To RedSkyAtNight: Thank you for additional beta work, britpicking, and the willingness to put up with my American tendencies. I feel honored that such a talented writer as you took on a novice. I will always be grateful for that. To those who were amazing cheerleaders, especially Chivalric and Livvy6. And finally, Lariope--you were the first one to know of this story and my intentions. You have always been by my side regarding my decisions and sometimes dark and twisted thoughts, and your encouragement, support, and betaing every single chapter over the past two years will never be forgotten. Thank you.

Stretching out to reach a fallen wand lying near her body, Bellatrix took advantage of her opportunity. She gripped her fingers around the wand just as Snape turned towards her, swinging his wand away from Dumbledore and pointing directly at his nemesis, the Killing Curse on the tip of his tongue.

But before he could cast the curse to kill, his body stiffened, and the next thing he knew, he was falling to the ground. Just as he slipped into the black depths of unconsciousness, the last images of the scene flashed before him: a stream of light erupted from the tip of Bellatrix's wand, striking Hermione in the back, and almost gracefully, Hermione's torso bowed, and her neck snapped backwards as she fell forward.

"Checkmate," Ron said with a hint of smugness in his voice.

Severus huffed. "One more game," he stated while replacing all his black pawns on the chessboard.

Ron repositioned his white pawns on his side. "No problem, mate. I have plenty of time to continue to win. And it's not like you're going anywhere," he said, his eyes roaming over the stone walls that surrounded the small, square room.

"Your cheekiness will not be tolerated," Severus replied as he waited for Ron to move his first pawn.

Ron grinned. "Your go."

Severus moved his pawn. "So, where's Potter? He's late. Again."

Ron shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. "He's... well, he's with... a friend."

"No need to say anymore...your and Potter's personal lives are something I certainly do not want to be a part of," Severus said.

Ron's faced reddened. "It's not what you think," he mumbled as he moved his next pawn. "Will Fred and George will be coming by Friday afternoon for another private lesson?" he asked, switching the topic of discussion.

The twins, along with Ron and Harry had been the only visitors Snape ever had. He had taken the twins under his wing because they were the only ones who had the drive he did about experiments, and Snape had always been impressed with them. Being able to oversee the twins on their business endeavors had been part of his plea bargain. As for Harry and Ron, at first, they each felt they owed Snape their respect, but it soon became apparent that outside the war and the classroom, the three of them could offer each other friendship and understanding.

"Tell them to bring the fangs of a vampire bat this time--I cannot properly aid them in their quest for a new Weasley's Wizard Wheezes product without demonstrating the extraction of its venom. And tell them to be sure to inform the guards ahead of time, before they bring any ingredients inside--we don't want what happened last time to repeat itself."

Ron chuckled. "Of course not--George's eyebrows remained blue for three days."

Severus studied Ron's expression, wondering what kind of experiment prompted the discoloration of George's eyebrows, then he realized he didn't really want to know when it came to Ron's twin brothers. He shook his head and said, "I was referring to the two of them getting themselves arrested for bringing illegal Dragon's hide to a prisoner in Azkaban."

Ron's brows shot to the top of his forehead, his knight dropping from his hand onto the chessboard. "They did what??"

"You didn't know about this?" Severus said, raising one eyebrow. "Interesting." He picked up the knight and handed it back to his opponent. "That's why you had to open the shop for them the next day--they had to spend the night here in Azkaban until the Ministry released them."

"Those prats told me they were in Germany hunting gnomes and couldn't get away!"

"Ah. Well... Just pass that message along, please. And you didn't find out from me--tell them a guard told you." Severus smirked. He didn't mean to get the twins in trouble with their brother, but it was a source of entertainment, and of course, he couldn't refuse.

"Oh, I will," Ron said grumpily, mindlessly moving his chess piece, his attention to the game apparently gone as the new information regarding his brothers whirled around his private thoughts.

Severus grinned and placed his pawn in position for a direct attack on Ron's king. "Checkmate."

Waiting for his visitor to arrive, Severus lay on his bed, reading the Daily Prophet from front to back. Although he was a prisoner, it was one of the few pleasures he was still able to enjoy. Footsteps echoed down the corridor, and being that he was the only inmate on the twelfth floor, he knew they were for him. He meticulously folded his paper and placed it on the rickety bedside table. He walked to the sink and splashed the cold water against his scruffy face and washed the newspaper ink from his hands.

"Hey, mate!"

Severus whirled around, confused. "What are you doing here? I thought it was Potter's day."

"Hello to you, too," Ron said as the guard let him inside Severus' cell.

"I'm sorry. I'm just surprised--we have a strict schedule."

"He couldn't make it today," Ron said as Severus opened the chessboard and placed it on the small wooden table in his room. Ron placed his hand over the box that held the pawns. "And I'm not here to play chess today, either, Severus. I... have something else in mind."

Severus rose to his full height, crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow. "What exactly is going on, Mr. Weasley?"

"Oh, here we go again with the "Mr. Weasley" nonsense," Ron mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"For the past fourteen months--every Tuesday, to be exact--you have come here to stimulate my mind in several games of chess and conversation. Every Thursday for the past fourteen months, Potter has arrived with the past weeks' newspapers and reports on my outside affairs. One Friday of the month is reserved for the twins, and every other Saturday you and Potter both come by. Now, I will not have either of you interrupting my only schedule and enjoyment in life. So I will ask you once again: Where's Potter?"

Ron looked away shyly, then down at his sneakers.

"I may not be permitted to use Legilimency anymore, but I can see you are hiding something by that ridiculous look on your face. You've never been able to lie very well, Mr. Weasley."

"He's with a friend."

Severus narrowed his eyes, wishing desperately that he could peer inside the boy's mind. "You said that last week when he never showed up."

Ron's eyes widened. "Oh, yeah." He flushed and giggled nervously. He then took a deep breath and said, "Well, to be honest, that's why I came today. It's about time we talked about Hermione and what happened--"

"Do not finish that sentence!" Severus growled. "You know my rules regarding that topic!" he shouted, turning away from the red-headed young man.

"Severus, we keep avoiding this." Ron sighed. "If she were here, she wouldn't let you get away with ignoring the subject we need to discuss."

Severus whirled around, glowering at him. His wand might have been gone, but not even the magic of Azkaban could suppress his inner magic--he was too powerful. If his mood became completely unstable, he would end up cursing the boy across the room. "Well, she's not here now, is she?" he hissed, trying to maintain his anger to an appropriate level.

"You don't scare me anymore--okay, just a bit," Ron said quickly as Severus narrowed his eyes behind the curtain of his dark hair and took a step forward. "Look, I was sent here today because Bellatrix is going to be kissed by the dementors this evening for the murder of--"

"Enough!" Severus roared, and Ron took a step backwards, lowering his eyes to the floor.

The blood pounding in his head gave Severus an extreme headache. He staggered to his bed and slumped onto it, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head in his hands. He didn't want to hear anything about Hermione--it hurt too much, as if his heart had been physically ripped from his body. And he couldn't care less about Bellatrix's death. He was already dead inside, and it would do nothing for him to see, or know, that Bellatrix was now a soulless shell of a body.

When he finally focused his thoughts and regained control of his breathing, he whispered, "Do you enjoy seeing me suffer?"

Severus felt the thin mattress dip down as Ron's weight settled next to him. Ron exhaled deeply. "If you would've asked me that a few years ago, I would've had said yes. But, that was before we became friends, Severus. So, no--it makes me sick to see you suffer any more than you should--you've had enough of that. I don't want to talk about Hermione for you to suffer. It's not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up. I see the pain in your eyes every time I'm here.

"You are already being punished for any crimes you may have committed, Severus. You're in Azkaban. There is no sense to continue torturing yourself by ignoring what I know you think about on a daily basis."

Severus huffed. "I--I just don't want to taint my memories of her. I see her perfectly in my mind the way she was before--"

"All right. I won't bring it up again. Or until you're ready."

"I just need some time. This was the last subject I thought I would be speaking about today--it caught me off my guard," Severus stated quietly, still refusing to look up at Ron.

"Sure, mate. Just don't say that I didn't warn you," Ron said, rising from the bed.

"Warn me about what?"

"You said you didn't want to talk about it just yet, remember?" Ron said, motioning the guard to open the door.

"Warn me about what, Mr. Weasley?" Severus asked, his interest now peaked.

Ron ignored him as he walked next to the guard down the hall. Severus stared at the charcoal-grey floor, wondering what the hell the boy was talking about. He hated being ignored.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the clink of the closing door at the end of the hall. Droplets of tears threatened to stream out of the corners of his eyes as he let his memories of Hermione fade into his mind.

Being struck dead by Bellatrix Black was always the way that Severus thought his life would end. Not Hermione's. The image of her falling in slow motion and the surprise on her face kept replaying in his mind, haunting him. More than anything in the world, he wanted it to be him. He desperately wanted to steal her pain away.

Severus rolled over on his tiny bed, scraping his elbow against the rough wall. Something had awoken him from his nightmare. Slowly, he opened his eyes and grinned when he saw her standing in front of him. He always yearned to see his angel from above--it wasn't often she paid him a visit, but it wasn't a surprise she was here with him this evening, especially after the conversation he had with Ron yesterday.

He feared moving, because once he did, her spirit would usually fade and disappear. Instead, he just stared at her, tracing her features with his eyes, committing them to his memory. Sometimes he would whisper simple nothings to her, but would never dare to carry on a full conversation. Usually, her features were pale, her hair would flutter about as if a summer's breeze had just passed over her, and she always had a smile on her face, warming his dead, cold heart.

But tonight was different. She wasn't as pale--more like shrouded in dark shadows. And she looked annoyingly livid. Severus was frozen in place--what had he done to upset his angel? Was this a demon in her form coming to torture him even more than he normally was?

"Severus."

He felt his eyes widened in shock. She never spoke to him. This was most definitely a demon.

"Severus, stop staring like you've seen a ghost and pay attention."

He shot out of his bed, automatically reaching for his wand that was no longer by his side, ready to attack. That's when he realized he wasn't dreaming anymore.

His angel was real. Hermione was standing in his cell, tapping her left toe on the stone floor, arms crossed across her chest, visually upset.

"What are you doing here? I specifically told you to stay away! You've broken your promise to me, Miss Granger," he expressed, now fully awake and alert.

"Yes, I have. I sent Ron here yesterday to tell you I would be paying you a visit so you wouldn't be surprised, but because you are a stubborn arse, and refused to speak to anyone who brought my name up, I took it upon myself and demanded that I see you. Of course, that wasn't easy because you made the damn guards deny me access into Azkaban--it's a good thing the Minister of Magic is greatly indebted to me."

"You should've been a Slytherin," he muttered.

"If I didn't love you, I'd slap you. You have been a great source of stress for me these past two years," she said, pacing around his cell.

He couldn't help the smirk dancing across his face--he loved seeing her agitated. But most of all, he just loved seeing her for the first time since that night she was hit with Bellatrix's curse. Her hair was much longer, almost to her waist; her skin glowed as if she had been tanning in the sun; and she smelled of cinnamon.

He had a hard time finding his words with his beautiful siren in front of him, but when she faced him with pursed lips and slitted eyes he had no problem continuing the argument she wanted to have. "You promised to move on, so that I wouldn't be a 'source of stress.'"

She glared at him even more. "And I did. I've done exactly as you asked. Harry said that for the three weeks following that fateful night, you truly believed I was dead, but once I came out of the coma, he tried to tell you the truth."

"The arrogant prat turned his wand against me, held me in place, and forced me to listen--it was a rough evening, to say the least. And all he said was that you were just severely hurt, and you would eventually have a full recovery, he hoped."

"He couldn't tell you the entire story because your magic became so instable that he feared for his life!"

"Indeed," Severus whispered, smugly remembering how Harry had shrieked like a girl when Severus' internal magic overcame the power of the enchantments that were supposed to hold his magic at bay.

Hermione huffed and turned away from him. "Did you honestly want to believe I was dead?" she said, quietly.

Severus knew she was angry, but he also heard nervousness in her voice. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the all-too-familiar headache started to pound behind his eyes. He had been such a fool. Again. He took a hesitant step towards her. He knew better to just grab her and hold her--Hermione wanted answers first. He sighed. He always felt uncomfortable speaking about his feelings.

For a while now, he had been able to lock them away, just as he had done for so many years earlier. It had only been when Hermione came into his life that he had found the key to his innermost feelings. And once that had been taken away, he truly never thought he would have to speak of such things again.

Only Hermione could emotionally break him. She was the key. And with her standing in front of him once more, he knew he would behave like a babbling idiot in love. "Look at me," he stated.

She looked deep into his eyes, as if she were reading his soul.

"I never wanted to believe you were dead. But I was terrified to hear the truth, because if you had died... Hermione... I just couldn't bear it. After everything you and I had been through... to lose you to a stray curse in the end, would have been beyond comprehension. Suicide would've been my only option after that," he said, grimly.

She nodded her head slightly. "But what about after you knew I'd be okay? Why did you avoid anything that had to do with me so greatly? I mean, for Merlin's sake, Severus, you admitted guilt for two counts of negligent homicide in exchange for having me refused entry into Azkaban, if I ever woke from my coma!"

"How can the brightest witch of her age not have an answer to that question? I would have thought you would've understood my reasoning."

"Well, I don't. Explain it to me," she said, waiting for his answer.

"Just as your death would've destroyed me, being aware that you were out there in the world, living a happy life without me, devastated me. I did not want to know how, where, or with whom, you had moved on. I admit it, Hermione: I'm a selfish man. And I will not apologize for that. Once Potter said that you were on the road to recovery, I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I let you go back at the cottage, and I wanted the memory of our time spent with each other etched in my mind the way it had been--I didn't want any knowledge of your new life to spoil that."

Hermione shook her head from side to side, as if what he had said was nonsense. That angered him--how could she not understand his position! "If you cannot possibly appreciate, or even empathize with my feelings, then I suggest you leave."

"I do understand, Severus Snape. You have no idea how much I can identify with you. I should never have promised to stay away from you. Never."

You stupid man. He shouldn't have assumed she thought less of him for having that reaction to her new life. She had, and always would, surprise him--that was what he loved most about her.

"Don't say that, Hermione--it was best that you did stay away. Look at me, I'm nothing. Just a ghost of man living inside a dark cell. I'm no good for you, and I never have been. I refuse to be the reason you don't have a fulfilling life."

"Unfortunately, Severus, your plan didn't work out so well. You are the reason I haven't had a fulfilling life since that night."

Severus' brow creased; he was confused, and to be slightly honest, a bit hurt by her comment. "Meaning what, exactly?"

She motioned for him to sit across from her at the small table in his cell. "What do you remember about the night of the final battle? Specifically, the final moments when Bellatrix..."

Severus' eyes stared at the grains in the table, concentrating on a single knot as he recalled his memory. It was just as if it had happened yesterday. "I went to reach for my wand, to kill her because I saw her aiming at you. You should've seen the curse that flew right at you," he whispered. "It was a jet in midnight colour, with sparks of purple flying out of the stream. I was actually surprised it wasn't the killing curse, but then again, now that I have had time to think about it, your death would've been too easy. So, she cursed you with some very Dark magic. Other than that, that's all I remember. I have been told that afterwards, half of the Order, along with that old fool, Dumbledore, struck me with multiple Stunning Spells and that's why I blacked out. Why do you ask? Did I miss something?"

"Not much. You're right, it was Dark magic. Dumbledore didn't even know what it was--perhaps a spell Voldemort improved upon... The point of the matter is that it put me into a coma for weeks. Then once I woke, I was violently ill. And if she had been using her own wand, rather than a random one that happened to be lying next to her, it would've been much, much worse. But with some help from several Healers from Durmstrang, the curse was fully removed. I had to stay in the hospital for a while after that, just to be sure.

"After I was finally released, I had loads of questions to answer from the public, Ministry, and my friends and family. It drained me, Severus. So much, in fact, that I had to leave. I went to a University in Spain and did everything you made me promise."

Spain. No wonder she's not as pale skinned as I remember. Severus raised his eyebrow. She was trying to spare his feelings, to be tactful. But he knew he was too twisted in his own mind and needed to know specific details about Hermione's time away from the wizarding world. He didn't want her to generalize anything to protect him, even if will hurt him.

"Go on," he stated, intensely gazing into her eyes.

She stared back, intent on holding his piercing gaze. "What is it that you want to know, Severus?" she asked, daring him to say what he meant.

"Silly witch. As if you don't know me at all. I must know everything."

"I do know you. You will obsess over the details if I don't tell you, and if I do, you'll become extremely jealous."

Severus snarled. "Tell me," he demanded.

"Very well." She huffed then rested her back against the chair and crossed her feet at her ankles. "I enjoyed attending classes and furthering my education. I've almost completed my degree in law. But it's just busy work to keep me from going mad. I've tried maintaining some sort of a social life, and even met with other wizards and witches in Spain's community, but all they wanted from me was information regarding Harry and Voldemort. So then I befriended several Muggles, but after a while, I missed the Wizarding world--there was never a good balance. I also began dating. I even had a steady Muggle boyfriend for a while."

"I don't want to hear this, after all," he said abruptly. She had been right about him--his jealousy was stirring within once she had mentioned the boyfriend.

Hermione shot to her feet. "You'll hear it because it's what you asked for! You were the one who wanted me to be happy and have a better life--I did everything you wanted me to," she snarled.

Severus leapt to his feet and towered over her body, looking down at her through his slitted eyes. He refused to be shouted at in his own cell. "If you're so fucking happy, then why are you here, causing an unwanted disturbance in my daily routine?" he sneered.

Silence engulfed the tiny room, and Severus realized there was a small tear trailing out of the corner of her left eye. "Who said I've been happy? Every time my boyfriend touched me in any physical way, I would compare him to you. He was intelligent, but he couldn't associate with me on a wizarding level. Intimacy was adequate, but it wasn't enough. I would cry myself to sleep afterwards because I missed your touch," she said softly. Then, she looked up at him, into his eyes. "My heart belongs solely with you."

Severus swept a strand of her hair from her cheek. "But you can't have me, my dear Hermione. I'm a prisoner and will rot in here for many years."

"I know. Which is why, for the past year, I've been working on that situation."

Severus took a step away from her. "Explain yourself."

"You pleaded guilty for petty crimes as a Death Eater, which landed you in this cell for five years. It's a damn good thing you pled not guilty for the murder charges because you would've been kissed instead of spending another fifty years in here and would've missed the new evidence in your favour that has been brought to light, thereby saving your arse."

"What new evidence?"

Hermione walked past him, taking a seat in the wooden chair at the small table. "The old evidence was all speculative, and because you are the only Death Eater in custody, besides a crazed Bellatrix, no one could prove your guilt or innocence completely. All the Wizengamot had were theories and no conclusive evidence due to all the variables that would go into proving you a cold-blooded killer, such as being under the Imperius curse, or having to do it for Voldemort while spying for the Order--the Wizengamot convicted you primarily based on the fact that you were once a Death Eater, and therefore, must have had the intent to murder. And they got away with that because there was no other evidence on your side."

Severus, still unsure of where she was going with this information, stood, crossed arms waiting for her to continue.

"I've actually been working on your appeal for a little over a year. And I won. The murder charges have been dropped, and I wanted to be the first to tell you about it."

Severus thought he had heard her wrong. Frozen in place, he replayed the last sentence in his mind. The murder charges had been dropped--he was no longer a convicted murderer? Was he dreaming?

"Did you hear me, Severus? You're nearly a free man, besides the silly five year sentence, of which you have already served two years--and with good behavior you should be out in about a year and a half."

She was practically giddy while he wrapped his mind around the thought that he wouldn't spend the rest of his life in prison.

"I'm... in shock," he said, his voice barely audible.

Hermione giggled the sweet little giggle he had missed hearing for so long. "I know you are. I was too when we won. Get used to the idea, and I'll be back at the end of the week." She gently kissed his cheek, placing her hand over his heart as she reached up to him. "And no, you're not dreaming. This is very real," she said, moving past him and signally the guard to open the door.

The loud clang from the door closing woke Severus from his petrified state. He whirled around just as Hermione was turning to walk down the hall. "Hermione," he called after her.

She stopped and faced him. "Yes?"

"What was the evidence that saved me?"

She smiled. "A witness to your character. She proved that you were not a heartless killer and your intent was never premeditated."

"Who? Everyone I tried to use in the original trial was dismissed because of the personal relationship they had with me--it was considered bias."

"Does the name Lacy Thacker sound familiar?"

Severus racked his mind for the name, but he couldn't place it. "No."

Hermione grinned. "Sure you do. You just didn't know her name." She walked back towards him. "Remember the Muggle you saved from the abuse of Greyback--the woman tied upon his bed that night you... visited your fellow Death Eater?"

Severus nodded. As if he could forget that evening...

"Well, she wasn't a Muggle. She's a Squib. A very important Squib in the wizarding community, in fact. She helps regulate Squibs and finds them jobs and offers basic magical training.

"Apparently, once she woke from her coma and became caught up on all the news, she stepped forward on your behalf. She found out that I was conducting your appeal and contacted me to be a character witness. You see, if you were the killer you were convicted as, you would have easily murdered her that night, just to shut her up and not have to deal with her. But you didn't. You saved her from Greyback's clutches, called for help on her behalf--for a Muggle, or so you thought. Don't you understand? Because of your selfless act, she stepped up and repaid you for saving her life--it was her testimony that overturned your sentence. They even used Legilimency and Veritaserum on her to make sure she wasn't lying."

Severus just stared at her. He was completely speechless. So many things were traveling through his mind that he became numb and motionless. He felt his life changing around him. Perhaps he wasn't always going to live a miserable existence.

Then those horrible images of what he had done to Greyback, Lestrange, and others flooded his thoughts. "But... I am a murderer, Hermione," he whispered.

"There's no proof that you are. Your wand was destroyed that night you were blasted by Dumbledore and the Aurors. Besides, there are no witnesses to prove your witness wrong. As much as you despise Dumbledore, and I don't blame you, he has given his word that you are not a murderer. Don't you understand? They were acts of war; there was no intent on killing anyone, Severus. Of course, it's not to say you haven't done some pretty awful things, especially to me personally, but that's all forgiven. Just not forgotten."

Severus thought about that for a second. He might have been an evil bastard--and definitely murdered several other evil bastards--and even enjoyed killing a few of them, but was it all considered an act of war? Perhaps. It was frightening to think of it that way, but could he live with that?

If it gave him a new chance on life, then absolutely. And so could Hermione.

He cracked a smile. For once in his life, things were going his way. He had finally caught a break.

"So, I'll see you later in the week?" she said.

Severus began to chuckle. "You silly girl. Do you even need to ask?"

"With you? Yes." Hermione smiled, the light in her eyes filling his heart with warmth that he thought had been lost. She then turned away and walked back down the hall.

Severus whirled around and faced the small room. His eyes gazed over the stone walls that had enclosed him for over a year. He could live in this cold, damp cell for another two years or so, just to have his second chance at life. And he wouldn't screw it up this time--he vowed to be the man he always wanted to be and to make the right decisions in life.

And he would, with Hermione forever by his side.

This was just the beginning of his new life.

A/N: A final note from yours truly: I hope this ending was satisfactory. I took several liberties on how the court system, trials, and appeals operate, so please do not hold me accountable for not having it politically correct--it's just a story. I also have to admit, this fic was originally designed to be extremely dark (which it is in some chapters) and to have a not-so-happy-ending. 'Til the second to the last chapter, I could have gone either way with the ending, but for some time now--oh, probably about three quarters through--I decided (after much begging from many of you) that a happy ending, or one close to it, would be a wish that only I could give. And, after careful consideration, I obliged--I mean, I kind of had to after all those evil cliffies! But seriously, if I had read a story this long and it didn't end up somewhat decently, I would have been extremely upset, and I couldn't do that to my readers. So again, I hope you enjoyed it; please review! Much love, and I'll see you on the next story! Shell~