Pieces of My Heart

A/N: Thank you to my team (Lariope, Lulabelle72, and RedSkyAtNight) for the insight, input, and super fast work! I loves you guys!

The flame from a single taper sitting on the wooden bedside table barely flickered in the still room. Curled in a ball, cradling a cat, was Severus. He was no more than seven. His overly large t-shirt had surely once been white, but now it was stained, dirty and so thin that she could see his bare chest through the cotton.

"You love me, don't you, Jynx?" The cat raised it head, its pink tongue delicately licking the tip of his nose. "I love you, too. Dad says you are worthless, but you're not. At least you love me." The cat purred, and Severus closed his eyes.

But just as he was relaxing, the bedroom door was flung open and a thin, dark-haired man stumbled in, swaying as he marched over to Severus, his arm outstretched. "Hand me that filthy creature."

"No, Dad. Please! He loves me--he's my friend!" Severus held the cat tightly against his chest, scooting backwards.

Hermione, watching the Pensieve, gasped. A horrible laugh erupted from his father. How dare he mock his son and the love he had for his pet? "Hand him to me, boy!"

Hermione covered her mouth, shocked at the cruelty Severus was being subjected to.

While his father ripped the cat from little Severus' clutches, the memory shifted, leaving her unable to see the outcome.

Hermione was still in the same room, but this time, Severus sat on a wooden chair, his head tipped back, a bloody rag held over his nose. She recognized the Hogwarts letter that lay ripped in half on the dusty floor. A woman with long, black hair appeared in the doorway. She held herself as if she were cold, rocking back and forth. Severus removed the blood-stained cloth and looked at her. Even in the weak light, Hermione could see the purple bruises under his eyes and the appalling angle of his broken nose.

"Your wand was on the table. You could've stopped him, Mother."

Her voice was soft, timid. "I--I don't want to use magic against your father--it isn't fair to him."

The chair scraped against the floor as he pushed it backwards, leaping to his feet, pointing to his face. "And this? You believe this is fair?"

"You must understand, Severus--he's angry. We always had a feeling that you had magic in you, but now it's official."

"Why do you put up with this? You've got more strength with a flick of your wand than that Muggle will ever have!"

"Severus, please--"

Although he was only eleven, his demeanor was beyond his years. He marched over to her, holding his hand out. "Give me your wand."

"Why--"

"Give it to me, Mother!"

"You'll harm him--"

"I want to mend my nose, damn it! Give me your bloody wand!"

She slipped her wand out of pocket, but instead of handing it to him; she pointed it at his chest. "You should watch your language with me, Severus Snape. I am still your mother and will be respected--"

"You lost my respect long ago," he mumbled, turning from her and walking towards his bed, wiping the blood that had trailed down his lips.

Hermione couldn't imagine living in a household such as his. Her heart ached for him; she felt so privileged to have lived in a home with two loving parents.

The memory disappeared, leaving a new one in its place. This time, they were outside at a park. The bright sun engulfed the memory, and Hermione squinted her eyes, barely able to see the two figures sitting on the swings, holding hands, gently swaying back and forth.

"I can't wait to leave my parents behind and board the train to Hogwarts next week. I hope we are in the same house, Lily. I'll miss you too much if we're not."

"I'll miss you too, but you'll always be my best friend, Sev--no matter what house we get Sorted in. I promise."

Just as her eyes were adjusting, the memories swirled around her, and she found herself in a familiar room: the Defense Against Dark Arts classroom. Severus stood near a desk. Across from him was the same girl from the swings, only much older.

"After everything you and I have been through, you turn against me because of Potter's influence!"

"That's not why, Severus! You aren't the young boy I was friends with--that I loved. You've changed into a... you're no better than your father, Severus!"

"How dare you compare me to that monster! You, of all people, know what he has done to me!"

"Yet, you behave in the same manner as he does!"

"My--my behavior? You mean because I'm not in the same house as you and aren't friends with the biggest prats in the school? What else am I suppose to do when you shun me? I keep to myself as much as possible, but it is inevitable that I am acquainted with the people in my own house!"

"Stop blaming James and Sirius! You have always been horrible to anyone I'm close with--you're jealous!"

Snape snorted. "When was the last time they ever had anything decent to say to me? Yet, it's entirely my fault! I'm not jealous of anything you have--I'm hurt that you have deserted me!"

"I never said they were perfect, Severus," she said. "You're such a typical..."

Snape's lip tightened. "Go head, Lily. Say. It."

She huffed. "Nevermind, Severus."

"A typical what? Slytherin? Yes, Lily, I am Slytherin and proud of it! Go on, say it! You can't trust a Slytherin, correct? They always go bad, yes?"

She averted her eyes from him, her lips pursed.

"You know, until this day, I've haven't bothered about house rivalry--I thought it foolish, but you have opened my eyes. There's no escaping the stereotypes, so from now on, I shall do the same, you arrogant Gryffindor bitch."

Tears formed in her eyes. "Do us both a favor," she snapped. "Never speak to me again, Snivellus." She turned, ready to flee from the room.

Hermione's heart broke at Lily's cruelness. She had blamed Severus for that nasty word that had spilled from his mouth--he was obviously very hurt, and Lily... couldn't care less. Hadn't she been his friend? From all the stories she had heard about Lily Evans, she had been a sweet girl, a respected woman. But in this light...

Hermione faced Severus. He was so still that his face could have been made of stone. Only the tips of his fingers moved, his fingernails digging into his palms, drawing blood.

Before Lily opened the door, he snarled, "I take back what I said in the fifth year--you are a filthy Mudblood!"

She faced him, her face contorted in disgust, as if dung was right under her nose. "I detest you, Snape. Go to hell."

She slammed the door behind her, and there was a sudden shift in the memories, leaving Hermione standing near the Black Lake, breathless from everything that had transpired so rapidly.

She stood in the middle of the seventh years, and judging by the casual way they were dressed, it was the last day of school. She glanced around and finally noticed Severus sitting by himself under a tree nearby the crowd. She walked over to him, aware of the small circle of young men, whispering and glancing over to Severus.

"The Dark Lord has never shown favoritism, so what the bloody hell has Snape got that we haven't!"

"Malfoy says he's weak and won't last a month."

Hermione sneered as she passed them. If only they knew how foolish they sounded. When she reached Severus, she realized he could hear their conversation too, and that he seemed to be ignoring them, yet was listening attentively.

Always the spy, Severus? Hermione thought to herself.

She looked over his shoulder, reading the notes he was writing. There were lists of names on the paper, and under each one, descriptions of traits: weaknesses, strengths and anything else Snape felt important to write down. She followed his quill as he scribbled down his information:

Hugh Phillips--Annoyingly cocky. Weakness: Talks too much, little action. Strength: Knows how to talk himself into getting everything he wants. Asset to the Dark Lord--able to get into places that others may not, such as inside the Ministry.

Amazed at Severus' research on his fellow Death Eaters, Hermione continued reading the page, but was interrupted when a shadow from overhead blocked the sun, clouding her in darkness. She looked up and noticed that Lucius Malfoy was standing over her and Severus.

"Severus, join the rest of your fellow brothers for a splendid dinner at my home this evening?"

"If you insist."

"Excellent. And tonight, you'll show us some of your new spells. We're all extremely fond of your abilities."

"Of course. Anything for the Dark Lord."

Lucius grinned and sauntered over to the group of boys.

Severus flipped opened the first page in his notebook. It was nearly full of his tiny handwriting, but there was no mistaking whose name was at the top: Malfoy.

She quickly read through the page, agreeing with everything she read, appalled at some of the things written about Malfoy senior, and she was satisfied that Severus had never thought of him as a friend. The old saying, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' came to mind as he wrote one word at the bottom of the page: Liar.

The scene faded away, leaving Hermione alone in a dimly lit room. She turned around, confused as to why, and how, she was alone if this were his memory.

"Severussss."

Hermione spun around. Severus walked out of the shadows of a dark corner. Voldemort sat in a suede chair in the middle of the room. Somehow, he had appeared out of nowhere. The hair on her skin stood at attention, and a chill swept through the room.

"You wished to see me, my Lord?"

"Yesss. When I revealed my plans regarding the Potters, I felt you cringe. You cannot hide anything from me, Severus. I'm a master Legilimens."

"My Lord, with all due respect... if it were possible... I might humbly--respectfully--request... that you spare her life."

Hermione briefly wondered why Severus would ask for that, considering how their relationship ended up. She assumed that although Lily had hurt him, he hadn't been able to let years of true friendship die, and it was no wonder that he was trying to protect her--no wonder that he still protected Harry. He could never really completely hate Lily, for she had been his rock when he was a child, when he needed someone to love him, and that was the only reason Hermione had as to why he wanted her safe.

"Severusss, you are a loyal Death Eater. Have I not shown mercy to you over the last few years? I have been accused of favoring you over the others. No one has the abilities that you do, Severusss. You are above all else, and for that, I have come to regard you as the most devoted. With that comes certain liberties."

"Will you grant my one wish, my Lord?"

"Absolutely not."

Severus' lips parted, surprised at his denial--the young man naive in his assumption that the Dark Lord might acquiesce. Hermione presumed that after that point, Severus' loyalty to Voldemort would be shattered into millions of minuscule pieces with no hope for repair.

"I understand. It was foolish of me to ask. Thank you for your time, my Lord."

Severus turned to leave, but Voldemort spoke up, stopping him in his tracks. "A silly girl such as herself, one who did not see what she had in front of her, is not worth your time, Severusss. She is a fault of yours that should, and will be, purged. Do you not agree?"

He slowly turned around, his face blank, cold, and hard. "Yes, my Lord. I agree. She mercilessly used me. And now, I shall do the same." Although he smirked, there was coldness, an evil, confirming Hermione's assumption regarding his broken trust in his master. A chill ran through her as she wondered what sort of things he would've written down in his notebook regarding The Dark Lord, someone who really never cared about Severus, as Lily once had.

The wait wasn't long, and the memory changed again, and Severus was speaking to Dumbledore in the headmaster's office. He clutched a handkerchief in his hands, his eyes blood-shot from stress and tears.

"Beyond your other duties as professor, you will be required to train with me nightly, to do everything I ask. Do you understand me completely, Severus?" Dumbledore sat behind the large desk, his blue eyes boring into Severus.

He nodded his head. "Yes, sir."

"Very well." His gaze softened. "I am glad you decided to join the Order, Severus. I have high hopes that you will turn your life around and find some sort of light in your dark soul. And I am sorry about Lily."

"If he had just spared her life..."

"Tom has no regard to anyone's feelings, Severus. Remember that. Joining him, looking for someone to care for you, is a regret you will have to live with daily. The reminder on your arm shall be enough. But instead of living in the past, look towards the future. You can cast your revenge on him by fighting with us. I promise to always be here for you, Severus."

The scene abruptly changed, just as Hermione was feeling the anger rise in her chest, for she knew Dumbledore had used Severus the same way, or worse, than Voldemort. Hell, he was trying to get her to use him as well!

"No, Severus," Dumbledore said, shuffling through his papers on his desk, averting his eyes from the man across from him.

"No? I've never asked you for anything, Albus. I do not want to go back into his service!"

"You knew this day would be coming, Severus. You must concentrate on your duties."

"And saving Potter is one of my duties! I swore to protect the boy, and that includes his sidekick and Her... Miss Granger! Without me following them, they'll... they'll end up in far worse trouble--"

Hermione stood very still, shocked from... He was going to call me by my first name?

"Severus, no. Remus, Minerva--we'll all watch them. I promise. You're the only one who can get across enemy lines. I need you there!"

Severus huffed, his eyes full of hate, yet the Headmaster never looked up at him once. "They will require me to participate in... activities that I do not wish to partake in," he said in a most dangerous voice. "The Dark Lord will surely suspect me of being a traitor. His punishment will--"

"Will be something that you cannot forgo, Severus," Dumbledore said softly, finally facing him.

Hermione bent close to the table, where the two were facing off, straining to hear the low voices, the plea that Severus made. "Albus, please..."

"I know what I'm asking of you, Severus. But it's the only way."

Knowing he wouldn't win this battle, Severus recomposed himself; speaking in his normal tone, he said, "I understand. It was foolish of me to ask. Thank you for your time, Albus."

"Severus, I'm--"

"I'm sorry, Headmaster. I have an appointment with my old friend, Lucius. He is expecting me to arrive on time. I will report back anything I learn, as soon as possible." With that, Severus turned on his heel, his robes billowing behind him. Dumbledore removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The tears that Hermione had been holding back finally broke loose.

Severus, once again, had been tossed out like yesterday's rubbish.

A/N: Up next: Hermione sees herself in Severus' memories.