Consequences of Normalcy

Chapter 21 – Consequences of Normalcy

Hermione rode the Hogwarts Express just as she had done for six years. The only difference was that last year she had dropped out to help Harry save the Wizarding world. Now she was coming back to finish her final year. She was alone, and Harry and Ron were far to busy rebuilding the Auror Department to worry about N.E.W.T.s. For Hermione, school and learning were everything to her. She knew she could have forgone her last year and just sat for her N.E.W.T.s, but she needed to face Professor Snape. She loved him. She knew she loved him.

As she looked out the window, she remembered those horrific hours just after Nagini's attack. She could remember the smell of his blood; the scarlet liquid had been all over her. She had slipped in it, her hands all over his face and neck, not knowing if she had been helping or hurting him more. He had been so pale and fragile; her mind had been racing at a speed so fast she thought her head would explode. She had cried and cried as she tried to keep him alive until help could come. She recalled pushing on the wound in his neck, keeping a firm hold on it so he would not exsangunate. His eyes had been open and empty. She had stroked his face as she leaned over him, whispering how much she loved and needed him and begged him not to leave her.

She had been tortured all last year with the thought that Professor Snape after all these years was actually a real Death Eater and had never defected to the Light. But when she saw how desperately he grabbed for Harry and pulled him close, wanting him to look at him, she knew there was so much more that she didn't know. She had to save him. He could not be evil. She would not allow it!

Hermione smoothed her robes and licked her lips. She knew how desperate and crazed she had been waiting outside his room at St. Mungo's, praying over and over that he would pull through. Ginny had comforted her, even though Hermione had never told her she loved him. She had figured she had just known. It had been a comfort to have Ginny and Remus with her. Remus knew of her love. He didn't judge her, didn't tell her she was silly or stupid for loving such a hard and cold man. She had enough judgment for herself.

Nevertheless, she loved him. She was as sure as she knew beyond a doubt how many porcupine quills belonged in a boil cure potion. She felt the rightness of her love as she had the day she cast her first spell in Charms class: Wingardrium Leviosa. He was the only one for her. It was not going to be easy, but it was her future. He was her future.

***

She was happy to see she was not the only held-back seventh-year. Justin Finch-Fletchley, another Muggle-born in Hufflepuff, and Dean Thomas, another Gryffindor Muggle-born, were back to finish their education. Ginny was here as well as a proper seventh-year...it was so good to have close friends nearby! As she and Ginny silently made their way to the Great Hall for the Welcoming Feast, they both smiled at the sight of Professor McGonagall in the Headmistress' chair. Hermione wondered if Professor Snape had been asked to return to his position as Headmaster. She looked at him, sitting at the same chair he had occupied all the years she had attended Hogwarts. He looked thin and sad. Usually he looked annoyed and irritated, but this year, he was not the same.

Hermione smiled when she saw Professor Lupin there. She had squealed with delight when he had told her he was returning to Hogwarts to teach Defense. She had attacked him with one of her notorious bear hugs. Tonks had laughed her arse off at Remus' look of shock at Hermione's embrace. After she had released him, she had burst into tears. Lupin had been utterly dumbfounded, as were Harry and Ron. The witches knew though. They knew Hermione would need Remus if she were to survive the school year. Knowing Snape, he would be true to form, being the surly bastard he was known to be. Hermione confided to Tonks and Lupin that she was sure he would be different now. There would be no reason for him to be cruel, now that the war was over and the truth revealed. Remus had kept a firm hold on his tongue and allowed Hermione her hopes. They were going to be dashed to pieces eventually, anyway. No reason to ruin her joy, he would save that for Severus...damn it!

Remus smiled in return at Hermione and Ginny. He was the Head of their House now, and they couldn't be happier. Snape, sitting next to Remus, saw his smile and followed it to the Gryffindor Table.

"Do try and show a modicum of decorum, Remus," he bit out in disapproval.

"Oh, Severus, the young ladies are happy at my return. It makes this old man feel rather welcome to know such lovely young women are pleased to see me back," he replied smoothly.

Severus snorted. "Honestly, Remus, I think your new wife has befuddled your already weakened mind. 'Young women' you say? I see nothing of the sort! All I see are two meddlesome little chits!" he said sourly.

"Now, Severus, I know how you feel about Miss Weasley. You approve of her highly. As for Miss Granger, you said so yourself how intelligent she is."

"I know, Remus! I don't care to discuss the matter further!" he snarled.

Remus smiled, but knew the discussion was over.

***

During the Feast, Snape quietly picked at his food. He was so tired. He had not spoken with Harry since the day they'd first spoken about their relationship. He had the most horrific nightmares about his question. It rolled over and over in his mind.

"Why did my mum kill herself?"

He wished he could give him a better answer, a more worthy answer that would place him in a better light, but it was impossible. Lily had killed herself because he had been, and remained to this day, an unlovable, disgusting person.

He had never sought out Moira, nor had he ever returned to that brothel where he had spent that ill-fated night with Evangeline. He had received a scathing letter from the Madame of the House saying that he was forever banned from her establishment. She had accused him of torturing her best whore and that she had been unable to work for three weeks due to his terrorizing of her mind and body. Snape had laughed when he had received the letter. The stupid bint had been only embarrassed and humiliated that she had not been able to control him. Being the best whore meant she was catered to and adored. He had only treated her as he would any Knockturn Alley whore...and a whore was a whore! He had thought with twisted delight how his vile face must have haunted her. She must have cried with shame at behaving so wanton with what she herself had named such a disgusting creature!

Towards the end of the Feast, Remus leaned over and said, "Severus, why not have a drink tonight in my rooms and let off some steam. You and I both have to put our charges into their beds. Come to my quarters and have some firewhisky to relax. You look like you could use it."

"Why not? Fine, Remus, I shall be over as soon as I am able. Thank you," he said politely.

At the Gryffindor Table, Hermione kept glancing up at the Head Table. Although Snape was none the wiser, Remus saw the covert glances, and his heart went out to the tender young woman. She was going to be crushed. He could only hope between now and then he would be able to get some sense of decency and kindness into his ornery friend so Hermione would not be scarred for life!

***

Remus was very happy with the conversation he had with Severus. True, he had not been particularly happy about being back. Nonetheless, he had confessed a willingness to make an effort of he could out of an uncomfortable situation. He had been aware of how the students viewed him. In the minds of many, he had been a cold and unfeeling Headmaster that had turned a blind eye when the Carrows had been torturing students on a regular basis. He had sworn to Remus he would keep his iron fisted rule over his Potions classes. He had felt the time was not right for him to settle back and tame down his personality. He had said he needed the students to know he was in charge and would not be shamed or goaded into backing down and running away from Hogwarts with his tail between his legs. He had also confided there were a couple of students that he had been genuinely looking forward to teaching. Miss Granger topped that list by far.

"Remus," he had said in all sincerity that his tipsy state could muster, "Miss Granger is a Potions master delight. She is exact, thorough, perfunctory, and conscientious. She is eager to learn and is genuinely excited about learning new ways to excel. I do hope she has given up her incessant need to spew her verbatim answers from her textbooks when asked a question. It is mind-numbing and grates on my nerves...especially since she is capable of so much more."

Remus had been impressed. "It sounds like you truly regard Miss Granger as more than just a mere student. It comes as no surprise; after all, she is turning nineteen this month. She's a woman, not a girl. She is different. The war changed her, Severus. You just weren't around to see her metamorphosis from girl to woman."

Severus had looked at Remus with a bored expression. "Remus," he had said, "As long as a student wears a Hogwarts uniform, it is inconsequential to me about any 'changes' that may have occurred in my absence. Miss Granger is no woman, I assure you," he had stated as he knocked back his drink.

"Now, if you will excuse me, I have my rounds. Besides, I find discussing students in this manner to be unsettling and unseemly!" he had said sharply.

Remus had apologized for offending his sensibilities, to which Severus had given a derisive snort. He had stalked out of the room and had disappeared into the darkness.

Remus was done for the day. He went into his quarters where his wife and son were sleeping. As he slid in bed with his wife, she turned towards him and snuggled close. He kissed her forehead, and she woke.

"How's Severus?" she whispered sleepily.

"He's got his robes in a twist. I placed a little bug in his ear about Hermione. Hopefully, he'll realize she will be the greatest thing that will ever come across his miserable path!" he mused.

***

Hermione was walking around her prescribed rounds. As Head Girl, she had more responsibilities than ever before. Perhaps now that Harry and Ron were gone, she wouldn't have to worry so much about her studies. She could focus on herself and only herself for a change.

She heard a figure coming her way and she said, "Lumos."

It was Professor Snape!

He lit his wand as well and spoke tersely with her. "What are you doing out of bed, Miss Granger?"

"Sir, I am Head Girl, I have my duties," she replied calmly.

"Ah, yes. Well, I should let you carry on then," he said nervously.

"Are you alright, sir?" she asked with concern in her voice.

"I suppose I should do this now, Miss Granger. I would like to express my gratitude for your assistance in the Shrieking Shack during the final battle. I doubted anyone would care if I had lived or died," he said coolly.

Hermione was hurt. "Sir, I was genuinely concerned. I know you probably have no real recollection of the first minutes of my trying to stop you from exsanguinating, but I was terrified you were going to die!" she said heatedly.

Snape looked at her oddly. "I recall every moment, Miss Granger. I remember every scream, every tear, and every word," he said stiffly.

Hermione felt a shiver down her back. He was so detached and emotionless. It was sad and unnerving. Every tear? Every word? She had thought he was already dead at one point. She had confessed her love for him over and over. She had even kissed his lips at one point when there was nothing to do but keep the pressure on his wound. She felt very embarrassed and vulnerable. If what he said was true, he knew exactly how she felt about him and he had now enough time to consider his thoughts on the matter.

He continued. "I also heard you yelling at Mr. Potter outside my hospital room, Miss Granger. Was what you said accurate of what you would do concerning the happiness of a wizard who would care for your child?"

Hermione felt her face flush as she recalled the words she had screamed at the top of her lungs.

"I-I'd give him sex every bleeding day and a blow-job twice on Sundays!"

"I don't waste my time saying things I don't mean, sir," she said boldly.

She rose proudly to her full height. If he was ever to see her as a woman, she needed to act like one and stick to her guns.

"Ah," he said sardonically. "How wonderful it must be to live in a hypothetical world knowing your declarations shall never have to be tested."

"You never know where life will take you, sir. I know I never expected my life to have turned out the way it has during these past two years," she reflected.

"And what if this hypothetical wizard, who loved your hypothetical child so much, were so loathsome to your sight, would you still allow him to use your body for his satisfaction?" he asked in a cruel tone.

"I would think if said hypothetical wizard loved my child, he would not 'use' my body. He would respect my wishes. He would allow me to make my own decision to come to his bed. To be sure, if I were to come to a wizard's bed, it would not be for any other reason than genuine affection."

"You mean pity!" he spat.

"Rubbish!" she yelled. "That is despicable and deplorable! I would never engage a man out of pity! And if the wizard is a true gentleman, he would not want it any other way!" she said fiercely.

He gave her a twisted smile. "Miss Granger, it is a good thing you returned to the safety of these walls. You have absolutely no idea what a wizard wants, gentleman or no."

"You are telling me a decent wizard would want to have the attentions of a witch without affection?" she asked.

"That is how it has been since the beginning of time, Miss Granger. Men, wizard or Muggle, want the same thing. If they can't get it in respectable manner, they will get it through less than respectable means," he said coldly.

There was no use in continuing this line of conversation. Hermione decided to change the subject. "Sir," she asked boldly, "are you happy to be back here at Hogwarts?"

"Not that it is any of your business, Miss Granger, but actually I am not," he stated coolly.

"Then why be here?" she asked, confused.

A nerve twitched near his mouth. Then he twisted his mouth into a grim smile. "Ah, the questions of the young and ignorant! I suppose living in a hypothetical world, you do not seem to have a need for Galleons. I, however, live in reality. In reality, wizards and witches need funds to survive. I only planned to live up to a certain point and thanks to your diligence in saving my worthless life; I am now forced to make a living. I hear starving to death is a long and painful process. I do not wish to experience it. Now, if you are done interrogating me, Miss Granger, I believe I have indulged you enough, even if you did save my life."

He turned sharply on his heel and stalked off. Hermione's shoulders slumped. She felt she had been tested or quizzed, but had no idea why or what for. She also felt anger from him. Not the usual anger that everyone received from him, but a directed type of anger. She couldn't understand and figure it out. She sighed and went on back to her room in Gryffindor Tower. The first day had not gone well.

***

The weeks passed quickly. Hermione had tried to reach out to Professor Snape, yet each time she tried, she faced a sneering and evil-tempered wizard who, to her shock, had not deviated one millimeter from his old ways. If anyone had thought that Professor Snape would be a different person now that Voldemort was dead, he or she was in for a big disappointment. The only change was that he was just as equal a bastard to his Slytherins as he was to the rest of the houses.

Hermione worked hard in Potions, trying desperately to show him she wasn't just another "dunderhead," but he didn't seem to care. He left her alone and was silent when she knew her work was excellent. He seemed quite indifferent to her.

In the evening though, it was a different story. She made her Head Girl rounds each night dutifully and each night, without fail, stumbled across Professor Snape. Each meeting was uncomfortable and full of disparaging comments about her youth, ignorance, and idyllic nature.

One night she ventured to ask him about Harry.

His black eyes flashed viciously. "How dare you!" he hissed. "My private life is no longer your concern! Not that I have ever invited you entrance before!"

Hermione was desperate. "I'm sorry, sir. I just can't not ignore what I know. I am concerned as much about Harry as I am about..." Her hand clamped over her mouth. She was about to say that she was concerned about him!

Snape's eyes glittered in the dim light. "Tut, tut, Miss Granger. You must be more careful with your words. Anyone else would interpret that you actually gave a damn about your old, disgusting, greasy Potions teacher," he whispered softly.

"I don't think of you that way, Professor. You know that," she whispered.

"Yes, I do. How unfortunate for you," he whispered as he started to walk away. Then, he abruptly turned and strode towards her, boring his eyes into hers.

She was unable to rip her eyes from his. How could he sound so angry and yet so quiet at the same time? She felt a pressure, as if a headache were coming on her. She felt a bit nauseous and closed her eyes for a bit. When she reopened them, he was gone. She felt fine. That was strange! she thought. Then she continued her rounds.

Meanwhile, Snape was practically running back to his dungeons. He had done a terrible thing, prodding into her mind, but he had a nagging suspicion for weeks that he couldn't shake. He had known since the night he saw her masturbating, whispering his name that Miss Granger harbored some sort of feelings of lust for him, but he could not ascertain its depth or realness. Before then, he had easily disregarded her displays of affection for him in the Shrieking Shack as just an over-emotional outburst at seeing him so near death. When she spoke that he knew she did not see him as a disgusting old bat, he had wanted to cut her to the quick and have done with it; however, he had to know. As he had delicately prodded into her mind, an avalanche of thoughts and feelings came rushing out, threatening to bury him alive.

He reached the door to his quarters, rested his back on it, trying to calm his racing heart. He had tapped into a horrible, terrible reality. That child, that woman...had him all over her mind. He had seen images of her watching his movements in class; feelings of longing and desire that were so strong, it had been frightening. The emotions had not been new. They had been deeply attached to her mind. He had seen images that had been real and imaginary and that the imaginary ones had been quite disturbing! She actually thought that she wanted to have sex with him! HIM! There had been images of him dominating her, taunting her, fucking her brutally into submission while she cried out his name in pleasure and ecstasy. Then there had been images of him tenderly caressing her and telling her that he loved her. She had to be clearly imbalanced. She had to be. He had also seen that her feelings about what she had said to Harry that day outside his hospital room had been with him in mind.

This was bad, so very bad he couldn't relax one iota. He needed to get out. He went out into the cool autumn night and Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron. He went madly in search of a desperate whore. He needed to rid himself of Miss Granger and her fantasies. In no time, he found a willing whore that he had been with before. As he unbuttoned his trousers, he suddenly felt...wrong. He didn't want this anymore. He had made that choice years ago. He put his trousers together and apologized to the prostitute. He headed back to Hogwarts angry and randy. He would just have to take the problem in hand.

Back in his bed, his mind sharply turned to the images of Miss Granger he had seen while inside her mind. He found himself needing to slow his pace, and he began to stroke slower. He imagined Hermione as she was that night in Grimmauld Place as he started to moan and pant. He couldn't help himself. One of her fantasies burst into his mind. He was stroking her gently and softly whispering how much he loved her. He closed his eyes and imagined he was taking her. That it was her hot wetness that was wrapped around him. He found himself breathing her name over and over as he climaxed. When it was over, he found himself weak and needed to lie back and rest.

He felt confused and scared. He didn't know how he was going to go on being in Miss Granger's presence knowing what she wanted from him. He paced in front of the fire in his sitting room wishing that sex was the only problem in this God-forsaken mess! He remembered with vivid clarity how eager a lover Lily had been. She had never refused him and had been a willing and eager participant in the various sexual acts they had enjoyed. He knew from experience that sex did not mean that it meant love. And that was what he wanted: love. He wanted to be loved so badly it hurt to think of it.

He still had his secret wishes and dreams that had never died. He wanted a woman who would never lie, who would never use him, and who would adore him over anyone else. He had no idea how to acquire it. If Miss Granger on the day after she left Hogwarts as a student came to him and told him of her desires for him and then proceeded to make violent love to him, he would still never believe her. Lily had done that and she had left him. How could he ever be sure?

He decided he could not, and he would not risk it again. It hurt too much. He would have to keep Miss Granger safely locked in one of the recesses of his mind, take her out when he needed gratification and put her away again. He also would have to never speak or be alone with her again. He had to face it. She was a woman now: a woman by the look of her figure and by the word of law. Legally, he could do whatever he wanted if she were willing, but she was a student and that was not right. He would not take advantage. Even if she tried to do what Lily had done and come into his bed, he'd have her expelled before he'd take her!

Author's Notes: Huge thanks to my wonderful, anonymous beta!

Please review, I'm addicted to reviews!

This is my response to the Anything Goes Challenge Prompt #27. Voldemort decides to Stun Lily instead of killing her; does he kidnap Harry? Kill him? What happens to Lily and to Snape?