A True Father

Chapter 15 – A True Father

Snape returned to Grimmauld Place during the Christmas hols. He was not looking forward to the arguments that were sure to come from his visit. He wanted to avoid Black at all costs, but it was impossible if he was coming into this damn place!

As soon as he entered, there was Black walking in the long hallway. He stopped and glowered at Snape.

Snape sighed internally. I might as well get this over with! he thought sadly. He hated that his interactions with Harry were so full of pain and loathing. As time passed, the boy grew to hate him more and more. Snape tried desperately at times to find some semblance of the little toddler he had loved so much. It seemed that some days all that remained was the scar and his mother's eyes,

He walked up to Black, his face set in cool indifference, and said, "I need to speak with the boy. I shall be waiting in the kitchen."

Black followed him closely. "What do you want with Harry?" he demanded angrily.

"You have absolutely no business concerning my interactions with Harry!" Snape growled over his shoulder.

"Oh, don't I?" he jeered as he grabbed a hold of Snape and spun him around to force the dark wizard to look at him. "I am Harry's godfather, Snivellus! Your days of playing 'Daddy' are over!"

Severus drew his wand and was about to hex the wizard into next week when Molly entered the room.

"Severus? Sirius? What's going on here?" she demanded as she set her hands on her hips, her eyes darting back and forth as if they were two of her own children.

"Go and get Mr. Potter," Snape said curtly, never once taking his eyes or wand off Sirius.

She turned and left the wizards alone.

"You listen to me, Black," Snape hissed. "I loved Harry as if he were my own son. I was not 'playing' at anything then, and I am not 'playing' now!"

Sirius moved a step closer to Snape, ignoring the wand that was nearly against his chest, and whispered angrily, "I've been waiting for the perfect time to tell you exactly what I thought of your keeping house with Lily. You loved it, didn't you? Didn't you! You wanted James dead, and he died. Then you wasted no time dragging Lily into your bed. When I think of you climbing all over her, I want to retch!"

Snape punched the wizard in the face. Black fell back, and Snape invoked a nonverbal Incarcerous, binding Black where he could not retaliate. He couldn't resist a nasty smile at Black's helplessness. But it was a hollow pleasure. He had been cut to the quick by his venomous remarks about his relationship with Lily. Sirius had tapped right into the source of Snape's deepest grief.

"I LOVED HER!" he roared. "I loved her and Harry more than you can imagine! Don't you dare attempt to cheapen what you can't possibly begin to understand!" His fists were clenched into white balls.

Lupin walked in and assessed the situation. He released Sirius and cast a Silencing Spell. He was livid. When Lupin became angry, it was awesome to behold. Neither Black nor Snape could hold a candle to it.

"What are you two fighting about?" he snarled as he healed Sirius' bloody lip and invoked a Finite Incantatem.

"I could hear you up the stairs. Good for you I cast Severus' Muffilato Spell to stop anyone from hearing you! Thank God, Harry, Ron and Hermione were so wrapped up in their own conversation they didn't hear all this! I told Molly to hold off on getting Harry."

Lupin looked at Sirius, who was panting with fury, grasping his wand. He was spoiling for a fight.

"Sirius!" he snapped sharply.

Sirius jerked his head towards his friend. Lupin walked slowly towards him keeping a keen eye on the wizard's wand hand.

"Severus, may I have a private word with Sirius, please?" he asked politely.

Snape left the room. He knew it wasn't a request. The werewolf was enraged.

Once Snape had left, he turned on his friend in a torrent of anger.

"Sirius, you have no business casting judgments on what happened between Severus and Lily!"

Sirius began to protest, and Lupin stopped him.

"NO! You weren't there. You made that decision to not support her choice. It was her choice Sirius! She chose Severus! Like or not, it is the truth. If you don't believe me, ask Albus, or Minerva, hell, even Hagrid! They all saw how genuine Severus' intentions were. He loved Lily, and he loved Harry! He still does. Don't do this, Sirius. You can't begin to understand how devastated we all were when Lily died, but no one was more devastated and hurt than Severus. Then having Harry taken from him...it almost killed him! Are you so bloody-minded you can't see that?"

"Then why did Lily kill herself, Remus? If she were happy, why would she do such a thing?" Sirius questioned hotly.

Lupin sighed. "I never said Lily was happy. No one will ever know the truth of their arrangement and their relationship. What I do know is that Lily lived with Severus of her own free will."

"Yes!" Sirius said triumphantly. "She chose to live with him, but as far as we know, he could have been forcing himself on her!" He began to pace in his irritation. It was clear nothing bothered him more than the idea that James' widow had lain willingly with her husband's nemesis.

Lupin watched him warily as he paced in his frustration. He tried to get him to see reason. "Sirius, do actually think that Lily would have lived with a man who was raping her?" Lupin asked incredulously. "Lily ended her long-time friendship with Severus over him calling her a "Mudblood! Do you really think when that when she had Hagrid, Albus, and Minerva at her disposal, to intervene at anytime, she still would stay with him if he were abusing her? I asked her, Sirius! True, she was very conflicted. Perhaps she saw how happy Severus was having her back in his life, or how he loved Harry...and Sirius, he loved Harry. Hagrid told me the most touching stories. Severus, for all his faults, had the capacity to see the face of the man he hated more than anyone in Harry, and he still loved and adored him. He was so caring and loving, so unlike the man you and I know. You and I just DO NOT KNOW what Lily was thinking that night."

Sirius became sober and saddened at the thought of Lily. "Remus, I should never have gone after Wormtail. I should have stayed and supported her." He turned and faced his old friend. "I just feel that if I had been around, she wouldn't have felt trapped with him!" he said sadly.

"Sirius, Lily wasn't trapped with Severus," Lupin said staunchly. "She had choices. We all have choices. But, she was grieving so much. She wrote a letter saying good-bye to Severus, and she begged him not to hate her, that she was doing what was best for Harry. It was her dying wish for Harry to remain with Severus. Albus decided to take Harry away to live with Lily's sister."

Sirius turned from Lupin and faced the window. "I just missed out on so much! I'm Harry's godfather! I am the one James and Lily chose to protect Harry. Now that they are gone, Harry is my responsibility! Snape can't stand the relationship I have with Harry. It galls him, and I could care less, Remus!" he said angrily.

He turned back around and faced Lupin. "You talk about all that he lost. What about what I lost? If he loves Harry so much, then why should he begrudge my relationship with my godson?"

Lupin gestured his hands in surrender. "Look, Sirius, I'm not saying that Severus is acting correctly. Perhaps he feels threatened. Perhaps he is jealous of what he sees you and Harry have."

"Then why, in the name of God, if he loves the boy so much, why does he treat him so shabbily?" he demanded.

Lupin pondered for a moment and said slowly, "I know, Sirius, that your father was a hard and unforgiving man. His treatment of you made your rejection of the dark arts absolute. Now, he wasn't trying to do that, but the effect was the same. Severus, from what I can understand, wants more than anything to make sure that Harry grows up strong and able to combat this Prophecy and this connection with Voldemort. I think, and I may be mistaken, I am not sure, but he may feel he needs to be hard on Harry. That it would be better to be cruel than to be kind. You see how adored and loved Harry is. I think Severus wants him to be grounded, and if he has to be hated in order to ensure his survival, then so be it."

The two wizards were silent, each with their own thoughts.

Finally, Lupin said, "I'll get Molly to bring Harry down so Severus can talk to him. Sirius, please do not interfere!" he warned as he removed the Silencing Spell.

When Harry came down to speak with Professor Snape, he saw the professor and his godfather sitting at opposite ends of the table, eyeing each other with loathing and hatred...