Love and Hate

Chapter 16 – Love and Hate

The door slammed behind Snape as he charged into his sitting room. He poured himself a tumbler full of firewhisky and gulped it down. Soon, warmth spread though him just enough to give him the edge he needed to go yell at the old bastard.

He Apparated to the Unplottable Cottage where he knew Dumbledore was hiding from the Ministry and Dolores Umbridge.

"Severus," said Dumbledore. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Piss off, you old sod!" he bellowed.

The Headmaster's eyes lost their twinkle, and his face turned grim and harsh.

"You dare to speak to me in such a manner?" he replied angrily as he stood up from his chair.

"I do, indeed, sir," Snape retorted coolly.

He continued as he sat down casually in a nearby chair.

"I wanted you to know from me that I threw Harry out of my office tonight in a pique of rage. The insolent whelp you have cuddled and coddled like a china doll broke all boundaries of privacy and decency and looked into my Pensieve!" he bellowed.

His black eyes were glittering madly. "I do hope you are proud of yourself, Albus. First, you take him away from me, and then when he is restored to the world he rightfully belongs, he is treated like a celebrity to be fawned over. No matter that his life is on the line, no matter that he must be trained to defeat the darkest wizard since Grindewald. I seem to be the only person you saw fit to teach him Occlumency, knowing full well how much the boy hates me, and how I would have to break him in order to build him up to be strong!" he roared.

"Damn you, Albus, for making my son hate me!" he finally whispered sadly.

"Severus, Harry is not your son. He never was your son. He is James' son," Dumbledore replied tersely.

Severus shook his head in rejection. "That man may have sired him, but I loved him. I had for the first time a family...a family! And you tore it from me. Now, I will never be reconciled with him. Never! He saw the memory where I called his mother a-a Mudblood," he whispered, his voice chocked with emotion.

"The worst thing I ever did, and now he knows. I had hopes, Albus. I had a hope that one day when he was old enough I could finally tell him. I would tell him how much I loved his mother and him. But, thanks to you, he's lost from me forever! You are a right bastard!" he yelled as he stormed out of the cottage.

***

Things heated up that summer. Harry was devastated by Black's death, and although Snape hated the man, his heart broke for him. He watched as his boy sought comfort in the arms of Miss Granger. He knew the two were only friends, but the sight of how open and giving she was to him was touching. He watched from a distance as he saw her offer her arms to him and he would fall right into her embrace. He was grateful his boy had a soft place to fall. She did not shun him as he cried in her arms. She seemed, if anything, even more willing to be there for him. She must pity him! he thought angrily. He didn't want anyone pitying his son! He was so focused he let his guard down, and he heard a voice behind him.

"It's nice that he allows himself to be vulnerable, isn't it?"

Snape jerked his head to the side and saw out of the corner of his eyes the slight, pale, mousy-haired Metamorphmagus.

"Wotcher, Snape," she whispered.

"Nymphandora," he murmured as he continued to watch the tender exchange between Harry and Hermione.

"Tell me," he whispered, knowing she was still behind him. "Why would a witch do that if not for pity's sake?" he asked her.

Tonks budged closer to him. She was so short she didn't even come to his shoulder. "Hermione loves Harry. He's like a brother to her. It doesn't count when it's like family," she answered softly.

He looked down at the young Auror. He had never taken her seriously; she was too flighty and far too clumsy to inspire anything other than concern to protect his person from her myriad accidents. As he looked down at her, he saw a gnawing hunger in her large eyes. She was in a lot of pain. He could see it keenly.

"Why do you do that to yourself?" he asked contemptuously.

"Do what?" she asked defensively.

"Ever since Black died, you've been carrying on like death. If you weren't acting so blatantly obvious, I might have missed you were just another heart-sick witch."

"And if I am just a heart-sick witch, Snape?" she prompted.

"Then I'd say you're a damned fool for wearing your heart on your sleeve," he sneered.

"I think some people are obvious in other ways, Snape. Some people cry and carry on while others, like me, mope and are listless. Then there is another small percentage, which are by no means unique, stalk around brooding their life away with nothing uplifting to say to anyone, and have only sour expressions and snarky retorts for anyone who happens across their wake," she retorted smoothly without giving him so much as a look.

"Trying to match wits with me, Nymphadora?" he snarled.

She faced him and looked up into his hardened face. "Not trying...succeeding! You are a real piece of work, Snape. You think that your cold and derisive treatment of others keeps you safe and secure from being vulnerable. Well, it's a lie!" she snapped, her hair starting to pink up as her anger rose.

"Well, it seems my derisive treatment is good for something!" he retorted smugly. "You seem to be rising out from under your funk," he said as he gestured toward her pinking hair.

She pursed her lips and made to stalk off when he reached out to stop her. "Alright, Tonks. Just answer me this one question," he asked politely.

"What?" she said impatiently.

He guided her back to Harry and Hermione. "Look at them. Take the 'he's like a brother' out of the equation. What if he were attracted to her? Would he be able to cry and be vulnerable like that, if she were not attracted to him as well? It just would seem like pity to me," he deduced.

"You would, Slytherin!" she sneered. "You wizards are all alike! You make women to be so complicated when we really aren't...at least those of us who are sane!" she quipped.

Snape gave a snort. "Witches are easy to figure out? That's a boldface lie if ever I heard one. Witches are duplicitous and conniving. They say 'yes' when they mean 'no' and vice-versa. There is only one kind of witch who is truly honest, and I've only found them in Knockturn Alley!"

"You're so smart! You think you know all the answers. Well, let me tell you, Snape. A witch that does one thing and says another is just an insecure witch, and Merlin help the wizard in love with her! But a healthy witch, a witch who knows what she wants and with whom, will be very clear about her intentions. Snape, if a woman treats you like how Hermione is treating Harry, and you know she doesn't think of you like a brother, you've got a 50/50 chance. Either she wants to fuck you six ways from Sunday or she's mad as a hatter!"

She turned and marched off. He looked back and Harry and Hermione were now talking and laughing with Mr. Weasley.

50/50 chance? he thought. With my luck, she would be insane," he thought grimly.

***

He came back again, bleeding and broken from his latest meeting with the Dark Lord. Miss Granger was there waiting. She came right to his aid, and he grudgingly allowed her to assist him. He watched as she attended to him. Her hands glided all along his torso, prodding and checking for broken bones. She knew a great deal of healing spells and had him right again soon enough, although he would need to rest for a few days. He noticed how attentive she was, how caring, and patient.

She treated him with the same affection as she gave Potter. He watched her with trepidation. When she finished with him, she sat at his side and made sure cool cloths were on his forehead. He decided to let her believe he was asleep and listened to her. She whispered comforting words to him: words of respect and kindness. She began to stroke his hair, and he felt for the first time in years, safe and loved. Once he peeked through his lashes and looked at her. Her eyes were averted from him while replacing the cloth on his forehead. He took notice of her. She was a young lady. Not a girl, but not a woman. She had an earnestness that was refreshing. Over the next few days, he allowed her to care for him. She didn't say much and it was nerve-wracking. This was not the little know-it-all he was used to. He enjoyed her warmth and her gentle touch. It was confusing how physical she was with him. Her hands lingered on him. He enjoyed each time her soft body brushed against his. He knew Miss Granger was not crazy. He knew she did think of him as family, either. This was bad...very, very, bad.

***

It was important to get up and move about as much as possible to keep his circulation going. Nighttime was the worst. The summer heat, even with cooling charms, just didn't do the trick. He was continuously restless.

He walked silently down to the second floor. He heard the hushed whispers and pants coming from the bathroom. He heard the distinct moaning that only a woman could make. Then he heard his son whisper words of love and gentleness. He really shouldn't be listening, but he needed to know if his boy knew how to treat a witch with respect in regards to sex. It sounded like he was with Ginerva Weasley. She was sounding rather pleased. Then he heard his son whisper his love for her. He was bringing her to climax. Good work! he thought happily. At least that was something he didn't have to worry about. Now, if any of her brothers or her mother found out he were giving the Weasley girl the high, hard one...there would be the devil to pay. He would have Lupin speak to the boy about that.

He carried on and passed the room Ginny shared with Hermione. Was she alone? Was she with that idiot Ronald Weasley? A flicker of anger rushed up inside him and he paused at the door, finding it slightly ajar. Miss Weasley must have neglected to shut it firmly when she left! He couldn't resist looking. He didn't know why, he just was compelled. He looked through the slivered opening. He saw in the moonlight, Miss Granger. Her legs were spread in desperation as she moved her fingers around her mound. She had pushed up her short nightgown up to reveal a plump breast. She was groaning quietly as she massaged and twisted her nipple as she frigged herself wantonly. He was in shock. She was whispering something like, "harder", "deeper", "please, fuck me."

She was reaching her climax, he could tell by the panting and jerking of her hips as she moved her hand between her legs faster and faster. She parted her legs even more and he felt his body react in record time. He could see the pink flesh that she was manipulating and the jiggling of her breast as she jerked and writhed on the bed. He wanted to join her and stroke himself to completion, feeding off her desire, but he did not dare. As she climaxed, she moaned, and he heard his whispered name drip from her lips like honey.

"Severus, oh, Severus! I need you...harder, harder ..."

He nearly fell down as he watched her fantasize about him! It was powerful and wrong. He went straight back to his room. He was rock hard and needed to savor such a moment. There was no sense in trying to will away a perfectly magnificent erection! She had no reason to pretend. She didn't know he had been watching her. She wanted him inside her pink, tight pussy. She wanted him to suck on her nipples and drive her hard and deep into a shattering orgasm. He didn't last long at all, but it was a very satisfying experience, imagining burying himself between those spread thighs that were aching for only him. Oh, this was bad, very bad...

He decided both for their sakes to maintain a cool demeanor towards her and refused her to continue helping him. He was her teacher. She was a student and underage. He asked Molly to tend to him. It was not proper for Miss Granger to come into his room anymore.

Hermione had been mortified and humiliated when Professor Snape dismissed her from his room.

"Miss Granger, I no longer wish for your assistance. From now on, keep your distance. Mrs. Weasley shall see to my needs," he said brusquely.

She sat through dinner that evening sad and a bit bruised. After dinner, Lupin, who had noticed her melancholy, sat with her in the library and spoke with her.

"I guess being a Mudblood is far too much for his system to handle. I must make him ill!" she said angrily.

"That is not true, Hermione," Lupin replied. "Professor Snape is very concerned with appearances. Remember too that you are an underage witch. He does not want to impede any future chances for you. He wants your reputation to remain intact. He believes an association with him will only lead to scandal and ruin. He's looking out for your best interest. Please, do not make it personal," he begged.

Hermione nodded, but her eyes were filling up with tears.

"Hermione, what is it?" he asked softly.

"I-I don't know. I really don't. I feel so confused, and I haven't figured it all out yet. I just care about him. I don't even know why. I just do. I wish I didn't," she blurted out.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she apologized as she left the room.

Lupin sat contemplating with what Hermione had confessed. He turned in his chair to see Tonks standing there, looking tired and forlorn.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said with hollow enthusiasm.

"Did you hear what Hermione said?" he asked.

"Yeah, looks like she's got the beginnings of it, all right," she said sadly.

He stood up and walked towards the Auror. "Honestly, Dora, you don't think Hermione could have romantic feelings for Severus?" he asked laughingly.

"Yeah, I do," she said plainly.

"It's absurd. He is 36! She is sixteen! He's a pariah and she has a future ahead of her!" he said angrily.

Tonks shrugged her shoulders and turned to walk away. "Who are you to decide that, Remus? Sure, it would be inappropriate now, but not in a couple of months. You do realize she'll be seventeen in September, don't you? Who is anyone to decide an age-difference is too far apart? If two people are of age, who is anybody to judge the matter?" she replied as she walked away.

***

A/N: I realize that I have the Order still residing at Grimmauld Place, which is not according to canon, but I decided to make that change for the plot's sake. Thanks to my anonymous beta and Southern Witch for pointing out a couple of holes in the plot. Thanks, so much! As always, please review! I'm addicted to reviews! :)