Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees
dracontia143 Reviews | 143 Ratings, 0 Likes, 101 Favorites )
Do you mean to say that there might be issues with sex at a coeducational boarding school? (Gasp!) And someone might, just might, be upset enough to demand that the school start teaching where little wizards and witches come from? In response to the Sex Ed Challenge at Potter Place, the wildest parody I can devise that does not involve a Jarvey. AU--oh, so goofily AU!
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About dracontia
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dracontia
Member Since 2006 | 69 Stories | Favorited by 208 | 51 Reviews Written | 1,397 Review Responses
Mostly Harmless! Though I have to admit, I'm even stranger than I appear. ;-) There's a pile of unbeta'd stuff on my LJ (dracfic) if you're interested in Raw, Untamed, fanfic.
Believe it or not, "How Argus Filch Got Wild, Got Laid, and Got His Magic" has been rec'ed by Know It Alls! It's true! They gave me this pretty lil' ribbon and everything! And in March 2007, they saw fit to likewise reccommend (as an antidote to angst) the story that started it all, 'Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey'--just in time for the first anniversary of that story's posting! *hugs Harm*
(I also have to admit that 'mostly harmless' may not be the most apt description of a member of the Mad Chatters...)
Reviews for Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees
YAY! First review!And as the two professors nursed their drinks and wrapped up their little chat, the darkest shadow since the final demise of the Dark Lord slowly began to stretch over Hogwarts. - Uhoh... here it comes - teh classes of doom!I love the beginning of your fic - we think alike... but mine started in the Astronomy tower... :-XCan't wait for the next installment. ;)
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Hee hee--lucky chapter! It has SSL for its first... 
(Yep; mind=stuck in gutter. At least for the duration.)Of course you know that they say 'Great minds think alike' (What is less well known is the second part of that saying--'and fools seldom differ.')
BTW, it's not just the beginning where we have a few similarities... but as usual, mine come with a twist (of lemon, no less!) Next installment is in the queue, with a few less chapters than I originally envisioned to follow it--but I believe I haven't sacrificed any madness.
This story was hilarious and amazing. Probably top 3 fanfiics I've ever read and I've been reading them for at least 10 years. If you ever wrote OC I'm sure it would also be amazing.
This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious! I LOVED it! Thanks for a great read!Missy 
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
You're very much welcome! For some, hilarious is a temporary state of being. For me, it's a vocation. *bows*
GAW! LOL! "has a face like a Baroque pearl." Priceless!
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Narcissa doesn't mince words, does she? I maintain that Pansy was Lucius' idea (whatever his motivation may have been...)Thanks ever so much for the review!
this story was absolutely friggin hilarious. definetly my favorite sex ed story, though i asmit to not reading many
but still one of the funniest fic ive read in a very long time...kudos!
cant wait to read your stories in the future(or past if you've written others)
SSL
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Thank you! Hilarious is one of my great goals in life (along with saving for the little monsters' college tuition...) I've got a few other stories posted--Don't know if they live up to this one, but they might be good for a giggle or two. One of these days, I'll even finish and post some more. Thanks for reviewing!
This is so sweet and fun AND you managed to include my favorite hpsmut cliche all at the same time! You know, Remus with his super-human were-nose that is only ever used to detect post-coital teenage pheromones? That aside, I liked the pacing and the characterization was light and full and I really got into the characters of the female staff. thanks for your time and your talent! --Hilaria
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Hooray for fandom cliches! I'm glad 'Remus' "Amazing Teenage Sex Detecting Nose" was um, a highlight rather than otherwise. LOL
Thank you kindly for taking the time to review--I know it's been said a million times by a million other (and better) writers, but it really makes your day when you know that someone enjoys what you wrote. Not to mention providing incentive to improve upon oneself in the next project.
This story was just hilarious in parts. It was very funny and cheeky. Just really enjoyed it.
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Thank you kindly! I strive for cheeky hilarity, and now I know I can revel in the sweet smell of success (for all of five minutes until I need to start the next story, anyhow...) *smile*
Lots of fun, right to the very end. Love to watch the characters squirm at the very thought of what they're proposing to do -- then going ahead and doing it anyway.
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Thank you! Perhaps it's a character flaw on my part, but I get a kick out of making the characters squirm. Hee hee!
Yep! Again I was rewarded for Not approaching this fic with either beverage or foodstuff! I would certainly have sprayed the monitor at the statement....."Venus’ tits, Severus, you look like a first year who just found out there’s no Easter Bunny.” and closely followed by...."If any person living was an avatar of the bewigged hippopotamus goddess, it was Millicent Bulstrode. She could have done without the 'rogering' comment, though." 
I can honestly say that this is just classic humour/comedy. The mental picture I have of Minerva giving a lecture about Masturbation.....hilarious!
I bow in homage to the altar of dracontia an offer gifts of fizzing whizzbees, sugar quills and an acid pop! Blessings
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
x
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
tee hee... I was a little put out at first when Millie barged into the story and demanded a part, but she's turned out to be a pretty good sport about it all!I think I should feel bad about disabusing Remus and Severus of their daydreams, but--NAH! Whee! Sugar rush!!!! Thank you, this is just what I need to power through the epilogue!
Sheer brilliance, I love it!
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
*bows* Thank you very much!! 
Lovely little peak into the correspondence of the students. What would Neville have said to his Grandmother??
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Thank you! I'll let you in on a little secret: well, actually, it's no secret--I'm too sweet on Neville to involve him in any jokes. He gets the crumpet with jam in my stories, and not anything that's landed on the carpet, either! 
Ron groped for the word sex? that was a laugh out loud for me. Frankly I spent most of this chapter with a laugh on my face. My coworkers are quite convinced I am NOT working. Busted!
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Uh oh... My warnings do specify that reading this at work may be hazardous to others' perception of one's sanity (or something along those lines!)While the author gropes for some more connective material to help logically present the solution to the mystery and wrap up this tale, please do enjoy the next chapter, which is currently in queue. Thank you for reviewing!
My sex ed class wasn't sex-segregated either! Ever! It seems so odd that people would divide a class to talk about sex- everyone's getting the same information, or at least they should be. It's in the general population's best interest to be well-informed on both main body types, and really, dividing by biological sex seems so heteronormative. Story's a bit slow right now, but I am definitely looking forward to the actual classes!
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
LOL I would say that it starts out slow, then rapidly begins to crack. Hope you enjoy the rest! Thank you for your review.
This one was maybe even better than the God-Jarvey series...I just love your style of writing. And of erotic scenes. And of humor.
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
And I really love your reviews! After all, they're what keep me trying to raise the bar with each new story. Thank you!
I thought I will leave the rating for the last chapter, as I've read untill now without many braks (one has to eat sometimes at least), but the "“I was curious,” she said, laying the ruler down." just got me over the edge. Fortunately the colleagues are allready away... Great and funny.
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
Thank you! I couldn't resist having everyone's favorite scholar bring the ruler to bed. (Although I think I could imagine Luna doing such a thing, too! LOL!)
Whew, you really weren't bragging when warning not to eat anything while reading this! Now that I have wiped teastains off the monitor I would just like to say great job. The story was funny, witty and extremely well-written. A jewel among many good and entertaining sex ed stories.
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
*blushes* heh heh... well, I only started adding warnings to my comedies after I got reviews saying, "Good grief, warn a person or something! I sprayed Coke all over my keyboard!"Thank you very much for the review--I'm so glad you enjoyed the story (as well as the rest of the Sex Ed challenge responses.) My partner-in-crime, SS Lupin, and I had a ball issuing the challenge!*hands over a towel to wipe the monitor*
I just re-read this, as I knew it would put a smile on my face and help with the procrastination from wretched collegiate duties. The humor and plot of this story is just priceless - it is one of the funniest pieces I have ever read! Thank you, again, for writing this, and for giving readers such as myself the chance to get away for a little while. :-)
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
I'm always happy to assist a fellow procrastinator. :) Thank you for reviewing, and you are very welcome to any assistance I can offer in getting away--an escape is always more agreeable with an accomplice!
When they started the "talk" at my school, to a bunch of 9 and 10 year old girls (the boys got recess) they showed us a video in which a female reproductive tract was made on a griddle, in pancake batter. So wrong . . . And they wonder why I ended up this way!! *ROFL*
Response from dracontia (Author of Let Someone ELSE Tell You About the Birds and the Bees)
*snerk* We've all been warped by our childhoods. No doubt that helps explain Harry's appeal! LOL
Thank you again for reviewing!