Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The morning after Hermione's relapse, an owl flew into the infirmary and landed next to her bed. In its beak was a single yellow rose. The owl placed the rose on Hermione's bedside table and extended its leg for her to remove the note. It flew off once she'd unburdened the creature of its message.

Hermione unrolled a small scroll.

Hermione,

Severus

Just then, Luna came in, smiling her faraway smile. Hermione put the scroll down and smiled back at Luna.

"Hermione! Are you all right?" Luna asked. She grasped Hermione's hand as she sat in the chair next to the bed.

"I will be, Luna."

"What happened?" Luna asked as she dreamily looked over Hermione's face.

Hermione explained. Luna squeezed her hand the whole while.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione. I thought by now Professor Snape would have forgiven you."

Hermione lifted the scroll and shrugged. "It seems that this little episode has opened his eyes. He sent me this just now, along with that rose."

Luna took the parchment and read it. She looked back at Hermione.

"What are you going to do?"

Tears formed in Hermione's eyes. "I don't know what to do. Luna, he was so awful. I saw nothing but hatred in his eyes. I don't know how that could go away in a matter of hours."

Luna stood and moved over to the bed. Sitting on the edge, she reached for Hermione's hand once again. "Remember, he hides his true self behind that wall that he shows to everyone else."

Hermione shook her head as a tear fell down her cheek. "I don't know, Luna. I don't think we can get past this."

"Might I ask exactly what you lied about?" Luna asked.

Hermione explained the whole thing as more tears fell down her face. When she was done, she found herself enveloped in Luna's arms.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. Try not to upset yourself too much. It's not good for your condition."

Hermione clucked her tongue. "You make it sound like I'm going to die."

Luna patted her back. "That is a possibility if you can't control your emotions, isn't it?"

Hermione said nothing for a bit. Finally she sighed into Luna's shoulder. "I don't blame him for hating me. I just wish it didn't hurt so much."

Luna pulled back and smiled dreamily at her. "Don't you see, Hermione? If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have been so angry. I think your attack has awakened his real feelings for you. Professor Snape is such a good spy, sometimes he even hides the truth from himself."

Hermione looked a bit incredulous. "You're saying he berated me because he cares?"

Luna nodded as she gazed out a nearby window. "He seems like such a lonely soul. I don't think he'd know what to do with a true friend. Maybe he was unwilling to see that you were sincere in your friendship." She motioned to the parchment, which she'd placed on the table next to the rose. "It seems he's finally come to admit that you might be that true friend he's been longing for."

"I don't know, Luna...."

Luna rose. "Just think about it," she said with a tilt of her head. "You will know what to do, Hermione. You always do." After another quick hug, she pulled back and straightened again. "I need to go. Hagrid will think that I've been stolen by Tragelotes if I don't get back soon."

Hermione couldn't help but chuckle. "Thank you, Luna," she called to her friend as the other woman headed for the door, stopping to wave to Hermione as she left the infirmary.

Hermione looked to the rose and picked it up while deep in thought about what Luna had said. She turned the rose in front of her. A yellow rose symbolized friendship and caring. Bringing the flower to her nose, she inhaled deeply, enjoying its scent. Looking down at the note again, she read it repeatedly. He was obviously asking for a second chance and wanting her to know he cared. It was an odd divergence from the treatment she'd received from him of late.

Before he found out I was his falcon, though, we'd been getting along well enough.

She let her hand with the rose drop into her lap. She was uncertain what to do. He seemed sincere, but was he?

The man is his own worst enemy, you know that. And he thinks he is unlovable. Give him another chance.

She huffed. Maybe she didn't want to give him another chance. Maybe she wanted him to suffer like she'd suffered, mourning her lost chance with him.

Despite his grousing, he doesn't feel that anyone can love him. You know that. He told you that.

Her mind went back to yet another encounter with Severus while she was a bird.

"I know I should have moved on from Lily. I tried... but I couldn't. She had some hold on me. A promise I made bound me to her. Now, the promise is fulfilled, and I no longer feel her presence." He gazed down at the bird. "I feel quite empty, to be honest. For the longest time I lived only for her."

"I do appreciate your friendship, dear one."

Yes, he'd definitely opened his heart to her, but that was when he thought she was a bird. Now that the truth was out, he wanted nothing to do with her.

He apologized. He has nothing to gain from that. He wrote that letter. Give him a chance!

It did seem that he was trying to make amends. What would the harm be for her to hear him out just once? If he was unwilling to be civil, she could always end the encounter.

Part of her screamed at her to just back away and leave him to his misery. But the other part...the larger part...yearned to hear what he had to say. She longed to be able to help him see himself as he really was. She ached for him to see her as more than just an annoying colleague.

Could they possibly get beyond this, or were they destined to be stuck remembering the foolish things they'd done to one another? She didn't know. The one thing she did know was that if she didn't try, she'd never forgive herself. She decided then and there to let Severus say his peace. What he said and how he said it would help her to know how to proceed.

Despite her decision, Hermione let Severus stew. She didn't reply to his letter. He sent another. She ignored that one too. By the end of the day, seven notes were piled high on her bedside table, and seven yellow roses sat in a cup beside them. The last letter must have been written on some of the self-correcting parchment she'd given him, because it was quite incomprehensible.

It pains my back that you have not answered me. Please, Harry, I just ask you for one more chance... distrust that more.

Either it was written on the faulty parchment, or he was truly distraught and had gone totally off the deep end wanting to make amends with Harry, too. She giggled to herself as she placed the letter back on the stack. She knew Poppy would release her in the morning. She would tend to Severus then.

Severus paced back and forth, back and forth. His hand ran through his hair. He turned and paced some more.

Maybe I should send another note? No, I've already sent multiple notes.... She'd answer if she wanted to.... It's too late. She won't forgive me.... I've driven away the only person who actually went out of their way to take an interest in me.... Once a fool, always a fool.

Severus' introspection was interrupted by a tap on his door. He scowled and went over to it, placing a perturbed look on his face, hoping to express to whomever was on the other side that he wanted his privacy. Throwing the door open, he glowered at the visitor. His face softened slightly as he recognized Hermione standing at his door, her head slightly tilted to the side, regarding him thoughtfully.

"Well, are you going to invite me in, or do you intend to frighten me away with that glare?" she asked calmly.

The sneer fell away from his face and relief replaced it. "Hermione!" he said as he pulled her into his room, shutting the door behind her.

He pulled her over to the couch and pushed her down into it. Lifting a pillow, he set it down again with a slight scowl before placing it awkwardly behind her back. His hands stilled again as if he were debating the next move. Finally, he lifted her legs onto a nearby footstool.

Hermione watched him curiously as he debated each ministration while he settled her into the sofa. She found his actions to be somewhat comforting even though they were a bit awkward. He certainly was going out of his way to assure that she was comfortable. Finally satisfied, he sat down next to her.

"Are you all right?" he asked finally.

"I'm fine, Severus," she told him, becoming serious at the thought of how she'd gotten injured.

"Hermione, I can't tell you how horrible I feel about causing this. I didn't know of your heart condition. I would have never..."

Hermione nodded slightly, silencing his rushed words. "I know you didn't, Severus. I also know you don't like people sticking their noses in your business. I should have expected a tirade from you."

"Please don't make excuses for me."

He looked down, and his hair fell in front of his face, shielding it from her stare. Hermione looked away anyway and stared at the fireplace. They sat awkwardly for a few minutes before Hermione said anything.

"You wanted me to give you a second chance, Severus. What did you want to say?"

Severus shifted uncomfortably. "I want to apologize." He looked back up at her. His face was filled with grief. "I acted unconscionably. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to speak to me again, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

Hermione looked at Severus. "I just have one question for you. How much of what you said did you really mean?"

Severus grimaced. "At the time... all of it."

Hermione frowned and looked down. "Then I guess there really isn't much to say. If that's what you think of me, there's no relationship to recover. You're entitled to feel what you feel." She rose and moved away from the sofa.

Severus rose with her and grasped her arm, holding her back. "Hermione, you don't understand. At the time, I thought I didn't want you worrying about me. I didn't want anyone to be concerned about me or to care about my well-being."

He turned her back around to face him. "I had falsely thought that your concern was simply to get a good laugh."

Hermione looked to Severus in frustration. "Do you not know me at all?"

"I know you. I just don't know why anyone would care about me for any reason."

Hermione folded her arms in front of her. "Why wouldn't I care about you? We're friends, aren't we?"

Severus looked down, avoiding her eyes.

"Severus, look at me," Hermione demanded tersely.

His head lifted ever so slightly as he gazed at her from beneath his hair. Hermione bent a bit so she could see his eyes better. "I am your friend. I care about your well being. I would never make fun of anything you told me. I... I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were that type of person."

Severus' face was drawn and serious. He gazed at her for almost a full minute before giving a slight nod. Hermione straightened, and his gaze followed her as she did so. His mouth was drawn into a deep frown.

"So, basically what you are saying is that you took your insecurities out on me?" Hermione asked finally.

"That would be a correct assessment," Severus responded quietly, once again staring at the floor.

Hermione looked at Severus with a knowing expression. "So, what's changed your view?"

He looked farther away, his cheeks coloring slightly. "I came to the conclusion that not everyone has the same Slytherin tendencies of deception as I have."

Hermione chuckled mirthlessly. "You're trying to say that I'm not a sneak who is trying to hide the truth from everyone?"

Severus turned back to her and arched an eyebrow. "Something like that, I suppose."

Hermione closed the distance and looked up into his face. "I want to apologize to you, too... again. I should have told you right away that I was Red. I wanted you to trust me, but I didn't trust you to react well to my secret."

He smirked. "You know me too well."

"That doesn't make it right."

"I overreacted. You were just trying to help, and I conjured up all sorts of nefarious reasons why you would do such a thing."

"Nonetheless, I should have been truthful from the start." Hermione's eyebrows lifted as she gazed at him sadly. "We have really messed this up, haven't we? Perhaps there's no way to fix this."

Severus winced. "I would like to think we could get past it."

"All we've done is hurt each other. I don't know if we can move beyond that."

"I promise not to overreact and get angry like I did before," Severus vowed.

Hermione looked at Severus levelly. "And I promise to never lie to you again."

Severus nodded solemnly.

"So, then we can start over?" Hermione asked tentatively.

"That would be agreeable," Severus said with relief. He extended his hand to her. "I'm Severus Snape, Potions professor and all-around angry git."

Hermione didn't bother to hide her smile. She extended her hand and grasped his, shaking it firmly. "Nice to meet you, all-around git. I'm Hermione Granger, Transfiguration professor and insensitive do-gooder."

Severus bowed his head to her. "It's a pleasure, Hermione."

A/N: Thanks for your continued support with this story. Big hugs to slytherinlaurel for her beta work.