Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Severus Snape walked along the edge of the lake, his head down, not observing anything around him. His venture outside the day before had lifted his spirits somewhat, so he'd decided to repeat the endeavor again today. Maybe this is what I need... some distance from the castle and everyone in it. Maybe it's time for me to venture out into the world too. I should take a trip to Hogsmeade. A wave of trepidation settled in his stomach. Not yet ready for that.

He looked up to see a Thestral flying elegantly in the distance. It was a blatant reminder of everything he had seen and done in his life. The Thestrals had been visible to him from an early age. He was not proud of that fact.

The Thestral moved gracefully along as it flew through the air. He watched as it lowered its frighteningly elegant body and began to circle Dumbledore's grave. Severus grimaced. That was a place he'd been avoiding since recovering from his battle wounds. His eyes raked over the glittering white tomb that lay in the distance. A dagger seemed to pierce his heart. Merlin, will this guilt and pain ever subside? There he lies, yet I still walk the earth. There's something definitely wrong in the justice in that.

He felt something alight on his shoulder. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that his entire body jerked as sharp claws softly settled into place, lightly enough to not hurt him in the least. He stopped in his tracks, and his head snapped to the left. Perched there was the falcon from yesterday. He scowled at it.

"Do you mind? You can't just come up to someone and scare the daylights out of them by landing on their shoulder. You could have announced your presence!"

The bird spread its wings and took off, circling his head once while calling to him with shrill caws, then landed once again on his shoulder.

Severus smirked. "That's better," he informed the bird. "Now what can I do for you?"

The bird screeched.

"Ah, I don't understand you," Severus confided as he continued his walk by the lake.

The bird screeched again and tapped his cheek with her head.

Severus automatically snaked his arm around the bird and rubbed its neck. "You're an affectionate one, aren't you? I told you, you don't want to hang around me. I'm depressing."

Another tap to his cheek. Severus extended his arm out in front of him, and the bird hopped onto it. She cocked her head at Severus.

"You must like depressing things. Is that it?"

The bird bobbed its head up and down, causing Severus to laugh out loud. "And you understand me, how?"

Another screech emitted from the bird.

"Do you have a name, oh, feathered friend?"

The bird bobbed its head again.

"I suppose I'll never know what it is. I'll have to give you a name."

Another bobbing of the head.

Severus looked over the bird. "How about Pigeon?"

The bird's chest puffed out in indignation.

"Okay, not that one then. What about... Percy?"

Hermione screeched and spread her wings. Severus' eyes opened wide at her display.

"Are you a girl, then?"

She bobbed her head.

"Ah, then Percy is totally inappropriate."

Another head bob.

"Janice?"

The bird puffed her chest.

Severus studied the bird. "You're a difficult one, aren't you? How about... Red?" he asked as he regarded her red head.

The bird cocked its head to the left, apparently thinking. Then she hopped up Severus' arm and butted his cheek with her head. Severus laughed and pet her neck.

"Red it is, then."

He grasped the bird and settled her on his shoulder and continued his walk. The two were silent for some time until Severus spied Hagrid meandering toward him. He sighed heavily.

"Professor Snape! It's good to see yeh out and about. Are yeh feelin' well?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "I am fine, Hagrid." The heaving sigh through his words was quite audible.

"Who's yer friend?" Hagrid asked as he pointed to the falcon on Severus' shoulder.

"I haven't the slightest idea. She appeared yesterday and again today. For some reason she likes my company."

Hagrid got close to the bird and looked her over. "She's a beautiful falcon, Professor. I've never seen her around here. She mus' be a newcomer. Have yeh named her yet?"

Severus' cheeks turned slightly pink. "She's agreed to be called 'Red'," he informed the groundskeeper.

Hagrid put a giant hand forward, motioning for the bird to hop onto it. She did, and he pulled her close to his face.

"You're a smart one, aren't yeh? You've got intelligent eyes, you do."

Hermione bobbed her head up and down, which elicited a smile from Hagrid. "I've never seen anything like it, Professor. It's like she understands me!"

"Yes, I have found the same curious characteristic in her. I must be off, Hagrid, I have much to do."

Hagrid put his hand closer to Severus' shoulder, and Red jumped back to her original place. Hagrid said goodbye and was soon lumbering off to his hut. Severus watched him go before turning to return to his walk.

"His simple mind seems to have forgiven me for my past transgressions."

A furious peck at Severus' head sent his arms flailing in defense.

"Hey, what was that for?"

Red flapped her wings and landed on the ground. She looked up at Severus and screeched repeatedly at him. Severus stared down at the creature, trying to understand what the bird was so upset about. If only Legilimency worked on animals!

"You are upset because I called Hagrid simple?" he asked incredulously after the onslaught of screeches had stopped.

Red bobbed her head.

"You like him?"

Another bobbing of the head. Severus regarded the bird thoughtfully.

"I meant nothing by it. Simply that Hagrid accepts things more readily than most because he doesn't think things to death."

The bird looked at him skeptically.

"I'm serious. Hagrid has a certain innocence about him. At times it can be taxing, but he is a loyal friend because of it. I meant no disrespect by my comment. I am actually quite surprised that he treats me as nicely as he does after all I've done."

Red seemed to forgive him and flew back to his shoulder. She settled in as he once again resumed walking.

"You're a bit touchy, aren't you?"

She pecked him lightly in the head again.

"If you continue to do that, I will be forced to ask you to leave."

She screeched.

"Are you always this argumentative?"

The bird bobbed her head up and down vigorously, eliciting a smirk from Severus.

Severus was quiet for a while as they continued their walk. His depressing thoughts from seeing Dumbledore's tomb slowly dissipated. The farther away he got from that tomb, the lighter his mood became. His guilt was put away for now. He knew it wouldn't stay away forever, but it was no small relief to feel it shrink to a manageable size and finally be pushed aside.

After walking quite a ways from the castle, he decided to sit on the grass by the shore and stare out at the water. The lake was like glass as there was no wind today. The mountains in the distance reflected in the pool of the lake, shining purple. He stared at them for a while, not noticing that Red had dismounted from his shoulder and was now standing beside him. The bird was watching him carefully, but didn't screech or move to touch him.

"I think this is the calmest I've felt in years," Severus mumbled. "When I'm in the castle, I'm filled with remorse. Before the end of the war, I was constantly on edge, expecting the worst. Just sitting here looking out on the lake feels almost cathartic."

He turned and looked at the bird. "Since the war ended, I've felt empty. Even the woman who had given me comfort for all those years seems to have disappeared."

Hermione hopped onto Severus' crossed leg. She butted her head against Severus' torso.

"Oh, yes, I've got you. But you will fly off eventually, and a bird can hardly be considered a friend."

The next head butt was a bit harder. Severus looked down at the bird. "Disagreeable twit. Fine, you're my friend. Unfortunately, it's impossible to have a two way conversation with you."

The bird cocked her head at Severus.

"Well, yes, I suppose we are having a conversation, but it's mostly in my head."

"Screech!"

Severus scratched at the bird's neck. "I know, you understand. That still doesn't mean that I have any people-friends."

"Screech!"

"Oh, what do you know of it? You're not there. You don't see the glares I get. Why just yesterday..." Severus stopped. Nothing had happened yesterday. No one had given him nasty looks.

"The other day..." No, no one had done so then either.

"It's just that..." No one had glared at him for weeks. In his angry, reclusive state he had just assumed that they had.

"Forget it. It doesn't matter whether they glare at me or not. How can they think anything but horrible thoughts about me?"

Red flew from Severus' leg and landed in front of him again. She bent her body low and spread her wings. She screeched and screeched at him. It was as if she was chastising him.

"And just who would think anything nice about the Bat-of-the-Dungeons?"

Red burst into the air and flew off. Severus stared after her, sad that his only friend had at long last, gotten fed up and deserted him. It was typical, really. He watched as she disappeared into the forest.

Hermione transformed in a clearing and began to pace. What could she do to convince this man that people cared about him? How could she help him to make that emptiness go away? She did the only thing she could think of at the moment.

"Accio Hogwarts picture."

After a few minutes she was holding a picture of the faculty in her hands. It had been taken at the beginning of her sixth-year. She had the picture stuffed in her journal. She hoped that she could convey her meaning to him with that picture. Looking down at it, she noticed that Severus was glowering as usual in the picture. He glared at her and then turned his head in disgust. Minerva was standing beside him. She swatted at him, but was smiling. Dumbledore was in the center, twinkling, if it was possible. He raised himself up on the balls of his feet and settled himself down again, smiling all the while.

The picture would have to do. It had everyone who was still teaching at Hogwarts. She shrunk back to her falcon form, took the picture in her beak, and flew back to Severus.

Severus stared at the sky where Red had disappeared. The emptiness that threatened to consume him only got deeper somehow. He couldn't even keep the company of a bird for long before it left in disgust.

Glaring at the sky where Red had disappeared, he got to his feet. I don't need that stupid know-it-all bird! I don't need anyone or anything. He began stalking back to the castle. As he stomped along, he looked up and noticed Red circling around his head. He stopped in his tracks as the bird alighted once again on his shoulder. Some of his anger dissipated at the bird's return. His eyebrows narrowed as he noticed the picture in the bird's beak. He grasped it and pulled it from her.

"Where did you find this?" he asked as he glanced at the picture. It was an old faculty picture from when Dumbledore was alive.

Red flew off his shoulder and over to the grass. She sat down in it and awaited Severus. He stared at the bird in puzzlement. Slowly, he left the path and sat down next to the bird.

"Screech!"

"What is it you're trying to say?"

She hopped over to the picture and tapped it with her beak. He gazed down at it again.

"These are my colleagues."

She screeched again.

"What?"

Her beak touched the photo. It pointed to McGonagall.

"That's Minerva McGonagall."

Red hopped onto his shoulder and butted his cheek.

"What about her?"

She butted his cheek again.

"Are you saying that she's my friend?"

Red bobbed her head up and down.

Severus' eyes narrowed. "She was the worst of them all! We had been friends. Rather close, in fact." He jabbed his finger at Dumbledore. "I was forced to kill this man, however, and when that happened, her friendship turned to hatred."

"Screech!"

Severus sighed. "She will never trust me again, no matter what she says." He fingered the picture of McGonagall as she smiled over at Albus. "I killed her best friend. It doesn't matter the reason. You don't get over that. What friendship we had was destroyed that night."

The bird kept butting his cheek. Severus looked at her. "I suppose you think differently? Well, you weren't there. You have no idea what I've done."

Red looked at Severus with a cocked head. Then she hopped down into his lap and settled down in the hole that his crossed legs made. She laid her head on his leg. Severus stared at the bird for a long while, not sure what to make of her. How could a mere bird be so alert and knowledgeable? There was something different about her. What could it be?

Perhaps he was assessing too many human emotions to the bird. Much of what had happened could easily be explained away. But the picture... and McGonagall, the one person he'd been agonizing over the most.

"Are you someone's familiar?" he asked the bird as he stroked her down her back.

"Screech."

"You're not being very forthcoming. How do you know all that you do?"

"Screech."

"Sorry, I'm not fluent in Falconese. Could you be a bit more direct?"

"Screech."

"Fine, don't tell me. I do wish I knew who you belonged to. I don't think they'd appreciate you having stolen this picture. It seems to be in good condition." He handed it back to the bird, who snatched it up in her beak. "Yes, you'd best return this before your thievery is discovered. Go on, off with you... I don't have all day to coddle you in my lap."

The bird stood, dropped the picture, and turned so she could gaze into Severus' eyes. She took her head and rubbed it against Severus' chin.

"You don't care what I've done, do you, Red? You seem to like me anyway." He smiled at her then, and patted her head. She rubbed his cheek once more before scooping up the picture again and extending her wings. She hopped backwards and out of Severus' lap. In an instant, she had taken off and was soaring in the sky again. Severus watched her disappear into the distance.

Hermione had taken the roundabout way back to the castle, circling around in the Forbidden Forest and then making a beeline for the castle so as not to be spotted by Severus. She had left her window conveniently open, so she could just return there from her adventure. She appeared in her room and landed on her bed. In a second, Hermione was herself again. She spit the picture out of her mouth, lay down, and grabbed the extra pillow next to hers. Hugging it to herself, she curled into a ball and pondered what had happened.

She was being too obvious. He would figure out that she was an Animagus if she continued showing him photos and other people-things. She couldn't help herself, though. It just came out of nowhere, this desire to make things right with Severus Snape.

When he spoke so despairingly, she wanted to transform and envelop him in a hug. Her heart had gone out to him. She didn't know how to convince him that Minerva held no ill will toward him. How do you convince someone of that when they're bound and determined to believe otherwise? How do you show someone what they're worth when they see nothing good in themselves? Tears began to flow from Hermione's eyes, over her nose, and into her pillow. A ball of tension filled her insides. Hopelessness washed over her. There was nothing she could do. He just needed time.

It wasn't a bird that Severus Snape needed. He needed a friend. He needed someone he felt he could trust. She would make herself that person. Her insides clenched. She would need to be stalwart and not let him get to her. She could do this.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Hermione sat up. A determined look came across her face. She would not fail. She would help Severus whether he wanted it or not.

A/N: Ah, she's in deep now, isn't she? Thank you for reading, everyone!