Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Hermione slowly opened her eyes and looked around. Recognizing the hospital wing, she struggled to get up. Madam Pomfrey had been awaiting her. She stood from her chair and placed her hands firmly on Hermione's shoulders.

"Now, Professor, lie still. You still have much healing to do."

Hermione gave Poppy a curious look. "What happened?" she asked weakly.

"Roland Duvall hit you with an Incapacitating Spell while you were flying in your Animagus form. You have severe chest injuries, and your heart was weakened by the spell. I've mended all your broken bones, but they will cause you some pain as they finish healing."

"My heart was injured?" Hermione asked. Everything was coming back to her now: the flight away from Severus, then the bolt that had hit and sent her into a tailspin. She remembered crashing to the ground and making herself transform before she lost consciousness.

"Yes. I've done everything I can to strengthen your heart, but you will have to be careful not to overexcite yourself for the next month or two. It could cause a heart attack."

"I didn't think wizards suffered from heart attacks," Hermione mused.

"They do," the mediwitch answered as she bustled about Hermione, checking vitals with her wand. "It's just very rare. With a heart injury like yours, you are susceptible to them."

"Will I have to deal with this for the rest of my life?"

Poppy shook her head. "No, the potion I administered is very potent. It will heal your heart fully in two months. After that, you won't have to worry anymore."

Hermione nodded absently. "Who found me?"

"Professor Snape brought you in."

Hermione's eyes grew wide. "Oh, no," she mumbled under her breath.

"It's a good thing he found you so quickly," Poppy continued. "Your injuries were severe, and you wouldn't have been able to survive very long without treatment."

"So, he knows I'm an Animagus?"

Poppy looked at Hermione crossly. "You almost died, and all you can worry about is whether Severus Snape knows that you're an Animagus?"

Hermione looked duly chastened. "Sorry, it's just that I wanted to tell him myself."

"Well, he knows now. Perhaps you should have told him awhile ago." Poppy bustled around the bed and took a potion off the side table. "Drink this."

Hermione reached for it and downed the potion.

"It's a Calming Draught. You need to rest, Hermione. You'll be able to get out of the infirmary in a couple days, once your bones have fully healed."

"But, Madam Pomfrey, I need to go..."

Poppy put a finger up to shush her. "No, you will do as I say. I will get you some books to occupy your time, but you must not get out of bed until your bones have properly mended."

Hermione frowned, but nodded solemnly.

"Now, lie down and get some rest," Poppy ordered before turning and disappearing into her office.

Hermione settled down in the bed.

Awakening awhile later, Hermione found Minerva sitting in a chair next to her. The older witch noticed the younger one's movements and placed a comforting hand upon hers.

"Hermione, I'm so glad you're okay. Rest assured that Roland Duvall has been expelled."

Hermione grasped Minerva's hand. "What on earth was he thinking?" she asked.

"He claims that he was just having some fun with a wild animal. I don't think the Ministry finds that excuse justifiable for his actions, so they have charged him with assault. I insisted he get an evaluation at St. Mungo's. The boy is quite disturbed and will be spending awhile there. Hopefully they can sort him out and help him to control his anger and outbursts."

Hermione frowned. "Isn't the Ministry being a bit harsh? He had no way of knowing I was a professor."

Minerva gave a quick nod. "The Ministry will drop the charge if he makes progress at St. Mungo's. The boy has a lot to work through. I hope he can find some inner peace at the hospital."

Hermione shook her head. "I hope so, too. It seems I was just unlucky to be anywhere in his vicinity," she muttered.

Ignoring her musings, Minerva gave Hermione a measured look. "Severus came by my office yesterday, accusing me of sending you to spy on him."

Hermione's eyes grew wide, and she groaned. With a sigh, she turned to Minerva and explained everything.

"I'm sorry, Minerva. It all came about rather suddenly. I stumbled upon Severus in my Animagus form, and he talked to me." She narrowed her eyes as she thought of her encounters with Severus. "He opened up and spoke of things I knew he would never tell anybody else." Shaking her head, she continued. "I should have told him it was me, but I knew that he would seal himself up if he knew who I was. I chose to let him vent his frustrations."

She gave Minerva a determined look. "I had every intention of telling him."

"Hmm... and when did you intend to do that?" Minerva asked, not unkindly.

Hermione's shoulders sagged. "I don't know. The longer things went on, the harder it was to figure out when would be the time to tell him. I would have told him before school started, though." The doubting look from Minerva caused her to wince. "I know, it's only a few days away. I was just putting it off as long as possible." She looked to her hands forlornly. "I've really messed everything up, haven't I?"

Minerva patted her hand in sympathy. "Hermione, he's quite furious. Maybe with time he can forgive you."

"I'll need to apologize to him first."

"Yes, you will. Keep your chin up, and be brave. Remember, Severus' bark is considerably worse than his bite."

Hermione looked down into her lap. "Yes, I know, but that doesn't make our upcoming encounter any easier."

It was the morning of the Welcoming Feast, and Hermione had finally been freed from the infirmary. She walked away from the doors of the hospital wing and headed straight for the dungeons. She needed to speak with Severus; the sooner the better.

Reaching her destination, she rapped loudly on Severus' door. The door opened a minute later, and she found Severus Snape glaring at her as if she were the most hated person in the world.

"Severus, I came to apologize," she said.

Severus scowled at her. "There's no need. I'm sure you are disappointed that your little game is up, and you can no longer laugh at my expense. I do not need your false remorse at being found out."

"Severus, you don't understand..."

"What's not to understand, Professor? You took advantage of me when I was vulnerable. I assure you it will never happen again."

"That wasn't my intent."

His eyes narrowed at her. "Do not attempt to cover your duplicity. You are just like your friends, constantly trying to meddle where you're not wanted. Now leave my sight. I have important things to do."

Hermione reached out for Severus' arm. He flinched and glared at her.

"I said leave!"

She stood frozen in front of him. She didn't know what to say to convince him of her sincerity. Finally, she decided to let the matter drop... for now.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I'll leave you alone."

Turning, she hurried away. Her mind whirled as she contemplated what she could do. At this point, she was totally at a loss as to how she could mend the result of her foolish actions.

Severus slammed the door after Hermione. He stalked away and began to pace around his lounge. Frowning deeply, he moved back and forth, trying to calm his rage.

The nerve of her, coming down here and expecting everything to be all right between the two of us.

She'd been caught in her deception, and he would not let her get away with fooling him a second time. She'd gone on and on about caring for her friends and never doing anything to hurt them.

Friends. She said we were friends. Friends don't lie to one another. She has been fooling me all along. Oh, how she must have enjoyed seeing me at my worst. She will not get another chance, that is certain.

He grimaced. Why he'd even been nice to her was now beyond him. He knew better. He knew that no one thought of him in a good way. Why would she? How could she? He turned and paced across the room once more.

No matter. I will not let her laugh at me again. She claimed that she didn't like two-faced people. She has been more two-faced than anyone! Deceit, that is all she is capable of, not the friendship she claims she feels. How despicable can she be? I want nothing to do with her!

As far as he was concerned, if he never laid eyes on Hermione Granger again, it would be too soon. He turned and extinguished the light in his room after finally settling in his chair by the fire.

At least she seems to have recuperated...

Not that I care...

It's just that she's a fellow colleague...

He frowned. Just a colleague. Just like all the rest of my colleagues. Worse, even. She has proven herself to be a deceptive, gossip-mongering woman, and I will have nothing more to do with her... ever.

Hermione had retreated to her room. Her mind was racing; her heart felt leaden. She'd known Severus would shun her when the truth came out, but now that it had, the reality of it was making her morose. She fought to calm herself down so her heart would not become overworked. Sitting down on her sofa, she tried to settle down.

Come on, Hermione, deep breaths!

She breathed for a little while, trying to think of calming thoughts. It worked well enough that her heart didn't feel like a dead weight within her chest anymore. Still, all she wanted to do was throw herself on her bed and cry her eyes out. She'd really blown it, and she'd lost a good friend in the process.

He's more than a friend, and you know it.

She blinked. Why would she think such a thing? Of course he was only a friend!

Only a friend you want to envelop in your arms and hold until the world ends.

Well, he needed a good hug. That's all that desire was. He needed comfort. She was good at giving comfort.

You want more than that; you're just afraid to admit it.

Fear... yes, she was fearful. She had been since the minute she'd concocted that stupid plan. Now her fears had been validated. She no longer had a friend in Severus Snape.

A great gasping sob escaped from her as she threw her head into her hands. Still the voice in her head assaulted her with thoughts she'd rather not think about right now.

You wouldn't be crying like this if he were only a friend. You have fallen for a man who hates you.

More bitter tears fell from her eyes. "And there's nothing I can do about it. He'll never forgive me. He'll hate me forever," she whimpered.

And you'll just keep on loving him despite all that, won't you? You knew the odds. You knew how he felt about himself, but that didn't stop you from letting your heart be stolen by him.

"Oh, shut up!"

He can never love anyone unless he finds acceptance of himself.

She cringed and wiped the tears from her eyes. It was a futile effort. More just took their place.

Whether he finds acceptance of himself or not, you will not be the one he looks to for love. You've totally destroyed any and everything good in your relationship.

"Oh, what have I done? I've ruined everything!"

She slid off the sofa and collapsed onto the floor. She couldn't take it anymore. She'd ruined her budding relationship with a man who she was utterly and hopelessly in love with. It had taken his caustic glares and yelling to make her realize the truth about her feelings for Severus Snape. She was doomed...doomed to be miserable because she'd been too proud and sure she could fix everything. What a fool she'd been.

Her heart was tightly wound, and her head began to feel fuzzy.

Oh, no! I don't need to give myself a heart attack!

She fought hard to control herself. She did the deep breathing that had seemed to calm her before. It helped, but the tears still came.

Think of something else! You're killing yourself, you dolt!

Thoughts of a conversation she'd had with Severus while in her bird form flew into her head.

No! That's not going to help!

Despite her plea, the memory ran its course.

"Lily..." Severus murmured as he gazed across the lake. "How I wish you were still alive."

"I acted the fool. I hung on to a dream... a memory... a... wish." Severus' eyes narrowed as he sat deep in thought. "For far too long," he murmured.

Pulling out of the memory, she slowed her breathing more. She was beginning to feel lightheaded. She emptied her mind and thought only of the breaths she was taking. In... out... in... out... in... out. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out one of the vials Poppy had given her. She downed the Calming Draught and hoped it would be enough to settle her heart.

A bitter thought entered her head.

"I will be just like him... longing for a love I can't possibly have."

A/N: Man, when you saw the angst warning above, you really had no idea what you were getting yourself into, right? Thank you all for reading and for the lovely responses of those who choose to review. I treasure every single comment.

A heartfelt thanks to my beta, slytherinlaurel, who's amazingly fantastic.