17: Truth
Chapter 17 of 47
Fawkes_07When things go wrong, it?s so easy to make conjectures to explain what happened. But those may have nothing to do with reality. Two headstrong people with a bit of paranoia are about to get a reality check.
ReviewedCompose yourself! Take your time turning around. Better to pretend she's beneath your notice anyway. Snape had many years' practice erasing the evidence of his internal processes from the surface. By the time he set his quill carefully in its cup and faced her, his eyes were chiseled granite, his face expressionless. "What is it, Miss Granger?"
He avoided her eyes, concentrating on the flask she was holding. "It didn't come out quite the way the book said, Professor." He forced himself to ignore the strain in her voice and concentrate on the content alone.
"I do have eyes, Miss Granger," he said curtly. The potion was too yellow; it should be clear, with perhaps the palest hint of green. For a few seconds, his curiousity as a scientist actually trumped the overwhelming misery that had governed his life for weeks now. Snape had seen many failed attempts at this (and every) potion, but never before had this particular result crossed his desk. He was mystified.
"Give it," he snapped brusquely, holding his hand flat. He wanted no nonsense of "accidentally" brushing against her fingertips. It should have cooled by now but it was quite warm. Snape removed the ground glass stopper and fanned his hand above the neck of the flask, holding it well away from himself; there was no telling what was in there, and he didn't want a face full of unknown vapors. A whiff would do until he was sure it was safe. It smelled right, mostly, but no, there was an off note there, too. He knew by heart the maxim that an unknown potion should be considered dangerous until proven otherwise, so he carefully replaced the stopper and set the flask gently on his desk.
"You must have heated it too long," he began, but he knew that was not the case. It would be dark green and tarry if overcooked. A perfect example sat on his desk already, labeled "N. Longbottom."
"I stopped heating it before I added the saffron," she said. "It just never cooled. I even fanned it with my book."
"Perhaps the saffron was contaminated." That might explain the persistent yellow color as well as the warmth.
"It was the same as everyone else's," she said, almost pleadingly.
"I don't know what you did wrong, Miss Granger," he growled at last. "I have never seen this product before. I admit to a bit of curiosity as to what you've concocted here. If I can identify it or replicate it, I will inform you." Now leave, damn you, I've done everything I must as your professor, and I can't keep staring at this bottle forever.
She turned away and he nearly sighed audibly in relief. He could see it coming, though; she was dragging her feet, and her back was bent with tension. She had something to say. He began to count silently.
By eight she stopped but did not whirl around, only turned her head to the side. "You know, you might have extended the courtesy to tell me that you moved on, instead of just disappearing," she said over her shoulder, then headed purposefully toward the exit.
"I... What?" Let her go, fool. "Wait. Hermione, stop." This, too, was a mystery, far more intriguing than the contents of that flask. She halted, but did not turn around, nor did she offer any more insight into her thoughts. Not here in the classroom, are you mad? Anyone might walk in! "Please." His voice became a desperate whisper. "Tell me."
"You tell me!" she snapped, facing him again. "You're the one that walked away without so much as a farewell." Her eyes burned into him with accusation, yet she must have seen how utterly baffled he was, for they softened slightly and she continued. "That morning. I woke up in your room. You were gone. There wasn't even a note. You were just gone. Right after he'd summoned you the night before."
She replayed the memory behind unfocused eyes. "At first I thought maybe you'd gone to get breakfast. I sat around and made up a study plan for over the holidays, just to pass the time. Then I made one up for Harry. By the time I finished one for Ron, too, I knew something was wrong. I thought maybe he took you again, maybe you would come back hurt or dying and you'd be all alone down here, no one would even know. And if I left, I knew I couldn't return again until late that night."
She stifled a sob, but her voice became more and more panicked. "I didn't know what to do! What if someone saw me walk out of your office? But I didn't know when the common room would be clear so I could use the Floo. I knew Harry and Ron would start wondering where I was. I had to go, I had to stay, I couldn't do either...I was scared to death!
"I finally got out by peeking into other Floos until I found an empty room--Professor Sinistra's office. I got back to the Tower and told everyone I'd been studying all morning, they believed that. I tried to make up excuses to send people down here, just to check in on you. I told Harry he should go talk to you about Occlumency lessons. When you weren't at supper, I tried to raise Professor McGonagall's concern by asking where you might have gone. She told me it was nothing out of the ordinary for you to leave on business. I couldn't exactly tell her you'd been with You-Know-Who the night before!"
Hermione stamped back across the room, looking for all the world like she would deck him, but she settled for clenching and unclenching her fists from across his desk. "You have no idea what that did to me! The entire break... Every day you were gone I was more certain you were hurt, or worse, and I could do nothing! I almost left for Headquarters, but I can only use that Floo spell for Occlumency lessons. Besides, if I couldn't convince Professor McGonagall to worry about you, there was little chance of getting Sirius to take up the sword. And it was Professor Lupin's time of the month, he was pretty much out of the question.
"And then you show up for class Monday without a word of explanation." Having spent the terrible memories, she set her jaw and glared at him with cold fury. "And no more detentions, all of a sudden. And when I didn't come to read, you didn't even comment."
Hermione paused, folding her arms; now she had the eyes of granite. "I reckon it's another woman, probably someone you were seeing long before I came along," she said woodenly. "That's fine. I assumed you were single but I never asked, and you never made any promises or pretenses." Her voice sharpened suddenly. "But even if it was all just a diversion, I didn't deserve to be cast off like a toy that no longer amused you. You should have told me the truth instead of letting me rip my heart out with fear for you all that time."
He heard it all, but it seemed she must be speaking to someone else. As she wrinkled her nose in a final contemptuous snarl, Snape knew that this time, he must not let her go. "Hermione," he whispered, still catching his breath.
She had already begun to turn away, but thank the merciful Fates, she stopped and unfolded her arms. A long, silent stare, in which he made at least a dozen feinted gestures with his hands, abandoning each one along with the inane words spinning through his mind. She was looking more and more impatient.
"I've really mucked it up this time," he finally blurted. It wasn't elegant, but it was the most honest statement he could come up with. She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly, but she didn't walk away.
"Hermione. I'm stunned. It never occurred to me that you would worry."
"Well I DID!" she spat, slamming her fists on the surface of the desk so hard that everything on it jumped. "What did you think would happen, then? That I wouldn't notice your absence? How could you be so stupid?"
I deserved that. "I wasn't thinking. I'm a creature of habit, Hermione; I leave unannounced all the time. No one's ever... missed me before." He raised his hands imploringly. "Most people prefer my absence, really."
"I'm not most people," she growled venomously.
"No. You are not. Hermione." His voice began to catch in his throat; she was not like anyone else on the planet. "Please forgive me once again."
She sighed even more deeply, but her arms remained crossed, her face cold. "Forgive. For what? For scaring me nearly to insanity? Or for running off with someone else?"
He laughed out loud; it couldn't be helped, the very notion was so absurd. "There's no one else. This is me we're speaking of, Hermione. I went to my house, alone."
He stopped short; she furrowed her brow at this bit of information. "You have a house?"
"They have yet to chain me to the castle. I have a home near Manchester, where I just spent a miserable holiday watching the rain fall onto an empty street and telling myself it was the proper thing to do, because if I'd stayed..."
"If you'd stayed, what?"
"Hermione. If I had stayed here, I don't think... I know I couldn't keep to... oh, hell. I knew I couldn't keep my hands off you, dammit!" He laughed again, and to his amazed delight, so did she. He opened his arms and she lunged into them, clamping her own arms around his rib cage. She was giggling and crying at the same time.
"Damn you, Severus, you thoughtless tosser, don't you ever do that again!"
He would have given her the moon, but he could not give that promise. "Hermione. I am thoughtless, and a fool for frightening you. Never will I deliberately do that again. But you know there will be times when I must leave in secrecy. I cannot promise never to do it at all."
She finally relaxed her grip, letting her body settle against his. "Oh, very well," she said with frustrated resignation. "As long as you won't skip off on some Quixotic 'noble cause' like that again without warning me. What an idiot you are! 'No one's ever missed me.' For heaven's sake, Severus, wake up and smell the blooming coffee!"
"Awake and sniffing," he mumbled distractedly, breathing in the scent of blackberries and thanking every deity he'd ever heard of for sending him a woman who believed in second chances.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Fair Exchanges
909 Reviews | 6.76/10 Average
I've warned you that i will continue to harrass you about finishing this story until my dying day. And i always keep my word. Hope you are still around, that all is well for you, and that this story remains on your eternal to do list.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh. It is. It really is. I need a time machine.
Hello again! I don't know if you are even still around, but reading the rest of this story is on my bucket list, so while I still have breath in me, I shall continue to nudge you toward writing. Hope all is well with you and yours.
SPOILER Warning******In case someone has gone this many years without getting through the last book in the series****************************I hope this new turn in their relationship keeps her from wishing she could just hold hands with someone and walk around the lake. She's had a man now. I can't imagine, at least I hope she doesn't go back to boys. What are you going to do about the Ron thing? She can't go with Ron now. It would would be too mean to Severus! I hope she understands when Albus is killed. Poor Severus! There. Again I'm saying it! I don't mind his sacrifices if I know he will be rewarded with the love he deserves for what he has had to pay to rid the world of Tom Riddle. I hope you work this out so that he doesn't suffer at the end and you'd better not kill him off like the witch who kills small beloved pets like owls, and sweet dear magical creatures like house elves protecting their loved one, cruelly rends twins assunder with one on this side alone without his other half and the other one on the opposite side of the vale tellikng jokes without punch lines! Please tell me you will not follow that part of cannon. You are already forcing Severus to do things I don't know if Hermione can forgive him for. She must forgive him though.When are you going to work on this story some more? Do you know? Are you planing to finish this story or did the last cannon book kill your joy when she killed off our Potions Master in an incredibly un-Severus Snap like end. ....As if the Potions Master of all masters wouldn't have antivenin.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
You know, it's funny... DH actually kind of DID kill off a lot of my motivation to keep writing fanfic, even though I never really thought of it that way until just now. I wrote my own Book 7 for my kids--HP and the Heirs of Slytherin, it's here on TPP--starting in about 2006, just because I KNEW JKR was going to blow it. I just knew I wouldn't like her book 7. A lot of these fics kind of spun off during the process of writing HoS, including Fair Exchanges. HoS has a lot of legilimency/occlumency in it, and Hermione asks Harry not to look at her dreams. That sparked this story... Anyway, once I finished HoS, I kinda moved on to other projects and my unfinished fics have been sort of waiting on the vine for me. I know how they all end, and some of them are just a few chapters from complete. But part of the trouble with Fair Exchanges is that I hate DH so much I have no desire to read it carefully enough to make Fair Ex canon-compliant. It can't even be HoS compliant, because my alt. universe has even more trouble ahead for Snape. If it's any comfort, though, the last two chapters of this story were written LONG ago, and it wraps up the story in a way I really liked. I posted them on some other ff sites, if you want to go hunting for them. I kept them off TPP, though, because I wanted to post the whole thing properly here.
She is being a normal girl, unfortunately for Severus. Severus Snape requires a remarkable woman. Strong, forgiving, able to make her own happiness most of the time and able to consistantly see past the Death Eater Double Spy. He needssomeone who wants him especially because he isn't like any other man on earth. And he needs someone older than Hermione. I would be thinking just exactly what she is thinking. He is looking for a life time commitment. She just isn't there yet. I don't se how this can end well for either of them unless you figure out a way to turn cannon around soon. I hate the way things turned out in the cannon. She ruined everything! I can't stand it. I hope you can salvage this back story so that it comes out much better than the original. Severus deserves better. I hate feeling sorry for Snape, damn it! I want him to show them all. I want him to end up with the best end of any stick.
Poor Severus. I wish she'd run off to Polynesia with him. I hope she's worth it in the end. She has no real idea what he faces here. They are living in the moment when they see each other. He knows more about her than she knows about him. There is so much more to him than there is to Hermione at this point in her life. How old is she, 15 or 16? Well, at least he can have someone pure. I hope she never asks about his other lovers. I don't think she is ready for the answer. I'm not sure I'd be ready for the Centaura. And we know that in his youth he willingly committed rape in this story, though he reqrets it now. I don't know that Hermione could really handle that knowledge. She might be able to handle the idea that he had possibly been forced to do it, but not with certainty that he had ever willingly done it. He's so screwed is she ever finds out all the things he has to do, unless she is a very unusual individual and not very judgemental. I hope for his sake she is as remarkable as he thinks she is.
Hello! I think Draco just passed out! What do you do with this lie. How to explain that 2 men who appeared to absolutely despise one another were lovers on the low down. Would Draco even fall for that? I don't think he has been present at the OP meetings to observed the apparent mutual hatred. Draco doesn't know how much the murrauders stalked and abused poor Severus. Maybe he'll fall fore it. Poor boy wil be manipulated by the Uncle he trustes. That must taste like shit to Severus.
And Hermione can't know about Draco! She would not understand.
Severus Snape is the most adept spie of all the world if he pulls this off. He must feel like he can never get clean from lying regulary to those few who trust him, beastiality, cheeting on his overly homornal girlfriend that he shouldn't be with, but amazingly they actually love each other and trust each other. Now, add buggery in order to manipulate his godson. He must keep Hermione and Draco apart. And what would the dark lord or Albus Dumblebutt have to say about all of this distasteful activity. Dude, when this is all over you are going to need some serious counceling!
OK. What should he do now? I say, let the twirp kiss you so that you can get on his good side and find out his secrets. Hey! It's a dog eat dog world out there right now. Just hope that Hermione doens't find out you cheated on her with 4 Centaras and her worst enemy at the school and all in the same week. It's a fine edge you tread, poor Severus. I actually feel sorry for you.
Lucky in many ways it seems, our Severus. The Dark Lord needed a laugh. Oooooo, let a name slip in there that starts with an H. So who actually rescued the toad in the forest after all? Make up any answer you like. I had assumed it was Albus. But why he would bother is beyond me. Does Severus have to go back to fetch her?
So! Our dear potions master is hung like a stallion! Well of couse he is! Those naughty girls. It's a good thing Hermione doesn't know. And, isn't he terrified of being caught in the act by the stallions while making love to the mares? I'm sure they would kill him. I'm glad he gets some small reward for his hard work protecting Harry. It really is too bad they didn't kill Umbridge. I know Jkr needs her later in the story. I hope she has permanent damage though.
There's no way that will happen under these circumstances. I don't believe it. Girls need a mood or something to get then started.
Don't worry Hermione, dear. After you've been married for more than 3 decades you actually will grow together down there from lack of use. You see, the little man is victim to depression, high blood pressure, diabetes and sundry medications for said infirmities, but eventually this will only spark a sense of resigned bitterness. Dreams though few and far between will be a welcomed relief. So cry no more dear girl and by the gods grab him while you can! Perhaps in your world magic will make these things not so. If that is the case, get over it you silly girl. He must truly be desperate to put up with this. You all must be. I was quite emotional the first 20 years. It was dreadful! Now I am resigned to the fact that what ever you were fighting about the first 2 years are the same things you will be fighting about in 10 years until eventually you just look at him and shake your head. Put up with it or try to train a new one. Here is the most important thing you will ever know. They cannot be trained. Don't waste your time.
I love, "like a raisin through a guinea pig"! I take it you speak from experience based on your picture of Mr. Flibbert, I believe his name was. One of the things that annoyed the hell out of me in the movie version of TGoF was the hormonal Hermione whining and bitching in her high pitched self righteous girl BS. I think she was pissed off just like in this chapter for the entire movie. I realize it is true to life but it is still annoying. I have two drama queens of my own and it doesn't get better when they grow up. I am grateful for grandsons. They are loud and every game requires growling and yelling and running in the house, not to mention accidentally bumping into each other on purpose etc. but I am looking forward to much less drama as when they reach puberty. I look also look forward to Hermione in this story finishing her O.L.W.S. I'm hyper-sensitive from PTSD after raising two daughters.
Here it is 2014 and still no end in sight. Please finish this, it is too good and to frustrating to stop here,
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really would like to finish it someday. Too many projects, not enough time!
You do know that as long as this story sits unfinished, I am going to pop in periodically and bug you, right? Now I am not pressuring you. I know that real life can be a bitch. All I'm saying is that I probably have a good fifty years left in me, and I am going to continue to encourage you until I take my last breath. Oh, but please don't wait that long as I do want to read the end, lol.
Hi Fawkes_07, I have enjoyed this so much! It is of course beautifully written and plotted. I think you've captured all the characters quite well. The sense of humor in this story is wonderful and was a great surprise. Love the interactions between H and Severus, and also between Severus & Draco. I see that it has been some years since you've updated. Please, please don't abandon this story! Happy writing!
Ah, I remember following this story every week. It's a shame RL got in the way and it's gone 3 years-ish without an update. I hope you're doing well and come back to it some day. Thank you for the wonderful half-fic, for what it's worth :)
What the what?? I followed you over from MNFF to see what I'd missed, holy mess!!!! I LOVE this story, it constantly shocks me!!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
LOL, yeah, MNFF had an issue with the human/centaur thing. Glad you're enjoying it... I hope to finish it someday if I ever get my life back.
wow, this story just gets creepier and creepier, in the most interesting and hilarious way possible. this has to be the best story i have ever read on any fanfiction site. u are an awesome writer; i have never laughed this much at a story. i now see why mnff just couldnt bear it, lol, way too many disturbing things. i just got used to the thought of draco being a sex god in other stories, now u make him gay! bwahahaha, talk about a monkeywrench. im sad snape gave that 16-year-old release to the mares. i wished my girl hermione had gotten a piece of that. now that would have been fun to read and write, im sure, hehe. again, u are brilliant!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
<laughs> Wow, glad you're enjoying it! Yeah, MNFF drew the line at the "bestiality" elements (though they don't seem to mind human/werewolf and human/veela). Eh, whatever.Hadn't thought of the 16-year gap ending with the ponies... I guess this is sort of a tragic story, huh?
More Please!?!?!? I so like how this story is going. Love the HG/SS relationship. I so can not wait for more.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really do intend to finish it, and the funniest stuff is yet to come. You just would not believe the times I've had the past couple years--broken ribs, my mom passed away, a new nonprofit opened in town and begged me to write their grants... I don't even READ fanfic any more, much less write it. But someday things will settle down.
I tried to read this story when I was 16 years of age, back then I could barely read English (not my first language) and I had to consult the dictionary every 3 minutes or so but I do remember little bits of it... This amazing first chapter for example. It's so well written and so true to the characters. It's a pleasure to be able to read it again.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Wow! That's so cool! I'm glad you liked it well enough to come back to it! Thanks!
Aww, Snape's going to be a father. *snickers*
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Not after he gets that potion ready...
The age of consent in the UK is 16 not to mention the use of the Time-Turner so she's actually almost two years older than her peers. She could've consented before.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Hmm, I suppose so. But she used the date to such a fine advantage... had to go with it.
You are a wonderful writer, and I always look forward to reading more of your story. This is byfar my favorite Snape/Hermione fanfic ever. I thank you soooo much for updating! I love love love everything about it! Are you though, planning to go canon and kill him off in the end, or will I have to wait and see? You make my week!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Heh, well, I don't like to give out spoilers but I'll just say I don't consider DH as part of canon. So that may answer your question...
I went back and reread the last chapter to refresh the story in my brain. It has been a damn long time woman! Come back to the potterverse! We miss you. Im all sorts of confused about H's trouble in potions. Whatever could it be?
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Herms was totally upstaged by Harry in potions that year, on account of Harry having the HBP's potion text. She was pretty po'd about that--but she can't tell Snape or that would ruin Harry's surprise. But I think it's funny that she would be in such a good position to blow Harry's scheme out of the water...
ROFLMAO! Oohhhh noooo. Snape, you silly man. I was afraid something like this would happen. Can wizards and centaur breed with each other?! You really do love torturing Snape. It's a fun kind of torture, though.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
*snerk* It IS fun to torture old Sev. Maybe Voldy thinks so too, I dunno.