7: Distillations
Chapter 7 of 47
Fawkes_07A bit of ethanol dissolves some of Snape?s exterior and reveals a bit of what?s underneath. Hermione has a chance to practice being a good prefect.
ReviewedSnape felt like a dishrag that had been stuffed in the drain while someone was chopping spoiled meat into the sink. He sank behind his desk. The Prat had just left the office. He was developing some skill at Occlumency, all right--unfortunately, he was directing it at his teacher, not his enemy. Leave it to Potter to get that confused. The Prat had even managed a bit of Legilimency, helping himself to a few unpleasant memories of Snape's. Wanker. He would poke into that bit about the broom.
What was worse, Snape had seen a dead-on view of the vision the Dark Lord was sending to Potter. He knew exactly where it was. He'd looked down that same corridor as he was being hauled before the Wizengamot, with Albus at his side sporting that twinkly grin of his. His life, death, or worse-than-death would be decided within the hour, and there was Albus, smiling like the cat that ate the chocolate-covered canary with a tuna center, framed by the same claustrophobic corridor that was being thrust into Potter's mind.
The Dark Lord did not trust Snape enough--yet--to confide his reasons for sending The Prat these visions, but he suspected it was something about that damned prophecy hidden in the room beyond that hall. The prophecy Snape himself had stolen, the last service he'd performed for the Master before the scales had tipped. But it was only speculation. There were all kinds of things inside the Department of Mysteries, and Merlin-only-knew what he could be after; it was foolish to guess. The only certainty was that the Dark Lord was manipulating Potter with these images, but Potter was more concerned with exacting a pound of flesh from Snape himself than with closing his mind to the Master's temptations. Idiot!
The Prat even had the nerve to ask why he referred to the Dark Lord as... the Dark Lord. Snape shook his head, reaching for the bottle of firewhiskey. That would be because this cursed Mark would bring him straight to me if I uttered his name, you imbecile, and I think the last thing he ought to see right now is me instructing you in Occlumency. Snape took the entire shot in one gulp. He reckoned briefly that he could call the Dark Lord "You-Know-Who" like everybody else did, but it was just so utterly uncouth.
As if that weren't enough, then Umbridge lowered the boom on Trelawney. At least Albus showed up, finally, from wherever he'd been, running off and leaving them stuck with That Woman. Although if I could opt to get away from her, I'd do it too, with relish. And all the condiments. Rumors, if they were to be believed at all, indicated that Albus had gone to visit a bloody house-elf recently (or was it the creature's funeral?), or some such rubbish like that.
Snape raised his glass in a silent toast: Coup d'ecole to Albus for having that centaur at hand to replace Trelawney as the Divination teacher. At least Umbridge wouldn't be further infiltrating Hogwarts with another sycophant from the Ministry. Some poor bastard had expected to cash in tonight, only to find that his winnings were leprechaun gold. Whoever it was, he'd undoubtedly given in to Umbridge's ghastly hand on his thigh. Yeurgh. That called for a double.
Snape smiled bitterly at his ingenius tale to throw "Dolores, dah-ling" off the scent; even with a partial victory, she'd be feeling pretty dominant tonight after sacking The Human Beetle and would surely be on the prowl. Heh. Maybe Firenze was getting a "welcome, new member" visit from her even now. Snape shuddered. He hoped the poor git had horseshoes on--the granite flagstones would be tough on his hooves if he were forced to break into a gallop.
After another shot or three, Snape began to wonder if he shouldn't go pat the horsie and introduce himself. Hah! Still, it would be a hospitable gesture to take him a bottle of something... although what sort of thing centaurs liked, he had no idea. Shame to waste one of his exquisite selections on someone that may not appreciate it. Eh, it was a stupid idea anyway. Let Dolores be the welcome wagon. Who knew? Perhaps that was exactly the sort of thing centaurs liked.
When he tried to navigate to his desk and nearly broke his best alembic, he knew it was time to shelve the firewhiskey. Marking papers was out of the question--not that he couldn't do it, but, as Snape openly acknowledged, he was a sullen drunk, and all that inane drivel would send him into near-suicidal depths. A nice book, that would be perfect right now, a brief respite from the insanity his life had become: the lies, the half-truths, the incomplete truths... there were so many ways to use the truth to obscure a lie, and vice versa. But as soon as you started weaving that web, you had to sustain it until its purpose was served--and it just kept getting more and more unwieldly every day. Snape was far too stoic to complain, but tonight, damn it all, he was tired. And the Little Prat had seen him trying to ride that goddamn broom.
He was sprawled on the small divan--neither sitting nor lying down, but some unlikely superposition of the two--trying to decide if he could get to the kitchens for a little something and back without being spotted, when he heard a "whoosh" in the fireplace. He jerked straight up in alarm, which proved an ill-advised idea; the room promptly began to scroll upward and leap back to its proper place in a very disorienting manner. Hermione Granger stepped out of the hearth with a cheery smile and began to scroll as well.
Oh, shit, whatever you do, do NOT get the giggles. Not that they struck him very often, but even the crabbiest drunk will sometimes ponder some grand absurdity for too long and end up laughing maniacally about a concept like the existence of free will, which no one else would find comprehensible, much less funny. The last time Snape was this plastered, he'd jubilantly written a series of runes in an equation that he was certain explained the origin of the universe. The next day he couldn't even read it, and it had taken forever to remove it from the wall.
"Good evening, Mish Granger. Hee hee hee." If he'd had a knife handy, he'd have stuck it in his thigh.
Oh, no, not The Look. Yer busted, Severus. Her eyes were as big and round as saucers, but at least her smile was kindly, not scheming. "Professor?"
"Yessir?" he rhymed. Great Goddess, I besmirch thee, pull out my vocal cords right now... hang on, hang on... I messed that up, didn't I? Oh, bugger.
She peered at him dubiously. "Have you been drinking?"
"Guilty as charged, miss. And does that diminish me in your sight?" There was the sullen drunk; about time he showed up.
She frowned. "Should it? Although it is a bit of a surprise--you don't seem the type to... relinquish control."
"Very good, Miss Granger. You do have a brain inside that pretty head."
That took her frown up to a frank scowl. "You know, there is absolutely no call to be insulting. I'm sorry you don't like being seen when you're vulnerable, but--"
"Stop right there, young lady," he snarled, but she wasn't having any of it.
"I will not! If you want to get drunk and sulk in private, fine! Perhaps next time you'll be kind enough to send a message so I'll know to skip our nightly appointment. In the meantime, you can at least refrain from taking whatever it is out on me."
That took a moment to decrypt, but he put in the effort--he had a feeling it was important. Besides, she looked rather cute when she was angry. "Quite right, as always, Miss Granger. You must excuse me for being... exactly what I am. Except more so than usual."
She looked even better when she smiled.
"Very well, Professor. I think there's not much point in reading tonight. Good eve--" She stopped abruptly, staring at him in surprise.
"What?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. You just looked terribly sad for a moment. It must have been the light or something."
It wasn't the light. "Must have. Good evening, dear girl." He let his head fall onto the back of the divan, which, unfortunately, had a wooden frame that he'd completely forgotten. He was reminded with a loud clunk. "Oh. That's gonna hurt," he mumbled.
She rolled her eyes and walked behind the divan, not bothering to ask permission to tip his head forward. "You're right, it will, you'll have quite a goose egg tomorrow. Come now, let's get you to bed, shall we?" She kept her hand on his shoulder as she rounded the divan, then tried to pull him up.
That was an offer he didn't receive every day, and it struck him as hilarious. That she would attempt to help him to his feet, like a little bowtruckle picking up a troll, didn't help either. An indominable spirit, yet not fueled by hate nor rage... she was so inexplicable, so interesting. Though he would never have considered it when sober, he broke into a crooked smile and with one firm tug, brought her practically into his lap.
She looked quite at a loss as to what to do, but she didn't struggle or pull away. With the boldness of drunken fools everywhere, he put his hands on her waist and drew her even closer. With the sensibility of one who is NOT a drunken fool, she braced her elbows against his chest, subtly defining the limit of that closeness.
I love you. "You are a remarkable woman, Miss Granger."
"You are far too drunk right now, Professor Snape. You're going to regret it in the morning. Come on. Let me help you to your room."
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Latest 25 Reviews for Fair Exchanges
909 Reviews | 6.76/10 Average
I've warned you that i will continue to harrass you about finishing this story until my dying day. And i always keep my word. Hope you are still around, that all is well for you, and that this story remains on your eternal to do list.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh. It is. It really is. I need a time machine.
Hello again! I don't know if you are even still around, but reading the rest of this story is on my bucket list, so while I still have breath in me, I shall continue to nudge you toward writing. Hope all is well with you and yours.
SPOILER Warning******In case someone has gone this many years without getting through the last book in the series****************************I hope this new turn in their relationship keeps her from wishing she could just hold hands with someone and walk around the lake. She's had a man now. I can't imagine, at least I hope she doesn't go back to boys. What are you going to do about the Ron thing? She can't go with Ron now. It would would be too mean to Severus! I hope she understands when Albus is killed. Poor Severus! There. Again I'm saying it! I don't mind his sacrifices if I know he will be rewarded with the love he deserves for what he has had to pay to rid the world of Tom Riddle. I hope you work this out so that he doesn't suffer at the end and you'd better not kill him off like the witch who kills small beloved pets like owls, and sweet dear magical creatures like house elves protecting their loved one, cruelly rends twins assunder with one on this side alone without his other half and the other one on the opposite side of the vale tellikng jokes without punch lines! Please tell me you will not follow that part of cannon. You are already forcing Severus to do things I don't know if Hermione can forgive him for. She must forgive him though.When are you going to work on this story some more? Do you know? Are you planing to finish this story or did the last cannon book kill your joy when she killed off our Potions Master in an incredibly un-Severus Snap like end. ....As if the Potions Master of all masters wouldn't have antivenin.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
You know, it's funny... DH actually kind of DID kill off a lot of my motivation to keep writing fanfic, even though I never really thought of it that way until just now. I wrote my own Book 7 for my kids--HP and the Heirs of Slytherin, it's here on TPP--starting in about 2006, just because I KNEW JKR was going to blow it. I just knew I wouldn't like her book 7. A lot of these fics kind of spun off during the process of writing HoS, including Fair Exchanges. HoS has a lot of legilimency/occlumency in it, and Hermione asks Harry not to look at her dreams. That sparked this story... Anyway, once I finished HoS, I kinda moved on to other projects and my unfinished fics have been sort of waiting on the vine for me. I know how they all end, and some of them are just a few chapters from complete. But part of the trouble with Fair Exchanges is that I hate DH so much I have no desire to read it carefully enough to make Fair Ex canon-compliant. It can't even be HoS compliant, because my alt. universe has even more trouble ahead for Snape. If it's any comfort, though, the last two chapters of this story were written LONG ago, and it wraps up the story in a way I really liked. I posted them on some other ff sites, if you want to go hunting for them. I kept them off TPP, though, because I wanted to post the whole thing properly here.
She is being a normal girl, unfortunately for Severus. Severus Snape requires a remarkable woman. Strong, forgiving, able to make her own happiness most of the time and able to consistantly see past the Death Eater Double Spy. He needssomeone who wants him especially because he isn't like any other man on earth. And he needs someone older than Hermione. I would be thinking just exactly what she is thinking. He is looking for a life time commitment. She just isn't there yet. I don't se how this can end well for either of them unless you figure out a way to turn cannon around soon. I hate the way things turned out in the cannon. She ruined everything! I can't stand it. I hope you can salvage this back story so that it comes out much better than the original. Severus deserves better. I hate feeling sorry for Snape, damn it! I want him to show them all. I want him to end up with the best end of any stick.
Poor Severus. I wish she'd run off to Polynesia with him. I hope she's worth it in the end. She has no real idea what he faces here. They are living in the moment when they see each other. He knows more about her than she knows about him. There is so much more to him than there is to Hermione at this point in her life. How old is she, 15 or 16? Well, at least he can have someone pure. I hope she never asks about his other lovers. I don't think she is ready for the answer. I'm not sure I'd be ready for the Centaura. And we know that in his youth he willingly committed rape in this story, though he reqrets it now. I don't know that Hermione could really handle that knowledge. She might be able to handle the idea that he had possibly been forced to do it, but not with certainty that he had ever willingly done it. He's so screwed is she ever finds out all the things he has to do, unless she is a very unusual individual and not very judgemental. I hope for his sake she is as remarkable as he thinks she is.
Hello! I think Draco just passed out! What do you do with this lie. How to explain that 2 men who appeared to absolutely despise one another were lovers on the low down. Would Draco even fall for that? I don't think he has been present at the OP meetings to observed the apparent mutual hatred. Draco doesn't know how much the murrauders stalked and abused poor Severus. Maybe he'll fall fore it. Poor boy wil be manipulated by the Uncle he trustes. That must taste like shit to Severus.
And Hermione can't know about Draco! She would not understand.
Severus Snape is the most adept spie of all the world if he pulls this off. He must feel like he can never get clean from lying regulary to those few who trust him, beastiality, cheeting on his overly homornal girlfriend that he shouldn't be with, but amazingly they actually love each other and trust each other. Now, add buggery in order to manipulate his godson. He must keep Hermione and Draco apart. And what would the dark lord or Albus Dumblebutt have to say about all of this distasteful activity. Dude, when this is all over you are going to need some serious counceling!
OK. What should he do now? I say, let the twirp kiss you so that you can get on his good side and find out his secrets. Hey! It's a dog eat dog world out there right now. Just hope that Hermione doens't find out you cheated on her with 4 Centaras and her worst enemy at the school and all in the same week. It's a fine edge you tread, poor Severus. I actually feel sorry for you.
Lucky in many ways it seems, our Severus. The Dark Lord needed a laugh. Oooooo, let a name slip in there that starts with an H. So who actually rescued the toad in the forest after all? Make up any answer you like. I had assumed it was Albus. But why he would bother is beyond me. Does Severus have to go back to fetch her?
So! Our dear potions master is hung like a stallion! Well of couse he is! Those naughty girls. It's a good thing Hermione doesn't know. And, isn't he terrified of being caught in the act by the stallions while making love to the mares? I'm sure they would kill him. I'm glad he gets some small reward for his hard work protecting Harry. It really is too bad they didn't kill Umbridge. I know Jkr needs her later in the story. I hope she has permanent damage though.
There's no way that will happen under these circumstances. I don't believe it. Girls need a mood or something to get then started.
Don't worry Hermione, dear. After you've been married for more than 3 decades you actually will grow together down there from lack of use. You see, the little man is victim to depression, high blood pressure, diabetes and sundry medications for said infirmities, but eventually this will only spark a sense of resigned bitterness. Dreams though few and far between will be a welcomed relief. So cry no more dear girl and by the gods grab him while you can! Perhaps in your world magic will make these things not so. If that is the case, get over it you silly girl. He must truly be desperate to put up with this. You all must be. I was quite emotional the first 20 years. It was dreadful! Now I am resigned to the fact that what ever you were fighting about the first 2 years are the same things you will be fighting about in 10 years until eventually you just look at him and shake your head. Put up with it or try to train a new one. Here is the most important thing you will ever know. They cannot be trained. Don't waste your time.
I love, "like a raisin through a guinea pig"! I take it you speak from experience based on your picture of Mr. Flibbert, I believe his name was. One of the things that annoyed the hell out of me in the movie version of TGoF was the hormonal Hermione whining and bitching in her high pitched self righteous girl BS. I think she was pissed off just like in this chapter for the entire movie. I realize it is true to life but it is still annoying. I have two drama queens of my own and it doesn't get better when they grow up. I am grateful for grandsons. They are loud and every game requires growling and yelling and running in the house, not to mention accidentally bumping into each other on purpose etc. but I am looking forward to much less drama as when they reach puberty. I look also look forward to Hermione in this story finishing her O.L.W.S. I'm hyper-sensitive from PTSD after raising two daughters.
Here it is 2014 and still no end in sight. Please finish this, it is too good and to frustrating to stop here,
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really would like to finish it someday. Too many projects, not enough time!
You do know that as long as this story sits unfinished, I am going to pop in periodically and bug you, right? Now I am not pressuring you. I know that real life can be a bitch. All I'm saying is that I probably have a good fifty years left in me, and I am going to continue to encourage you until I take my last breath. Oh, but please don't wait that long as I do want to read the end, lol.
Hi Fawkes_07, I have enjoyed this so much! It is of course beautifully written and plotted. I think you've captured all the characters quite well. The sense of humor in this story is wonderful and was a great surprise. Love the interactions between H and Severus, and also between Severus & Draco. I see that it has been some years since you've updated. Please, please don't abandon this story! Happy writing!
Ah, I remember following this story every week. It's a shame RL got in the way and it's gone 3 years-ish without an update. I hope you're doing well and come back to it some day. Thank you for the wonderful half-fic, for what it's worth :)
What the what?? I followed you over from MNFF to see what I'd missed, holy mess!!!! I LOVE this story, it constantly shocks me!!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
LOL, yeah, MNFF had an issue with the human/centaur thing. Glad you're enjoying it... I hope to finish it someday if I ever get my life back.
wow, this story just gets creepier and creepier, in the most interesting and hilarious way possible. this has to be the best story i have ever read on any fanfiction site. u are an awesome writer; i have never laughed this much at a story. i now see why mnff just couldnt bear it, lol, way too many disturbing things. i just got used to the thought of draco being a sex god in other stories, now u make him gay! bwahahaha, talk about a monkeywrench. im sad snape gave that 16-year-old release to the mares. i wished my girl hermione had gotten a piece of that. now that would have been fun to read and write, im sure, hehe. again, u are brilliant!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
<laughs> Wow, glad you're enjoying it! Yeah, MNFF drew the line at the "bestiality" elements (though they don't seem to mind human/werewolf and human/veela). Eh, whatever.Hadn't thought of the 16-year gap ending with the ponies... I guess this is sort of a tragic story, huh?
More Please!?!?!? I so like how this story is going. Love the HG/SS relationship. I so can not wait for more.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really do intend to finish it, and the funniest stuff is yet to come. You just would not believe the times I've had the past couple years--broken ribs, my mom passed away, a new nonprofit opened in town and begged me to write their grants... I don't even READ fanfic any more, much less write it. But someday things will settle down.
I tried to read this story when I was 16 years of age, back then I could barely read English (not my first language) and I had to consult the dictionary every 3 minutes or so but I do remember little bits of it... This amazing first chapter for example. It's so well written and so true to the characters. It's a pleasure to be able to read it again.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Wow! That's so cool! I'm glad you liked it well enough to come back to it! Thanks!
Aww, Snape's going to be a father. *snickers*
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Not after he gets that potion ready...
The age of consent in the UK is 16 not to mention the use of the Time-Turner so she's actually almost two years older than her peers. She could've consented before.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Hmm, I suppose so. But she used the date to such a fine advantage... had to go with it.
You are a wonderful writer, and I always look forward to reading more of your story. This is byfar my favorite Snape/Hermione fanfic ever. I thank you soooo much for updating! I love love love everything about it! Are you though, planning to go canon and kill him off in the end, or will I have to wait and see? You make my week!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Heh, well, I don't like to give out spoilers but I'll just say I don't consider DH as part of canon. So that may answer your question...
I went back and reread the last chapter to refresh the story in my brain. It has been a damn long time woman! Come back to the potterverse! We miss you. Im all sorts of confused about H's trouble in potions. Whatever could it be?
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Herms was totally upstaged by Harry in potions that year, on account of Harry having the HBP's potion text. She was pretty po'd about that--but she can't tell Snape or that would ruin Harry's surprise. But I think it's funny that she would be in such a good position to blow Harry's scheme out of the water...
ROFLMAO! Oohhhh noooo. Snape, you silly man. I was afraid something like this would happen. Can wizards and centaur breed with each other?! You really do love torturing Snape. It's a fun kind of torture, though.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
*snerk* It IS fun to torture old Sev. Maybe Voldy thinks so too, I dunno.