12: Abandon
Chapter 12 of 47
Fawkes_07All I can say is: It?s about freaking time, buddy. Apologies for the rather inopportune cliffhanger, but the chapter was getting too darn long and this was the only semi-decent break point.
ReviewedThe last time Snape had touched a woman, he was still a servant of the Dark Lord. It had not ended well, or begun well, or gone at all well in the middle for that matter. She was a prisoner, and he'd drawn the so-called "lucky" straw. He had primarily served the Master as a Potionist, but as one of Voldemort's favorites, he was always invited to participate in "interrogations" when the opportunity arose.
Snape was nineteen years old, the prisoner no more than twenty-five. He was given no questions to ask, and never even learned her name, but he performed an exemplary torture. By the time he uttered the Kedavra curse and dropped her lifeless body to the floor, she welcomed that death as a stroke of mercy. The Dark Lord had been so impressed by the proceedings that he'd used Snape as a teaching example, reliving the technique at least a dozen times with Legilimency. Every time, Snape had reinforced the barriers in his mind behind which he kept his self-loathing, for they were nearing the bursting point.
It took months before he could look at a woman without needing to vomit. To this day, the sight of certain facial expressions would transport him, momentarily but completely back to that night, and though he never gave in to the impulse to scream or clutch his chest, he broke out in chills and had to sit down every time. But he had confessed it all to Dumbledore and gained his own form of absolution through penance and unrelenting introspection. After five years, he could actually speak comfortably with female faculty and students, and in two more years he could even look them in the eye. But that was the extent of it; he lived an ascetic life, rarely leaving the castle except to go to his even more isolated house in Northern England.
Of course, none of that was on his mind at the moment. In fact, very little cognition was going on in Snape's head at all, the entire stock of his cranium being occupied with blissful sensation.
What had been intended as a chaste gentleman's kiss had rapidly become a sensual exploration. He hadn't meant it to happen, hadn't even guessed it would happen, but like the first split in the snow that signals the avalanche, the heat of his breath reflected from her hand started a reaction that brought down the entire hillside.
His eyes fell shut involuntarily; no time to waste on mere vision once real, solid touch had entered the scene. At first he couldn't bear to move. The sensation of soft skin against his lips made him feel as though something had sprung to life inside his chest and was running wild. Her skin smelled faintly of blackberries, or rather the scent of the blackberry plant in midsummer, the fruit not yet ripe, but the heat perfuming the air with a hint of the sweetness to come. He slowly turned his head, then followed her forefinger until the fingertip dangled between his teeth. He couldn't keep from to nipping it gently, just for a taste of her.
Of all the weak, impulsive... Let go before you make an even greater fool of yourself! Snape jerked his head back, but did not look at her face. It was impossible now to pass this off as a polite peck-and-release gesture, and it was bad enough just to imagine the revulsion in her eyes.
"Don't stop."
A breathy whisper, spoken quickly, but she'd said it, it wasn't his imagination, though it was a dream come true. Her head was tipped back, her eyes closed. Oh, Goddess, could she still feel that way? She couldn't want him anymore! No, no, she was toying with him, some kind of vicious revenge for what he had done earlier that day. Wasn't she?
Another half-second and they both would fall out of "now" and back into the realm of "what if" and "what should."
Severus Snape placed his hands on either side of her face and fell into the kiss like a man stepping off a skyscraper.
It was so fast, so sudden, after so very, very long. He forced himself not to move his hands, not to take in all of her body at once, not to lift her hips up onto the desk and have her on the spot. But her hands... She was so bold, so proprietory. It was her nature that once she made a decision, she was single-mindedly direct about carrying it out. She gripped his forearms at first as though determined not to let him escape. As he surrendered voraciously to the kiss, she released him and let her hands wander almost absently over his arms, his chest. When Snape finally had to let her go and make some vital adjustments, she followed his hand down, sending a bolt of lightning through his spine. But it was only to guide his fingertips to her waist. He felt the band of those woolen tights through her robes, the same ones he had found in her mind earlier that day--
--Oh, shit.
What the bloody hell was he doing?! This was a student, a student, not to mention a girl half his age. A one-way ticket to disgrace and scandal and much, much worse if the Master discovered her. She was an adolescent, driven by an onslaught of raging hormones. He knew better than to tamper with the fires kindling within her, he was the only one at fault and the one who must stop, now!
He pulled back to arm's length, and she opened her eyes. For the briefest instant they were ablaze, but doused by his sudden withdrawl, they quickly widened with... shock? Pain? Regret? Whatever it was, it made his insides feel like tearing up the lease and finding a more hospitable body to live in.
"Oh, dear," she said, her voice much too deep and sultry to match her concerned frown. She looked up at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation of the sudden chill, or the sudden heat, or Merlin-only-knew, there were certainly plenty of current events that demanded to be explained. But when nothing was forthcoming, she took one step back and looked at him in sharp appraisal, then put her hands on her hips. "Severus Snape, you will NOT get cold feet now."
He revelled in the sound of his name on her tongue, but ignored the rest of her statement. "Hermione. I know I don't need to explain the many reasons this is a mistake," he began, his voice numb and empty.
"I can think of at least six," she said wryly. "However, I refuse to accept them." She relaxed her posture and stepped close to him again. "In fact, I'm sure I can counter each and every one of them. You could save a lot of time and trouble by simply conceding." She smiled flirtatiously. "I'd much rather kiss you than argue right now."
Snape, a well-read man who took pride in his command of language, found himself at a complete loss for words. No matter where he began, his thoughts would invariably end somewhere around "impudent little whelp," or worse.
She cocked her head like a curious kitten, then spoke again. "Well. I don't think I've ever seen you speechless before."
"Miss Granger, may I--" Her hand suddenly clamped over his lips, and her glare alone told him that he had not chosen the best tactic.
"Don't you dare," she said firmly, pulling her hand from his mouth only after his own eyes had widened in chagrin. "No. No denial, no scheming, and no fabricating, Severus. I won't stand for it. If you need time to compose your thoughts, that's fine, but I want the truth when you're ready."
"The truth," he muttered grudgingly. "They say the truth is so fragile, it must be guarded by layers of lies."
"Hush. Think of what you want to say to me."
I love you. He pulled her gently to his chest to breathe her in while he calmed the maelstrom in his heart. This was insane, it was absolutely forbidden, it could mean her death, for heaven's sake, and yet Mother of Merlin, he'd seen it himself inside her mind, she desired him. Bloody hell, what difference did that make, she was too young to grant consent. No, there was only one thing for it, no matter how he felt, how she felt...
Talking of which, how can these creatures be so bloody soft? She began to nuzzle his chest with her cheek, which had a rather disruptive effect on his concentration. "I can hear your heart," she said quietly.
"I'm sure you can," he mused aloud. "It seems to have asserted itself without consulting the rest of me."
She smirked. "Oh, I think there's a bit of consensus." There was a bold glint in her eye. "Come here, Severus." He started to shake his head, to back away, but good grief, she was so soft and close, pulling gently and irresistably on his shoulders to bring his mouth down to hers.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Fair Exchanges
909 Reviews | 6.76/10 Average
I've warned you that i will continue to harrass you about finishing this story until my dying day. And i always keep my word. Hope you are still around, that all is well for you, and that this story remains on your eternal to do list.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh. It is. It really is. I need a time machine.
Hello again! I don't know if you are even still around, but reading the rest of this story is on my bucket list, so while I still have breath in me, I shall continue to nudge you toward writing. Hope all is well with you and yours.
SPOILER Warning******In case someone has gone this many years without getting through the last book in the series****************************I hope this new turn in their relationship keeps her from wishing she could just hold hands with someone and walk around the lake. She's had a man now. I can't imagine, at least I hope she doesn't go back to boys. What are you going to do about the Ron thing? She can't go with Ron now. It would would be too mean to Severus! I hope she understands when Albus is killed. Poor Severus! There. Again I'm saying it! I don't mind his sacrifices if I know he will be rewarded with the love he deserves for what he has had to pay to rid the world of Tom Riddle. I hope you work this out so that he doesn't suffer at the end and you'd better not kill him off like the witch who kills small beloved pets like owls, and sweet dear magical creatures like house elves protecting their loved one, cruelly rends twins assunder with one on this side alone without his other half and the other one on the opposite side of the vale tellikng jokes without punch lines! Please tell me you will not follow that part of cannon. You are already forcing Severus to do things I don't know if Hermione can forgive him for. She must forgive him though.When are you going to work on this story some more? Do you know? Are you planing to finish this story or did the last cannon book kill your joy when she killed off our Potions Master in an incredibly un-Severus Snap like end. ....As if the Potions Master of all masters wouldn't have antivenin.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
You know, it's funny... DH actually kind of DID kill off a lot of my motivation to keep writing fanfic, even though I never really thought of it that way until just now. I wrote my own Book 7 for my kids--HP and the Heirs of Slytherin, it's here on TPP--starting in about 2006, just because I KNEW JKR was going to blow it. I just knew I wouldn't like her book 7. A lot of these fics kind of spun off during the process of writing HoS, including Fair Exchanges. HoS has a lot of legilimency/occlumency in it, and Hermione asks Harry not to look at her dreams. That sparked this story... Anyway, once I finished HoS, I kinda moved on to other projects and my unfinished fics have been sort of waiting on the vine for me. I know how they all end, and some of them are just a few chapters from complete. But part of the trouble with Fair Exchanges is that I hate DH so much I have no desire to read it carefully enough to make Fair Ex canon-compliant. It can't even be HoS compliant, because my alt. universe has even more trouble ahead for Snape. If it's any comfort, though, the last two chapters of this story were written LONG ago, and it wraps up the story in a way I really liked. I posted them on some other ff sites, if you want to go hunting for them. I kept them off TPP, though, because I wanted to post the whole thing properly here.
She is being a normal girl, unfortunately for Severus. Severus Snape requires a remarkable woman. Strong, forgiving, able to make her own happiness most of the time and able to consistantly see past the Death Eater Double Spy. He needssomeone who wants him especially because he isn't like any other man on earth. And he needs someone older than Hermione. I would be thinking just exactly what she is thinking. He is looking for a life time commitment. She just isn't there yet. I don't se how this can end well for either of them unless you figure out a way to turn cannon around soon. I hate the way things turned out in the cannon. She ruined everything! I can't stand it. I hope you can salvage this back story so that it comes out much better than the original. Severus deserves better. I hate feeling sorry for Snape, damn it! I want him to show them all. I want him to end up with the best end of any stick.
Poor Severus. I wish she'd run off to Polynesia with him. I hope she's worth it in the end. She has no real idea what he faces here. They are living in the moment when they see each other. He knows more about her than she knows about him. There is so much more to him than there is to Hermione at this point in her life. How old is she, 15 or 16? Well, at least he can have someone pure. I hope she never asks about his other lovers. I don't think she is ready for the answer. I'm not sure I'd be ready for the Centaura. And we know that in his youth he willingly committed rape in this story, though he reqrets it now. I don't know that Hermione could really handle that knowledge. She might be able to handle the idea that he had possibly been forced to do it, but not with certainty that he had ever willingly done it. He's so screwed is she ever finds out all the things he has to do, unless she is a very unusual individual and not very judgemental. I hope for his sake she is as remarkable as he thinks she is.
Hello! I think Draco just passed out! What do you do with this lie. How to explain that 2 men who appeared to absolutely despise one another were lovers on the low down. Would Draco even fall for that? I don't think he has been present at the OP meetings to observed the apparent mutual hatred. Draco doesn't know how much the murrauders stalked and abused poor Severus. Maybe he'll fall fore it. Poor boy wil be manipulated by the Uncle he trustes. That must taste like shit to Severus.
And Hermione can't know about Draco! She would not understand.
Severus Snape is the most adept spie of all the world if he pulls this off. He must feel like he can never get clean from lying regulary to those few who trust him, beastiality, cheeting on his overly homornal girlfriend that he shouldn't be with, but amazingly they actually love each other and trust each other. Now, add buggery in order to manipulate his godson. He must keep Hermione and Draco apart. And what would the dark lord or Albus Dumblebutt have to say about all of this distasteful activity. Dude, when this is all over you are going to need some serious counceling!
OK. What should he do now? I say, let the twirp kiss you so that you can get on his good side and find out his secrets. Hey! It's a dog eat dog world out there right now. Just hope that Hermione doens't find out you cheated on her with 4 Centaras and her worst enemy at the school and all in the same week. It's a fine edge you tread, poor Severus. I actually feel sorry for you.
Lucky in many ways it seems, our Severus. The Dark Lord needed a laugh. Oooooo, let a name slip in there that starts with an H. So who actually rescued the toad in the forest after all? Make up any answer you like. I had assumed it was Albus. But why he would bother is beyond me. Does Severus have to go back to fetch her?
So! Our dear potions master is hung like a stallion! Well of couse he is! Those naughty girls. It's a good thing Hermione doesn't know. And, isn't he terrified of being caught in the act by the stallions while making love to the mares? I'm sure they would kill him. I'm glad he gets some small reward for his hard work protecting Harry. It really is too bad they didn't kill Umbridge. I know Jkr needs her later in the story. I hope she has permanent damage though.
There's no way that will happen under these circumstances. I don't believe it. Girls need a mood or something to get then started.
Don't worry Hermione, dear. After you've been married for more than 3 decades you actually will grow together down there from lack of use. You see, the little man is victim to depression, high blood pressure, diabetes and sundry medications for said infirmities, but eventually this will only spark a sense of resigned bitterness. Dreams though few and far between will be a welcomed relief. So cry no more dear girl and by the gods grab him while you can! Perhaps in your world magic will make these things not so. If that is the case, get over it you silly girl. He must truly be desperate to put up with this. You all must be. I was quite emotional the first 20 years. It was dreadful! Now I am resigned to the fact that what ever you were fighting about the first 2 years are the same things you will be fighting about in 10 years until eventually you just look at him and shake your head. Put up with it or try to train a new one. Here is the most important thing you will ever know. They cannot be trained. Don't waste your time.
I love, "like a raisin through a guinea pig"! I take it you speak from experience based on your picture of Mr. Flibbert, I believe his name was. One of the things that annoyed the hell out of me in the movie version of TGoF was the hormonal Hermione whining and bitching in her high pitched self righteous girl BS. I think she was pissed off just like in this chapter for the entire movie. I realize it is true to life but it is still annoying. I have two drama queens of my own and it doesn't get better when they grow up. I am grateful for grandsons. They are loud and every game requires growling and yelling and running in the house, not to mention accidentally bumping into each other on purpose etc. but I am looking forward to much less drama as when they reach puberty. I look also look forward to Hermione in this story finishing her O.L.W.S. I'm hyper-sensitive from PTSD after raising two daughters.
Here it is 2014 and still no end in sight. Please finish this, it is too good and to frustrating to stop here,
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really would like to finish it someday. Too many projects, not enough time!
You do know that as long as this story sits unfinished, I am going to pop in periodically and bug you, right? Now I am not pressuring you. I know that real life can be a bitch. All I'm saying is that I probably have a good fifty years left in me, and I am going to continue to encourage you until I take my last breath. Oh, but please don't wait that long as I do want to read the end, lol.
Hi Fawkes_07, I have enjoyed this so much! It is of course beautifully written and plotted. I think you've captured all the characters quite well. The sense of humor in this story is wonderful and was a great surprise. Love the interactions between H and Severus, and also between Severus & Draco. I see that it has been some years since you've updated. Please, please don't abandon this story! Happy writing!
Ah, I remember following this story every week. It's a shame RL got in the way and it's gone 3 years-ish without an update. I hope you're doing well and come back to it some day. Thank you for the wonderful half-fic, for what it's worth :)
What the what?? I followed you over from MNFF to see what I'd missed, holy mess!!!! I LOVE this story, it constantly shocks me!!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
LOL, yeah, MNFF had an issue with the human/centaur thing. Glad you're enjoying it... I hope to finish it someday if I ever get my life back.
wow, this story just gets creepier and creepier, in the most interesting and hilarious way possible. this has to be the best story i have ever read on any fanfiction site. u are an awesome writer; i have never laughed this much at a story. i now see why mnff just couldnt bear it, lol, way too many disturbing things. i just got used to the thought of draco being a sex god in other stories, now u make him gay! bwahahaha, talk about a monkeywrench. im sad snape gave that 16-year-old release to the mares. i wished my girl hermione had gotten a piece of that. now that would have been fun to read and write, im sure, hehe. again, u are brilliant!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
<laughs> Wow, glad you're enjoying it! Yeah, MNFF drew the line at the "bestiality" elements (though they don't seem to mind human/werewolf and human/veela). Eh, whatever.Hadn't thought of the 16-year gap ending with the ponies... I guess this is sort of a tragic story, huh?
More Please!?!?!? I so like how this story is going. Love the HG/SS relationship. I so can not wait for more.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really do intend to finish it, and the funniest stuff is yet to come. You just would not believe the times I've had the past couple years--broken ribs, my mom passed away, a new nonprofit opened in town and begged me to write their grants... I don't even READ fanfic any more, much less write it. But someday things will settle down.
I tried to read this story when I was 16 years of age, back then I could barely read English (not my first language) and I had to consult the dictionary every 3 minutes or so but I do remember little bits of it... This amazing first chapter for example. It's so well written and so true to the characters. It's a pleasure to be able to read it again.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Wow! That's so cool! I'm glad you liked it well enough to come back to it! Thanks!
Aww, Snape's going to be a father. *snickers*
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Not after he gets that potion ready...
The age of consent in the UK is 16 not to mention the use of the Time-Turner so she's actually almost two years older than her peers. She could've consented before.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Hmm, I suppose so. But she used the date to such a fine advantage... had to go with it.
You are a wonderful writer, and I always look forward to reading more of your story. This is byfar my favorite Snape/Hermione fanfic ever. I thank you soooo much for updating! I love love love everything about it! Are you though, planning to go canon and kill him off in the end, or will I have to wait and see? You make my week!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Heh, well, I don't like to give out spoilers but I'll just say I don't consider DH as part of canon. So that may answer your question...
I went back and reread the last chapter to refresh the story in my brain. It has been a damn long time woman! Come back to the potterverse! We miss you. Im all sorts of confused about H's trouble in potions. Whatever could it be?
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Herms was totally upstaged by Harry in potions that year, on account of Harry having the HBP's potion text. She was pretty po'd about that--but she can't tell Snape or that would ruin Harry's surprise. But I think it's funny that she would be in such a good position to blow Harry's scheme out of the water...
ROFLMAO! Oohhhh noooo. Snape, you silly man. I was afraid something like this would happen. Can wizards and centaur breed with each other?! You really do love torturing Snape. It's a fun kind of torture, though.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
*snerk* It IS fun to torture old Sev. Maybe Voldy thinks so too, I dunno.