13: Sensibility
Chapter 13 of 47
Fawkes_07When caroming like a Jamaican bobsled out of control, common sense demands the application of brakes.
ReviewedBy the time he returned to his senses, Snape had sunk to his knees; she was in his lap, her arms and legs encircling him tightly. Both of them were breathless. "Hermione!" he said in genuine alarm. "I... I can't... Merlin's ghost, no matter what, we're moving too fast!"
For once, she acquiesced, averting her eyes and nodding. "All right. I can see that." She peeked up at him demurely, untangled herself, and sat crosslegged on the floor before him, holding out her hands. He knew he should refuse to take them, but he couldn't. It would be a denial, and she would call him out for it. Snape sighed.
"Hermione. Will you at least concede that there are laws--that you're too young?" She couldn't possibly argue with that, it was an incontrovertable fact.
She caressed his left hand, and the bit of his wrist that protruded from the cuff of his shirt. In an icy voice, however, she presently asked, "If I were to push this sleeve up, what would I find?"
That killed the mood. He jerked both hands away from her furiously. "You know damn well what you'd find. How dare you?"
She glared at him. "How dare you hide from me behind the law?"
It had been a while since the two of them had argued. Snape had forgotten how sharp she was. He folded his arms, scowling, but he couldn't think of any more civilized riposte than "Touche'." To his great surprise, she sighed heavily and dropped her arms into her lap, her head bowed as if in defeat.
"Severus," she finally said softly, without looking up. "I don't want to argue." Her tone became sardonic, almost bitter. "Student and professor; adult and minor; those are taboo to keep the strong from taking unfair advantage of the weak. But compare those to Legilimens and, well, 'Legilimensee...' Talk about an imbalance of power! I'm laid open like a parchment to you, while you're a closed book."
Snape's chest tightened uncomfortably as words like "cad" and "opportunist" began to pop unbidden into his thoughts. He opened his mouth to speak, but she waved her hand before her in a slashing motion for silence.
"Let me finish," she said sharply, meeting his gaze at last. "I walked into that knowingly. I asked you to engage me in that way. I seem to recall you even warning me that there might be consequences of being treated as your peer." She paused, her lips flat, caught somewhere between smile and scowl. "So you'll have to excuse my cynicism about our ages, or our student-teacher relationship beyond that door. We've rather stepped so far beyond those, they're a bit of a joke at this point."
As she fell silent again, Snape realized that the stone floor was killing his knees. Historically, he had tolerated that sort of pain for Voldemort, and the irony made him smirk despite the circumstances. He shifted his weight to sit crosslegged like Hermione, thinking this was perhaps just as well; they'd each have to unfold before they could leap at the other, and at this point, any impediment to that was a wise idea.
"I concede to your impeccable logic," he said without sarcasm. "I am quite concerned, however, that in all three capacities you've mentioned, I'm the party with the upper hand."
That brought a melancholy smile to her face. "You're not coercing me, Severus. I know what you've seen with Legilimency. You know what you've seen." She edged closer to him. "I think your strength is in your intellect, not your emotions. You know your mind can't be cheated, but your heart can. Right now you look like a little boy. Are you afraid I'm going to break your heart?"
He took one of her hands and pressed it firmly against his lips, just for a moment, to feel how real and solid it was. "Young lady... my heart has been forged of the hardest, coldest steel over many years; whether it can be broken remains to be seen."
"How cavalier," she said, clearly unimpressed.
He gritted his teeth. "You ask why I'm afraid? I have a better question: Why aren't you afraid?" Snape uneasily fingered the button on the cuff of his left sleeve, then resolutely twisted it open. He fixed her with his gaze as he pushed the fabric up along his forearm with shaking hands. Once his shirt and robe had been tucked up past the elbow, he held out his arm. She couldn't possibly miss the Dark Mark displayed before her, but Snape couldn't bear to look at it himself, nor demand that she do so. He simply waited until she gave in to the impulse and glanced downward; the painful recognition in her eyes felt a bit like a whaling harpoon had just landed in his stomach.
"You know what I am, Hermione," he said as unapologetically as he could manage. "There are far more than six reasons for you to step into the Floo and never return. I told you, you aren't strong enough for my intimacy. I have terrible enemies, and even more terrible allies. I live on the edge of a knife, one that could cut you down in a thousand different ways." He cringed internally, suddenly envisioning her in the Dark Lord's grasp. "Anyone could betray you to him--anyone who noticed a single tender glance between us. He has searched, Hermione, searched for years for someone whom I won't sacrifice. If he suspected you, and saw what is in your mind..." His throat tightened and he winced again at the image that pierced his thoughts.
She started to speak, but it was his turn to demand silence. "This Mark, it's not just a disfigurement. It links me to him. Only down here, under the castle, am I safe from prying eyes. The Dark Lord is a powerful Legilimens, but he cannot penetrate the stones and enchantments that surround us. He can reach Potter because they, too, are linked--by that scar--and up in the Tower, the magic is weaker, the stones thinner. If The Little... if your friend had allowed himself to be sorted into Slytherin where he belongs, the stones could have protected him. I could have protected him." Lucius might have protected him. With Potter beside us, Lucius and I might have already staged the coup to end all this madness.
Snape's voice had trailed off, but he realized it should have done so about five minutes earlier. "I should modify your memory right now, Hermione. Erase all of this, except perhaps that last lesson. Letting you believe you'd been violated would be the greatest gift I could give you. The Dark Lord wouldn't spare you a second glance if he thought you were 'used goods' that I had already discarded." Without thinking about what he was doing, he began patting down the pockets of his robe for his wand.
She leapt to her feet, her own wand in hand. "You will NOT!" she shouted. "Don't even consider it! Expelliarmus!" To both their surprise, his wand launched itself from his desk along a parabolic arc into the fireplace, making a loud plinking sound as it hit the andiron. Hermione's eyes flew wide open in alarm. "Accio!" she gasped immediately and the wand flew to her, a tiny flame in its center snuffing out in the rush of air.
Snape raised his brows. "Nicely done. You needn't say 'accio' aloud, either, although you're fortunate that the entire fire didn't hurl itself into your hand."
"I've been practicing," she said distractedly, staring fearfully at the wand, apparently realizing the same fact about the fire. But presently she turned back to him, her face resolute and firm. "Severus! You must never say that again. Ever! I'll break it right now unless you swear you'll never tamper with my memory like that." She took the ends of his wand in her hands and he knew she would do it. And sitting this way, she'd have time to snap it before he could get up from the floor and snatch it from her. Oh, bloody hell.
"What would you have me do?" Snape snarled. "Doom you to torture and death? Do you think I could stand that, Hermione?"
"There are other ways! Don't weaken me, strengthen me! Teach me Occlumency! You know that I can do it now. I'll double my efforts! I'll learn to glaze my eyes the way you do, to keep my feelings for you hidden! Do you think I could stand to lose you now, when it's just beginning to bloom?"
Having recently declared that his heart was unbreakable, Snape felt almost foolish as he felt it shatter like a crystal glass struck by just the right harmonic.
"Hermione," he eventually managed to croak, "how can you possibly want me like this?"
She furrowed her brow briefly, then gave him an angelic smile. "I believe you're a good man, Severus."
"You're wrong."
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Latest 25 Reviews for Fair Exchanges
909 Reviews | 6.76/10 Average
I've warned you that i will continue to harrass you about finishing this story until my dying day. And i always keep my word. Hope you are still around, that all is well for you, and that this story remains on your eternal to do list.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh. It is. It really is. I need a time machine.
Hello again! I don't know if you are even still around, but reading the rest of this story is on my bucket list, so while I still have breath in me, I shall continue to nudge you toward writing. Hope all is well with you and yours.
SPOILER Warning******In case someone has gone this many years without getting through the last book in the series****************************I hope this new turn in their relationship keeps her from wishing she could just hold hands with someone and walk around the lake. She's had a man now. I can't imagine, at least I hope she doesn't go back to boys. What are you going to do about the Ron thing? She can't go with Ron now. It would would be too mean to Severus! I hope she understands when Albus is killed. Poor Severus! There. Again I'm saying it! I don't mind his sacrifices if I know he will be rewarded with the love he deserves for what he has had to pay to rid the world of Tom Riddle. I hope you work this out so that he doesn't suffer at the end and you'd better not kill him off like the witch who kills small beloved pets like owls, and sweet dear magical creatures like house elves protecting their loved one, cruelly rends twins assunder with one on this side alone without his other half and the other one on the opposite side of the vale tellikng jokes without punch lines! Please tell me you will not follow that part of cannon. You are already forcing Severus to do things I don't know if Hermione can forgive him for. She must forgive him though.When are you going to work on this story some more? Do you know? Are you planing to finish this story or did the last cannon book kill your joy when she killed off our Potions Master in an incredibly un-Severus Snap like end. ....As if the Potions Master of all masters wouldn't have antivenin.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
You know, it's funny... DH actually kind of DID kill off a lot of my motivation to keep writing fanfic, even though I never really thought of it that way until just now. I wrote my own Book 7 for my kids--HP and the Heirs of Slytherin, it's here on TPP--starting in about 2006, just because I KNEW JKR was going to blow it. I just knew I wouldn't like her book 7. A lot of these fics kind of spun off during the process of writing HoS, including Fair Exchanges. HoS has a lot of legilimency/occlumency in it, and Hermione asks Harry not to look at her dreams. That sparked this story... Anyway, once I finished HoS, I kinda moved on to other projects and my unfinished fics have been sort of waiting on the vine for me. I know how they all end, and some of them are just a few chapters from complete. But part of the trouble with Fair Exchanges is that I hate DH so much I have no desire to read it carefully enough to make Fair Ex canon-compliant. It can't even be HoS compliant, because my alt. universe has even more trouble ahead for Snape. If it's any comfort, though, the last two chapters of this story were written LONG ago, and it wraps up the story in a way I really liked. I posted them on some other ff sites, if you want to go hunting for them. I kept them off TPP, though, because I wanted to post the whole thing properly here.
She is being a normal girl, unfortunately for Severus. Severus Snape requires a remarkable woman. Strong, forgiving, able to make her own happiness most of the time and able to consistantly see past the Death Eater Double Spy. He needssomeone who wants him especially because he isn't like any other man on earth. And he needs someone older than Hermione. I would be thinking just exactly what she is thinking. He is looking for a life time commitment. She just isn't there yet. I don't se how this can end well for either of them unless you figure out a way to turn cannon around soon. I hate the way things turned out in the cannon. She ruined everything! I can't stand it. I hope you can salvage this back story so that it comes out much better than the original. Severus deserves better. I hate feeling sorry for Snape, damn it! I want him to show them all. I want him to end up with the best end of any stick.
Poor Severus. I wish she'd run off to Polynesia with him. I hope she's worth it in the end. She has no real idea what he faces here. They are living in the moment when they see each other. He knows more about her than she knows about him. There is so much more to him than there is to Hermione at this point in her life. How old is she, 15 or 16? Well, at least he can have someone pure. I hope she never asks about his other lovers. I don't think she is ready for the answer. I'm not sure I'd be ready for the Centaura. And we know that in his youth he willingly committed rape in this story, though he reqrets it now. I don't know that Hermione could really handle that knowledge. She might be able to handle the idea that he had possibly been forced to do it, but not with certainty that he had ever willingly done it. He's so screwed is she ever finds out all the things he has to do, unless she is a very unusual individual and not very judgemental. I hope for his sake she is as remarkable as he thinks she is.
Hello! I think Draco just passed out! What do you do with this lie. How to explain that 2 men who appeared to absolutely despise one another were lovers on the low down. Would Draco even fall for that? I don't think he has been present at the OP meetings to observed the apparent mutual hatred. Draco doesn't know how much the murrauders stalked and abused poor Severus. Maybe he'll fall fore it. Poor boy wil be manipulated by the Uncle he trustes. That must taste like shit to Severus.
And Hermione can't know about Draco! She would not understand.
Severus Snape is the most adept spie of all the world if he pulls this off. He must feel like he can never get clean from lying regulary to those few who trust him, beastiality, cheeting on his overly homornal girlfriend that he shouldn't be with, but amazingly they actually love each other and trust each other. Now, add buggery in order to manipulate his godson. He must keep Hermione and Draco apart. And what would the dark lord or Albus Dumblebutt have to say about all of this distasteful activity. Dude, when this is all over you are going to need some serious counceling!
OK. What should he do now? I say, let the twirp kiss you so that you can get on his good side and find out his secrets. Hey! It's a dog eat dog world out there right now. Just hope that Hermione doens't find out you cheated on her with 4 Centaras and her worst enemy at the school and all in the same week. It's a fine edge you tread, poor Severus. I actually feel sorry for you.
Lucky in many ways it seems, our Severus. The Dark Lord needed a laugh. Oooooo, let a name slip in there that starts with an H. So who actually rescued the toad in the forest after all? Make up any answer you like. I had assumed it was Albus. But why he would bother is beyond me. Does Severus have to go back to fetch her?
So! Our dear potions master is hung like a stallion! Well of couse he is! Those naughty girls. It's a good thing Hermione doesn't know. And, isn't he terrified of being caught in the act by the stallions while making love to the mares? I'm sure they would kill him. I'm glad he gets some small reward for his hard work protecting Harry. It really is too bad they didn't kill Umbridge. I know Jkr needs her later in the story. I hope she has permanent damage though.
There's no way that will happen under these circumstances. I don't believe it. Girls need a mood or something to get then started.
Don't worry Hermione, dear. After you've been married for more than 3 decades you actually will grow together down there from lack of use. You see, the little man is victim to depression, high blood pressure, diabetes and sundry medications for said infirmities, but eventually this will only spark a sense of resigned bitterness. Dreams though few and far between will be a welcomed relief. So cry no more dear girl and by the gods grab him while you can! Perhaps in your world magic will make these things not so. If that is the case, get over it you silly girl. He must truly be desperate to put up with this. You all must be. I was quite emotional the first 20 years. It was dreadful! Now I am resigned to the fact that what ever you were fighting about the first 2 years are the same things you will be fighting about in 10 years until eventually you just look at him and shake your head. Put up with it or try to train a new one. Here is the most important thing you will ever know. They cannot be trained. Don't waste your time.
I love, "like a raisin through a guinea pig"! I take it you speak from experience based on your picture of Mr. Flibbert, I believe his name was. One of the things that annoyed the hell out of me in the movie version of TGoF was the hormonal Hermione whining and bitching in her high pitched self righteous girl BS. I think she was pissed off just like in this chapter for the entire movie. I realize it is true to life but it is still annoying. I have two drama queens of my own and it doesn't get better when they grow up. I am grateful for grandsons. They are loud and every game requires growling and yelling and running in the house, not to mention accidentally bumping into each other on purpose etc. but I am looking forward to much less drama as when they reach puberty. I look also look forward to Hermione in this story finishing her O.L.W.S. I'm hyper-sensitive from PTSD after raising two daughters.
Here it is 2014 and still no end in sight. Please finish this, it is too good and to frustrating to stop here,
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really would like to finish it someday. Too many projects, not enough time!
You do know that as long as this story sits unfinished, I am going to pop in periodically and bug you, right? Now I am not pressuring you. I know that real life can be a bitch. All I'm saying is that I probably have a good fifty years left in me, and I am going to continue to encourage you until I take my last breath. Oh, but please don't wait that long as I do want to read the end, lol.
Hi Fawkes_07, I have enjoyed this so much! It is of course beautifully written and plotted. I think you've captured all the characters quite well. The sense of humor in this story is wonderful and was a great surprise. Love the interactions between H and Severus, and also between Severus & Draco. I see that it has been some years since you've updated. Please, please don't abandon this story! Happy writing!
Ah, I remember following this story every week. It's a shame RL got in the way and it's gone 3 years-ish without an update. I hope you're doing well and come back to it some day. Thank you for the wonderful half-fic, for what it's worth :)
What the what?? I followed you over from MNFF to see what I'd missed, holy mess!!!! I LOVE this story, it constantly shocks me!!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
LOL, yeah, MNFF had an issue with the human/centaur thing. Glad you're enjoying it... I hope to finish it someday if I ever get my life back.
wow, this story just gets creepier and creepier, in the most interesting and hilarious way possible. this has to be the best story i have ever read on any fanfiction site. u are an awesome writer; i have never laughed this much at a story. i now see why mnff just couldnt bear it, lol, way too many disturbing things. i just got used to the thought of draco being a sex god in other stories, now u make him gay! bwahahaha, talk about a monkeywrench. im sad snape gave that 16-year-old release to the mares. i wished my girl hermione had gotten a piece of that. now that would have been fun to read and write, im sure, hehe. again, u are brilliant!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
<laughs> Wow, glad you're enjoying it! Yeah, MNFF drew the line at the "bestiality" elements (though they don't seem to mind human/werewolf and human/veela). Eh, whatever.Hadn't thought of the 16-year gap ending with the ponies... I guess this is sort of a tragic story, huh?
More Please!?!?!? I so like how this story is going. Love the HG/SS relationship. I so can not wait for more.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Sigh... I know. I really do intend to finish it, and the funniest stuff is yet to come. You just would not believe the times I've had the past couple years--broken ribs, my mom passed away, a new nonprofit opened in town and begged me to write their grants... I don't even READ fanfic any more, much less write it. But someday things will settle down.
I tried to read this story when I was 16 years of age, back then I could barely read English (not my first language) and I had to consult the dictionary every 3 minutes or so but I do remember little bits of it... This amazing first chapter for example. It's so well written and so true to the characters. It's a pleasure to be able to read it again.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Wow! That's so cool! I'm glad you liked it well enough to come back to it! Thanks!
Aww, Snape's going to be a father. *snickers*
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Not after he gets that potion ready...
The age of consent in the UK is 16 not to mention the use of the Time-Turner so she's actually almost two years older than her peers. She could've consented before.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Hmm, I suppose so. But she used the date to such a fine advantage... had to go with it.
You are a wonderful writer, and I always look forward to reading more of your story. This is byfar my favorite Snape/Hermione fanfic ever. I thank you soooo much for updating! I love love love everything about it! Are you though, planning to go canon and kill him off in the end, or will I have to wait and see? You make my week!
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Heh, well, I don't like to give out spoilers but I'll just say I don't consider DH as part of canon. So that may answer your question...
I went back and reread the last chapter to refresh the story in my brain. It has been a damn long time woman! Come back to the potterverse! We miss you. Im all sorts of confused about H's trouble in potions. Whatever could it be?
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
Herms was totally upstaged by Harry in potions that year, on account of Harry having the HBP's potion text. She was pretty po'd about that--but she can't tell Snape or that would ruin Harry's surprise. But I think it's funny that she would be in such a good position to blow Harry's scheme out of the water...
ROFLMAO! Oohhhh noooo. Snape, you silly man. I was afraid something like this would happen. Can wizards and centaur breed with each other?! You really do love torturing Snape. It's a fun kind of torture, though.
Response from Fawkes_07 (Author of Fair Exchanges)
*snerk* It IS fun to torture old Sev. Maybe Voldy thinks so too, I dunno.