37: Gathering the Pieces, Making Amends

Chapter 37: Gathering the Pieces, Making Amends

It was nearing sunrise when they finished viewing the last memory in the smaller box. When they pulled out of the Pensieve the last time, Harry rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I was hoping there would be something new there. Something I hadn't seen. I was sure Dumbledore must have included something new."

Hermione had pulled out a piece of paper and begun taking notes when they returned from the first set of Horcrux-related memories, so their list was fairly complete, but now they were all too exhausted to continue. They had seen all the memories Harry had been privy to during his special lessons with Dumbledore: From the first day he met Riddle at the orphanage to the boy's days at Hogwarts, Tom's discussion on Horcruxes with Slughorn, his work for Borgin and Burkes to his request to teach at Hogwarts. "At least it's fresh in your mind now. Maybe it will help jog our memories." She was trying to be helpful, but wasn't sure if she succeeded.

"Any ideas?" Harry asked, looking around at everyone's tired faces.

When no one said anything, Hermione set out her suggestions. "First, we all need to sleep. After that we should make a big poster of the things we know, like Muggle policemen do. It might help us see a pattern better. At the very least, it will keep the basic details where we can see them." Hermione rubbed her eyes, which felt gritty. Her diary had alerted her to a new note from Severus some time ago, but after verifying it wasn't anything urgent, she had put it aside. Now, she wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with it and read her husband's words. She wished they had looked even vaguely conciliatory, instead of simply news of the latest meeting with Voldemort. Then again, she hardly expected Severus to try and bridge the gap when it was her fault things had gone so badly wrong between them in the first place.

"Sounds like a good idea. Let's get some sleep," Ron said.

They all headed down to their rooms after Hermione warded the door so no one would disturb their things. Hermione arrived in her room alone, got ready for bed, and read the short, concise entry from her husband. There was nothing personal in it: no snide remarks to make her smile, no expression of wishing to be together. It made her feel very alone. She started making a few return comments of her own before Ginny joined her. The younger girl's cheeks were pink and her lips looked a bit swollen from kissing, but otherwise all looked fine.

They shared a conspiratorial smile, then Ginny began preparing for bed. Hermione returned to her diary.

*****

It was mid afternoon when the four of them had eaten and returned upstairs to continue their work. Hermione charmed a paper to expand to cover most of one wall. They set out each Horcrux in its own column with any pertinent information they knew about it. As they stood back and considered their work an hour later, Hermione wondered how this was supposed to make things easier.

"Wait a minute," Ron said, walking along the front of the board, reviewing the information silently. "There is a pattern...or there might be." He ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Though they had all slept for hours, none of them felt truly refreshed.

"You mean besides the fact that all the objects have significance to Voldemort?" Ginny asked.

"The locations, I mean. The diary is a bit of a stretch, but he had one of his Death Eaters hold it for him, one of the group who followed him...the group that extends his power by doing his bidding. It also represents what he accomplished as a teen in the Chamber of Secrets, and his lineage to one of the Four Founders.

"The locket was originally located in the cave where he did something to those other kids in the orphanage. An example of his power or of coming into his own, I guess. The ring was found at the little shack his mother grew up in. All of the places have some kind of personal significance to him. Maybe the other two items were left in significant places too."

"That's brilliant, Ron." Hermione's mind began to race; she had missed that point completely, and it definitely had merit. "So if we figure out what other places might have had significance to him, we'll have a starting place to find the comb and the cup."

"Let's start with pinpointing the two locations that make the most sense, then we can work on how to get there." Hermione turned to Ginny to begin brainstorming.

*****

The next day Hermione couldn't get her mind off her confrontation with her husband. The boys slept late, which left her with time on her hands to brood. She could feel him brooding as well and knew his anger was justified. It was easy enough to deal with an irritable husband when you know you are in the right, she thought, but when you were filled with self-recriminations, it took on a whole new dimension.

To escape the constant thoughts about her husband, Hermione focused on study. August was drawing to a close, and she knew the next few months were unlikely to provide time for her to focus on her studies as she would like. In addition to the Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense lessons she worked on with the boys, she spent time of her own on Arithmancy and Runes and still put in time on wandless magic, though that was so draining and frustrating it got less attention than the others.

When pain assaulted her whole body in the evening, she gasped, doubled over and slowly worked on Occluding her mind. Severus was being tortured, and there was nothing she could do about it. When closing her mind barely touched the discomfort she was feeling, she breathed through it, then let out a sigh of relief when it was lifted and she was left with only tingling muscles.

Dropping everything, she called out, "Harry, I'm going to see Sebastian for the evening."

"What? Why tonight?" He appeared in the kitchen door, and she gasped as another bout of crucio was cast on her husband. "I thought we were going to go over this information again tonight."

"He needs me. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded, seeing her desperation. "OK."

She opened the front door and Apparated away.

The cottage was dark as she knew it would be. Moonlight gilded the flowers and shrubs, peeked through tree limbs and cast a faint glow on the path to the front door. In another situation she would have lingered, enjoying the evening, but tonight she couldn't appreciate it as it deserved. She hurried to the front door and cast the charm to open it, then with a flick of her wand, lit the lamps around the house.

As a third bout of crucio rocked her husband's body, Hermione ground her teeth together and began willing him to join her at the cottage, wishing he could leave the meeting and join her, that she could care for him and acknowledge their need to work in tandem. She worried Voldemort might be so angry he would kill Severus, and she would never know if it was her fault, and never have the chance to make it up to him.

When the curse lifted, she felt his relief and knew it must be over. She wished again for him to join her as she moved around the kitchen, heating water in the tea pot and setting out biscuit and preparing fruit for a late tea. She didn't know if he would actually come, but if he was still too angry to see her, she would have something to eat while she tried to figure out how to make it up to him.

When the front door slammed shut a few minutes later, she couldn't help but smile, even if his irritation was set at screaming. She turned and saw him shudder with aftershocks of the crucio, his eyes blazing into hers.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"Preparing tea?" Hermione couldn't understand why he was looking at her like that.

"Calling me when I'm in the middle of a meeting. Willing me to the cottage like that when you know I can't come. I was lucky he was ready to let me go. I could have blown my cover, Apparating back here without permission." He stalked over to her and penned her against the counter with a hand on either side of her. "I'm starting to think you're trying to get us killed."

He was scary in his fury, but she found herself more fascinated than worried for her own safety. His anger may have been directed toward her, but she didn't feel a threat. And his words made her wonder what was going through his mind. "What are you talking about? Yes, I wanted you to come here, but I had no expectation you would interpret that as a demand. What's gotten into you?"

He paused, seemed to consider, to reign the anger back in, then stepped back a few inches. "I need my pain relief potion. I'm not thinking clearly." He wiped a bit of blood from a cut on his jaw and stepped back even further.

Hermione had no idea what was going on, but she wasn't about to ask when he was like this. "I'll get it for you. Have a seat." She walked to the bathroom medicine cabinet where she knew she had seen a bottle of the potion and returned with a muscle relaxant as well. She wondered how much sleep he had gotten over the previous few days; she could feel his exhaustion.

He was sitting in a chair, leaning against the wall, his eyes closed and face twitching slightly when she returned to the kitchen. "Here, take some of this." She held out the bottle and his eyes fluttered open.

Severus reached for the bottle, uncorked it, and tossed back a generous dose. "What's the other one?" When she told him, he took that bottle and swallowed it as well.

"Would you like some food? When is the last time you had a real meal?" She took the bottles back from him and set them on the counter, then added tea leaves to the hot water to steep.

"I ate something for breakfast. I've been at his beck and call all day, haven't had time to eat." His anger seemed spent, or at least tucked away for the time being.

Or sleep. She nodded; she had felt the short burn on her arm nearly eight hours earlier. "Well, it won't be fancy, but we'll see what I can put together." She opened the fridge and pulled out several sandwich ingredients, then cast a spell on them so they would make themselves into sandwiches.

As she put things together, set the table and set out the food, he said nothing, watching her with weary eyes. "So why the crucio tonight?" she finally asked.

"Don't ask. I don't want to get into it."

"I can order you to tell me, for the Order." She hadn't done so, just decided to test him out first.

"It will have no bearing on Order operations, so I don't have to answer you. Ask me after I've eaten and had some sleep, and we'll see if I feel like discussing it." He looked up in her eyes as she turned toward him again. "Please tell me you're getting close. Please tell me this is going to end soon. I don't know how much more I can take." Vulnerability echoed in his eyes, tearing her heart out.

Hermione set the tea pot on the table, then turned toward him. She cradled his face between her hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, his cheeks, his closed eyelids, his forehead and nose, then back to his mouth. A vulnerable Severus nearly broke her heart, especially knowing how hard he was to break. "We've had a breakthrough of sorts. At least, I think we have. I spent the past two days reviewing the information and putting things together. I think we're getting close. How about you? How are you coming on the other half of our spell?"

"I'm making headway. It's been slow going, but I should have it in another week or so. If the madman will leave me be for a little while."

She kissed him again, then released his face. "Best eat. Then we'll rest. We can talk in the morning."

To her surprise, he turned right to his plate and began loading it up.

*****

Severus woke to the sun shining in his eyes and his wife's warm body in his arms. He thought back over the past few days, the groveling he'd done before the Dark Lord to atone for Hermione's lunch with the Bulgarian.

His bouts of torture the previous day had been because he hadn't bent her to his will, hadn't ingratiated himself with her, or rather, gotten her to ingratiate herself with him. The Dark Lord felt Severus' relationship with Hermione was pivotal to destroying Harry and to learning the inside track with the Order. He was right, of course.

Over the past few days, he had sensed her excitement, the underlying sense of purpose she had gained, and the moments of regret. He knew he had been too tired when he came to her side, had nearly let more slip than he was ready for. When he considered the possibilities, he nearly decided to tell her about the other aspects of the spell he had placed on her, of the purpose of the potions he had fed her, but weighed his options and decided against.

Still, a show of understanding and forgiveness might be in order. It might make her more likely to reciprocate when his secrets were revealed. Especially the second of the two. He had never considered children. Even after he married Hermione, he had figured the point was moot if they didn't survive the war. That meant he had no idea how she would feel about it, and he wasn't about to ask now...not when it was almost certainly too late for her to weigh in her opinion. She would be expecting him to bring another dose of the contraceptive potion soon. He would need to make a decision about how to handle things before then.

But not today. Today was for smoothing out the rough edges between them. It was both his job and his pleasure.

*****

Hermione woke to the feel of Severus' arms around her in their bed. She couldn't help but think of the little cottage as anything but theirs, though she knew it belonged to someone else. After dinner she had stripped him and put him to bed, then joined him herself. When he turned to her in the middle of the night, she had welcomed him into her arms. Now, as his breath on her neck sent trails of goosebumps down her back, she wondered if that had all been done in a half-asleep haze of lust, or if he had known what he was doing at the time.

"I can sense your mind racing. I know you're awake." His voice was husky in her ear, and she shivered slightly at the tone.

"Feeling better?"

"Much. Much better. Food, sleep, and you in my arms appears to be the best medic." He pulled away, releasing her from his embrace and sliding out of bed.

Taken aback by his words, she narrowed her eyes at him. "You forgot your habitual swear word after that comment." She kept her tone light as she slid from the covers and picked up her robe nearby.

"What's that supposed to mean?" His voice was guarded.

"You know; it's usually more along the lines of 'food, sleep and you in my arms...damn that potion and those Weasley twins for making me care one way or the other if you live or die.' " She pulled the ties of the robe into a knot at her waist and pushed back her tangled mane of hair, anything to avoid his eyes. She knew instinctively that he wouldn't share what happened at the meeting last night with her, and that the enraged comments he had made when he entered the cottage would not be explained. It was more than irritating that there was so much of his life he still held back. Didn't he trust her at all? Then she thought of her Animagus shape and realized it worked both ways.

There was a long silence, but she could tell he was trying to decide her mood, interpret her comment. For once she didn't want to make things easier for him, so she stayed silent.

"You were too brilliant a student for me not to care a little if you died. After all, I saved Longbottom, and he was abysmal. Why would I have no preference whether you lived or died?"

"That's a point for you, I suppose. Are you planning to take a shower right away, or can I go first?" Hermione walked over to the drawer where she had stashed a few changes of clothing and began picking through her unimaginative under things. She made a mental note to buy something a bit racier when the war was over. For once she wanted to damn the potion for making her so sure she would still want to be with this taciturn, irritable, difficult man when this was all over. And damn it even more for making her love him and accept these parts of him, even as they drove her crazy.

"Why don't we take it together? I heard some Muggles complaining about a drought. We could conserve our natural resources." He came up behind her and set his hands on her hips, then leaned in and touched his lips to a bare spot on her shoulder.

"Somehow I doubt it would actually conserve water if we shared." Certain he had something up his sleeve, she ordered her body not to react to his touch as he kissed her shoulder again, then moved the hair from her neck and worked his lips up to her earlobe. As usual, her body refused to listen when it came to him.

"But it might be enjoyable to give it a try."

Hermione pulled out of his arms and turned to face him. "Go ahead and take the shower if you like; I'll see about breakfast. I haven't seen the house-elf in ages."

"Twinkie has been working on other parts of the estate, but all you have to do is call his name and he'll come take care of anything you like. I think he's actually offended you haven't had any chores for him to do yet." His hands worked up to the ties at her waist and loosened them so he could slide his hands against her skin.

It took great self control to nudge him away when he was already getting to her. It was rare her husband tried his hand at seduction, but she didn't want to get wrapped up in that right now. "I didn't realize this cottage was part of an estate. I thought the elf only belonged to this cottage."

"This is a remote corner of the estate. I believe the cottage once belonged to a caretaker of some kind. Perhaps once the war is won you'll be interested in taking a tour." He pushed the robe from her shoulders.

"Severus, I don't think this is the right time..."

"It's always the right time, my dear." He dropped his head and placed his open mouth on that one sensitive spot beneath her collar bone.

"You wouldn't say that if we were at the Weasleys'." Her eyes were all but crossed with the effort to resist the pull of the enchantment.

He dropped his hands and backed off. "Now you've killed the mood. What was the point of bringing up the Weasleys?"

"We need to talk." She picked up her robe from the floor and tied it around her again. "Twinkie."

"You called, ma'am?" The house-elf winked into existence before her.

"Could you put some breakfast on the table? Severus will need something substantial. I'd prefer a lighter breakfast."

"Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am." The house-elf grinned and winked away again.

"I'm such a hypocrite, using a house-elf." Hermione ran a hand through her tangles and sighed. "Look, you were right. I was wrong. I won't have any more solitary lunches with old flames. I'll try and consider how my behavior might affect your standing with the Dark Lord, but you'll have to explain in more detail what's going on. I need to understand the danger you're in, the part I need to play."

"It's all forgiven, Hermione. I know you saw your error." He stepped forward again, but she held out a hand to stop him, narrowing her eyes at him.

"It's all forgiven? Just like that? No discussion. No explanation. No apologies?" She knew it was him, and she knew he wasn't under the Imperius Curse...she could sense various levels of emotion from him...something she didn't get when he was being controlled by that woman earlier in the summer. But she sensed there was a little more to the situation than he was letting on.

"I have made mistakes of my own, things you have forgiven me for readily. You put up with my bitter nature, me pushing you away, and you never complain. The time will come when you may have cause to be angry with me, and I thought to give myself a bargaining chip." He smirked as though he was joking with her, but she sensed that he was partly truthful.

Hermione recalled those potions she had ingested. He still hadn't told her what they were, and she hadn't noticed any difference since she took them. "So, totally selfish reasons for forgiving me, huh?"

"Absolutely selfish. I am not a nice or forgiving man by nature. You should know that." He slid his arms around her waist again, pulling her close. "But I see the advantage for both of us in kissing and making up." He then put it into practice.

After debating for a moment, she decided to pick it apart later. For now she gave herself up to the pleasure of being in his arms.

________

Yes, Severus is a manipulator, but we already knew that. Also, stay tuned for the reason behind his unexplained rage. It's coming up in a couple chapters.

A big thanks to RobisonRocket for countrymouse for their suggestions and corrections on this chapter.