New Chapter for A Nagini and Severus Tale

A neat trick: the reader is relieved when the 'evil' Slytherins rescue the romantic pair. And Lucius is the cool-headed one who wants to avoid incidents.The prescient Narcissa is not among the rescuers. Does she always stay aloof on the sidelines?The blackmail of Marcus struck me as too convenient. Lucius could have prevailed without it, but perhaps it comes up again as a plot point.Once again, Lucius believes Severus's infatuation with an unsuitable witch is going to upset his plans.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Well, the Slytherins can be as loyal as a Hufflepuff, brave as a Gryffindor and all that... to their own, if it amuses them and is in their interests to do so, and yes, as Lucius feels his time at Hogwarts coming to a close soon, and his eagerness for the next chapter in his life to begin, he's trying to keep cool and keep everyone calm, enough. A bit more of the blackmailed Marcus as a plot point will come up again. Yes, Narcissa and her aloofness will stay constant; it's one of her strongest defense techniques to deal with things... Severus' infatuation has now got under Lucius' skin, irritating him and pushing his 'impatience' button--more on that, specifically, in the next chapter. Thank you again for everything!

10/10

Good scene of Nagini suffering the humiliation of asking Lucius for a favor, followed by taunts and accusations from the other Slytherins. Narcissa appears to be both diplomatic and level headed.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for the read and feedback! Nagini's acting on her impulses, which have temporarily made her blind to her true surroundings--to Lucius and his inner group. Narcissa will remain constant, reserved and remote, her survivor strategy. Being innately steadfast in character, Narcissa's resolute nature will become more important for Nagini and Severus a bit later on. Thank you again for all of your keen generous feedback--truly appreciate it!

10/10

Good due scene although, to me, it reveals the irresposibility and lack of chivalry on the part of the Gryffindors.As before, I would have preferred a slower blossoming relationship between Nagini and Severus with each of them wondering if this attraction was geuine and could they trust the other and their own feelings.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Glad the duel scene came across as intended--the Marauders did receive a lot of detentions during their school years--Sirius & James always struck me as feeling themselves very entitled and a bit, um, careless and carefree, above the regular rules; something else they had in common with Slytherins... I appreciate your concern--Nagini and Severus are being impulsive, whether this pans out as they wish or whether things will slow down or backtrack a bit remains to be seen.... Trust will definitely be a huge element in the development of their relationship, as well as each of them learning about themselves, their own feelings and daring to trust. Thank you for reading and all of the insightful feedback and commentary--food for the Muses!

10/10

Once again, parallel scenes. This time, hopes dashed, brutally.

Nagini wants to be a normal student, but Dumbledore is not going to allow that. She is to be an assassin which is a commentary on Brit wizard society since a government uses assassins when the rule of law and order is ineffective. She is condemned to this because of who her mother and guardian were. Dumbledore has the same attitude as her attackers at Durmstrang.

One item on my mind, but not mentioned in the last review, is that Nagini's guilt or innocence depends on the legal code and social attitudes. (The difference between Arabia and Western Europe come to mind.) If Dumbledore's point of view is embodied in the law, then Nagini is legally guilty.

Lily doesn't tell Severus they were only childhood friends, she tells him he is defective while James is complete. To put it bluntly, Lily is revealed as an arrogant toe-rag.

To Albus and Lily, Nagini and Severus are lesser forms. Is there a dark tale struggling to get out? If this is the prevailing social attitude, then the Dark Lord is the only hope for Nagini and Severus, and vanquishing this dark lord offers only a temporary respite since a sizable part of the population cries out for recognition.

I have my doubts about Nagini letting herself become involved with Severus at this time. She should know he is on the rebound, and she is too proud to be mere solace. Besides, Severus was part of the incidents at Malfoy Manor, and she wants to leave all that behind her.

The next comment is dark. The society is somewhat Victorian, and the followers of the Dark Lord are seen indulging is sex. For balance, Lucius could observe James seducing Lily.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Yes, exploring Nagini and Severus' wishes about and ideas for oneself and future, and the clash with how others perceive them and their attitudes of superiority or moral codes that they live by. Even Dumbledore has some unresolved issues 'all for the greater good' influencing his decisions and the responsibility he feels for keeping law and order, his way. Yes, in his point of view, she is guilty, but seen as potentially 'useful'; he's never one to waste a potential resource or to try not to waste one, especially if she is deemed expendable, at no lost to him other than having one less worry. Though he does have his doubts as to whether she can be conditioned to be useful. Love you summing it all up in a nutshell--yes, Lily does perceive and has labeled Severus as defective, and James not. In canon, it was depicted as a very abrupt, brutal cut off of Severus in her life, and a very speedy replacement in the form of Potter. We were only allowed a selective portrait of Lily through Severus' and Harry's subjective pov. Social attitudes seem to always be an on-going process, and the wizarding world in this tale is a more extreme portrayal of the deserving or entitled and the 'lesser' forms. Cliche time--lol!, Nagini's never been in this situation before, to have the freedom or privacy to be attracted to anyone and (re)act--she should understand that he is on the rebound, but...I love your dark comment *evil cackling* and will definitely meditate on it as it could bring a lot of hypocrisy to light on both sides of the camp. Thank you again for taking the time to share your stimulating insights! Deeply appreciate it!

10/10

Parallel scenes. Both recovering from pain. Both tormented by there partner or imagination. Both determined to keep it under control, keep it a secret, and not be ensnared.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for continuing to read and the feedback! Yes, I was trying to depict different levels of torment and bring in an element of them both yearning for something which they don't have in their lives to relieve their torment... or what they believe and temporarily act upon to relieve it... Yes, they are, at this point, determined to keep it under control as best they can. Thank you again!

10/10

From what I know of the incident, it is a judgement call whether or not Nagini committed a crime. Was it an act of self defence, or was it revenge with deadly force? The extreme circumstances argue for self-defence while the rational nature of her curse argues for revenge.Why was her trial held in Great Britain?Do not know what Dumbledore found since her denial and avoidance are possibly remorse and a desire to forget what she has done even if it was justified. Besides, can we trust Dumbledore in a matter associated with Grindelwald?The girl scene was lovely.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Yes, that is the dilemma--how was the incident interpreted; it could be argued that it wasn't premeditated, absolutely an act of self defence, although the act led to the death of the Durmstrang student. It will be revealed (around chapter twenty-one or so) that Dumbledore knows more of Nagini's background and certain facts may have caused him to be more subjective than objective towards her, as hard as he tries to be objective; no, I don't think we can trust Dumbledore in any matter associated with Grindewald, and Nagini will be associated with Gellert.Oh good lord, I have left out vital info in the exposition--thank you for pointing it out and asking the question! Probably back in chapter three--lol!-- I should have put in that Nagini was discreetly handed over to Britain's wizarding officials by the Durmstrang Headmasters and governers due to them wanting to cover up the 'accidental' incident (Von Sturmburg's family being neo-Grindelwald followers among other things), wanting to avoid internaional incident as the bones of her deceased mother were just found (another incident they wished to diffuse, etc.) and her mother's citizenship, being underaged, her next of kin, Abraxas, claiming her and finding elite representation for her, etc.--as, technically, she was still a minor, not taken into custody as an adult wizard, the matter of punishment and custodial care differed, etc. The story is all in my head and I do forget I need to share all of the details--especially something as major as this--yikes! Thanks!I'll either rewrite and put some of this back in chapter three when Hagrid is giving Severus and Regulus the load down about her or, actually, there'll be a scene coming up in about chapter twenty-three--lol!-- between Dumbledore and Moody that this information can fit better into-- as Moody is going to demand a thorough understanding from Albus about all of the dirty, nitty-gritty facts, etc.Thank you again for pointing out a major blooper and keeping me on my toes! Thank you--I enjoyed writing the girls scene; they brought out something different. Thanks again!

Response from MHaydn (Reviewer)

Something occurred to me after reading the available chapters, and I'll take the risk of sharing it.

Your instincts in this chapter are correct. Nagini and the story need more girl-time: milk and cookies and makeup and gossip and teddy bears and study partners and talk about boys. What type of person is Nagini when seen in normal circumstances?

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for your input--I agree; I had written more girl scenes, but then cut them out, and then let everything run lopsided trying to push the plot forward--lol! Hmmm... Thank you--it's given me ideas and confidence to develop Nagini's perspective and interaction more, as it can be developed with what is plotted so far, regarding future scenes. Thank you for sharing your insight, I deeply appreciate it!

10/10

Everywhere Nagini goes, she is prejudged, but his chapter does provide some refuge because of the iconoclastic Xeno and Hibiscus. Marcus may be a combination of his own ego and the need to protect his house against the gangs led by Lucius and James, but his manner and the exchange with Xeno indicate he is a tyrant. Marcus has no backup when Lucius intrudes, nor does there appear to be a gang of Ravenclaws similar to the Slytherin and Gryffindor gangs. Perhaps this is a Ravenclaw trait. A lonely Severus fantasizes about his childhood friend, Lily, who may be the only decent person he knows, although she is attracted to the bad boys. Does Lily have a mischievous streak? Lucius may be acting as a true friend when he advises Severus to forget Lily and seek someone else, but his advice is marred by suggesting Bellatrix. Also, his internal monologue says he is only doing it for selfish reasons, but he may be kidding himself about his motives just as he denies his feelings for Narcissa.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you again for reading and the thoughtful feedback! Yes, there are all kinds of Ravenclaws, and I do like to think of the future founder, publisher and editor of The Quibbler to have always been one to have challenged despots in the making, even his own Head Boy, such as Marcus is--hehe! Luna and her parents have always held a special fascination for me out of the many canon characters we were teased with.Ravenclaws (and Hufflepuffs) always struck me as more singular and individualistic, relying on their own skills and selves, their own wit, to deal with matters. Marcus is introduced as feeling quite confident of himself, and quite untouchable, but as his insecurities are glimpsed at, he'll shortly begin to flex his muscles and recruit others to assist him when needed, only not from his house. He has his reputation as a sole control freak to keep up. Severus has a very specific picture of who and what Lily was and is, and will always be to him... Yeah, I agree--she is attracted to the bad boys--guess James knew exactly what to say or do, or was at the right place and at the right time to wow Lily off her feet... Lucius is trying to be a friend in his own way, trying to offer Severus options as he understands them and views them realistically. Thank you again for the feedback affirming that the character's are coming across as intended--truly appreciate it!

10/10

I think the most important phrase is the throw-away line by Severus: Lily would never be safe with me. Depths and complexity could be brought out by exploring this thought.

As more unwarranted asides, the story begins with a long exposition of misery (as the first five volumes of canon, I lost interest after that), and as in canon, the important motivations are not revealed.

Whatever, the chapter provides a tapestry of interactions.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for continuing to wade read through this and for the insightful feedback--truly appreciate it! It's helped me make some decisions for future content and go with it.It's one of the many questions I would ask the character of Snape if I could: 'Did you (or how did you) think Lily would ever be safe with you, having made the choices you did?' Poor man.Yes, I've noodled away a very, very long-winded exposition. One of my many faults. My apologies--all the more thankful that you've been kind enough to patiently read and give this some commentary! Motivations will be clearly revealed. Not to razzle-dazzle, but human enough. I'll try to keep the prolix narrative down to the bare essentials--lol!--now that things will be going downhill to the finish line to r.i.p. During the time of these mid-chapters of the prolonged exposition, my newly discovered fandom plunge had lit my imagination afire for all of these dubious characters, so I was in more of a phase of going with the flow. I've slowly moved on from that. Well, some days I have.;-) Thanks again!

Response from MHaydn (Reviewer)

Thanks for your calm and reasoned responses. When engrossed, I become analytical, which might appear to be critical although that is not the intent.

I would not say the exposition is long-winded. It's taking time to portray the characters by showing us who they are, which takes longer, but is more satisfactory than telling us. Your 'fandom plunge' is providing us with a good story about the Marauder Days.

Naturally, I am wondering what Nagini did to suffer such a fate.

10/10

A lamentable lapse of control. Nagini is merchandise, and merchants do not damage the goods.What cataclysm of events turns this Nagini into the serpent that kills Severus? As an unwarranted aside, have the characters taken on a life of their own, and is the story writing itself into a hole?

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for the continued read of this kind of content and for the feedback! Truly appreciate it!It's not an unwarranted aside--there will be a few more (wandering) chapters depicting and filling in, establishing a direct contact between Severus and Nagini, and then starting with Chapter eighteen & nineteen, previous story events/points will begin to be brought full circle, leading to the canon ending. Voldy of course will be elemental in this, needless to say--but no surprise there-- and perhaps it won't be so much a chain of public cataclysmic events as much as a very deep-seated one beyond either Severus or Nagini's control.Qualmsick, as the seemingly extraneous OC, I wrote in to be used as one of other antagonist against the Malfoys, and vicariously Severus, which will be dealt with, explained & interwoven in or directly after the climax(es) and denouement of the story... Thank you for all of your comments and input in this tale; I've been napping on it (even though I have the ending written--lol!--just not all of the filler/connecting narrative fleshed out), but you've given me the impetus to write it on out and start editing. and finish this--lay it to rest once and for all--thank you again!

10/10

The chapter successfully delineates the difference in behavior between those who are a part of the social set and those who have been brought into the gathering. The former tend to act and be natural (even if their behavior is gross or foolish) while the latter tend to react and be constrained.

The dance with Severus and Nagini reads like a fantasy seduction. The knowledgeable male leads with such proficiency that the inexperienced female is able to fully participate and is transported to a higher realm. The female does not wonder how many others the male has ‘danced’ with to acquire this level of skill, nor does she wonder if he has taken others to this higher realm.

It is a nice touch that Lucius pretends to eschew romance like a medieval aristocrat. Marriage is for alliances and progeny; lovesickness is for tragedy and heartbreak. Let the commoners have it. Only in his view, aristocrat/commoner has been replaced by wizard/muggle. He goes so far as to claim his romantic jealousy over Narcissa is merely proprietary possessiveness.

Severus is critical of Regulus for yielding to pressure from his parents and peers, but Severus is reacting just as strongly against his inadequate parents and his taunting peers. Severus also disdains Regulus’s hesitancy, but perhaps Regulus comprehends the situation more clearly than Severus.

Any sympathy for Nagini is in abeyance until more of the story is known.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for such a thoughtful, generous review--truly appreciate it! The attempts to bring in some seduction and/or romance was urged on by a reviewer who expressed being impatient curious as to when I would have some traditional/recognizable fanfic romantic 'connections' happening, so yes, one thing led to another, and I finally plunged on in... Yes, Lucius is trying to justify any deep feelings he has for Narcissa and fit them into socially prescribed categories and put them in their box and place; Severus is keeping mum, but that active mind of his can't help but make judgements, as conflicting or hypocritical as they are. I doubt Nagini will receive much sympathy; she is what she is. Again, thank you for taking the time to read this type of story and for your thought provoking feedback!

10/10

Purely Amazing. Please update it soon. LM temper is perfect, By the way, and I can't wait to see how Sev's and her relationship flourish.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you! The next chapter is in process, a little slower due to summer holiday - thank you for reading & reviewing!

10/10

Nice touch making her a parselmouth. Thank you for going into detail about her trail as well.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for your review!

10/10

Wow, I've never thought of LM's parents before but you seem to have a grasp on what his father would be like. I also like how you had Sev entranced by her and actually went into her memories when they first met. Great Job on this chapter.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for the specific feedback & review! I really appreciate it; I'm glad Abraxas is coming across & Sev's first moment when they met conveyed enough - thanks!

10/10

Amazing first Chapter. I love seeing her in this light, I never would have pictured her as a Witch before now.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you so much for your review!

0/10

Urgh, the whole Slytherin company makes me shudder... like sharks, circling the poor girl, especially Bella and Rodolphus. Lucius also seems dangerous, but kind of stupid. I know that Nagini is not so defenceless, after all, she killed that boy in Durmstrang. However, she is surrounded by enemies and she is probabaly scared that one more step out of line would mean Azkaban.Hmmm, Severus likes her! That is a nice development.I enjoyed reading your story, and I hope you will write more!

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for you review! I'm so glad that the tone of the Slytherin characters, especially Rodolphus and Bella, is coming across - yes, Nagini is not so defenceless but definitely wants to avoid Azkaban; other reasons for her keeping an extra sharp control on herself will come out in future chapters (I've outlined it to the ending - a (short) novel length one - I'm very slow, but more is on its way).Severus...ah, Severus... well, he's human after all:D Thanks again!

0/10

Okay, you've captured the concept of Pureblood arrogance perfectly. I can see why the goblins have a bone to pick with wizards.LOL, of course Hagrid has to spill the beans! I wonder why Nagini set that student on fire? I don't really think it was a whim, he must have done something to her...

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for all of your reviews! Yes, isn't Hagrid a love? There'll be more about Durmstrang later... thanks again!

0/10

Poor Severus, he is so delusional! And poor Nagini... I can see that Lucius takes after his father.

Response from nagandsev (Author of A Nagini and Severus Tale)

Thank you for your review! Yes, Severus is so delusional in his grasping for something of his own. Lucius will struggle and question his father's influence, but he'll also be concerned with controlling his world and all those with in it. Thank you again (sorry, I've been on a bit of a hiatus and am finally having some time to respond to reviews)!

9/10