Chapter 30 - Reasons

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.

Chapter 30 - Reasons

-II-

"Dealing with Draco in the library, Dad. Why don't you sit down? Harry just wanted to start telling us his version," Ivy said.

Albus considered what to do for a moment and then sat down. It was Severus' part to deal with his godson.

Harry brushed his shoes off and drew his legs to his body. Telling the two women was one thing, but telling the whole family was another. He felt watched and very uneasy about it. "I... I..." he started to stutter.

"Just breathe deeply, Harry, and then tell us what happened. We only heard that you and Draco were fighting, and that you left the quarters without your applicator. We were sick with worry," Minerva said, but with the usual strictness in her voice.

And so Harry told what had happened again.

-II-

Harry felt as if he were sinking into the couch. He had curled up in a tight ball while telling his family about what had happened. His face was burning from embarrassment, and he didn't dare to look into their faces.

"Why did you run away, Harry?" Albus asked. "You could have called for Severus. You knew he was in his quarters."

Harry groaned and curled even tighter.

"Harry, stop this. There is no need to hide from us," Ivy said and gently pushed his knees down.

Harry put his hands in his lap and stared down at them. "I feared he would just believe Draco. I mean... I hit Draco, and Severus had told me about the family rules. I thought... I thought you wouldn't want me here any longer." Harry resisted the need to draw his knees up again.

Ivy sighed. "It wasn't right to hit Draco, but we would never abandon you because of this. You are our son, and you will stay our son whatever happens, Harry."

"Severus already told me that after Professor Moody caught me. And he said he won't hit me." Harry fearfully peered at the Headmaster.

"What do you expect, Harry? For me to tell Severus that you need a beating for this?" Albus asked, looking seriously at the dark-haired boy.

Sometimes Harry wondered if Albus could read minds. "You are the headmaster," he said in a small voice.

"No, I'm a grandfather in this situation, and it is for Severus to decide how best to handle this situation. This is a family problem and not a school problem. I don't know what your punishment will be, but I'm sure it will be fitting. I would have thought better of you, Harry, and I hope you learn from it. What Draco said was indeed very hurtful, but it doesn't give you the right to hit him."

Albus seemed to be very angry with Harry, and so Harry couldn't stop himself from curling up again.

"Really, Dad," Ivy scolded, and laid a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder. "We are just worried, Harry, and a little disappointed. But I'm sure you won't make the same mistake again."

"No, I'm sorry," Harry said desperately. "I'm really sorry." His voice broke, and he started to cry again. At that moment he wished they would just beat him and not look so disappointed.

"Harry, please calm down." Ivy tried her best to calm him, but Harry's sobs became even louder.

"Let me try it," Albus said as he came over and took Ivy's place. He gently pushed Harry's knees down again and lifted his chin. "Come on, look at me, Harry."

"I'm"–sob–"sorry!"–sob–"really!" Harry looked at Albus with tearful eyes.

Albus tried to look more gentle. "I know, Harry, but I cannot just hug you and say everything will be okay. Hurting someone never is the right thing to do. No matter what the reason. What Draco did was equally bad, but he isn't my family. You have to learn to think before you do something. Not only the fight with Draco but also running away without your applicator. You should know by now that you don't have to run away from us. We were very worried. What if Alastor hadn't found you? You know what it feels like to have a panic attack. What would happen if you were without your applicator and without anybody around you who knows how to help you?"

"I didn't think about it. I was just scared," Harry explained while he tried to wipe away his tears with his sleeve.

"Use this, Harry." Poppy placed a handkerchief in his hand.

"I still have Severus'," Harry said and started to rummage in his pocket for it.

"Never mind, you can have two," Poppy said, petting Harry's shoulder.

Harry gave up looking for Severus' handkerchief. "Thank you."

"Our worry and disappointment should show you how much you mean to us. If we didn't care for you, we wouldn't be worried or disappointed. Severus has already told you that Draco wasn't telling the truth. So there is nothing to worry about. Your panic attacks are nothing to be embarrassed about. They are part of you at the moment, and you have to accept that. That doesn't mean you are weak or crazy or anything like that."

Harry nodded sadly. "I know. And I won't forget my applicator in future."

"It was good that you used it in time, Harry. I'm very proud of you. If there is ever a next time for something like this, I want you to pick up your applicator before you do anything else," Poppy instructed calmly.

Harry remembered for the first time that he'd still had company when all this happened. "Where are Fred and George?"

"They found Draco and called for Severus. Now they are back in Gryffindor Tower. They were very worried and wanted to look for you, but by then we had already got the firecall from Alastor," Ivy explained.

"If Draco ever tells you something like this again or hurts you, you have to tell us, Harry. We would have helped you to solve the problem, and we could have told you what was true and what wasn't. I think if you didn't let his words so close to your heart, then you wouldn't have felt so bad. Am I right, Harry? Did you think you are a burden to us or that we would be ashamed because of you?" Minerva asked.

Harry had the feeling Minerva's eyes were drilling through him. His face flushed, and he tried to draw up his legs again. Albus quickly prevented it by laying his hand on Harry's leg.

"Sometimes," Harry whispered.

Ivy came over and knelt in front of him. "Harry," she said softly and stroked his hair. "You are one of the best things that has happened to us. We love you, and we will never stop loving you. Severus almost went crazy when we didn't know where you had gone, and that you didn't have your applicator. You are no burden for us, Harry; you are a gift." She kissed his forehead.

"I can't understand why. Why do you want me?" Harry asked while looking directly in Ivy's green eyes.

"Because we love you, and we want to show you what it means to have a family," Ivy explained in her motherly way.

"Harry, would you please join us?" Severus asked as he stood in the doorframe of the library.

Harry flinched. The warm cosy feeling that had spread through his body at Ivy's words vanished, and the fear came up again. "Yes, sir," he croaked.

Slowly he stood up and went over to Severus. When he passed Severus, he didn't dare to look up at him. He flinched when Severus placed a hand on his shoulder and slowly guided him to a chair opposite Draco. Severus sat down sideways to both of them.

Harry carefully looked up and saw that Draco was looking at the floor. His hands were shaking, and now that Harry looked closer, he saw that Draco's whole body was shaking; he was crying.

"So, Draco?" Severus said sternly.

"I'm sorry," the Slytherin said miserably.

"Draco," Severus said warningly.

The blond boy sniffed and drew his sleeve over his face. "I'm sorry for saying all those things to you and... and that I hit the potion thing out of your hand."

Harry didn't know what to say. That wasn't the Draco he knew. All the arrogance and attitude were gone, and he was just a picture of misery.

"Do you accept Draco's apology?" Severus asked Harry.

Harry shook his head to stop gaping at Draco. "Yes, and eh... I also would like to apologize. I shouldn't have hit you. "

"Do you accept Harry's apology, Draco?" Severus asked.

"Yes," Draco said in small voice.

Harry felt a little bit as if they were in a duel and Severus was the referee. He didn't have much time to think about it because Severus spoke again. "Maybe it would help to explain to the other why you reacted as you did. Would you start, Harry?"

Harry groaned and lowered his head.

"Draco?" Severus asked.

Draco sighed. "Okay, I will start."

Harry looked up and saw that Draco still was looking at his hands.

Draco's voice was unsteady when he started to speak. "Severus told you about my father. I hadn't seen Severus for a week, and I wanted to speak with him. He is my godfather, and before you were part of his family, he always had time for me. I was already mad at you, and I feared that now he wouldn't have time for me because he has to watch over you. And then you didn't let me in and asked me in this dismissive tone what I wanted. I have all rights to be here, Potter. He is my godfather."

Draco looked up at Harry, and Harry could see for the first time how tear-stained Draco's face was.

"I also have all the right to be here. We never spoke civilly before, so what did you expect?" Harry interrupted him.

"That you would let me in to speak with Severus without interfering," Draco said angrily. "He is my godfather."

"And he is my father," Harry said heatedly. He blushed when he realized what he just had said. "Adoptive father, I mean." His face was burning.

"Whatever. I just wanted to speak with him, and you behaved as if I had to ask you for permission."

"I didn't," Harry said.

"You did," Draco countered.

"That's enough. You will both stay calm and won't shout at each other. Go on, Draco, " Severus said strictly, and both boys flinched.

"Eh... I wanted to show you that I have the right to be here, and that I don't have to ask you for permission. I just wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurt, and so I said those things to you and hit this potion thing out of your hand. I didn't know how important it was for you. I didn't really want to endanger you, just hurt you." Draco looked shyly at Harry.

Harry was stunned by Draco's look; it couldn't be that he really regretted what they'd done. "But you wanted to hurt me. You said all those horrible things and... and you lied."

"Yes, I said those things. I don't deny it. And I still don't like that you live here and that you steal Severus from me," Draco said bitterly.

"Draco, we already spoke about this. If you feel I don't spend enough time with you, then you have to be angry with me and not with Harry," Severus said calmly.

"I don't want to take him away from you. I didn't even know that he is your godfather," Harry said.

Draco looked up, surprised. "You didn't? Everyone knows."

"I didn't. We don't spend much time together, do we? So how should I know?"

"Then I'm sorry for saying anything to you." Draco lowered his head. "I didn't know that you hadn't asked for them to take you in, and that you are still having problems adjusting. I thought you just moved in to take them away from me."

"You thought what?" Harry was stunned. How stupid can a Slytherin be? Moving in to steal his godfather! As if Harry didn't have enough other problems.

"Yeah, I didn't know the real reason. Nobody told me. Okay, I knew about what the Prophet said, but I just thought you had overdone it while speaking with them. I didn't know that you haven't even spoken with them. I'm sorry for saying those things to you, and I'm sorry for what happened to you."

That was way too much for Harry. He stared open-mouthed at the blond Slytherin.

"Fine, I think now it is your turn to explain your actions, Harry," said Severus, breaking the silence.

"What should I say?" Harry asked, confused.

"Why you hit Draco and ran away. Why you didn't just speak back to him or left him to go into your room."

Harry sighed. Draco was looking curiously at him. "Ehm... I was hurt, and you said things that I've wondered about for some time. Hearing them from you made me think my worries were justified. I think I wanted to hurt you as much as you did with your words, but I couldn't do it with just words. I didn't think twice and only realized that I hit you when you were lying on the floor bleeding. I was shocked because I didn't want to do that, and so I ran away."

"I was a little shocked as well, Potter. You landed quite a punch in my face," Draco said, grinning.

"Yes, I guess I did," Harry said and couldn't suppress a grin as well.

"Too bad that I'm not as amused as you two," Severus said dangerously and leaned forward. "I think it is time to speak about punishment."

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