Chapter 21 – Hard to Accept

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.

Chapter 21 – Hard to accept

When they were sitting in Harry's room, a tense silence lay over the room. Ron looked around curiously, and Hermione looked eagerly at James as if she were awaiting a very interesting lesson. Harry sat nervously on his bed while James sat relaxed on a chair near him.

"Do you want me to speak with your friends or do you want to try it yourself?" James asked to break the silence.

Harry looked nervously at James. "I would prefer if you could do it."

"Okay," James said and turned to Ron and Hermione. "Harry has problems controlling his emotions. Sometimes they overwhelm him and he starts to panic. It's very difficult for him to notice it and take his potion in time. Here he will need your help. You can notice when Harry starts to get problems more easily than Harry can, so you can help him to take his potion in time."

"How do we know when it's the right time?" Hermione asked, worried.

"There are some signs like sweating, frantically looking around or staring at one point, paleness, and fast breathing. The potion has no side effects, so it is better to use it too soon than too late. The potion in this applicator is weak. Harry will still be able to attend classes, but it won't help if he has worked himself too far into the panic attack. In that case you have to call for me, Madam Pomfrey, or Professor Snape. We all have a stronger potion for Harry or are able to help him in another way. Try to speak calmly with him, so he knows that he isn't alone until help comes," James explained calmly.

I'm sure Hermione is annoyed that she hasn't a quill and sheet to write down every word James says, Harry thought while looking at his friend, who hung on James' lips.

"How do we give him the potion?" Hermione asked while Ron bounced nervously on his seat.

"You don't give him the potion. If Harry isn't able to take it himself, then it is already too late for the light potion. You just have to call one of us then," James explained. He fumbled in his bag and pulled out an applicator. He turned to face Harry again. "This is the applicator. You have to take the mouthpiece in your mouth, and then you have to press the other end. That will make exactly the right dose of potion spill into your mouth." He handed Harry the potion applicator.

"Any questions?" James asked and looked at the three teenagers.

Harry and Ron shook their heads, but it was obvious that Hermione had a lot of questions. "But why does Harry have these problems? He never had them before."

"It's for Harry to decide what he wants to tell you about the causes of his problems. I can only explain to you that Harry has suppressed his problems for some time, and at the moment his problems became obvious, his inner barriers lifted, so his emotions take over from time to time. That has nothing to do with weakness. Harry will learn to control it, and feeling safe will help him. He needs his friends to know that he is accepted and that there are people who are worried and care for him."

Hermione nodded, fascinated. Harry would have laughed about Hermione's attitude if it weren't him they were discussing.

Hermione pondered about what the Healer had said and then asked, "What about Quidditch? What if he gets one of these attacks on the broom?"

Harry drew in a sharp breath. He hadn't thought about that. Oh, no, please don't let him forbid me to fly.

James sighed and looked flustered for the first time. "That is something I want to discuss with Harry first."

"No, James, you can't forbid me to fly, please!" Harry begged.

"Harry, please, stay calm," James said while laying a calming hand on Harry's arm. He turned to Hermione and Ron. "I'm sorry, but could you please leave us alone for a moment?"

"Sure," Hermione said and pulled Ron out of the room with her.

"James, please, Quidditch is my life! Please don't take it away from me." Harry almost started to cry in frustration.

"Harry, getting a panic attack during Quidditch would be too dangerous. You are in a stressed situation while playing Quidditch, and stress is a catalyst for your panic attacks. It's only a question of time before you will fall from your broom. I cannot let you play Quidditch," James said calmly but with determination.

"That's not fair! I don't want these damn panic attacks, and now they are stealing from me the only thing that I have fun with. Flying is no stress, James. It's the only time when I can forget everything. The only time where I feel free," Harry pleaded with James.

"Harry, I know that this is hard for you to accept, but it is not something we can discuss. Quidditch is too dangerous at the moment. We can speak about it in a few months. I don't forbid you to fly. You can go flying as long as there is an adult around who can react if something happens. So if you need to fly in order to feel free, I will not hinder you."

"But Quidditch..." Harry started to beg again.

"...Is not open to discussion, Harry," James said strictly.

Harry threw himself angrily onto his bed.

"It's okay that you are angry now, but I have to take care that you don't risk your health. It's a few months without Quidditch. Even if you aren't able to join the team when you are allowed to play again, you can play next year," James said sympathetically and stood up. Looking at the withdrawn teenager on the bed, he said, "I will leave now. Speak with your friends, Harry. I'm sure they can show you that there are other ways to have fun besides playing Quidditch. You just have to let them help you." He left the room and sent Ron and Hermione back inside.

_________

"Come on, Harry, the Healer is right. Quidditch would be too dangerous, and it isn't for a long time."

What annoyed Harry even more than just the words was that it wasn't Hermione saying them but Ron. Harry turned to face Ron, who had sat down on his bed. "That's easy for you to say. You are still on the team."

"Do you want me stop playing as well? I would do it as an apology for my stupid behavior in the Hospital Wing, but then you won't be allowed to hold it against me again. We'll be even then," Ron said seriously.

Harry looked at his best friend, stunned. "You would give up Quidditch for me? You tried so hard to get on the team."

"Sure I'd do it for you. You're my best mate," Ron stated soulfully.

That made Harry forget all his anger, and he started to smile. "I don't want you to give up Quidditch for me."

Ron sighed in relief. "Thanks, mate."

"Sometimes you boys are really stupid," Hermione said, rolling her eyes as she rummaged in her bag. "I brought you my notes from our classes. You should copy them and do the homework to stay up-to-date."

Harry looked at Ron and rolled his eyes.

Ron chuckled. "Now you see what I have to go through all the time while you're enjoying yourself here."

After an hour of going through Hermione's notes and doing homework together, they were interrupted by two screaming kids. Eathan and Lysander came running into the room and jumped on Harry. "Harry, come and play!"

"Whoa, calm down!" Harry said, lifting the twins off him. "How was daycare?"

"Great. Look what we drew for you," Eathan said and thrust a picture into Harry's hand.

"It's our family," Lysander explained. "Look, there are Mum and Dad..."

"... And here are Grandma and Grandpa... " Eathan went on.

"And that's Eathan and me, and here are you, Harry." Lysander ended the explanation while pointing at a red dot which had a line on each side that lead to two smaller dots that were, according to the twins' explanation, themselves. And the dots were surrounded by the other dots that should picture the rest of the family.

"It's great," Harry said and looked excitedly at the drawing. It felt so good that the twins were so eager to add him to their family.

"It's for you," Eathan said. "Do you want to play with us now?"

"My friends are here, Eathan." Harry gestured at Ron and Hermione. "Oh, by the way, this is Ron and Hermione, my best friends. Guys, this is Eathan and Lysander."

"Hello, you two. Nice to meet you," Hermione said and turned to Harry. "We'll go now, Harry," she said and hugged Harry. "We'll come by tomorrow, okay?"

"That would be great," Harry said. He turned to the twins, who looked at him eagerly. It won't take much before they start shoving Ron and Hermione out of the room, Harry thought, amused. "I'll show my friends out. Why don't you wait in your room? I'll come to you in a minute."

The twins ran out of the room, already planning what to play with Harry.

After saying goodbye to Hermione and Ron, he passed the two women of the family and was immediately mollycoddled. Hands were on his head and arms, and he could hardly tell which hand was from which woman. "How are you?" Minerva asked, and Harry was sure that the hand on his forehead was hers.

"I'm fine! James gave me the applicator," Harry said while patting the pocket in which he had placed it.

"That's good, Harry. And have you spoken with Ron and Hermione about it?" Ivy asked, worriedly grabbing his hand.

"Yes, I did. Ehm, the twins are waiting." Harry tried to free himself from the arms of the women. It was a good feeling to have them around, but also a little annoying. He could understand Severus' annoyed reaction much better now.

He played for a few hours with the twins. He would never have guessed, but he enjoyed it a lot. They drew together, played 'Memory,' and fished for paper fishes that were floating in the air and spat water at them when they were too slow. They were still deeply involved in playing when Ivy came in and said, "Time for supper, you three. Eathan, Lysander, into the washroom. I will join you in a second."

The twins were grumbling because they would have liked to go on playing, but headed in the direction of the washroom.

"You can use our washroom upstairs, Harry. Severus and I have discussed it. If the children's bathroom is too annoying for you, you can use ours," Ivy said understandingly.

"It's no problem. It's no big deal once you get used to it. Maybe I will take up your offer from time to time, though," Harry said.

"Do as you like, Harry," Ivy said, and Harry followed her out of the room.

Harry sat down on the closed toilet while Ivy helped the twins to wash their hands and faces. He looked longingly at the trio. Harry wished he could have had a mom when he was the twins' age. While the twins were getting dried by Ivy, Harry went over to the sink and used it himself. "Will Severus join us for supper?"

"No, he is still resting, but he is much better already, and we will go shopping tomorrow afternoon."

"Yeah, shopping!" The twins shouted excitedly.

"Oh, no, my babies, not for you this time." Seeing the sad faces, she added, "But Grandpa is thinking about going to Diagon Alley with you three this weekend." Immediately, the faces lit up again.

"Oh, and Harry, before I forget – I have a message for you from Remus. He has a free period tomorrow between ten and eleven in the morning and will come by to visit you."

Harry was beaming. He was already worried that Remus hadn't contacted him until now. Harry looked forward to the meeting and to the whole day tomorrow. First, meeting Remus and then going shopping with Severus and Ivy. With a smile, Harry went to eat supper with his family.