Chapter 26 – Talking with James

Thanks a lot to my beta-readers, Orodruin and AmyLouise, for correcting my mistakes.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.

Chapter 26 – Talking with James

"I'm very proud of you, Harry," James said while he was sitting with Harry on his bed. "You learn fast."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure they told you all about the shopping trip, James. I hadn't learned much at that moment, and I can't even remember why I was looking for the applicator this morning," Harry said grumpily. He was still very embarrassed about the shopping incident and felt that he should at least have noticed the panic attack coming. The problem was he hadn't. He hadn't realized that he was in trouble until Severus was looking frantically for his applicator and he started to choke.

"Maybe it was on instinct or maybe it was experience, but you used it, Harry. That's all that counts," James said calmly. Seeing that Harry didn't respond and just looked down at his hands in his lap, James added, "You are not the only person with problems like this, and some need more time to notice the signs and some less. You shouldn't pressure yourself so much."

"I want them to stop. I don't even know why I have them." Harry punched his cushion and then drew it to his chest to hug it.

"They won't stay forever, but at the moment, you should accept them as a part of your life. There is nothing bad or embarrassing about them. I know they are scary, but you know that the potion will help you, and if it is too late for it, there is always someone near you who can help you with magic. Sometimes we have to trust people to take care of ourselves, Harry. I know it is hard for you after your experience with your relatives, but now you have a real family. You can trust them to take care of you. Severus, Ivy and Albus took good care of you in the shop, didn't they?"

Harry sighed and hugged the cushion tighter. To feel more safe, he drew up his knees and captured the cushion between them and his chest. James let Harry have his little sanctuary, but he didn't like that Harry felt the need to calm himself in this way. "Yes, they did, but I always feel so stupid when they do it. I don't want to be a burden to them." He sighed and rested his chin on his knees.

"You are not a burden to them, Harry. It's normal that parents take care of their children, and they are your new parents now. If you had to take care of Ivy or Severus while they were ill, would you feel it as a burden?"

"Of course not. I'd like to help them feel better," Harry explained. "But they wouldn't let me."

"They would avoid it if possible, Harry, but only because you are a child, and children shouldn't have the responsibility of taking care of an adult. If you could choose, would you like to be helped by the twins or by Ivy and Severus if you are ill?"

Harry snorted and rolled his eyes. "Ivy and Severus, of course."

"Why not the twins. Don't you like them?" James still spoke in his calm voice.

Harry's head jerked up from his knees. "Of course I do. I like them, but I'm the big brother, and so they shouldn't..." He stopped when he realized what James wanted to show him with this. Sighing, he rested his head again on his knees. "I understand."

"What if one of the twins were ill? Would you help to take care of them?"

"Sure, I'm older than them. It would be okay for me to help them." He rested his head sideways on his knees so that he could look at James, who sat beside him.

"Yes, it would be okay, but wouldn't it be a burden to look after them?"

Harry sighed and stared past James' face at the wall. "Is this another therapy session?"

James smiled. "You are very smart, Harry."

"No, I just learn fast." Harry smiled while looking at James. "I understand what you wanted to say. It's still hard to believe that they don't think it's a burden when I make so much trouble. Severus told me what they think about me, and that they love me and want to adopt me. I just don't understand why." He sighed again to make space for a big breath he needed to tell the next thing. "I know it's stupid, but deep inside I still fear that they will throw me out if I get too troublesome." Harry turned his head again and hid it in his arms, now crossed over his knees.

"It's okay to feel like this, Harry, but this fear is unjustified. They have known you since you came here for your first year, and Severus even knew your parents. They really care for you, and they would do much more, if necessary, than they do already. You are good for them, too." Seeing Harry shift his head again to face him, he went on more confidently. "Severus enjoys having you here because he would like to teach you more about Potions. He is a little taken aback by the lack of interest from the rest of the family of something he thinks is so important."

"It is important. You can do almost everything with potions, and a potion is easier to hide than a charm or hex. It gives you many more possibilities, and you can experiment with all the ingredients and always manage to get something new. Did you know that each day at least thirty new potions or new variations of already existing potions are invented? Isn't that amazing?"

James chuckled. "See what I mean? Severus would love to hear you say something like this." He paused to watch Harry's features. "Ivy is just a mother, par excellence. She loves to take care of anyone who is willing to let her. Taking care of you makes her happy. Women are sometimes hard to understand, but believe me, the more she can take care of you the happier she is. I don't have to tell you how important you are for the twins, but I will do it nevertheless. They have to grow up surrounded by adults and their godfather and godmother are also very old people in their eyes. They love Alastor and Poppy, but they still need a young role model. You are the perfect candidate for it, and as much as I have seen and heard, they already cling to you. So I would say you pay them back very well, if you need to see it like that to feel better. But you don't have to pay them anything back, Harry. They do it because they started to love you and see you as a part of their family."

Harry really felt a little better after hearing all this. He uncoiled himself, took the cushion and leaned it against the wall. "Severus said they will adopt me."

"Yes, he told me about it. He also told me that you agreed this morning," James said without judging Harry's decision.

"Have you already given a report about me to the Ministry?" Harry asked shyly.

"Yes, they have ordered two, already."

"Two?" Harry asked, shocked.

"They want to know of any progress you make. As long as Severus and Ivy only have guardianship over you, I have to follow their orders," James explained. "Of course, they just get a report about the general facts, not about what we talk about, Harry."

"Severus already told me, but I don't like it even when they just get the general facts." Harry drew his knees to his chest again. "They never cared to check on me while I was with the Dursleys, and now, when I don't need their help, they intervene in my life and try to boss me around," Harry said sadly.

"This will end soon, Harry. You are troubling your head about things that you know will already change for the better soon. Don't make your life harder than necessary."

Time to change the topic, James thought. "Let's speak about the shopping. I've heard Ivy couldn't control herself. Does all that stuff even fit in your cupboard?" James smiled when Harry jumped up to open the cupboard.

"I have clothes for the next fifty years," Harry said while opening the cupboard. "I have no idea when I shall wear all this."

Now James laughed openly. "Another miracle about women, Harry. As unbelievable as it is for us, Ivy really enjoyed buying all this, and I bet she even tried to restrain herself."

"Restrain herself?" Harry asked while gesturing to the jam-packed cupboard.

"Like I said, a miracle I fear we will never understand. Please, come over here again, Harry. I would like to speak with you about school."

"Oh, no beating around the bush this time?" Harry asked cheekily while sitting down on the bed again.

"If you prefer it the other way I can..."

"No, no. Just tell me what exactly you want to speak about." Harry sprawled unceremoniously on the bed. James preferred it this way over the withdrawn, coiled-together form in the beginning of his session.

"I would like to know if you feel ready to start classes on Monday."

"Yes, I think so. I'm just a little scared that I will get one of those attacks..." He paused to gather his thoughts. "And I'm a little nervous about how the others will react over my new living situation. The Slytherins will be mad that Severus took me in, and I'm not sure what my friends in Gryffindor will say. Hermione and Ron are my best friends, and even they had to think about it before accepting it."

"It is not a secret that you are living here, Harry. So your friends have had a lot of time to think about it already. I cannot promise you that they will all react positively, but as long as you are sure that living here is a good thing, you will make them see reason."

"Yeah, I think so," Harry said, unconvincingly.

"How about your energy, Harry? Do you think you can attend a whole school day, or shall we choose some classes which are most important and skip some others?"

"I don't want to get special treatment. It would make everything more difficult. I think I can manage a full school day." Harry was not sure about this. He often felt very exhausted without knowing why, but he didn't want to look weak. It would be hard enough to explain why he couldn't attend classes this week. Having to explain why he was still weak would be worse, and Harry didn't even have an answer to it.

"Okay, we will try, but I want you to leave your classes if you feel too exhausted. Your teachers will be informed about your condition..." Harry tried to argue with James. "No, Harry, this doesn't call for discussion. They are your teachers and have to know about your health problems. There is no reason for denying your problems, Harry. We already told you that the Daily Prophet made it public that you have been abused by your relatives, and that you now live with the Snapes and Dumbledores."

They had told him shortly after he left the hospital wing. At that moment Harry had been so overwhelmed by all the new impressions that he didn't give it a second thought. Now it hit him full face. Everyone knew about the Dursleys and why he was here now. So there was no need for thinking up an excuse for his one-week absence. He just had to deal with all the questions about his past and his life with the Snapes when he met the others again.

Harry was surprised how little this made him panic. Of course, he hated that everyone knew about what his relatives did to him. It was private and nothing the whole world should know, but Harry couldn't change it. Ron and Hermione knew already, and they would stand at his side all the time. "Yes, I remember. There will be a lot of questions." Harry groaned, frustrated. "Why can't my life be easier?"

"Again, something you can't change and shouldn't trouble your head about, Harry," James said in his calm voice.

Suddenly, the doorknob flared green and started to sir. Harry jumped up and ran to the door. When he remembered that he wasn't alone in the room, he faced James. "Ehm...Hermione and Ron wanted to come by. May I open the door for them?"

"Sure, just go and bring them in," James said while waving his hand to gesture Harry to leave and open the door.

Harry smiled and ran to the front door, which announced the visitors when it saw Harry coming.

To Harry's surprise, it wasn't Ron and Hermione who were announced by the door.

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