Chapter 18 - James

Thanks a lot to my beta-readers, Orodruin and AmyLouise, for correcting my mistakes.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.

Chapter 18 - James

James sat down beside Harry, smiling at him. "Don't forget to eat, Harry. There is nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about?" Harry asked, bewildered. "What will you do with him? Don't think I couldn't see how you looked at him. When Uncle Vernon looked like that, I was in big trouble."

"Harry, I'm definitely not your Uncle Vernon, and Severus has nothing to fear from me. Do you think he would put his wards so low for me if he really feared me? Severus is an adult wizard, and he can choose his Healer as well. If he really doesn't want me, or if he's scared of me like you assumed, he would just fire me and put up the wards so that I couldn't reach him."

"But he looked scared," Harry interjected. "Maybe he doesn't fire you because he thinks the headmaster will force him to see you nevertheless."

"The headmaster?" James had to laugh shortly, but tried to stay serious because this topic really seemed to unsettle Harry. "What gives you the idea that the headmaster could force Severus to do anything he doesn't want to do? Not that Albus ever would want to do something like that."

"Yesterday when Severus was out of bed to show me... Oh, damn," Harry cursed when he realized that he had ratted out Severus.

"No worries, Harry, I already know that Severus was out of bed yesterday to show you the quarters. And I didn't expect him to do otherwise. As his Healer, of course I had to tell him to stay in bed because that would make sure that he at least would not try to overwork himself when he acted against it."

"But you scared him, and now he is waiting for you come to punish him. Don't try to tell me he wasn't scared. I saw it." Harry was becoming more and more agitated. James' eyes wandered quickly over the table until they fell on the empty cup. Okay, so it is safe to go deeper now.

"Maybe Severus is scared of what I will tell him or that I will be disappointed in him, but he isn't scared that I would punish him or hurt him, Harry. You should ask him about this later, but for now you have to trust me. I have known Severus for a long time, and he has gone through many very scary situations that I would never have been able to handle, but Severus did. He is a very brave and proud man, Harry, and it is hard for him to accept help or show weakness, but he is not scared of me. He trusts me, and you should not worry about what you saw just now. Nothing here is like you know it from the Dursleys."

Harry was calmer now, but still very confused. "But the headmaster threatened Severus yesterday. Not openly, but he did. I know it."

"What exactly was he saying, Harry?" James asked calmly and leaned back.

"I can't remember so clearly. I was a little excited, you know? But he was coming into the room, and when he saw that Severus was out of bed, he asked him if he would go back to bed freely or if he should call for you."

Oh, fantastic, already making me the bad guy, Albus? "And did Severus go to bed then?"

"No."

"So, he can't be too scared of me, don't you think?"

"He didn't go to bed because Ivy intervened and let him stay."

"Oh my God, Harry, please don't let Severus hear this. You know that he is doing all this to look strong in your presence, right? You are a very sensitive young man, and it isn't easy to hide anything from you. Ivy and Albus know Severus very well; they know how to push him to get him to do what seems to be best for him, but in the end it is Severus' decision. If he wanted me to leave and let him alone, he would have said so and thrown me out. And, Harry, I would have gone." James pronounced every single word to emphasize the message.

Harry breathed in deeply. He believed James. "Okay."

"Come on, Harry, you have to eat or you won't be finished with your breakfast before dinner."

Harry had almost forgotten about his breakfast and now started to eat his cereal. The first spoonfuls he ate in silence, but it felt awkward, so Harry said, "Ivy said you said I'm not allowed out. Why not?"

"Because I think it is best for you to learn more about your new guardians and rest as much as possible, Harry. I would also like to tell you more about the potion I gave you, which you had to take again yesterday evening, if what I heard is right."

Harry blushed and lowered his face further to the bowl of cereal.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Harry. You have handled the situation very well and didn't push away the people who were helping you. The problem is that it will take a lot of self-control for you to take the potion at the right moment. It would be better for some people around you to also know about this problem."

"No!" Harry shouted and almost knocked the bowl from the table. "Please don't tell anyone, James!"

"Calm down, Harry." James was still sitting relaxed in his chair and just lifted one hand to gesture Harry to calm down. "I won't tell anybody about your problems. It will be your decision as to whom you want to let know about it. I could help you to speak with them, but you can also do it yourself. It's important that you understand how helpful it would be to let some people know. Yesterday, you would have ended with a panic attack in the hospital wing if the others hadn't known what to do. It will be a little tricky for you to read the signals of your body correctly and drink the potion at the right moment. You could be too far into the attack to react anymore. Therefore, it would be good for others to know what to do. Later you will learn to take it at the right moment, and I'm sure that eventually you won't need it any longer because you will learn other ways to control it."

Harry pondered about this and then said in a very small voice, "Maybe Hermione."

"Yes, I think that would be a good decision. Oh, and by the way, Hermione and Ron will come by this afternoon." He carefully observed Harry for any reactions.

Harry breathed in sharply. "Ron?"

"Yes, Ron. He was very upset after he had thought about what he had said to you and what it might have sounded like. I think you know your friend well enough to know that he often speaks before he thinks."

"Yes." Harry had to laugh because many funny situations came to his mind about this. "So, he isn't mad at me for living here?"

"No, he isn't, but he will tell you as much himself this afternoon. And, Harry, your cereal is going to soak completely."

The last spoonful went quickly into Harry's mouth, and he shoved the empty bowl away.

James drew his wand and asked, "May I cast a diagnostic spell, Harry?"

"Sure," Harry said. He felt much more comfortable with James now after their little talk. He sat still while James cast the diagnostic spell.

"Is it okay if I scan you as well?" James asked while showing him his hand to make sure what he meant by it.

Okay, that was something different. Harry looked down again and said, "I don't like to be touched so much." But the moment he said it, he knew that he was lying. He had really liked it when Ivy had kissed him on his forehead and when she had touched him. And he had even liked it when Severus had been patting his head and had been touching him in the bathroom. And he wasn't even scared about letting James touch him again. In the hospital wing it had felt quite good when James was letting healing magic flow through his hands. Harry didn't know why he had said that. Maybe because he thought it wasn't right to like to be touched. The Dursleys never touched him in such a manner.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I don't have to do it, but as I already explained in the infirmary, I prefer scanning over diagnostic spells."

James had already lowered his hand when Harry said, "No, if you want, it is okay with me... I think."

"Okay. Just relax, Harry." James went around Harry's chair and stood behind it. "The best way to scan a person is to have one hand on his forehead and one on his chest or stomach. Is that okay with you?"

"'Kay." Harry was starting to get nervous.

Soon the hands were at the places James had mentioned and Harry felt the tingling of the scanning. After a while James said, "I will calm your nerves a little and give your internal organs some energy, okay?"

"Yes." Harry had a lump in his throat, and the word came out more like a croak.

"No reason to worry, Harry," James said and started the treatment.

Harry felt the amazing sensation of warm tingling and a wonderful high feeling in his mind. He felt totally relaxed. His thoughts untangled themselves, and his mind became clear of all negative thoughts and worries. His chest felt lighter, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from it. When the sensation stopped, Harry groaned in frustration.

James chuckled. "Something to get addicted to, right?" His hands were still lying on Harry.

"Yes, maybe that's the reason Severus wants you as his Healer," Harry said a little dreamily.

"I'm sure that is one reason for it," James said, chuckling. He slowly removed his hand from Harry's chest and a few seconds later from his head. "How do you feel?"

"Fantastic," Harry said, still dreamy because he was trying to memorize the feeling as best he could.

"Your nerves are much better than yesterday. Maybe you don't even have to use the potion very often. I'm a little surprised about that. But in a good way. You seem to feel safe here, right?"

Harry felt caught, and that brought him completely back to reality. "Ehm..." He didn't know how to react on this question.

"Merlin, Harry, that is something very good. It shows that you are still a healthy young man and that your relatives haven't managed to damage you too much."

Harry snorted. "Healthy?"

"Severus' attitude seems to have already rubbed off on you, but yes, healthy. You are able to let people help you, and you can still feel comfortable when someone touches you. You are very brave, Harry. To trust someone after what you have gone through takes a lot of courage."

James had sat down again and was now watching the boy before him.

Harry didn't know what to say to all this. He didn't feel brave. The only thing he could do was stare past James at the fireplace.

"I have to look for Severus," James said when he sensed that Harry needed some time alone to think about all this.

James had already stood up and moved in the direction of the stairs when Harry jumped up and addressed him again. "Oh, but I have one more question, James."

"And this question is?" James turned to face Harry.

"About those therapy sessions I have to take. How often and how long do we have to make it?"

"There is no schedule for it, Harry. And the length also depends on how you feel at the time."

"No offense, James, but I would prefer to get the first one over as soon as possible. I really don't know what to do and what to say. What if I can't do it or do something wrong?"

"There is nothing to do right or wrong in a therapy session, Harry. You don't have to worry about things like this. Okay?"

Harry wasn't completely convinced, but nevertheless he said, "Okay."

James headed again for the stairs.

"But you didn't tell me when the first session will be, James," Harry shouted after him.

James didn't turn again and just answered while climbing the stairs. "Your first session ended just a few minutes ago, Harry."

And with that Harry stood open-mouthed in the living room of his new home. That had been his first session? It had been just a talk, and quite a good talk, with James. Maybe it won't be so bad to have therapy sessions after all.

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